Remember When

by Cheesey Microwave

Remember When You Got Pregnant?

Celestia's eyes slowly opened. May Flower gently shook the royal mare a few times. "Your Highness, I wouldn't have come up here were it not that it's ten o' clock. And it's in the middle of summer. Your subjects are confused and some have started panicking."

The alicorn yawned and stretched out her forelegs. "All right, all right. Tell the captain of the royal guard to have everypony calm the buck down..."

May put a hoof over her mouth, then promptly trotted away.

Celestia scratched herself and opened the window. She quickly lowered the moon, raised the sun, sent a quick letter to the heads of all the cities she could think of telling them to reassure their citizens and promptly fell back asleep.

---

"Mom, how're you doing?" Rosemary's son trotted into her bedroom. The mare was perched on the side of her cot, staring out the window.

"How much longer do I have, Cloudy?" Her voice was monotone.

"The doctor says a month or so at best." He trotted over and sat next to her.

"Luna's gone. I won't be able to say goodbye."

"I know, Mom."

"Celestia will get too stressed out."

"Yes, Mom."

"Gladys is dead. She's been dead."

"Right, Mom."

"The zebra physician... the one who won't let me say his name. He's visiting his parents and will not be back for a few months."

"That is correct."

"You are going to stay in this house until I am dead."

"That's right." Cloudy Day hugged his mother tightly, a small tear running down his face. "And after the funeral, I'm going to leave this as... a-as..."

"A tribute to Noxia and Ignisor. Everything you need is in-"

"Your old chamber, in the shortest tower, at the very top." He sighed and put his head on her shoulder. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, sweetheart." Rosemary turned her head to look her son in the eyes. He was taller and wider than she was, yet he was still embracing her like he was five years old again. "Don't let Ce-Ce see you sneaking it all out, okay? She'll have a fit."

"Right." The blue-grey stallion tore himself away from Rosemary and trotted out the door. "G'bye, Mom. Don't die while I'm gone," he said lightly. He gave her a fake smile and left the room.

"I can't promise that," Rosemary murmured.

---

"Your Highness, your presence is required in the throne room."

Celestia rolled her eyes and climbed out of bed. "I gave very specific orders for Luna to fill in my place today."

The guard stared at her. "You're kidding."

"Why would you say that? I've done it before." She yawned and stretched out like a cat. "Why hasn't she come in and tried to bother me yet if she's not fulfilling my duties?"

The brown stallion looked at the ground. "Your Highness, would you like to see a physician?"

"Why does everypony keep asking me that?" The irritation in her voice made it clear that she hadn't an inkling of how ridiculous her words were.

"Luna has not bothered you because you banished her to the moon." He winced and curled up into a ball, hooves over his eyes.

Celestia blinked for a few times, then slowly sank to the ground. She cursed under her breath, then gradually became louder and louder until she was screaming curses loud enough for everypony in the castle to hear.

The guard scurried away as quickly as possible.

Furious, she instead stamped out of her room, downstairs, past some very confused guards and into a throne room full of petty snobs wearing ridiculously expensive clothing, all of which looked confused and offended.

"I am having a very... bad... day. Whatever it is you have forced me to interrupt my rest for, I sincerely doubt that it's half as important as trying to accept the fact that I will never see my bucking sister again in my lifetime!"

One mare put a hoof on her forehead and shouted, "Well, I never!"

In a brilliant flash of yellow light, the regal princess teleported over to the mare, her muzzle just a few centimeters away from the other's. "Do not... ever... ever... speak unless you are spoken to!" She struck the mare's jaw, sending her flying into the wall. Her wings were spread out as far as they would go, making her seem even more intimidating. "Does anypony else have comments about my language?" she inquired with a nasty snarl on her face.

Nopony moved. Few dared to breathe.

"Get out of my castle. If you are truly so desperate, take it up with the captain of the royal guard. Leave me alone." Celestia pulled her wings back in and trotted away, muzzle high in the air.

She passed by May Flower, who was carrying multiple plates at once. "Draw me a warm bath," the princess commanded.

"Yes, ma'am. As soon as I'm done with-"

"Now!" Celestia's shout was loud enough to break the grouch's eardrums. The mare winced, set the plates down and galloped away as fast as she could. Celestia studied them carefully. One plate had a lovely plum pudding on it, while the other held a delightful slice of crystal berry pie, some of the last of the fruits Equestria had left. King Sombra's recent banishment and the Crystal Empire's disappearance had made what was left of these berries an expensive delicacy.

The princess delicately picked up the pie and took a bite, then spat on what was left. As for the pudding, she stepped in it, then licked it off her hoof. It had been so long since she had done something so immature.

Celestia strutted to the bathroom, where May Flower was already pouring the warm water in. "Well, that didn't take very long. I suppose the colts 'helped' you, as usual?"

The mare said nothing. She finished pouring the water in and galloped away. As Celestia sunk into the bubble-less bath, she heard May's horrified cry, followed by sobbing.

What a baby. Celestia rolled her eyes as she squirted the soap into her tub.

