> Remember When
>  by Cheesey Microwave
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> The Book
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"Your Highness, would you like some tea?" 
"No, Rosemary. Knock it off."
"Yes, m'lady." 
Celestia spun around, her lips curled into a fierce snarl. "You don't mean that. You've never meant it. You always have to come back and bother me! I don't want any tea, I will never want some tea, and if you bother me one more time-"
"I will be fired," the green mare calmly replied.
"Yes!"
"I know that, your Highness. I suspect your ability to read between the lines isn't as sharp as it once was." She put a hoof in her periwinkle mane and pulled out a letter. "In my family, it is considered a great shame to resign from a job concerning royalty and it's better to be fired, but I cannot stand you any longer. I know what it's like to lose a loved one, Celestia. I know it all too well. There's no reason for you to continue moping around."
Celestia stared at the letter blankly. "You're leaving."
Rosemary held the letter out to the snow white princess. "To be honest, my dear Ce-Ce, I'd love to come back when your moods stop fluctuating as often as a tree loses a leaf."
Celestia paused for a moment, then hung her head. "I suppose I'm overreacting a little bit, aren't I?"
"Truth be told, not at all, but this is how you are to act when no one is looking. Even if you have to get a mask, grin and bear it. Hoof, I'll make you a mask! Just get me some paper and colored ink!" Rosemary gave her princess a crooked smile and put the letter back in her mane. "I'll still come by every hour or so to offer tea. Even if I lose my job."
Celestia couldn't help smiling just a little bit. It had been thirty-two days and fifteen hours exactly since Luna had corrupted herself. The elder sister's mood had only worsened when she discovered how long the plan had been brewing in Luna's mind, and ever since she'd become introverted and harsh. When a visiting duke demanded she come and represent her ponies, she had demanded he lay his neck in the guillotine. Purely in jest, of course, but he had been offended nonetheless.
She pulled a brightly colored book off one of the shelves, its vibrant yellow binding old and cracked. It had apparently kept its color well, although the same could not be said for the material itself. Written in crude ink were the words "Please Don't: A Remedy for Parents Against Corporal Punishment".
She opened it, read a few biased paragraphs and tossed it aside. The alicorn pulled a different book, one with a strangely leathery cover, and opened it. To her horror, it was a book on necromancy. The particular page she had opened to was all about the many uses of blood extracted from a living pony. Disgusted, she burnt it until it was simply a pile of ashes.
Her entire afternoon repeated the same process: observe, open, taste and trash. Observe, open, taste and trash. Observe, open, taste and trash.
Observe, open, taste and what the what.
A rather small book with only the words "Helping Loved Ones" scrawled in a brownish liquid across the cover had a rather unusual spell. One that would bring a banishment time down by quite a few years, depending on the original time. A small chart, ranging in original times of one year to a quintillion, took up a whole page. Celestia searched for one million. Her heart sank; an asterisk warned the reader that "as one of the most common times, it requires so much more effort on both parts". The second most difficult time, five hundred years, required fifty letters to be sent, each containing one word, all of which spell out a meaningful and original sentence.
For a one-million-year banishment to become a one-thousand-year banishment, which was as low as it got, Celestia had to...
Had to...
Had to...
To the pony's alarm, the next page was missing. The page afterwards had already moved on the a banishment of ten million years.
She began a desperate and frantic search to find the missing sheet. Throwing books off of the shelves and onto the ground, shaking every book with slight gaps between pages, even bucking the walls to get any loose papers on the ground. Many fell, but none were the missing page.
She then searched the next section of the library: romantic fiction. Forced to gallop past grotesquely corny titles such as Hearts Of Glass Will be Shattered and Running With The Wild Romance, Celestia kicked extra hard to get the loose sheets out. Every single piece was simply a coupon for more cheesy novels. 
A thought popped into her mind: had some fool thrown it away? She found every single basket and shook it as hard as possible, sorting through the used tissues and broken teacups(Celestia had a rather awful fit a couple of weeks ago) to find the yellowed paper she was so frantically searching for. A couple ripped pieces seemed promising, but they were both blank.
Celestia then turned to the librarians, showing them the book and asking if they knew where the page was. The newbie, a spindly old stallion who was almost as tall as Celestia, shook his head and suggested that "perhaps the head librarian had an idea, since she's got seniority."
Things hadn't been running smoothly among the library's staff as of late.
The head librarian, a somewhat young pegasus with stern cobalt eyes and an insanely frizzy pink mane, shook her head, glanced back at the book she was reading and snickered a little bit.
One of the volunteers from Celestia's new school, a filly with a dark brown mane and a creamy coat, pointed out to her that the piece was stuck in her mane and had been for a while.
The princess thanked her, then hastily returned to her little mess. She found the book, put the page back in, and began reading.


One must send letters containing fond foalhood memories to the banished. He must enchant the paper with any good luck charm he chooses. The banished must write back in the same fashion, omitting the good luck charm. This must be done until the casting of enchantment burns the paper to ashes. At that point, the spell will have taken place and the banishment, counting any time that has already passed, will only last one thousand years. This seems considerably easy compared to the warning, but most villains are banished for a million years and they rarely wish to correspond with somepony who tries to bring them back, as their ultimate intention(reformation) is quite obvious in most cases. 
So many ponies have rejected the letters that I must include this warning: do not send another letter until you have received one in return. If you try to ignore that warning, the good luck charms will become bad luck and ultimately do more harm than good. While the pony will arrive within one hundred years instead of one thousand, their heart will be blackened and unsalvageable. If you accidentally send a letter before one is received, you must make every attempt to intercept the delivery before it is too late. 


Celestia paused for a moment, then murmured to herself, "It couldn't hurt to give it a shot, could it?"	
> Remember When You Ran Away?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



To my dearest, most beloved little sister,
Remember when you tried to run away?
Fed up with early bedtimes and constant pastry theft(I'm still sorry!), you packed your bags and bid me a loving farewell that consisted of spitting on my cake and telling me that you'll "sniff me later". I believe the term you were looking for was "smell ya later", but I digress.
I watched you trot out the door, your tail flipping from side to side as it always did when you were deep in thought. Whether you were pondering a new location to settle down in or how you would come across your next cookie since you'd left your bit bag under your pillow, obviously it was quite important. Did you even notice that you left it there? Honestly, my dear, you must've been in such an awful rush to get away from the tyranny that is Ce-Ce! How could you have possibly survived without the three hundred and sixty-two bits you had carefully saved up for over the years?
I'm getting off track, Luna. You must forgive me. Anyhow, I ended up stalking you. Goodness, I wish I were writing in pencil instead of this indelible ink. Stalking seems like such a harsh word. I followed you around in secret. That sounds so much better. Let's pretend I said that in the first place.
During my following, I noticed that you would often stop to check the contents of your bag. You took out a small wooden doll at one point. The one Mother had carved for us just before The Great Ending War. It still makes me cry to think about it, and as I'm sure you can see the water marring the ink, you will no doubt be disappointed in me. You were always so attached to them, but you composed yourself quickly. Your bravery was nothing short of miraculous, I must say.
Curse my mind! Curse my pen! Curse this ink! Luna, you must remind me to keep on track! Being sealed inside the moon is no excuse for ignoring your royal duties!
I will take a final detour and add that, even if the darkness still corrupts your heart, I certainly hope it hasn't clouded your sense of humor.
Now, I watched you take out the doll that looked like me, then the doll that looked like you. That was mine, you little thief! I'm one to talk, though, aren't I? Well, you began to play with them, going along our usual storyline: we were princesses who had made a truce with Discord. You admired that draconequus so much! You thought everything he did was hilarious! Oh, my, but that's another story, one I'll happily recant once you reply.
Gah! So many rabbit trails! From now on, if anything I write starts to get off track, I shall strike it out!
Now, the wooden Celestia told her sister to go to bed. The wooden Luna got angry and hit her sister. Celestia was so shocked and scared, she inadvertently hurt her sister with her magic. Both girls were so angry and scared of each other, they hid behind two separate bushes.
And then you, the real you, started to cry.
Oh, you've always had to most pitiful cry. Most newborns lose their cute, helpless tone around one month, but not you. You've been precious every day of your life. You know, father used to say
I was so heartbroken, but I did have an idea. Using my "yellow shiny", I brought the sisters together and had them make up. You watched in fascination, then pounced on me. Apparently I had been crying a little and it was at that point you heard me. Either way, I gave myself away, and I'm still glad I did. Who knows what would've happened if you didn't find me and I was too stupid to reveal myself? Perhaps my heart would literally break from the weight of your pitiful tears. Oh, I'm quite glad I'll never know.
As you pounced, your little hobo sack broke, revealing the contents of the bag. Several maps decorated with the garish colored wax you were so infatuated by at the time caught my eye, but it also led me to a piece of paper. It was just a tiny scrap, but in your precious hoofwriting was an apology. Begging for my forgiveness, hoping that you'll someday see me again, and if I do read it, then that means you're advanced enough to teleport small objects. There were so many more little details. I have it memorized by heart, but when you later told me just how long the plot had been brewing, I'm sure you do, too. Scratch that. Last time I tried to remind you, your memory failed on the second paragraph.
I believe it said, "Celestia, I should have stayed and apologized but I just didn't want to. I'm really sorry if I scared you, and if you didn't care then I'm sorry to bother you. I hope you have all the cake you could ever want and I hope you always tend to their grave. Last time I checked it had this really bad moss growing all over it and I couldn't remove it with my magic. Try to fix that.
"Anyways, if you're reading this, then I'm finally smart enough to teleport small objects like this paper and I've probably earned my cutie mark. I bet it's just as cool as yours, and you can't brag about your sunny butt anymore.
"I hope I see you again someday. However, if I see you again because there's another war and we're the rulers from opposing sides, I don't think I'd like that one little bit. I hope you wouldn't like it, either.
"By the way, I stole all the teethbrushes. Now you have to have yellow teeth!"
My, weren't you just a little devil? You always stole my toothbrush when you were angry. Wherever did you get the notion that I feared having yellow
Once we got back home, you put the 'teethbrushes' back where they belonged, gave me my doll and hugged my foreleg. Even back then I was quite a bit taller than you, and you hardly reached the top of my foreleg.
Luna, Nightmare Moon, whoever you are, even if your deepest desire is to claim my throne as well as my life, I beg of you to write back with another memory. Even if your heart is fully blackened by the forces that possess you, I still want to bring you home as soon as possible. Comply, I beg of you!
Your loving sister,
Ce-Ce


Celestia looked over the letter a few times, checking for spelling errors or anything else that needed correction. Satisfied, she rolled it up and put her royal seal on it.
The second before she sent it, however, she changed her mind and pried the red wax off. She rummaged through her drawers, tossing empty and broken inkwells, torn ribbons, moth-eaten fancy paper, hideously bright inks from Lady Myrtlethoth of Lacerticanina and bits of who-knows-what aside. 
At the very back, where her hoof could just barely reach, was a very old mold she and Luna had made when they were little. It depicted a shining star above two ponies, an earth pony colt with crutches and a majestic female alicorn, who were holding hooves. It lacked many crucial details and wasn't very high quality, but Luna had loved it so much that she insisted it be kept forever.
She put the old seal on it, concentrated as hard as possible, and sent it to the moon. 
"Will it even get there?" she wondered aloud.
"Of course, m'lady!" Rosemary's crooked grin was the first thing Celestia saw when she turned around. "I assume you're sending it to some official or whatnot? Some official whatnot?"
"How long have you been there?"
"Long enough to see you throw bottles of ink everywhere and create a mess for the royal housekeepers. Look at you! You're covered in ink! I'll go get the washcloth!" The old mare turned around, shaking her head. "I swear, missy, you're getting more and more lackadaisy about your appearance!"
"Mom?" A sturdy pegasus stallion peeked his head into the room. "Mom, you're supposed to be in bed."
"Phooey! That zebra's concoction didn't do nothin' to me!" Rosemary slapped the stallion's face with her tail. it wasn't hard, but it obviously agitated him.
"Mommy, Gladys has a cold," he said calmly.
"I'd better make her some soup! Now, Ce-Ce, be sure to take a bath soon!" She waved goodbye as her son dragged her off, grumbling about "her stupid arthritis". 
Celestia watched her leave, then looked over at the mirror on the wall. Ink was splattered across her chest. Her forelegs looked like they'd been dipped in it and shaken off as quickly as possibly. Her face was almost completely grey with a few pure black spots.
I suppose I do need a bath, don't I?



