Immortal
It was all gone. Ponyville, Cloudsdale, Fillydelphia, Manehatten...Canterlot, all destroyed nearly over night during the war between Equestria and the Changelings. There was no winner, everything died. The only known survivor was Princess Celestia. It's been over ten thousand years since the changelings made their first appearance in Canterlot and they made their last appearance only a year ago.
Princess Celestia, looking no older than she did ten thousand years ago, was walking through the streets of what used to be Canterlot. The skies were clouded by dust and all the white buildings that used to stand with such beauty and structure were now piles of rubble. Celestia was able to make out the area she walked. She recognized the old coffee house where she would take Twilight every Sunday morning when she was just a filly. She would always get a hot chocolate. Celestia smiled for a second as she remembered that one time Twilight got whip cream on her nose and she tried to lick it off.
Celestia walked past the coffee shop and turned right onto what used to be Dodge Street. Only one building stood with little damage to it. This was the first time Celestia noticed it. She slowly walked towards the standing structure. It had light tan walks and a gold door. It was a familiar building. Celestia remembered being in there, but only once before. It was Twilight's parents house, or at least it was her parents house till they died. After they died Shining Armor and Princess Cadance moved in. The one time Celestia's been in there was when Twilight's parents invited here over for dinner to discuss Twilight's outstanding grades. It was nice. They were good ponies. They treated her as an equal and not as a royal princess.
She went inside the home. There was lovely little living room which was only slightly familiar. There was broken glass on the ground and broken picture frames, which were flipped over. Celestia picked up one of the more intact picture frames and looked at a picture of the entire family. Twilight was only a filly and there was no cutie mark on her flank. Twilight's brother, Shining Armor, looked quite young, maybe in his late teens. The family looked so happy together. They all had real smiles on their faces, not the ones during a forced picture. They were really happy. A tear ran down Celestia's face. She put the picture gently back on the ground, flipped over, unable to gaze upon it anymore. She missed them all so much.
Celestia went up stairs and into Twilight's room. She had never been in there before but it was exactly how she imagined it. Books were scattered all over the floor, Celestia guessed the war didn't do this and that it had always been like this. The starry wallpaper was pealing, the bed in the back of the room was unmade and the sheets from the bed were laid out across the bedroom floor. Celestia's heart ached, her stomach turned, she was so depressed she felt sick. She quickly made her way out of the house and back into the ruined streets of Canterlot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During the war between Equestria and the changelings the changelings invaded Cloudsdale one night. Princess Luna was sent with an army of pegasi soldiers over to defend Cloudsdale but she never returned. It wasn't long after the entire city came crashing down to the ground. It wasn't long after the destruction of Cloudsdale till the Changelings attacked Canterlot. Canterlot was weak, most of its soldiers were out trying to win back some of the other cities and towns.
The city was in a panic. Ponies ran out in the streets in fear being killed off by the Changelings. Celestia stood in the throne room looking down through a window at the terror and violence being unleashed onto the city. Celestia knew what to do, but the solution would be the final solution. A tear fell from her eyes and onto the floor as her horn lit up and let out and incredible force which destroyed and killed everything in Equestria. Nothing other than a alicorn could have survived it. She finished the war and now she was alone. Her sister was probably dead and Princess Cadance was killed during the take over of Canterlot. No pony to talk to or to simply be with. She was on her own.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a long time of just walking Celestia found herself out of the city. The street led down a hill and vanished into a large field. On the east side of the field there was a large lake. In the field were hundred of white marble tombstones. In the center of this grave yard were six statues of ponies. Each one of the statues was different and on the base of which the stone ponies stood was writing. Princess Celestia approached the one in the center. The statue was of a unicorn with a long straighten mane. On the base of the statue was a star surround by a few other stars and below it read, "Twilight Sparkle a faithful student, sister, and friend" And below all that was the date of her birth and of her death.
Celestia's stomach started to knot up and her throat tightened. Her legs gave out and she fell to the grassy ground if front of the statue and began to cry. She was alone in the world. For a moment she wished for death, she couldn't stand living alone. No family, no friends, no pony.
A hoof was placed on her shoulder. She turned around and gazed at the face of her sister. Her blue eyes looked like they had been tearing up. Celestia was in shock. She was at a lost for words. Celestia jumped up from the ground and wrapped both her forelegs around Luna and held her tight. Princess Luna hugged back. Celestia shed another set of tears and then whispered in an emotional tone, "I've missed you."
