The Cook and the Swordsman

by Heath of Tragedy

First Contact: The Borders of an Equestrian Land

'Of all the bastards I had to come across,' the swordsman thought, sighing angrily as he glared at the worst thing he has ever laid eyes on. He could feel his sanity waver as a vein began bulging on his forehead the more he stared at the wretched pirate in the black tuxedo on the steering wheel. 'It had to be you.' he grunted, hitting the back of his head on the wooden railing.

He could not stand another moment in the discomfort of shame as the man in black spun the ship suddenly, the vases and other breakable items audible from the kitchen area of the poop deck. This drew a larger pulse on Zoro’s forehead as he grunted again.

The man in question, having heard the grunts, turned to the swordsman, furrowing in curled brow. “Would you stop complaining for a minute?” Sanji intervened, removing his attention from the ship’s course and onto Zoro. “It’s getting really annoying,”

Zoro scowled at him. “I’m not complaining, ya dumb cook” he closed his eyes, choosing to ease his vision and his anger. “And I wouldn’t be so angry if you would have just let me steer the ship.”

Sanji huffed. “Trust me, I would do anything to not be on your ship with you,” his eyes drifted back to the horizon in front of him. “But you’ve made it pretty clear that you can’t stay on course on your own.”

Zoro cocked his head at this, taking offense to the statement. “Can’t stay on course? What the hell is that suppose to mean?”

“YOU CRASHED INTO MY SHIP!” Sanji suddenly faced the swordsman fully, eyes white as death as his blonde kempt hair began spiking up in fury, with a finger pointing on the opposite side of him.

Whipping his head around, Zoro caught sight of what the cook was yelling about; the large, pink remains of the ship Sanji was previously boarding, still floating on the calm waves of the ocean. On the largest destroyed piece of wood, two flags stood. One was imprinted with Sanji’s face in skull form and a chef’s bonnet, while the other one was a black skull with two swords behind it, turning into horns as they reappered on top.

Zoro closed his eyes, moving back to his original seated position. “You distracted me,”

“In what way did I distract you?”

“Your ship was in my way.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

Zoro opened his eyes, gazing menacingly at Sanji. “Would you just stick to steering?” Zoro suggested, taking a deep breath, trying to end the discussion there as to not get to the point where they would kill each other. “I’m already certain you got us lost with all this crap, so hurry it up on getting back on course to the Sabaody Archipelago and the rest of our crew.”

Sanji gritted his teeth, but silently agreed as he took handle of the wheel. 'Of all the bastards I had to come across, it had to be you.' Still, though he would never in his life admit it, he had to be somewhat thankful; he couldn’t stand another minute in that okama-fied mistake of a ship given to him by…Ivankov. He shivered as he remembered the man-woman hybrid.

With his anger under control, he picked up the map on the side and set it in front of him, examining the area to see his location. According to Zoro’s map - although he doubted that someone as clueless as the mosshead would make it - there should be a couple of islands visible from their location. Looking around the several horizons, he saw no islands at all in his vision.

He scrutinized the piece of paper, searching for every detail while pulling his head to and fro the ocean, but found the map to be useless in this case. Scratching his head in thought, he began going through the many possibles scenarios that could explain the situation, reaching no results. 'I’m pretty sure we went past Alabasta and Jaya, but I don’t think there’s this much ocean separating them. The tides are calmer than usual, and I swear I saw the Sabaody Archipelago on my map somewhere along the edges, yet I don’t see it here. Was the shitty mosshead given a faulty map?'

The cook saw this as the most valid option, seeing as it wasn’t the first he’d witness the problems the Strawhats had faced due to Zoro’s stubbornness. However, that left many questions; why would Zoro make a map if he didn’t know a thing about locations, and, if by the chance that someone more professional made it, why would it be wrong? And what was that smell?

“Hey Zoro, do you have any other- huh?” Sanji called out, before he noticed something that shouldn’t be. A thick fog covered the surroundings of the ship, engulfing the sun to give the illusion of a land without time, rendering Sanji unable to see where he was or if he was going in the right direction. Glancing back at the map, he saw no fog near where they were. Not even a warning or a name on the specific part of the ocean. 'What the hell is happening?'

Zoro frowned, standing up. “Hmm, do I always have to save yo- what the…” the swordsman’s eyes widened as he paused in his footsteps. The fog grew thicker, incapacitating their vision more to the point where they couldn’t even see the figurehead. “You dumbass, what did you do?” Zoro yelled, unsheathing his Kitetsu and Shusui, prepared to face any incoming danger.