Bubbles were in Celestia's nostrils, she was dripping water on the carpets and floor, her eyes stung slightly from bits of soap that had gotten in them, and she couldn't have been happier.
She had received a letter.
Upon her bed was a piece of pure white paper sealed with a clear wax circle. She hastily opened it, accidentally tearing the paper in the process, and began to read.
Dear Celestia,
I have been unable as of late to find anypony who would host the Gala this year, since it's normally quite a pain to clean it up afterwards. Would you mind holding it at your castle? I'll take care of decorating and everything. I'll pay for the food, waiters, etc., etc. in case you were wondering.
By the way, if you choose to attend(which I don't doubt you will, since it's at your castle), could you please wear clothing for the sake of formality?
Sincerely, Prince Storm
Disappointed, she set the letter down. She quickly wrote a letter back telling him she'd gladly have it at the castle, but she wouldn't have a dress ready for about a month or so.  She almost sent it with the beloved and cruddy seal, but she swapped it for her royal seal at the last moment. 
She thought about it for a moment. The likelihood of Luna writing back only an hour later is rather small. I suppose I shouldn't get so worked up over it. Always expect the worst, Celestia.
With a sigh, she turned around and trotted back to her private bathroom. The bubbles were long gone and the water was cold.
The grey princess looked at herself in the mirror. Her royal bath had only succeeded in dying her fur a delicate grey color, similar to clouds before a light shower. She would have to throw out the old water and reheat some more. 
Distressed, she pulled a bucket out from under the sink and began pouring bucketfuls of dirty water out the window. Once the tub was almost completely empty, she trotted downstairs with a slight scowl on her face.
May Flower, a new servant who had the same cheerful demeanor as a dead rosebush, seemed even grumpier than usual. When she saw the princess, her nose just barely touched the ground before shooting upwards and being held high in the air. "What do you require, ma'am?"
"I require you to fetch water and sufficient wood for burning. You are to use the wood to heat the water, which in turn you shall deliver to the royal washtub. You may not delegate this task to any other servant."
May Flower sighed and trotted off, mumbling under her breath. Many of the poor foals near the castle told Celestia that the bright magenta mare forced them to do dreadful tasks in her stead, and Celestia was absolutely tired of it. She wasn't hired to be a supervisor, she was hired to serve her princess' every whim.
An hour later, her bath was filled to just the right amount: when the tall princess stepped in and let herself sink into the water, none of it spilled over the sides and there was just enough leeway in case she decided to splash around. May had also put in bubbles for her without being asked. 
"Do you need anything else?"
"Yes. Why are you so unhappy?"
The mare scowled. "For the love of- never mind. I'm just pessimistic, that's all. I'm sorry if it bothers you, especially with... you know. I'll try to be happier until the overall atmosphere brightens."
"What do you mean?"
"You haven't noticed? Half of Equestria seems to feel the same way you do, but it's not because they lost Luna. They feel like they lost you. You never come out of the castle, you don't make visits to schools that you had carefully scheduled weeks before, you're continually forgetting to raise the moon at the right time which messes with the children's bedtimes... need I say more?"
The princess paused. "I suppose not. Keep in mind, however, that I'm considering some new ponies to hire, and I'm already overstaffed."
May Flower bowed and briskly trotted away, her blue eyes narrowed.
Celestia sighed and picked up the cake of soap. It smelled strange. She turned it over. Some black mold was growing at the corner. Was it any wonder the original bath had failed to clean her even after an hour?
She tossed it into the nearby wastebasket and bellowed for a new one. She wasn't in the mood for being polite.
The servant who brought it was, once again, May Flower. "Your soap and a letter." She held out a bright green cake, along with a strange black scroll held closed by a white ribbon. She set them down atop the sink and trotted away without another word.
Celestia used her magic to pull the objects over. She put the soap on the rim of the tub and opened the black scroll.
Luna's hoofwriting, her adorably messy yet elegant hoofwriting, stared back at her.
	
> Remember Our Encounter With Robbing Hood?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------



	I write to you with astral ink and paper forged from the sky. How this is possible, I do not know. I simply attempt to conjure and this appears.
The forces that once controlled me now patrol the place I am banished within, making sure my every attempt to leave Is foiled. They seem to understand that they are the ones who belong here, not me, but they want company. Or perhaps they hate me. Or they need a pawn.
Why you ask for memories you never clarified, but I shall still oblige with one of my fondest. Before I begin the tale, however, I must say that I didn't remember the running away incident until you brought it to my attention.
Now, I had already earned my cutie mark, and my mane was starting to grow at an uncomfortably fast rate. This was the day after you somehow managed to cajole me into dying my periwinkle mane the color that almost completely and perfectly matched my coat, and to this very day I resent you for that, as the dye was permanent. Perhaps you would get a better sense of time from political happenings: Discord had officially decided to recognize us as allies but we weren't allowed a position of any power in his unnamed domain. We were, however, gaining in popularity rather quickly, with almost ten thousand loyal followers eager to serve us.
We were going out for a walk of no real importance other than escaping the foolishness that permeated every aspect of our lives. Discord's theatrical antics had become a bit of a bore to me, and one can only have their mane turned into cotton candy so many times before it simply loses its charm. Many of our male followers also decided that they might make suitable future kings and tried to court you. When that failed, they would turn to me.
The conversation we had consisted of one stallion in particular, a handsome pegasus with eyes like emeralds and hooves like clay. You said he seemed nice, I told you about the many romantic affairs that had been confirmed by numerous witnesses.
In fact, just as you were scolding me for being so pessimistic, a gangly colt wearing a hood as black as my night popped out and held a sword to each of our throats using his magic. I remember it quite vividly: the sword held to your throat had a blade of iron that had apparently been used before on a red-blooded creature, while my blade was made of some blue jewel and was immaculate. Both swords were held by purple magic.
He demanded that every bit in our saddlebags, manes, tails or wherever else we had them be taken out and given to him. You angrily asked him what he thought he was doing.
His speech was hilarious! "I am the Robbing Hood, defender of the poor! I shall steal from you lying scoundrels and give it to those who deserve it! I shall be known through the world for my heroism!" I suppose it wasn't the words themselves, but how he said it, that caused me to fall to the ground in laughter. The idea that such a scrawny colt with communist ideals would be a world renowned hero was ridiculous!
You rolled your eyes, threw the swords aside with your own magic and asked him what he thought he was doing. He repeated his little speech, but in a far weaker tone than his original cry.
I rose to my hooves and in the Royal Canterlot Voice, which you have never seemed to perfect, bellowed, "Thy communist doings shall not go unpunished, for the redistribution of wealth harms those who require the money most! Hast thou not any idea of the true percentage of the honest who are unable to find work? Nay, it is quite miniscule! Those poor you richly reward for being lazy shall never support themselves as long as they have fools like you around! I demand that your real name be told and your parents known so that they may see what a shame you've become and punish you accordingly!" 
He fell to the ground and apologized immediately, begging us not to tell his parents, to never tell his parents. He claimed he needed money to make sure their home got built.
I demanded of him where they lived. What I planned on doing was renovating their home myself and giving the colt a couple of swats with a hickory switch. He gave us the address, and you recognized it immediately: the old graveyard.
He then told us about the awful flu that had been going around and that they were the first two victims. He couldn't afford a tombstone and the townsponies were too coldhearted to even pay a chiseler- or offer one for free- so that he could at least have their names carved in stone. Ever since then, he'd been building a cottage for the caskets to reside in. What money didn't go to the old and disabled ponies would be used for materials.
As it turned out, he was convinced that they could still be disappointed in him even if they were dead. He was very anxious to make sure we never spoke of the attempted robbery within one hundred meters of the caskets. 
You offered him a place to stay and rather rudely gave him my bedroom to sleep in, insisting that we would gladly sleep in the same room. "It'll be like a sleepover for us," you said. "After all, Luna has nothing to hide."
What, might I ask, does me having nothing to hide do with the fact that he's allowed to sleep in my room? I was no and still am not a clean freak, but he was caked with mud! And when I suggested that he take your room since it was always warmer, you insisted that my room would be better suited for him. Very generous of you, my dear sister. Very generous. 
As it turned out, I did have something to hide, and he immediately discovered it: your birthday present. Two expertly crafted dolls made of wood, one in the likeness of our mother, the other made to duplicate our father. He asked who they were and ruined the surprise! 
He had no way of knowing he shouldn't have been in my closet, especially since you told him that he could take one of MY jackets if he was cold(what's mine is yours and what's yours is yours, eh?).
After you fell asleep, which didn't take long, I discovered that you had become a wickedly loud snorer. Forgetting our guest, I went into my room for some earplugs. What I found was a fort made of pillows and stuffed animals. Inside of the sizable building was a squeaky clean "Robbing Hood", free of his black hood. He was barking orders at some stray cats and owls that had made their way into my room.
I took some of the creatures as my own and declared war on his pitiful property. Of course, he had used almost all of the pillows, so my fort was actually quite weak compared to his, even with the aid of blankets and pins. However, my animals were far better trained than his, and I easily won the war. My powerful voice inspired all but the laziest of my army, an overweight cat that was twenty years old and coming close to his final days. I allowed him to take a nap on my back.
The owls of his army became confused immediately and all but two flew out the open window, much to the leader's despair. I couldn't help but laugh at his misfortune, especially once I saw Mitzy Pipzy(my Siamese/Bengal cat, remember? The one with a blue and a green eye?) chase the rest of his nocturnal fowls away.
My cats, however, were restless and eventually left along with his. Within twenty minutes, we no longer had an army; simply two generals ready to destroy each other. I charged with a gallant blade made of paper. His weapon of choice was an umbrella, ready for action. He fought bravely, but in the end it was I who eventually won.
His last words were, "You'll never know my name, foul queen!"
I stood over him, his own weapon at his throat. "Why would I need to know of such things? Yea, that knowledge would only be used to honor you, for to die a named criminal is greater than to be an unknown vagrant." I administered the final blow as his mind finished processing my words.
After a very amusing death, he got up and told me his real name: Dusty Roads. Born to be a traveler, he was desperate to see new places and ponies but also needed to honor his parents. His illogical solution was to become a thief.  Though I tried to talk him out of it, he told me about some truly rotten ponies who deserved to have every little bit stolen away that he had successfully robbed. When I applauded him on that, he took it as proof that I approved and called me "a fellow communist".
To this very day, I'm fairly sure he still has that scar. Or maybe he's dead. Hopefully from the scar.
After some time had passed and the moon was high in the sky, he thanked me for my hospitality and jumped out the window. He left some wooden box behind. However, during that time I learned he had the reputation of being quite the trickster, so I snuck it into your room(where you were happily sawing logs), crossed "Luna" out on the label, wrote Celestia in its place and set it next to you, hoping that in the morning you'd be too fazed to notice the obvious write-over.
You were. I don't know when you woke up exactly or when you opened it, but I do know the exact time the surprise popped out by your horrified screech. A giant pie bearing the face of a gremlin had popped out and hit you in the face, getting cream all over. It was also explosive, so your room was coated in a sticky yellowish substance that wasn't easy to get off. 
The best part was that at the bottom of the pie tin was a slip of paper that said, "Thanks for offering your sister's stuff, Celestia!"
Love, Luna