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i am eager to see more
Your story is a caramel center without a solid chocolate shell, good but messy.
Quite good. Made me a little sad but in a good way
but it's really bothering me that Luna left for ten thousand bucking years! Why would she do that? Either she herself is a changling that buggered off for ten thousand years and is really late to the party or Luna is a complete tool who left her sister alone for ten thousand years.
That's really bothering me. Apart from that it's near perfect and I recommend you keep on writing, good sir/ma'am.
I love this story. It pulls at my heartstrings, and I couldn't help but shed a tear. Liked and Faved. You've earned it.
this is interesting, Celestia killed everything to save herself, Luna surived, maybe other ponies did too? Did discord survive? Is this all an illusion?
Maybe years of traversing cold unyielding stone have finally cracked the lonely godess and all thats left are the ashes she's turned into remorse.
504434 no the war was like only a few years it was ten thousand years since they first appeared in the royal wedding the war started like a year before this story
Good read, could use a bit of cleaning up and editing, but minor mistakes are, well, minor. 5 minutes well spent!
Also liked and faved.
504444 Oh. I'm more confused now. Ten thousand years and no one moved stuff out of Twilights house? I'm sure other people would like to live there too. And it's still bothering me that Luna was gone that long.
504451 Princess Cadance could of still lived there after the death of Shining Armor. She is an alicorn and could live forever if she wasn't killed in the chaos when the changelings attacked Canterlot
504462 and she didn't move the stuff? When my sister moved out we didn't keep her room the same. Sorry it's just bugging me that nothing was really unchanged. Apart from that I kinda like the story but the fact Luna disappeared for a few years (she could of at least looked, equestria isn't THAT big for an alicorn) and now Twilights room was the same is bothering me.
504442 sometimes the mystery is the best part of a story
504476 maybe she left it alone out of respect of Twilight. Maybe when Shining Armor was alive he suggested they leave it the way it was for it reminds him of his sister
504493 Alright then. That makes sense, I suppose.
504482
half the fun of a mystery is having old theories disporved as new evidence comes to light.
will you continue this
504501 because you asked, yes
It's been over ten thousand since the changelings made their first appearance in Canterlot.... You left out years.
There was broken glass on the ground and broken picture frames which were flipped over. That should be was.
Princess Luna assent with an army of pegasi soldiers over to defend Cloudsdale but she never returned. 'was'
In the field hundred of lines of white marble tombstones..... Try this "In the field were hundreds of white marble tombstones."
Thats what I sa I like where this is going continue
...This is... interesting. Unfortunately, as much as I would love to have a happy ending, I can't but help but string these facts together;
1. Luna went missing at the start of the war, after leading a detachment of Pegasi into enemy held territory.
2. The spell Celestia cast is strong enough to kill any pony bar an alicorn.
3. Chrysalis is an alicorn.
4. Chrysalis' MO is to impersonate a loved pony and feed of the love directed to her.
5. The Sister Princesses love one another.
I would hope that in your continuation, you would address these worrying issues.
504604 I mentioned Cedence was killed in the chaos of the attack
And chrysalis isn't an alicorn so she would have died in the blast
504613 My username directly rejects yours.
504613 Listen to viva la vida while reading this. Seriously, It's like, EXACTLY THE SAME.
Dat ending.
504613
The emphasis of the word 'pony' was meant to insinuate non-pony races may have survived. Most likely Dragons by dint of being the hardest thing to kill - except maybe Golems. And don't forget all the nice little hiding places things may have - like Tartarus.
Ok. This is a decent attempt, but there are some significant errors with its execution. Premise and prose aside, I am going to be looking at the story's major downfall - show vs tell.
You always want to show your reader what is happening. A good piece of writing will show events, places, character action, etc, etc and then from that description the ideas should become obvious. It's lazy to merely tell us 'There was no winner, everything died.' (Which is a comma splice, I might add.) To make your story powerful and memorable, you need to show us the world; use your prose and description to make the fact that everything died obvious. This a significant issue within this story. Almost every paragraph is filled with sentences where you are telling me things rather than showing them.
Adding on to that, be careful with how you describe character emotion. Make her depression clear with how she responds to the world; don't tell me that she is depressed. Your writing will be a lot stronger if you can escape the habit of telling rather than showing.
Overall, a good attempt! We all start somewhere so best of luck for the future!
504834 listen to "Fallen Kingdom" fits even better.