Something at the very back of her mind kept bothering her, but she ignored it. She was a princess. She was allowed to have a bad day. After all, she had already lost her sister and a powerful ally. Her former nanny was as good as gone. Never mind that she learned about Rosemary from a guard, or that the loss of the Crystal Empire had hardly entered her mind before her self-pitying.

Through the narrow one-way window, she watched a pigeon fly around with a letter in its talons. It reminded her of something she was supposed to do today.

Pigeon training? No. Playing with pigeons? No. Deliver a letter? No, not quite... it has something to do with letters, though... send a letter, maybe? Luna would remember...

Luna! I have to write to Luna!

She was about to hop out of the tub, but stopped herself at the last second. She had already interrupted her bathtub time twice or thrice yesterday. She figured that today, since she was feeling so rotten, she should stay and soak for as long as possible.

---

"How are you today, May Flower?"

The mare managed to give a weak smile to her pudgy friend. "Oh, y'know. Grouchy as usual. How are you?"

"Well, fine, but I heard Princess Celestia curse for the first time in my life." Terra Cotta shook her head and took a sip of her turnip soup. "This is fabulous, May! Why aren't you a chef?"

May Flower's face paled. She lowered her head. "I... um... had actually tried out for a job... but, ah, it didn't work out so well..."

"What happened?" Terra Cotta pushed her thick glasses up her muzzle.

"Well, Princess Celestia to- asked me to draw her a bath and requested that I do it immediately, and... well. apparently somepony bit the pie I made and stepped in the pudding."

"That's awful! And you didn't get the job because of that? Gee, Celestia seems to have it out for you, doesn't she?"

"I just don't get it, though. If she knew what I was doing with those, I would imagine she'd try to help me so I could get out of here quicker. Maybe she didn't know what I was doing and then some idiot stepped in the pudding. And then another idiot took a bite out of the pie. I dunno."

"I heard that Celestia was in a really terrible mood today. I wouldn't be surprised if she was the culprit."

May Flower's spoon fell to the floor. She rose to her hooves, her eyes glaring at nothing, her teeth clenched tightly. "I have been trying to convince myself otherwise. I have been trying to tell myself that she would never do such a thing."

Her friend put a hoof on her shoulder. "Sweetheart, sit down. Don't do something you'll regret later."

The magenta mare sat back down. "I have to secure a new job. Fast. I need to get out of here, Terra."

"I know, I know." Terra looked down at her swollen stomach. "I hope my husband finds a job soon. I don't think I'll be able to take care of the baby and my newborn at the same time."

It took May a little bit to understand the joke, but when she did she fell out of her chair laughing.

---

"Oh, when's the baby due, Terra?"

"In a few months." The cheerful mare resembled a vase made of the substance she was named after, and her pregnancy didn't help. "We're not sure what to name it yet."

Celestia lazily lifted her blanket, then lowered it again. "I'm tired, but I don't want to sleep."

"Oh, that happens sometimes. Try some tea. It'll help."

"I hate tea."

"What, exactly, did you call me in for?"

"Does your husband have a job?"

"Not yet."

"When he finds one, you're fired."

Terra Cotta was taken aback by this. "But... can't I just take maternal leave or something? Surely the child will be old enough to stay quiet by then..."

"Maternal leave, fired, whatever." Celestia jumped onto the bed and collapsed into a heap of white fur. "Goodness, that was a strange tasting cup of coffee."

The jar-like mare couldn't help but snicker as she realized that Celestia had been drugged. Anything for a moment of peace, even if it meant giving Her Royal Highness Princess Celestia some sleepy-time potion.

"Good night, Your Majesty." With a smile, the plump pegasus trotted away.

"I'm not going to sleep," Celestia called after her.

The princess yawned and sprawled out across the bed. She closed her eyes for a few minutes, then got up. She felt strange. half of her body wanted to break. The other half wanted to do something boring, like sip some beverage calmly, or leaf through books, or write a long letter.

How could I have possibly forgotten to write to Luna again?!

Celestia rose in a panic and galloped to the writing room. "Think, think, think," she cried as she cast an enchantment onto a piece of paper. She noticed Luna's letter. The part about the fort stuck out in her mind.

She paused for a moment. A small smile grew on her face.

Luna will love this.

---

Luna,

I have yet another memory for you. Once again, I need you to write back to me. Conjure up your astral ink and paper of the stars. We must continue this tradition until I tell you it is no longer necessary.

Back when our parents were alive, they were quite fond of going out to eat. This led to wild nights at home for us, which usually meant "steal all of Mommy and Daddy's pillows from their room and built fifteen different forts, each equipped with their own stuffed animals". You loved it so much, and I always enjoyed it.

One day, you told me to go in my room and not come out until you were done with whatever you were doing. I don't remember your exact words, and I hate speaking in that archaic tongue we once used, so everything we say shall be modernized in my memories. Is that a word? That's a word, right? It's a word.

Anyways, when you finally called me out, you proudly showed off a large fort and declared it to be pregnant. I corrected you and told you the word you were looking for was "impregnable".