Celestia's face turned cherry red. 
Well, I certainly can't let her best me in embarrassing moments. She put the letter down and tried to think of something to write.
That was interrupted by Rosemary calling desperately for help.
Celestia galloped out of the bathroom to find a servant trying to pull the elderly mare back inside the castle. She was hanging precariously out a window, her forelegs wrapped around a giant naked hawk the size of a foal.
"Celestia, Celestia, I found a phoenix! You have to help me bring it in!" Rosemary winced and pulled harder, as did the grey and somewhat miffed servant keeping her from falling to the ground.
Celestia's magic made quick work of the whole fiasco, putting the phoenix in a cage and pulling the crazy old mare back inside the castle. As the princess started to scold her former nanny, the mare simply shook her head and kept talking about "ashes to ashes". 
Celestia glanced over at the cage. A hideously ugly bird void of almost all its feathers, rather resembling that of a deformed and plucked chicken ready for the slaughter(as she had seen many times before during visits to Diamond Dog territory) stood in the cage, wall-eyed and barely standing. The expression on its face could only be described as that of a complete idiot's.
"That isn't even a phoenix," the mighty princess shouted, "it's some game bird that managed to get away! Phoenixes are beautiful and elegant!"
"Ashes to ashes, my queen! The phoenix starts out as ashes in the egg and becomes a glorious bird! When it becomes ashes once more, it cannot keep its old feathers!" Rosemary rushed to the bird's side and began to stroke it. "Call it Philomena, after my great aunt!"
The pony princess rolled her eyes and turned back to the bathroom. Rosemary tried to follow her, but the servant took her foreleg in his and pulled her downstairs.
"My queen?" Celestia stopped for a moment to ponder Rosemary's words. "I'm a princess. She knows that. Or does she?"
"Probably not," a white soldier replied. The stallion was standing right by the large doors that led to the Royal Game Hall, a magnificent room that was currently being used by a group of old ponies playing chess. "By the way, Your Royal Highness, you're getting the brand new carpet absolutely soaked."
"So?"
"Well, it's the one you were screaming at a filly for getting a drop of her water on."
Celestia's face, once again, turned red. "Send her my apologies, would you?"
The guard nodded and glanced in the direction of the bird cage. "Ew... what's that... thing?"
"Some bird Rosemary caught," she grumbled. "She thinks it's a phoenix."
"Poor Rosemary. I hope it'll be quick."
Celestia glanced over to the stallion. "What will be quick?"
"Her death. Rosemary's an old, old pony, you know."
"Of course she is, but... death? She can't be that old, can she?"
He hung his head. "Your Highness, she was my nanny, too. I'm very close to her. I know what's going on with her, physically and mentally. Do you think I'm not affected by the idea of her passing away soon?"
The princess' jaw hung agape as she tried to respond. "B-but... she never... t-told...?"
"Well, with Luna becoming corrupted and all, do you think she'd want to worry her precious Ce- I-I mean, Celestia?"
"She told you my nickname?!" the royal pony thundered.
"Maybe..."
Celestia was fuming, but the inner bomb was defused as the harsh reality finally revealed itself: Her subjects would not stop committing crimes. Her loved ones would not stop dying. Everything would continue, simply without Luna being there. Celestia was subject to all the same tragedies, the difference being that there was no sweet little sister to help her through them. She had only herself...
...and the letters.
Celestia anxiously galloped to her writing room, which was now clean thanks to the new and energetic housekeeper. Pulling out a piece of paper, she began to write at a furious speed, detailing what she knew of Rosemary's impending doom.
She looked over it when she was done and crumpled it into a little ball. The hoofwriting was childish, the descriptions poor, and it was hardly fifty words in total. She had no real information whatsoever.
A memory. Think of a memory! Celestia pulled out a new piece, enchanted it, and began to think.
After a few minutes of hard thinking, she laid her head on the desk. She was trying to remember something cute and funny.
Ten minutes passed before Celestia decided that closing her eyes for just a little bit wouldn't hurt.



"Your Royal Highness, I believe it is time for you to raise the sun." May Flower, a rare look of concern on her face, gently placed a hoof on Celestia's shoulder. "Your Majesty, are you feeling well? Do you need to be carried?"
> Remember When You Got Pregnant?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Celestia's eyes slowly opened. May Flower gently shook the royal mare a few times. "Your Highness, I wouldn't have come up here were it not that it's ten o' clock. And it's in the middle of summer. Your subjects are confused and some have started panicking."
The alicorn yawned and stretched out her forelegs. "All right, all right. Tell the captain of the royal guard to have everypony calm the buck down..."
May put a hoof over her mouth, then promptly trotted away.
Celestia scratched herself and opened the window. She quickly lowered the moon, raised the sun, sent a quick letter to the heads of all the cities she could think of telling them to reassure their citizens and promptly fell back asleep.



"Mom, how're you doing?" Rosemary's son trotted into her bedroom. The mare was perched on the side of her cot, staring out the window.
"How much longer do I have, Cloudy?" Her voice was monotone.
"The doctor says a month or so at best." He trotted over and sat next to her.
"Luna's gone. I won't be able to say goodbye."
"I know, Mom."
"Celestia will get too stressed out."
"Yes, Mom."
"Gladys is dead. She's been dead."
"Right, Mom."
"The zebra physician... the one who won't let me say his name. He's visiting his parents and will not be back for a few months."
"That is correct."
"You are going to stay in this house until I am dead."
"That's right." Cloudy Day hugged his mother tightly, a small tear running down his face. "And after the funeral, I'm going to leave this as... a-as..."
"A tribute to Noxia and Ignisor. Everything you need is in-"
"Your old chamber, in the shortest tower, at the very top." He sighed and put his head on her shoulder. "I love you, Mom."
"I love you too, sweetheart." Rosemary turned her head to look her son in the eyes. He was taller and wider than she was, yet he was still embracing her like he was five years old again. "Don't let Ce-Ce see you sneaking it all out, okay? She'll have a fit."
"Right." The blue-grey stallion tore himself away from Rosemary and trotted out the door. "G'bye, Mom. Don't die while I'm gone," he said lightly. He gave her a fake smile and left the room.
"I can't promise that," Rosemary murmured.



"Your Highness, your presence is required in the throne room."
Celestia rolled her eyes and climbed out of bed. "I gave very specific orders for Luna to fill in my place today."
The guard stared at her. "You're kidding."
"Why would you say that? I've done it before." She yawned and stretched out like a cat. "Why hasn't she come in and tried to bother me yet if she's not fulfilling my duties?"
The brown stallion looked at the ground. "Your Highness, would you like to see a physician?"
"Why does everypony keep asking me that?" The irritation in her voice made it clear that she hadn't an inkling of how ridiculous her words were.
"Luna has not bothered you because you banished her to the moon." He winced and curled up into a ball, hooves over his eyes.
Celestia blinked for a few times, then slowly sank to the ground. She cursed under her breath, then gradually became louder and louder until she was screaming curses loud enough for everypony in the castle to hear.
The guard scurried away as quickly as possible.
Furious, she instead stamped out of her room, downstairs, past some very confused guards and into a throne room full of petty snobs wearing ridiculously expensive clothing, all of which looked confused and offended.
"I am having a very... bad... day. Whatever it is you have forced me to interrupt my rest for, I sincerely doubt that it's half as important as trying to accept the fact that I will never see my bucking sister again in my lifetime!"
One mare put a hoof on her forehead and shouted, "Well, I never!"
In a brilliant flash of yellow light, the regal princess teleported over to the mare, her muzzle just a few centimeters away from the other's. "Do not... ever... ever... speak unless you are spoken to!" She struck the mare's jaw, sending her flying into the wall. Her wings were spread out as far as they would go, making her seem even more intimidating. "Does anypony else have comments about my language?" she inquired with a nasty snarl on her face.
Nopony moved. Few dared to breathe.
"Get out of my castle. If you are truly so desperate, take it up with the captain of the royal guard. Leave me alone." Celestia pulled her wings back in and trotted away, muzzle high in the air.
She passed by May Flower, who was carrying multiple plates at once. "Draw me a warm bath," the princess commanded.
"Yes, ma'am. As soon as I'm done with-"
"Now!" Celestia's shout was loud enough to break the grouch's eardrums. The mare winced, set the plates down and galloped away as fast as she could. Celestia studied them carefully. One plate had a lovely plum pudding on it, while the other held a delightful slice of crystal berry pie, some of the last of the fruits Equestria had left. King Sombra's recent banishment and the Crystal Empire's disappearance had made what was left of these berries an expensive delicacy. 
The princess delicately picked up the pie and took a bite, then spat on what was left. As for the pudding, she stepped in it, then licked it off her hoof. It had been so long since she had done something so immature.
Celestia strutted to the bathroom, where May Flower was already pouring the warm water in. "Well, that didn't take very long. I suppose the colts 'helped' you, as usual?"
The mare said nothing. She finished pouring the water in and galloped away. As Celestia sunk into the bubble-less bath, she heard May's horrified cry, followed by sobbing.
What a baby. Celestia rolled her eyes as she squirted the soap into her tub. 
Something at the very back of her mind kept bothering her, but she ignored it. She was a princess. She was allowed to have a bad day. After all, she had already lost her sister and a powerful ally. Her former nanny was as good as gone. Never mind that she learned about Rosemary from a guard, or that the loss of the Crystal Empire had hardly entered her mind before her self-pitying. 
Through the narrow one-way window, she watched a pigeon fly around with a letter in its talons. It reminded her of something she was supposed to do today.
Pigeon training? No. Playing with pigeons? No. Deliver a letter? No, not quite... it has something to do with letters, though... send a letter, maybe? Luna would remember...
Luna! I have to write to Luna!
She was about to hop out of the tub, but stopped herself at the last second. She had already interrupted her bathtub time twice or thrice yesterday. She figured that today, since she was feeling so rotten, she should stay and soak for as long as possible.



"How are you today, May Flower?"
The mare managed to give a weak smile to her pudgy friend. "Oh, y'know. Grouchy as usual. How are you?"
"Well, fine, but I heard Princess Celestia curse for the first time in my life." Terra Cotta shook her head and took a sip of her turnip soup. "This is fabulous, May! Why aren't you a chef?"
May Flower's face paled. She lowered her head. "I... um... had actually tried out for a job... but, ah, it didn't work out so well..."
"What happened?" Terra Cotta pushed her thick glasses up her muzzle.
"Well, Princess Celestia to- asked me to draw her a bath and requested that I do it immediately, and... well. apparently somepony bit the pie I made and stepped in the pudding."
"That's awful! And you didn't get the job because of that? Gee, Celestia seems to have it out for you, doesn't she?"
"I just don't get it, though. If she knew what I was doing with those, I would imagine she'd try to help me so I could get out of here quicker. Maybe she didn't know what I was doing and then some idiot stepped in the pudding. And then another idiot took a bite out of the pie. I dunno."
"I heard that Celestia was in a really terrible mood today. I wouldn't be surprised if she was the culprit."
May Flower's spoon fell to the floor. She rose to her hooves, her eyes glaring at nothing, her teeth clenched tightly. "I have been trying to convince myself otherwise. I have been trying to tell myself that she would never do such a thing."
Her friend put a hoof on her shoulder. "Sweetheart, sit down. Don't do something you'll regret later."
The magenta mare sat back down. "I have to secure a new job. Fast. I need to get out of here, Terra."
"I know, I know." Terra looked down at her swollen stomach. "I hope my husband finds a job soon. I don't think I'll be able to take care of the baby and my newborn at the same time."
It took May a little bit to understand the joke, but when she did she fell out of her chair laughing.



"Oh, when's the baby due, Terra?"
"In a few months." The cheerful mare resembled a vase made of the substance she was named after, and her pregnancy didn't help. "We're not sure what to name it yet."
Celestia lazily lifted her blanket, then lowered it again. "I'm tired, but I don't want to sleep."
"Oh, that happens sometimes. Try some tea. It'll help."
"I hate tea."
"What, exactly, did you call me in for?"
"Does your husband have a job?"
"Not yet."
"When he finds one, you're fired."
Terra Cotta was taken aback by this. "But... can't I just take maternal leave or something? Surely the child will be old enough to stay quiet by then..."
"Maternal leave, fired, whatever." Celestia jumped onto the bed and collapsed into a heap of white fur. "Goodness, that was a strange tasting cup of coffee."
The jar-like mare couldn't help but snicker as she realized that Celestia had been drugged. Anything for a moment of peace, even if it meant giving Her Royal Highness Princess Celestia some sleepy-time potion.
"Good night, Your Majesty." With a smile, the plump pegasus trotted away.
"I'm not going to sleep," Celestia called after her.
The princess yawned and sprawled out across the bed. She closed her eyes for a few minutes, then got up. She felt strange. half of her body wanted to break. The other half wanted to do something boring, like sip some beverage calmly, or leaf through books, or write a long letter.
How could I have possibly forgotten to write to Luna again?!
Celestia rose in a panic and galloped to the writing room. "Think, think, think," she cried as she cast an enchantment onto a piece of paper. She noticed Luna's letter. The part about the fort stuck out in her mind.
She paused for a moment. A small smile grew on her face.
Luna will love this.





	Luna,
I have yet another memory for you. Once again, I need you to write back to me. Conjure up your astral ink and paper of the stars. We must continue this tradition until I tell you it is no longer necessary.
Back when our parents were alive, they were quite fond of going out to eat. This led to wild nights at home for us, which usually meant "steal all of Mommy and Daddy's pillows from their room and built fifteen different forts, each equipped with their own stuffed animals". You loved it so much, and I always enjoyed it.
One day, you told me to go in my room and not come out until you were done with whatever you were doing. I don't remember your exact words, and I hate speaking in that archaic tongue we once used, so everything we say shall be modernized in my memories. Is that a word? That's a word, right? It's a word.
Anyways, when you finally called me out, you proudly showed off a large fort and declared it to be pregnant. I corrected you and told you the word you were looking for was "impregnable".
"Nope!" You had the most mischievous grin on your face. "It's pregnant!" You then used your magic to levitate the fort in the air, revealing a smaller fort underneath. "I'm pregnant, too."
I simply rolled my eyes at this. "You're too young, Luna."
"Not true," you protested. "A stallion told me that if I swallow a pumpkin seed, I'll become pregnant."
By "stallion", you meant the unusually tall colt that lived across the street. He claimed he was a stallion, and you believed it, ignoring any contrary word. You never bothered to learn his name. Neither did I, but I never played "Changelings versus Soldiers" with him on rainy days whenever he got caught in the storm. I still wonder to this very day what happened to him, since the last time he got caught in a storm he was never heard from
"Only married ponies can get pregnant," I reminded you. This, however, did not faze you, you stubborn bundle of energy.
Your reply was, "It's a cheat code, Ce-Ce. Only smart ponies know about it. Mommy and Daddy know, but they don' wanna tell us because we're not supposed to have babies yet."
"That's right, Luna. In fact, having babies hurts a lot."
"Not when you swallow a pumpkin seed. Then you lay an egg in your sleep. When it hatches, you get a pony!"
"Luna, that is completely, totally one hundred percent ridiculous. Ponies are mammals. Mammals don't lay eggs."
"Platypuses."
"What?"
"Platypuses. They are mammals that lay eggs. We have some by the lake. They're really cute." With a smug little smile on your face, you turned around and trotted towards your room. "I was thinking of the name Jewelbottom. What do you think?"
"I think he was lying."
"That's a stupid name. How about... Majestica?"
I shook my head and ruffled your mane with my magic. You always hated that, and I'm fairly sure that if I found a way to ruffle your mane on the moon you'd bust out and destroy me. Or at least try to. Maybe I should try that... or perhaps not.
"No, Luna, I mean that you cannot get pregnant from swallowing pumpkin seeds."
"You're being ridiculous!"
"No, YOU are being ridiculus ridiculous(you'll have to excuse me, I'm getting a little excited. I can't believe how well I remember this conversation, yet I could never tell you what I had for dinner a week ago)! You aren't a platypus!"
Your face turned pouty. "Well, we'll just see. Can't you be a nice sister and help me think of names?"
I begrudgingly complied, offering you Cassandra, Dove, Felicity, and a few other elegant names. You decided on Butthead. Your exact words: "I shall name it Butthead, Ce-Ce, and that is the last word!"
Well, I went to sleep a few hours later, wondering how long it would be until you got over your belief.
When I woke up, I was incredibly angry. Probably because you were jumping on me; when I didn't move, you spat on my face. I wiped it off and shoved you away, shouting at the top of my lungs for an explanation.
Grinning, you pointed at your bed. A large egg the size of your head was sitting there. It was silver with a couple of green streaks.
In my disbelief and shock, I accidentally let a couple of swear words fly. Your inquiry as to their meaning went unanswered as I picked up the egg. There was no line where one would reconnect to halves of a false egg. The texture was similar to that of a chicken's egg, but it felt sturdier. I put out the lanterns that you had "taken HOURS to put up" and shined a bright candle behind the egg. The faint silhouette of a pony embryo greeted me.
With a nasty smirk on your face, you asked, "How long will do you think it will be before Butthead hatches?"
I just stared at the egg. After a few seconds I blew out the candle and turned the lamps back on. I still couldn't believe it. How in the world did that work?
That's when I noticed a very strange noise, some sort of cross between air whooshing out of a tight space and somepony spitting a worm out of their mouth. Your face was tomato red as you desperately tried to hold your laughter back.
I threw the egg to the ground. The "embryo" was a clay figure surrounded by spoiled milk. Which had splashed onto my bed.
You galloped away as quickly as possible and clung to Mother's leg to escape from my fury. I believe it was a day or two until I forgave you.
Despite my wounded pride at being tricked so easily, I still love to recount this tale. I pray that this letter finds you in as good of health as possible. I pray that the forces have not made any attempts to control you. Write back as soon as possible, please!
Your loving sister,
Ce-Ce

 
Celestia bit her lip. It was a bit short and the writing was messy, but it would have to do. She rolled it up, put the old seal on it, and sent it to her sister.
She closed her eyes for a few moments again. Goodness me, I'm tired. With a yawn, she slowly trotted outdoors. Ponies were looking at the sun in confusion. One particularly loud colt shouted to the sky, "It's time for bed, Sun!"
Celestia's hoof ended up in her face. The sun set, the moon rose, and the princess trotted to her bedroom. She managed to lift the covers one inch before falling asleep on the floor.
	
> Remember When You Met Discord?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Princess Celestia looked as regal as ever atop her throne. The empty one next to her was a reminder of her failure to pay attention to her sister's needs.
She glanced at it every now and then as Prince Storm spoke. It made her feel uncomfortable. Maybe I should go back to hiding in the library.
"...and that, my dear aunt, is why we need to change the Grand Galloping Gala's official colors from gold to silver. I think it would look much more elegant that way, correct?"
"Yes, yes, of course. It's your gala, do what you'd like." The princess wasn't looking at Storm, or the chair, or really anything in particular. She was simply staring at an empty spot in the room, her eyes void of emotion.
"I think that's ridiculous!" The same mare who had shouted "Oh, my word!" at Celestia was now rebutting the gallant prince. The alicorn's eyes shifted from the air to the mare, a slight scowl forming on her face. "After all, gold has been the official color of royalty for as long as I can remember."
"Not all traditions are to be upheld," Storm replied. "After all, I've done my research. Silver was preferred over gold by the first equine monarchs, as it was easier to find but just as beautiful in the eyes of most. In fact, I remember reading a tidbit where their youngest daughter had been the first to use silver, making crude tiaras for her and her sister. Ever since then-"
"You're contradicting yourself!" She tossed her head, her golden mane striking a nearby gentlecolt in the face. "Silver was a tradition. That tradition was broken and gold was instituted instead. Now you want to go back to the old tradition!"
"For the sake of the stars, Metal Rays, stop your fussing! You just don't like silver because you don't have any grey on you." A younger, much nicer looking mare was glaring at the mare, who glared right back.
"This has nothing to do with me," Metal Rays growled. "Gold is far more precious than silver!"
"I like silver," Celestia interrupted. "It reminds me of Luna. Let's use that."
Storm smiled triumphantly. Metal Rays looked like she wanted to reply, but the memory of the princess' strike was fresh in her mind. She simply lowered her head.
"Now, let's have some tea. I want to discuss your outfit for the gala." The prince clapped his hooves. A colt and filly, each older than a schoolfoal but not quite old enough to be considered adults, zipped over, the filly holding the teapot while the colt held two cups. The group of socialites that had surrounded Storm dispersed, some criticizing the servants' dress while the others chose to gossip about Celestia.
Celestia nodded and stepped down from the throne. "Let's discuss this outside, shall we?"
"Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you. I had a nasty storm scheduled for today, and it should be starting at any moment! My dear, I have to tell you about the new storm making method I came up with! It's so much more efficient! Oh, but first things first, we must talk of your outfit. Where should I sit?"
"On the ground is fine. If you need a cushion, you may fetch it yourself." The princess sat on the ground and held out the empty cup to the filly. She smiled and poured in a little too much, the chestnut-colored liquid staining Celestia's coat. Horrified, she searched for a napkin to clean it up with, but the monarch shook her head and motioned towards her nephew's cup.
Storm waited patiently for the filly to finish carefully pouring the tea into his cup, then began. "I think the main color of the dress should match the pink in your mane. It should have silver ruffles around the sleeves and lining the train. This brings us to the length of the train, which should be long enough to maximize elegance, but not so long that everypony in town is tripping over it when you shift to the left. I was thinking around thirty centimeters or so... Celestia?"
"What's that stallion doing?" Celestia was staring out a window facing the shortest tower. Somepony was flying in and out of it, going in with nothing and coming out with something. He'd drop to the ground, out of Celestia's sight, then return a few seconds later with empty forelegs.
"Would you like to discuss this later? I'm sorry if I seem harsh, but I do have things to do, and if you feel like you cannot concentrate, I'll happily come by some other time." Storm seemed genuinely concerned. 
"Hm? Oh, no, I'm terribly sorry about that. Why don't you come up with a sketch, and I'll look it over and tell you how I feel. I'm not picky. You know that."
The prince grinned, his cobalt blue eyes shining. "I love drawing!" His face turned bright red for a moment. "Er, uh, I mean, I'll have the sketch ready in a day or two. I'll... ah... hire a skilled tailor to do it. Yes."
Celestia ruffled his mane, then smoothed it back into place. "Wouldn't want to make you look bad in front of your marefriend," she teased.
"H-how did you...? Celestia, you're just being awful today!" He rose to his hooves and darted away, his wings carrying him farther than his hooves.
She snickered and trotted off to the kitchen. She was hungry. It was time for cake.
Inside, she found half a dozen ponies she'd never seen before, all wearing black, all buzzing about preparing some sort of soup. Every now and then a pony would stop, pull out a handkerchief, and blow into it. All twelve eyes were rimmed with red. They had been crying.
"What's going on?"
"Oh!" A fat stallion who had been tasting a soup dropped the ladle. He stared at the abnormally tall pony for a long time before falling to his knees and covering his face with his hooves. "I-I'm so sorry, Your Highness, we had no idea that you'd need the kitchen!"
She paused for a moment, then asked again, "What's going on?"
A mare who was as thin as the stallion was fat murmured something under her breath.  nearby pony gently poked her foreleg and mumbled something back.
In a clear voice, she announced, "Somepony died. We're catering for the funeral."
Celestia's jaw dropped. "Who died?"
The mare and her friend exchanged glances. The fat stallion said, "M-Minister Pennyworth."
The powerful princess wasn't sure if she should be happy because it was some grumpy old stallion who had been begging at death's door for years, or sad because she'd been there when he was a happy and vibrant colt who wanted to be a soldier. She simply turned and trotted away, her face betraying her confusion.
As she was trotting to nowhere in particular, her stomach rumbled, reminding her of why she went to the kitchen in the first place. Usually, she never called for servants to bring her everyday things such as cake and tea. Today was not a usual day.
"Bronze Leaf, please fetch me some cake," she said as the dull-colored stallion briskly trotted by. He nodded and began to gallop in the same odd fashion he was known for:  forelegs going so fast his hind legs had to skip a few steps, resulting in a motion that looked similar to skipping. Celestia almost snickered as she thought of his hatred towards the act of skipping and the similarity between that and his running.
Now she was stuck for a moment: the last time she had asked for a servant to bring her something, she had stayed in one place for the whole time. The hallway was narrow and she didn't really feel like staying there, but she didn't have much of a choice. Annoyed, she sat down, two halves of her brain fighting over what to do next.
"Here you are, m'lady. Do you have a moment to speak? I have something to tell you."
Celestia shoved a hooful of cake into her mouth. "Mif mt's bout Pennyworf, I alrenny know."
"Er... the local colts from the orphanage. They're complaining about May Flower again."
She rolled her eyes and swallowed. "As usual. I swear, that mare has been trouble since day one. Does she have any friends?"
"She never really talks unless she's ordered to do something. Terra Cotta talks to her a lot, though, and she replies every now and then." Bronze sat down, apparently rather comfortable around the princess. "I think she doesn't like being a servant. She can be really nice, though. A couple months ago, I told her it was my birthday and she gave me a cupcake!"
"Was it poisoned?" Celestia's tone was somewhat amused, but her face told a different story entirely.
"Uh... no. It was really good. Terra says she wants to be a chef, but every time she tries to apply for a job something bad happens. In fact, yesterday she was going to become a chef at some fancy restaurant, but they turned her down because somepony messed up her dishes when she wasn't looking."
Wet, mushy bits of cake ended up on the stallion's face as the regal princess spat out every bit of the confection in one try. "Th-that was... I ruined it! I ruined it! Oh, no, no, no, no, no!" She got up and began teleporting to places where May Flower was normally found.
Not in the kitchen!
Not in the throne room!
Not in the servants' quarters!
Not in the foyer!
Not in the garden!
Desperate, Celestia began to gallop around the castle as quickly as possible, skidding to a stop every time she thought she saw the grouchy mare. 
After what felt like hours of searching(in reality, it had only been ten minutes), the panting pony princess peered out a window. May Flower was shouting at some of the orphan colts. The colts were scowling and a few had sticks in their hooves. Without warning, one of them leapt forward and hit her with it. In a fit of rage, the magenta mare picked him up and threw him, then grabbed his stick and shook it at the others while spewing some nasty curses.
With a fearsome howl, she hurled the wood at them and stomped away. All Celestia could do was stare as May approached her and screeched, "I quit!" I can't stand this any longer! I'm tired of having my efforts sabotaged by a whiny royal and some malicious foals! I don't care if I never see another bite of food in my life, I will never, ever, ever come back here! Good day!"
With that, she turned away and began trotting. It took her a moment before she realized that she wasn't going anywhere.
Celestia was holding her in place, the yellow aura enveloping her completely. The "whiny royal" flipped her around. "What do you mean, malicious foals?"
"You believed those idiots' every word! What really happened wasn't that I forced them to do things for me; I just wouldn't let them try any of my dishes! Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to be a chef? I mean, do you really think I got this nasturtium and daisy on my flank because I'm meant to be a servant? But no, they have to trip me, fling stones at the food, take bites when I'm not looking, and then what? They tell lies about me to the ever-gullible princess! And now you're in on the game, making me do petty tasks while crushing my dreams! I thought you wanted me out of here! Why are you hindering my every effort to escape?!"
"Tell me the name of the place you want to work the most."
"Crystal Lakes. That was the one I would've been able to work at had you not ruined it."
She released the mare from her magical grasp. "How did you know it was me?"
"I had a hunch, and even Terra suspected it." She sighed and headed for the door.
Celestia beat her to it.