"Nope!" You had the most mischievous grin on your face. "It's pregnant!" You then used your magic to levitate the fort in the air, revealing a smaller fort underneath. "I'm pregnant, too."

I simply rolled my eyes at this. "You're too young, Luna."

"Not true," you protested. "A stallion told me that if I swallow a pumpkin seed, I'll become pregnant."

By "stallion", you meant the unusually tall colt that lived across the street. He claimed he was a stallion, and you believed it, ignoring any contrary word. You never bothered to learn his name. Neither did I, but I never played "Changelings versus Soldiers" with him on rainy days whenever he got caught in the storm. I still wonder to this very day what happened to him, since the last time he got caught in a storm he was never heard from

"Only married ponies can get pregnant," I reminded you. This, however, did not faze you, you stubborn bundle of energy.

Your reply was, "It's a cheat code, Ce-Ce. Only smart ponies know about it. Mommy and Daddy know, but they don' wanna tell us because we're not supposed to have babies yet."

"That's right, Luna. In fact, having babies hurts a lot."

"Not when you swallow a pumpkin seed. Then you lay an egg in your sleep. When it hatches, you get a pony!"

"Luna, that is completely, totally one hundred percent ridiculous. Ponies are mammals. Mammals don't lay eggs."

"Platypuses."

"What?"

"Platypuses. They are mammals that lay eggs. We have some by the lake. They're really cute." With a smug little smile on your face, you turned around and trotted towards your room. "I was thinking of the name Jewelbottom. What do you think?"

"I think he was lying."

"That's a stupid name. How about... Majestica?"

I shook my head and ruffled your mane with my magic. You always hated that, and I'm fairly sure that if I found a way to ruffle your mane on the moon you'd bust out and destroy me. Or at least try to. Maybe I should try that... or perhaps not.

"No, Luna, I mean that you cannot get pregnant from swallowing pumpkin seeds."

"You're being ridiculous!"

"No, YOU are being ridiculus ridiculous(you'll have to excuse me, I'm getting a little excited. I can't believe how well I remember this conversation, yet I could never tell you what I had for dinner a week ago)! You aren't a platypus!"

Your face turned pouty. "Well, we'll just see. Can't you be a nice sister and help me think of names?"

I begrudgingly complied, offering you Cassandra, Dove, Felicity, and a few other elegant names. You decided on Butthead. Your exact words: "I shall name it Butthead, Ce-Ce, and that is the last word!"

Well, I went to sleep a few hours later, wondering how long it would be until you got over your belief.

When I woke up, I was incredibly angry. Probably because you were jumping on me; when I didn't move, you spat on my face. I wiped it off and shoved you away, shouting at the top of my lungs for an explanation.

Grinning, you pointed at your bed. A large egg the size of your head was sitting there. It was silver with a couple of green streaks.

In my disbelief and shock, I accidentally let a couple of swear words fly. Your inquiry as to their meaning went unanswered as I picked up the egg. There was no line where one would reconnect to halves of a false egg. The texture was similar to that of a chicken's egg, but it felt sturdier. I put out the lanterns that you had "taken HOURS to put up" and shined a bright candle behind the egg. The faint silhouette of a pony embryo greeted me.

With a nasty smirk on your face, you asked, "How long will do you think it will be before Butthead hatches?"

I just stared at the egg. After a few seconds I blew out the candle and turned the lamps back on. I still couldn't believe it. How in the world did that work?

That's when I noticed a very strange noise, some sort of cross between air whooshing out of a tight space and somepony spitting a worm out of their mouth. Your face was tomato red as you desperately tried to hold your laughter back.

I threw the egg to the ground. The "embryo" was a clay figure surrounded by spoiled milk. Which had splashed onto my bed.

You galloped away as quickly as possible and clung to Mother's leg to escape from my fury. I believe it was a day or two until I forgave you.

Despite my wounded pride at being tricked so easily, I still love to recount this tale. I pray that this letter finds you in as good of health as possible. I pray that the forces have not made any attempts to control you. Write back as soon as possible, please!

Your loving sister,

Ce-Ce

Celestia bit her lip. It was a bit short and the writing was messy, but it would have to do. She rolled it up, put the old seal on it, and sent it to her sister.

She closed her eyes for a few moments again. Goodness me, I'm tired. With a yawn, she slowly trotted outdoors. Ponies were looking at the sun in confusion. One particularly loud colt shouted to the sky, "It's time for bed, Sun!"

Celestia's hoof ended up in her face. The sun set, the moon rose, and the princess trotted to her bedroom. She managed to lift the covers one inch before falling asleep on the floor.

Author's Note:

O-kay, I need ideas. Somepony give me ideas. SHOVE THEM DOWN MY THROAT.
Even if you hate the guts out of this story, give me an idea.

Comments

[HB_DS2013]

I don't hate you. In fact, I like the premise. Also, is this the first time Celestia banished Luna to the moon?

[Cottonpiff]

Luna XD

"I shall name it Butthead, Ce-Ce, and that is the last word!"