"Well, hello, May Flower!" Salty Summers, the needle-thin stallion who owned Crystal lakes, greeted the confused pegasus at the door. "Celestia tells me you're quite the cook. I believe she also muttered something about ruining your chances, so if anypony here has a grudge against you for something, it won't be counted. Let's see what you've got, my dear!"
An hour or so later, May Flower had prepared a rosemary omelet with duck eggs; a cake with fondant that didn't taste like sugary paper, topped with sugared flower petals and a piece of brittle candy; a head of romaine lettuce, grilled, then stuffed with vegetables; and a crème brulee. 
There were three judges: Salty himself, then a stern-faced mare May didn't quite recognize, and a very tall alicorn princess. 
As she watched the judges test each dish, she never looked in Celestia's direction. Even when the princess had a question, she kept her eyes on the half-eaten omelet as she gave her answer.
The female judge, a petite unicorn with narrow green eyes and a mane to match, whispered to Celestia, "I think she might dislike you." She was obviously being silly, but it made the princess feel even worse.
In an attempt to be lighthearted, she replied, "Whatever gave you that idea?"
Salty Summers ignored the both of them and went off on a rant about how great the food was, save for the types of flowers used on the cake. She got the job and would be starting tomorrow.
The unicorn mare introduced herself as Rusted Key and said it all tasted fine to her, but nothing stood out besides the cake.
Celestia said nothing, only nodding in acknowledgement when May mouthed "thank you" on her way out. 
Somewhat unhappy, Celestia returned to the castle. Despite the silent thanks, she felt unappreciated. If I hadn't gone in there and told him...
Her anger was interrupted by a piece of paper similar to Luna's letter. She hastily opened it and began to read. 


	Dear Celestia,
You speak of despise towards our original manner of speaking, but that is what my mind is beginning to favor. I address thou constantly in my mind, and I simply cannot stop myself from doing so. Please forgive the occasional "thee" or "thou" or whatever. I will, however, write all dialogue as the way it would've been at that time. Seeing our conversation "modernized" brings shivers down my spine, something far worse than watching the darkness around me.
That being said, I have a particular memory that will almost certainly bring tears to your eyes. 
This was some time after the pregnancy incident, but before The Great Ending War. We were off on some adventure that consisted of me jumping behind every bush to see if anything was there. 
"I implore thee, Celestia, that thou might join me in this merriment!" I grinned and smote the dirt behind a bush with my wooden sword.
"Ah, Luna, 'tis nothing besides a possum that will catch my attention. Stop this silliness and let me enjoy a quiet walk. Didst not Mother tell thee to stay quiet, as I did not want thee to come with?" You looked down at me, your face as stern as ever. In return, I mad the puppy-dog eyes you were never able to resist. Perhaps if I had made them as I was corrupted, I would be upon the throne and not thou!
I just grinned and struck behind another bush, shouting for any creature that was hidden to reveal itself.
You eventually gave in and began to play, tapping behind bushes gently, then moving on. Efficient? Yes. Fun? No!
I told you- nay, I demanded that you hit the ground behind the next bush with enough force to split the world in half! Not wanting to agitate me further, you sort of did as you were told: a strike almost as hard as how Mother spanked us when we disobeyed. It was enough to hurt somepony, but not that much.
And hurt somepony you did. Or maybe some creature would be a better term.
Rising quickly from behind the bush, a tall yet buff creature made of all sorts of animals stared at you, pure fear and hurt on his face. In a quiet voice, he asked why you did that.
Your face turned bright red as you tried to explain. I hopped onto your back and declared, "We are The Mighty Forest Patrol! If thou art hiding thyself, thou must be hiding something else! Something that is EVIL! Show what it is, vagrant, and mayhaps we shall show mercy!"
The creature shook its head. "I am Discord. A creature made to wreak havoc, a child of Echidna and Typhon. My mother hath cast me out, for I do not wish to destroy ponies as much as she does. Yea, she hath even scratched me out of the family records, so that none may know I am of her spawn!"
My eyes went wide. "What powers have thou?"
With a grin, Discord reached into my mane and pulled out a bouquet of flowers. He gave them to you, making your face turn redder. "Anything that deals with breaking the rules, I can do it!"
"Yea, then break the rules of life and bring Drop Spindle back to full health!" I glared at him; despite his parlor trick, I was suspicious. Mother and father had quite a few enemies; Echidna was one among many. Who knew what that abomination had told the boy before banishing him?
He complied. "Where is it? He? She? Hermaphrodite?"
"Herma?... Celestia, what is a... hermit-fo-dye?"
You gave no reply.
As we trotted back towards the makeshift castle, Discord began to show off his abilities. The dirt trail became bubblegum. Already chewed, as I later learned, but still delicious. He then turned himself into a pony, but not an alicorn. Just a simple Earth pony. I don't remember his colors, but I do remember that his eyes were the same size. He also got hungry and took a bite of his own hoof as if it were nothing. Without waiting for his consent, I tried some; if I remember correctly, it tasted like chocolate. Delicious, delicious chocolate. I then grabbed what was left of it, broke it off, and shoved it in your face. You ate it up and spit it out, saying it tasted like white chocolate. Absolutely ridiculous. Centuries will not change my utter disappointment towards your lack of good taste. He turned back into a draconequus after that.
When we got there, Mother and Father were in quite the hurry. Apparently some baddie had been freed and was trying to wage war on us. First they wanted their house, then they would control what few but powerful followers they had amassed. They were trying to send out battle plans.
We hurried upstairs and found poor old Drop Spindle, our grandmother who had been delighted to find her daughter was an alicorn. She was having a nasty coughing fit, and we watched Discord's smile disappear. He couldn't fix it. Nopony could.
But that didn't stop him from trying.
First, he wondered if her eyes were the problem. He pulled out his own and offered them to her. She declined. He put them back and tested her reflexes with a small mallet. She slapped him for that, but it wasn't a hard one. She was simply playing around. Grandmother had come to accept him as a third grandchild.
Discord turned around and asked rather loudly if we knew what was wrong with her. She said rather loudly that she was an old pony who was going to die.
"Not if I can help it!" Discord stamped his hoof. "I shall make thee younger; mayhaps you shall have more years to live!" He then snapped his talons and turned Drop Spindle into a filly. 
It was a sight to behold: she was a filly, yes, but a filly with tiny iron-frame glasses that made her eyes a bajillion times bigger. She opened her mouth to speak and said, "Child, thou would do well to change me back!" in the voice of a tiny foal. It was hilarious!
Discord succeeded in changing her back, then asked if he could stay the night. You said yes, which is strange, since you typically insist on getting our parents' permission. Methinks you were fond of him. Are you still in love with him?
I am teasing you! Don't get your mane in a knot! I'm sure you have bigger fish to fry, especially without me hogging the spotlight.
The dark forces surrounding me are confused by my laughter. I can see your face now: you're red as a tomato! Even your mane is red! Oh, sister, how I wish we could exchange these memories face-to-face.
Ah, I am off on one of your rabbit trails. Please pardon me.
We all went downstairs. I offered him all of my blankets so you could make a mattress on the ground. He thanked me, but said he'd rather sleep on grass and wanted to go and gather some. He teleported away quite quickly.
That was when the bees came out.
The bouquet in your hooves that you had been carrying ever since he gave it to you had been full of bees, and now with Discord's disappearance they came out. They attacked your face, prompting you to scream and run in horror as they stung you everywhere. Interestingly enough, it wasn't venom they injected you with, but blackberry preserves. As I learned later when I got too close and was stung, it didn't really sting. You were just being a bit of a whiner.
When Discord returned with his grassy mattress, you were covered in preserve-oozing welts. You sat on your bed, forelegs crossed, a nasty scowl on your face. Discord acted as if nothing was wrong and set his mattress down on the ground. "How art thou, miss...?"
"Celestia. Thou shalt always refer to me as Celestia."
"My name is Luna!" I hopped onto him and put my forelegs around his neck. "Celestia was in love with thee until the bees came out!"
"Excellent!" The draconequus clapped his talon and paw together. "There is nothing worse than some colt-meets-filly story!"
As you sat and sulked on your bed, Discord and I became friends. Not good friends, mind you, for he messed up all of my dolls.
As it turned out, he was all for our parents becoming the supreme rulers of the new nation being created. Ever since the three types of ponies had finally merged, there had been talk of a new united pony land, but he was so excited to hear that there were ponies- powerful ponies- who were actually doing something about it.
That next morning, you were the first to wake up. Discord and I were half on my bed, half on the ground. If I remember correctly, I had my dolls all around me because I thought he'd wake up and destroy all of them.
I don't know what happened with you next. You never told me.
I did, however, hear the piercing scream that echoed throughout the house minutes after you uttered it.
Discord woke up and rushed to your aid. I took my time, but when I caught up with you two, I wished that I hadn't taken so long.
Drop Spindle's eyes were practically glazed over. Her breathing was obviously forced, as if she were struggling to get the last bits out before she collapsed into a pile of dust.
You and I sat there and hugged each other, sobbing as we watched our grandmother slowly die in front of us.
Discord didn't cry. In fact, he was smiling. Smiling! That thing, that terror, that toy-mutilator, now had the audacity to smile as our grandmother painfully began to pass away!
I wanted to kill him, but then he reached out to Drop Spindle. He slowly took her hoof in his paw, squeezed it, and then something wonderful happened.
Her breathing was no longer forced. Her eyes were full of life. Somehow, some way, he had given her back to us. For how long a time, we did not know, but we had her back.
In exchange, he was now rather sickly-looking. What was once sturdy was now limp. He had lost some of his physical strength and charm. This, however, did not stop you from falling in love all over again.
And no, Ce-Ce I shall never cease my teasing. Ever.
We thanked him, not with words, but with cries of joy and hugs. Lots and lots of very tight hugs. He seemed to get very uncomfortable after a while and decided to explode. Literally.
He came back together a few meters away from us. "I beg of thee, no more hugs. I am now weak, and I cannot stand such an assault!"
You sniffled and wiped a tear from your eye. "We are forever grateful to thee, Discord."
"I promise thee that you will always be welcome here!" I grinned and galloped to him to hug his leg. Just a little hug, nothing awful.
I am crying a little right now, but I have the common sense to keep my tears away from the paper. If only thou didst the same.
I pray this finds you in good health. I myself am not feeling wonderful, but I hope it shall pass. I eagerly await the next letter, especially if it's the one that lets me come home.
Your little sister who misses you dearly,
Luna 


Celestia blew her nose and set the handkerchief down. The memory was fresh in her mind. Embarrassment, sadness, even a little anger swirled inside her, but as she re-read the short closing, one feeling came up that trumped them all: Happiness. Luna was complying wonderfully.
I wonder how much longer I need to do this. She rolled the letter up and set it next to the first one. She closed her eyes for a moment, thinking of what to write next.
"Knock, knock!" 
"Come in!"
A gleeful Terra Cotta trotted in with a giant grin and a giant stomach. "My husband found a job, and just in time! Do you have any idea how hard it is to serve a ten-course meal with this thing on me?!" She pointed to the bump that concealed a foal. "Is it okay if I leave today?"
"Oh, of course! In fact, you must tell me when the foal is born. You must!" Celestia beamed at her.
"Certainly, Your Highness! It's so nice to see you in a good mood!" The pudgy mare waved to her princess, then trotted away.
The princess sighed and thought for a moment. What am I going to do when the baby comes?
Get it a gift worthy of royalty, of course!
The letter could wait, couldn't it? After all, Luna would understand. She had always loved foalsitting, and surely this would give Celestia some inspiration.
With a grin on her face to rival the frown she wore yesterday, she got to work on a toy. A fabulous toy, a beautiful toy, one that would be cherished no matter how old the foal got.
> Remember When I Got Sick?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Somepony knocked on the door. "Your Highness, a letter."
"Slide it under the door."
The servant obeyed. A thick scroll made up of several different papers lay at the door, somewhat crushed by the process. 
With a sigh, the princess set her whatever-it-was down- she still wasn't sure what it was going to be- and opened the letter. Five pieces of paper, each with different drawings of dresses, greeted her. It was a welcome distraction from the splintering wood and cold metals she had been working with for the past few hours; the only break she had taken was to raise the sun at precisely six o' clock A.M. 
Let's see... ugly. Ugly. Huh, that's neat... ew, no. Ooh, I like this one!
The final picture was a dress with long sleeves. The fabric itself matched the pink in her mane, and Prince Storm had included notes as to what it was made of. The main fabric was wool, the blue and silver accents were cotton, the sleeves were silver silk, and she was to wear a silver necklace with a small yellow charm in the shape of her cutie mark.
She wrote a quick letter back asking him to come to the castle and discuss the dresses with her, then threw the rejected drawings away. Under no circumstances whatsoever would she wear anything like them.
Celestia then turned back to her work. So far, she had a miniature xylophone. Such a thing would lose its charm quickly, especially with its diminutive size. 
Next to it was a wooden box with a hidden compartment. She tried putting the xylophone in the compartment, which really didn't improve anything.
Time for a break longer than five minutes. The princess trotted out of the spare room. She wasn't hungry, she didn't feel motivated to write, Prince Storm wasn't here yet, she didn't want to visit the school...
She glanced outside. The tower that had been invaded by the pegasus still stood there, inviting her to come and look around.
She squeezed out the window, stretched out to get rid of that awful cramped feeling, spread her wings and flew.
Inside was a dusty old mattress, a bureau draw, and a tall closet, all of which were emptied out. Musty feathers, thick chunks of dust, broken glass, yellowed scraps of paper and bits of yarn littered the floor. 
Something in the corner of the room caught her eye. A faint glimmer of light, something silvery. When she picked it up with her hooves, she dropped it immediately; there were enough rough edges on it to qualify as a meat tenderizer.  She then used her magic to bring it closer to her face. It was the very first tiara her mother had worn. Back then, it had much smoother edges. However, she did have an awful habit of wearing it, even in battle, and every here and there a sword struck it or a pegasus kicked it. 
The tiara, in fact, had been her mother's undoing in one of the battles. Celestia couldn't help but snicker as she thought of it: the proud gray mare returning with a nasty scowl on her face, forced to explain to her children that they didn't have Fort Hoofton captured because her tiara fell off and she bent over to pick it up, resulting in an enemy striking her while her back was turned. She became confused, shouted the wrong order, chaos resulted, and they lost.
Something occurred to Celestia: Rosemary had been around for a long, long time. So long, in fact, that her own grandmother had been a proud soldier in her father's army and had told tales about it every day until her death.  Rosemary had loved hearing it so much, and when Luna saw this, she gave her every artifact they owned that reminded her that they had indeed existed. Celestia hadn't fought that decision; after all, the less she thought about it, the better.
This became painfully obvious once she noticed the salty water pooling at her hooves. She had been weeping and she didn't even realize it.
Looking around for just a little more, she decided to pay her former nanny a quick visit. A delivery, really: to give her the one thing that hadn't been stolen.



"...I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before, Ce-Ce." The old mare looked at her hooves. "I-I just didn't want you getting worked up over it."
Celestia stared at the rough crown in her towel-wrapped hooves. "So... nothing was stolen?"
"No, no! Cloudy would never do something like that!" Rosemary seemed taken aback by that comment. "He's a good colt!"
"I'm sure he is. I didn't know who it was, so I just assumed..." She set the crown down. "How's that naked bird you caught doing?"
Rosemary stamped her hoof with surprising strength. "I'm telling you, Celestia, it's a phoenix! Go look at it now! I certainly wish you would've kept it in your room so you could watch. My poor son nearly broke his back lugging it over here!"
"Well, that's too bad. Think of him the next time you try to catch a bird." With a teasing smile on her face, Celestia trotted to the small room adjacent to Rosemary's. Inside was a birdcage. inside that birdcage was a pile of ashes. "Rosemary, you're right. This bird isn't naked at all!"
"Oh, did it go through the transformation already?" She slowly trotted over. A wide grin spread across her face. "Ooh, you'll see, Celestia!"
"See? What is there to-"
In a brilliant flash of light, something rose from the ashes. Something big. Something fiery.
Celestia's jaw dropped. "A... a..."
"A phoenix!" Rosemary danced around a little bit, her grin twisted into something wickedly funny. "My dear Celestia, you are going to keep this, and you are going to name it Philomena, after my grandmother. No buts! Take her and treat her like a daughter!"
The cage had been obliterated by the transformation, leaving a majestic phoenix quietly fluttering in the air.
"Don't be shy, now. Stick your foreleg out!"
Celestia did as she was told. Philomena flew over and settled on it, her talon grasping it firmly but not painfully.
"This is..."
"Yes, it's quite amazing," the green mare interrupted. "You should've kept it in your room, just like I said before! Maybe then you'd have been able to pick the name!" 
A little bit of immaturity welled up inside of the elegant princess. "I can change the name if I want to," she huffed.
The former nanny made puppy-dog eyes. "You wouldn't refuse a dying mare's last request, would you?"
Celestia's face became grave. After shooing the bird off, she quietly wrapped her forelegs around Rosemary, closed her eyes, and mumbled, "Don't say that. Please don't say that."
Rosemary didn't argue.
The one-sided embrace lasted only a few moments, thanks to an unseen enemy slowly destroying Rosemary. "I need to get back into bed," she croaked. "I've had enough excitement for one day."
The snow white pony nodded and let go, sticking her foreleg out for Philomena. The phoenix almost immediately took her spot. 
"She likes you, Ce-Ce! Treat her well!" 
"I will." With a smile on her face, Celestia turned around and trotted away to the castle.
"What kind of cage should I get you?" she asked the bird.
Philomena said nothing, but she did nuzzle her new owner.
"Perhaps something fireproof... but it should also be elegant... nice and roomy, of course..." Celestia stopped trotting for a moment. "Where will I find something like that? You could melt gold with your fire, and I know diamond is able to be vaporize if heated up enough... after all, making a diamond cage would be ridiculously expensive, especially considering the size I have in mind..."
Once she got back to the castle, she had made up her mind about Philomena's cage.
"But, Your Highness," an old servant shouted, "that bird will get her... er... droppings... on the ground!"
"It's my decision. Philomena will be a free bird. I trust that she will come back to me when it's necessary and when I call her." Celestia gently moved her foreleg upward, causing Philomena to leave that spot and find a new one: the branches of the dead tree outside.
Celestia and the servant stared at her for a moment. "Philomena!" The princess stuck her foreleg out again. The phoenix didn't come.
Celestia trotted outside and did the same thing. This time, she came, but tried to herd Celestia and the old stallion away from the castle.
"The old bird's trying to trick you," he spat.
"Don't be ridiculous. Philomena... just doesn't like it, that's all. She can be an outside bird. just make sure nopony tries to capture her." The princess paused for a moment. "Actually, have somepony capable of holding a full-grown pony down do that. Who knows what might happen to her?"
He nodded and trotted away. Philomena returned to her tree, looking at Celestia almost forlornly.
Somewhat anxious, Celestia trotted back into the castle and up to her writing room. Something was wrong with the castle, she could see that now. Yes, Luna/Nightmare who-cares had practically destroyed it in her crazed state, but it had been fixed by some of the strongest unicorns in all of Equestria. It was sturdy. What had been built over decades couldn't have possibly been destroyed by one little tantrum, especially with all the repairs.
Her mind then turned to Rosemary. I don't even know what's wrong with her. I wish she weren't sick. I wish she were okay.
I wish, I wish, I wish...
Her mood brightened immediately as a memory came to mind. 
I wish I could get this on paper fast enough!





Dear Luna,
How are you, I'm well, blah blah blah. This story is just too good clutter up! I promise I'll get all sappy when it's over, okay?
Now, it was just a few decades before Discord declared war on us. I had come down with an awful cold, and you were so scared that somepony might come and poison me- oh, why do I even need to say "somepony"? You were afraid of Discord! I swear, you always overestimated his powers. That draconequus wasn't anything the Elements of Harmony couldn't fix, right?
I swear, Luna, you're one strange pony.
Anyways, you had declared that nopony except for those you deemed "honest" would be allowed to see me or even come near my room in my weakened state. You were going to take care of me all by yourself.
Your first problem was that you couldn't remember if it was feed a cold and starve a fever, or the other way around. So, you just brought me lots of hot soup- I think it was broccoli soup, which I still hate with a fiery passion even after all these years- and told me to eat it. I tried to. I tried very, very hard. But it was, well... hard! After all, I thought I was going to hack my lungs out, and the vomit-inducing broth certainly wasn't helping matters.
The second problem was that you insisted on using that awful Royal Canterlot Voice whenever a doctor tried to come in and check on me. I would be moments away from dreamland, ready to doze off, when...
"I DO NOT NEED THY HELP! I DEMAND THAT THOU LEAVE US ALONE, FOR I SHALL NOT ALLOW ANY CHANCE FOR THE ATTACKER TO STRIKE WHILE MY SISTER IS WEAK!"
Here's a lesson, Luna: if you don't want ponies to try and kill us, don't scream to the whole world that I have a cold.
The third problem was that you were constantly asking me if I was okay, then demanding an answer approximately half a second later. This made my throat quite hoarse, which made it painful to cough too hard, which made me groan every time I finished a bout, which made you go into panic overdrive. You would teleport away, come back up with a doctor, ask his opinion, ask it again in the Royal Canterlot Voice, then poof him away when he said I just needed some rest. 
"I am trying very hard to get her to rest!" you would say. 
I would silently beg the doctor to kill me.
The fourth, final, and worst problem of them all was the fact that you. Would. Not. Stop. Looking. Out. The. Window.
Did you really think that any assassin would be so bold or so stupid as to climb through or come near the window? Well, certainly there were some, but they were all easily disabled. You seemed to have forgotten our training in Disarming, one that we both passed with flying colors. 
The window was also the only source of light. It would bounce off the shiny objects, giving me something to look at other than your scowling face and the musty walls. I liked the shiny things. I felt like a little filly again, and I wanted to stare at the shinies.
But then Mean Old Luna would come and block my light, destroying the shinies' beauty immediately. When you moved away again, it just wasn't the same somehow. Ridiculous, I know, but it still aggravated me.
After half a day of this, you calmed down considerably and left for an hour or so. I fell asleep and had an awful dream about being in The Great Ending War. I did not go to sleep again.
When you came back up, you had the prettiest thing in your hooves: it was a small wooden box, with little carvings of flowers and jewels and faces on the side. It had a little crank at the bottom, and when you turned it, it would make noise.
In my sickly state of mind, I asked what in the world it was.
You said you really didn't know. "What would you like to call it, Ce-Ce?"
"A music box."
You rolled your eyes. "How creative."
"It's a box that makes music! It's a music box!" I pulled it out of your hooves with my magic and turned the crank as far as it would go. The resulting pings and dings created a soft lullaby, one that had never been named, only hummed by a certain mother of ours. We had never bothered to ask while she was alive, but you apparently had it memorized.
Once again, my lack of creativity shined as I dubbed the enchanting song "Noxia's Lullaby". You didn't argue, but you did roll your eyes once again.
As we sat and listened to the repeating tune, you placed a hoof on mine. "Feeling better?"
"A little bit."
We were silent until the song ended. "How did you make this?"
"Well..." You went on to explain the process, something I never bothered to listen to or remember. You had your little hobbies that I never really cared about, and I had my own. Letter-reading, for example. I can't help but wonder if, were we to be stuck on the moon together and some other entity wrote specifically to you, I would still have to read it out loud to you, or if you would be a big filly and read it yourself, unlike your time here on this planet. I do miss you dearly, though, and many have already forgotten you. Sometimes I wish I were stuck there with you, but I digress.
As I turned the crank again, you stopped me and un-turned it. I later tried doing that myself and nearly broke that darn thing.
"Celestia, stop. Listen."
The only sound was our breathing.
"What is it, Luna?"
You closed your eyes and let out a deep breath. "That is the sound of death, Celestia."
"I don't hear anything."
"Exactly. Your death is not coming today."
I paused for a moment. "Then why tell me?"
"Just stop for a moment. Keep listening."
I managed to keep quiet for about a minute. "I don't understand why you're making me do this."
"You hear nothing, for nothing has come to claim your life yet. Imagine, dear sister, what it might sound like if death were, indeed, coming you take you away. Wouldn't it be scary?"
"Why are you doing this, Luna?" I was cranky and agitated. I wanted you to say something comforting, not talk of my imminent doom. Alicorns have long lifespans, this I shan't deny, but we are most certainly not immortal, as I'm sure you know.
"If you ever, ever hear death coming, and it scares you, remember who's waiting for you to join them."
Those words have stuck with me, Luna.
I don't know why or how you thought of that. Perhaps it came to you out of your paranoia. Maybe it had been brewing in your mind for a long time. 
Then, there's this scenario, the one I feared and suspected the most of all: you might have understood just how scared I was.
After all, Discord was no regular villain. Turned cruel by years of twisted thinking and chaos surrounding both sides of the battle, he could make you laugh as you were being physically tormented. He knew all sorts of mind tricks. He had spies everywhere, most of which were just disguised clones or rogue changelings. A typical creature wouldn't stoop so low as to stalking their enemy and waiting until they were sick to strike, but you never knew. After all, our former friend had spies and even some powerful allies.	I understood your precautions and your intentions. Your execution was poor, but your heart was in the right place. 
There had never been a time where your mixed personality shone more: you could be the most irrational pony in the world one second, then as forgiving, understanding, reasonable and deep as any philanthropic philosopher.
As I promised, I will end with as much sappiness as I can muster. I love you dearly, Luna, and it's awful to think that the true you has seen your error and are in a good enough mental state to comply without too many questions, yet you are still imprisoned. I love you more than this cursed quill can tell. I'm fairly sure that if I were in your position, I would've turned to the dark arts much sooner. I suppose that, since you were never one to thrust yourself into the spotlight, I assumed you didn't mind being ignored by all the ponies ungrateful for your night. Myself included.
It would seem that now, of all times, I would choose to spend more time in your- it is yours, and will never cease to be yours- glorious moonlight, but it saddens me far too much. I prefer the soft glow of the lantern as I write of these fond memories, able to communicate with you without allowing you to watch me cry.
Write back soon. Do not give in to the darkness again. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. I can never say that too many times.
Truly, I've not an idea of what I have until it's been taken away.
With a love bigger than the sun and prettier than the moon,
Ce-Ce


Wiping the tears from her eyes, she put the seal on it and sent it. Just in time, too, for her servant then reminded her of her appointment with Prince Storm.
Who had been waiting for half an hour.
Embarrassed, Celestia rushed to the foyer, where the prince was patiently waiting with a small grin on his face. "Writing love letters to your special somepony, Auntie?"
"I- no! I-I don't have a special somepony!" She skidded to a stop, her face as red as a cherry. 
"I'm just teasing! Now, about the dresses...?"
"Oh, yes! Well, just give me a moment..." She concentrated for a moment, then pulled them out of her bedroom and brought them down to her. "Well, I must say, I like this one the-"
A loud noise similar to a bone being broken resounded across the room, coming from seemingly nowhere.
Prince Storm looked up at the ceiling, then around the room. "What was that?"
The noise came back, louder and longer this time.
In fact, it didn't stop.
The ceiling caved in, prompting Celestia to panic. She began screaming for everypony to get out of the castle, teleported outside, and began using a very sensitive spell to locate and teleport any ponies inside the castle as it once again broke.



She stared at the crumbled remains. Philomena gently landed on her shoulder and let out a sorrowful "caw". Nopony had been killed, but some guards and a chef got a few bones broken, not to mention dozens of bruises on others. 
Guards were working hard to see what they could save from the wreckage. 
Celestia suddenly shook her head and waved them away. "Enough. Have everypony search for their own possessions, then abandon it. We needed a new castle, anyways. Send out scouts to potential candidates."
"Where will you sleep?" Bronze Leaf, as bright-eyed as ever, asked.
She paused for a moment. "I know somepony who'd be willing to take me in."



Rosemary's eyes closed. "Absolutely not."
"But, Nana!" Celestia's shock triumphed over her maturity.
"Young lady, I could die tonight, and I most certainly do not need you fretting about whether or not you'll witness it. You've had a rough life, missy. Go stay in a hotel. Or be with your nephew. Or something else. Do something that will make you happy, Celestia."
"Staying here will make me happy!" Tears were steaming down her face, her hooves were planted firmly on the ground, and she was shaking so hard she could barely stand.
"No, it won't! I have nightmares at night now, and I won't have you fretting over it! You will not stay here. You will go have some fun!"
"But where-"
"Crystal Lakes. There's a hotel nearby. You can do some tasting, since I know they also do cheesy-fancies and whatnot. You can visit that ex-servant of yours. Invite your nephew. I'll pay for all of it. I beg of you, Ce-Ce, let an old mare get her rest and leave yourself out of this."
Celestia grudgingly did as she was told.
> Remember When You Burned Our House Down?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Celestia woke up, her entire body aching. Probably because she fell asleep on a pool table.
What in the...? She got off the creaky wood and stretched her legs as far as they would go. A couple other ponies were passed out on the ground, one of them the ever regal Prince Storm, whose mane was still perfect despite his messy surroundings. The other pony was vaguely familiar, but the princess couldn't quite put her hoof on it.
"Storm, get up." Her majestic and firm voice came out as a hoarse whisper. Aggravated and confused, she shook her royal nephew. "C'mon, get up."
He groaned and kicked at her lightly. "My head hurts."
"Get up! What happened last night?"
"Uh... you invited me over, I brought some friends, we did some tasting, you didn't want to make Rosemary go bankrupt so we drank from the cider they were about to throw out..."
"I told you that was a bad idea," a grouchy and all-too-familiar voice nagged.
"Shut it, Lame Flower!" The prince seemed out of character. Or perhaps I just don't spend enough time with him, Celestia thought.
"Lame Flower? Is that really the best you can do, Priss Snot?"
Celestia sat down and watched the name-calling escalate into a physical altercation, which May Flower quickly and easily won. The ex-servant took a seat, right on top of the prince. "And then... I really don't know. Something about flowers, and rice everywhere...?"
A shrill scream from another room soon led to the answer: Belt Buckle, a stallion of high breeding with a knack for developing new fashions, found himself wearing a golden ring on his horn. The mare wearing the matching ring was Turnip Soup, a gluttonous chef with a real knack for beating ponies senseless with kitchen utensils.
"Oh, yeah! The wedding!" May Flower grinned and clapped her hooves. "They seem so happy together!"
"About as happy as a hamster caged with a snake," Storm remarked.
Celestia put a hoof to her muzzle to silence her snickers. The elegant gentlecolt burst into the room, shouting something about "a hideous sack of rotten kale and twice as putrid smelling". The obese mare came "galloping" after him, although to anypony besides a sloth it seemed more like a slow-motion walk.
"Y'all said I was pretty in the dress, dang it!"
"I was drunk, you harpy!"
"That ain't no excuse for tryin' ta leave yer wife!"
The conversation continued as they ran throughout all the recreational rooms the hotel had to offer. 
May Flower got up and stretched a bit. "Well, I suppose I'd better be off. If you ever come back, don't try to include me in the party, okay?"
Celestia's face turned a light shade of pink. "Look, how was I supposed to know that it was fermented?"
"Smell test. Seriously, next time you try to make punch with any juice whatsoever, just do a smell test." She smoothed out her mane and trotted out.
Storm still lay on the ground, a hoof placed on his forehead. "I think I had something I needed to do today, but I don't remember..."
The next words he uttered were a long string of particularly foul names and adjectives, some of which Celestia herself didn't know. With an amazing burst of speed, the prince got to his hooves and zipped out of the hotel in a matter of seconds.
Perhaps I should leave now.	



"Did you have fun, Celestia?" Rosemary gave her favorite sun-princess a strained smile.
"I don't remember. I accidentally... um... got drunk..."
"Oh, sure." The green elder rolled her eyes. "How many times have I told you, alcohol isn't any good for you?"
"It was an accident, though! You said you were paying for it, but I think I might've had them put the bill on Silk Hat because I didn't want to buy him a wedding present... but, anyways, I wanted to make some punch and theirs was really expensive, so I went and bought some juices from the store... and... um... oh, yeah! They were out of apple juice, and the chefs were about to toss a barrel of cider out the window, and I just thought, 'What's the difference?' and used it in the punch. I didn't know it was-"
"Smell test," Rosemary interrupted.
"I know," Celestia grumbled.
Just as Celestia was about to continue with her story, none other than the famed Starswirl the Bearded burst into the house. "Celestia, this is far more important than visiting with the elderly! Somepony has left a letter in the ruins of the castle, but it's not made of paper!"
Rosemary shot the eccentric scholar a nasty glare. "Stuffy know-it-all."
"Wrinkled hag," he shot back.
"Grouchy old coot!"
"Brainless doll!"
"Enough. Give me the letter." Celestia put a hoof on her former nanny's shoulder. "And be nice. The 'wrinkled hag' is near death and certainly doesn't need you stressing her out."
"That's too bad, I suppose. Oh, and you can't have it! Don't be ridiculous, Celestia! I put an analysis spell on it. So far, it's almost purely magical, with some bits of mane and fur that somehow got stuck in it." Starswirl put a hoof on his magnificent beard. "Truly an odd thing. Do you think that Nightmare Moon is trying to contact you? After all, Luna has always been a bit tricky, especially when you least expect it."
"Luna and I have been writing to each other," Celestia replied rather nonchalantly, as if sending letters to a being within the moon and receiving letters back was no big thing.
Starswirl's eyes went wide. He grabbed Celestia by the shoulders and shook her as he shouted, "You fool, have you any idea what could happen from doing so?!"
"No. Do you?"
"No!" He let go and stamped his hooves. "And that is precisely why it is so dangerous! Did you know that almost sixty-percent of all major teleportation spells have drastic side effects? Why, I had a friend named Clay Shield, his bark was worse than his bite and he loved traveling! So, you know, I managed to figure out a spell that would get him across the world without ripping him into tiny little bits in the process. The problem was, once anypony went near the spot he had stood in as I performed the spell, they went to the exact same place he was at the time! It was the strangest thing, and I never figured out why!"
"Well, this is part of an effort to get Luna back earlier, and I don't hear you offering any other suggestions." Celestia stood up just a bit straighter. "The second your analysis is finished, bring me the letter. If one letter, jot or tittle is smudged, I will have your head on a stake. Understood?"
He sighed. "Very well, then. Oh, er, by the by, Miss Rosemuck-"
"Rosemary!"
"Rosemary, yes. Is there any flower you're, ah, particularly allergic to?"
The mare put a hoof on her chin. "Well, tulips don't- why, you little!" In her rage, she snatched Celestia's crown off her head and tossed it at the unicorn. It struck him on the forehead, leaving a nasty bruise.
His jaw dropped. "Why, I oughta..."
"Go," Celestia snapped. "And if you ever lay a hoof on her-"
"You'll have my head on a stake. Honestly, Celestia, think of some new threats!"



"Well, we've done some scouting around, and it seems that there are only two places that would be able to expand as the population did. The first one is closer by, but it's out in the open, leaving the capital practically defenseless. Walls would have to be built-"
"Next option." Celestia stared at the assistant, eyes half closed, mouth mid-scowl. 
The mare coughed. "Er, of course, your Highness. The next is, well, a mountainside. It offers quite a few more advantages in protection, although it will be pretty easy to see from a bird's eye view once completed. Some of the unicorns in the group of royal architects do have an idea for disguising it, but it would be incredibly difficult and require constant maintenance and I won't even speak of the cost. It'll be pretty high up. We could build an artificial lake, or just build it by the waterfall."
"How much more expensive will building in the mountain be?"
"Um... let's see, here... oh. Oh, my." Her yellow face turning pale, she turned the paper around and lifted it to Celestia's face.
The snow white princess was now a light shade of green. "Do we even have this much money left in the treasury?"
"Just barely. Of course, that would be for a castle of similar size as the old one. If we were to create a smaller one... well, it's still expensive, but not as bad." The mare pulled the paper from under Celestia's muzzle and circled a smaller number with black ink. She then gave it back to Celestia. "That's including the basics for a city as well as a castle."
"We might as well. When will it be finished?"
"If we start today, the castle will be built in a week... oh, wait, in mare-hours. In terms of a realistic workday... three or four weeks. The castle won't be furnished, of course."
Celestia nodded. "Get going, then. You have my permission."
"Please sign here..." The assistant gave Celestia a piece of paper and tapped on a line. "And here," she added as she repeated the process with a different piece. "And here. And here. Oh, and here."
A few illegible scribbles later, Crow Quill was on her way to the head royal architect. Celestia put her head in her hooves and sighed. Outside the rented office, she could hear a few ponies having a bit of a scuffle. Curious, she crawled over and put her ear to the door.
"I have to see the Princess! It's a matter of grave importance!" That voice belonged to Starswirl.
"I've said it once and I'll say it again: prove to me that you're the real Starswirl!" That one was familiar, but she couldn't put a hoof on it.
"So what if I've been gone for a month or two? You know what I look like! Now step away from the door, dear sir, or I will have to use my..."
Oh, no.
"...powers of..."
I can't believe he's actually pausing for dramatic effect.
"Kung-fu! Hi-yaaaaa!"
The sound of a hoof against something soft and squishy followed the cry. Next came a groan of pain from the advanced unicorn. "Frankly, even if you aren't really Starswirl, you're not much of a threat."
"So... I can go in?"
"Yes. But make it quick."
The door opened. Starswirl strolled in, holding one of Luna's signature letters in his aura. "Now, Celestia, I have a few things to say. Number one, your guards' behavior is simply atrocious! Number two, the analysis revealed that there's nothing to fear about the composition of the letters. Number three, regarding the content of the letter itself..." He paused and put a hoof on his fluffy, regal beard. "I actually haven't read it yet." Ignoring Celestia's protesting, he opened it and began to read, muttering under his breath as he did so.
"Starswirl, stop that!" Celestia tried to seize the paper with her own magic, but the scholar's ability to dodge rivaled her own ability to act quickly.
"You did what? Oh, Celestia, you're such a silly filly!" He burst into laughter, wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes as he continued to keep the letter away from the princess' grasp.
"Stop that! Give it to me! Now!" Embarrassed and desperate, Celestia jumped on him and pinned him down. This, however, did nothing to make Starswirl stop reading.
He started laughing again. 	Furious, the princess slammed her hooves over his eyes. Starswirl began to panic, shouting "I'm blind!" over and over until his words became mangled and unintelligible. 
In his state of terror, Celestia managed to take the letter away. "Get out of here! Now!"
"Well, maybe if you got off of me first..."
She sighed and delicately stepped away from his somewhat crushed body. Despite her svelte body, Celestia still weighed quite a bit. 
"Good day, your Highness!" Starswirl gave her a quick nod, then marched out of the room.
Somewhat disgruntled, she sat down and began to read.


	Dear Celestia,
I don't particularly feel like being sappy today. I'm sure you understand. 
I do, however, feel like embarrassing the stuffing out of you. Let's begin, shall we?
Before we met Discord or the war even started, we all lived in the loveliest little cottage. Was it small? Yes. Were we crowded? Yes. Did we love it? Yes. 
The roof was thatched, the walls were made of log-halves Father had split himself, the floors were literally dirt, the windows were just holes Mother made while building the house and the door was hundreds of long wheat stalks we had dried out for no particular reason during a day of great boredom. Before we decided to do that, there was no door! Our parents may have been alicorns, but they certainly weren't good architects!
One lovely summer day, Mother and Father were out on one of their dates. I was hardly six, but I still knew dates were something we didn't want to be around. Slow dancing, romantic talk, kissing... blech! We were perfectly fine with staying all by ourselves.
In the sweltering heat.
With the nearest lake being three miles away as well as the exact place they were going for their date.
Now, you were quite the little pyromaniac. You had a strange fascination with burning things. You would take two sticks, rub them together at a furious pace and begin lighting things on fire. The ring of dirt around the cottage stood as testimony for your love of flames. 
Dragging me along, you decided to leave the house and visit the pristine meadow behind it, with one purpose and one purpose alone in your mind:
Burn everything. 
I tried to talk you out of it, but you would not listen to me.
"I shall burn it; thou cannot stop me!" Sticks clutched tightly in your magical grip, you began galloping towards the lovely green fields at a furious pace. I held onto your back, too fearful of being snatched away by the wind to speak.
Once we arrived, I slid off your back and collapsed into a fearful pile of shivering blue fur. Tongue protruding out of your mouth, as it usually did when you were concentrating, you began to rub the sticks together at such a fierce speed I feared you would wear a groove into your hooves.
The tip of the top stick was lit afire after a moment. You held the flaming twig with your aura, inspected it carefully, put me back on your back and jumped off the ground. Your wings were flapping as hard and as quickly as they could to make up for the extra weight.
"Now... burn, ye green stalks! Burn and grow no more! Ye shall never plague dearest Mother and Father again!" With that, you dropped the stick.
It was extinguished before reaching the ground.
Frustrated, you pulled two sticks out of a bush and tried again. Since the wood was green, the fire would be little and the smoke would be plentiful. You always hated smoke, but that didn't stop you.
This time, once the pitiful flame came into existence, you carefully let it touch a particularly dry stalk of grass. 
The trip back home was either within moments or took hundreds of years. I cannot remember which, as my young mind was divided into two sides that remembered the ride a bit differently: the first was fearful of the flames, since some of them leapt high enough to singe your tail; the second's anxiety was caused by the idea that Mother and Father might return early and, not only would you get in trouble, I would be punished as your accomplice!
Once we were safely home, we watched through the back windows as the fire reached the edge of the meadow. You began spouting off some nonsensical facts that only a fellow pyromaniac could've understood. I just watched, nodding every now and then.
Before I continue, I want to tell you this: I have done hundreds of stupid things. The lovely letter you just sent me, as well as my imprisonment, are two very good reminders of that.
But, as you did this, you were being so... honestly, I can't even describe it. Did your brains fall out as you flew away or something?
You, the intelligent big sister with a knack for magic and lectures, the little filly whose hoofwriting was far superior to her parents', the soon-to-be princess/military leader, ripped the wheat stalks form the top of the door and places them all in a neat line that stopped just a few centimeters or so from our house.
They ate them up so quickly, you didn't even see the first little ember that started it coming. 
The wall felt particularly warm at first, I remember that. You were so amazed that the last bit was taking so long to burn.
And then we both realized it wasn't the wheat burning.
I started screaming and hid under bed. You had to pull me out and- I'm a bit embarrassed to admit this- tie me to your back using some yarn mother had left out. ("I shall try knitting someday," she said. "I shall make ye gloves, to cover your hooves." My mild case of frostbite said otherwise.)
Your hooves did pound against the dirt so hard, deep hoofprints still remained when we visited the cleared land a month or so later. You jumped atop Cobblestone Mountain, a.k.a the pile of rocks we had made on a rainy day that grew every time we found a rock bigger than your hoof. We were safe from the flames, but not the smoke. You grew dizzy and had to lie down. In your exhaustion, you forgot that you had a little filly on your back who was rendered mute by fear. I let out a bloodcurdling shriek, which prompted you to get off the mountain as quickly as you could and gallop to the lovely lake Mother and father were by.
Luckily for us, they were just getting done with swimming and noticed us from a hundred meters away. You screamed to them a poorly-worded story about what happened, and if I remember correctly, you tried to pin some of the blame on me. I've forgiven you for that, of course. I've forgiven everything I could possibly be angry about.
They wasted no time in getting there. Father decided to literally drag you alongside him. 
The house was fully aflame, its brightness rivaling that of the sun you now own. As Mother went to find held, the roof collapsed. At this point, there was no salvaging it.
We had to go stay with Grandmother Drop-Spindle. It was an awful stay at first: we would take turns complaining about the potential loss of valued trinkets, Mother would roll her eyes, Grandmother would try to comfort us and Father would reprimand us.
There is something I must tell you before I end this letter: The nightmare forces have lost their will to patrol, or so it seems. I have the distinct feeling that I will be with you sooner than you thought.
All my love and hope,
Luna


Celestia's face had turned red, then white, then pink and finally white again. This was proof that the spell was working! Surely Starswirl would stop worrying about the side effects once Luna was back, wouldn't he?



"Musty Pages, bring me any and all books that cover the topic of reversing banishment spells!" Starswirl's voice echoed throughout the Canterlot public library.
The head librarian of the now-destroyed castle library shot a nasty glare his way. "You can look for yourself. You were supposed to help restore the books an hour ago, remember? They still need your help." Musty pages pointed towards a rather inconspicuous door nestled between two wooden shelves.
Starswirl saluted her, than marched into the room. "I'd love to stay and help, but this is a matter of grave importance! How many books have you recovered so far?"
Two other unicorns were in there, carefully inspecting two piles of books. Misty Winds, a petite mare the color of the sky, pointed to the larger heap of books. "Firtht thingth firtht, though, you have to repair your thare of bookth. It'th only fair, you know!" Her lisp had caused a pool of saliva to form at her hooves.
With a sigh, Starswirl sat down at the smaller pile. Most of the books were charred and torn. This would take a while.
"What were you going to look for?" Kingfisher, an orange stallion with a strange obsession with birds, sat down beside the bearded scholar. "
"I need any and every book that even references banishment reversal and shortening spells." Starswirl's aura surrounded a thick hunk of charcoal. Slowly, slowly, the black was washed away to reveal the cover of a lengthy medical journal. He set it down next to the pile of repaired books and moved on to a different one.
"Let'th thee, here. Hithtory of Villainy..." Misty tossed a book aside. "Onthe Upon A Betrayal... yuck, I alwayth hated that book. Helping Loved Oneth... Dirt-Caked Roadth... Book of Banithment..."
Starswirl rolled his eyes. "Let me clarify: any and every non-fiction book that even references banishment reversal and shortening spells."
Misty paused for a moment, then put Once Upon A Betrayal and Dirt-Caked Roads back in the pile.
As Misty pulled out books, Kingfisher went through them and put scraps of paper in the sections where "banishment reversal" or "banishment shortening" was mentioned.
Six hours and five hundred books later, Starswirl had finished repairing books. "It's about time! Now, who wants to help me study?"
Nopony replied. As Starswirl looked around, he realized that there wasn't anypony else in the room.
"Clearly, they have no idea how important this is," he muttered under his breath. "On second thought, why would they? I barely told them any reason why I wanted the books. Come to think of it, I didn't tell them any reason for wanting the books!"
Satisfied with his acquaintance's behavior, Starswirl opened Destruction of Empires on the paper mark Kingfisher had left. 


Ha'lmakthar had once written a spell meant to reverse banishment, but it failed on every try. Queen Calthri knew he wouldn't be a wise addition to her staff, so she refused the offer almost immediately.


Nothing useful there. He opened Book of Banishment.


A great wizard once wrote of shortening accidental or improper banishments, but tha book, Helping Loved Ones, is incredibly rare and most of the spells have extreme side effects. They're also rather odd, as they seem to be more ritual-like than a true and proper spell. There have, however, been reports of it working.


Starswirl slammed the book shut and opened Helping Loved Ones.


	Side effects of any and all of these spells including aging reversal, accidental re-corruption, inability to speak, difficulty in adapting to anything new, memory loss, susceptible to mind control and socially awkward behavior. This is not, I repeat, this is not a complete list. As more and more ponies try to use these spells, the more side effects are being discovered and the more warnings I have had to add to whatever books I can get my hooves on. This book is an incredibly dangerous thing, and you must be very careful. If something or somepony Is holding the banished one captive, they will start to lose their will to guard. Do not, under any circumstances, advise the banished to escape upon seeing this. I have only heard that this happens, and I don't know of anypony who tried to escape early, but do not do it!


Many more warnings followed. Starswirl's face grew pale. 
What has she done?