“I didn’t do anything, this fog is not supposed to be here.” Sanji interjected, scanning aimlessly for any indication of their current location. Before he could any further, the ship rocked violently, causing the duo to be flung to the backside, with Sanji losing the grip on his map. It flew away to the invisibleness of the clouds, leaving the two men helpless in the face of disaster.

Regaining their composure, Zoro and Sanji stood back up, turning to the front of the ship to see a giant break in the middle, separating the ship into two pieces. Further ahead, they could not completely see the culprit, though if they had to guess, the ship must have hit something big and hard for it to crack like that.

The poop deck tilted as it slowly began to sink, much to the dismay of the swordsman and the cook as they shuffled in their spot, the angle disabling their movement. Jumping to a safer platform to avoid falling to the water, Zoro and Sanji tried to think of a way out, as the ship twisted to a ninety degree angle, sinking faster than it had been, it’s content spilling onto the ocean along with broken and chipped wood.

The fog closed in on the duo, not letting them view of the other platforms were, causing them to collide in mid-air, ungracefully flopping onto the ship on top of each other with a thud.

Sanji and Zoro groaned at the outcome, with Sanji not being able to move. “Get off of me, mosshead!” he screamed through his teeth, the weight of the swordsman pinning him to the ground.

Zoro obeyed as he shakily got off Sanji, letting the two of them breathe. Through the humiliation and pain, Zoro heard faint mocking laughter from a distance, as if the fog itself was alive, or someone was playing tricks on him. Spinning around, he faced the abundance of clouds where the sound came from. “Who are you? Where are you?!” receiving no answer, Zoro’s rage boiled. “Show yourself, you coward!”

Standing up and dusting himself, Sanji was quick on his feet.Seeing the wreckage was sinking fast, Sanji turned to Zoro. “Mosshead, calm down and get on my leg,” he commanded, holding his leg out.

“... what?” Zoro cocked an eyebrow at the odd request.

“If you don’t want to die, get on my shitty leg!” Zoro furrowed his brow, but nodded nonetheless. Sheathing his blades, Zoro hopped, fastening himself on Sanji’s right leg as the cook set his plan into motion.

“Armée de L'Air:” Sanji announced, bending his upper body backwards to allow his leg passage. “Power Shoot!” his kick shot upwards, launching Zoro into the air at a speed that would make ‘Dead Bones’ Brook jealous, leaving a swordsman sized hole among the clouds before it got covered immediately by the same. That takes care of the mosshead, Setting his foot down, he ran towards the ledge of the overturned ship. Taking a deep breath, he leaped into the air, ready to use another one of his techniques.

Zoro squinted his eyes, trying to make out the slightest bit of land as he flew past the clouds in his ways. He help his three blades tightly by his side, afraid that the speed and the wind would cause them to drop. He didn’t know where he was going, and saw no sunlight whatsoever protruding from any surface to help him know the exit.

His green robes shook violently, slapping against his bare skin, brought on to him by the amount of wind rush flying past him. He took note of this and, looking down on his blades, he saw an opportunity as his eyes gleamed. A plan formed on his mind to rid him of all the smoke. He just hoped that he wouldn’t stop flying after doing so.

Picking up his Ichimonji and placing it in his mouth, he unsheathed Shusui and Kitetsu, aiming them across his arm and chest to the right, readying his body for the twist. “Tatsu Maki!” Spinning his body around in one quick motion, Zoro drew in the massive winds approaching, then released them forcefully, blasting the wind away from him, allowing it to drive away the smoke engulfing his way.

It worked as it opened a path above him, the sunshine hitting his face almost instantaneously. Relief swept over the swordsman as he could finally make out what was in front of him, but it was soon replaced with dread as his eyes laid upon yet another gruesome challenge.

A giant rock wall in his view, as far as the eye could see, and as Zoro gazed upwards, it seemed to have no ending. Every inch of it riddled with spikes of all sizes that looked to be grown in from the earth. As if by sheer fate every single one of those spikes was pointed at him as he dangerously and undesirably sped up to them.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Zoro placed his two swords back in their respective sheaths, taking his Wado Ichimonji out of his mouth, gripping it tighter on his hand as he reared it behind him. “Sanbyakurokuju Pound Ho!” he screamed, bringing the blade forward in a circular swing, launching an air-compressing glowing blue projectile towards the spikes. When it made contact with the surface, the spikes cracked under its pressure, sending rubble and dust throughout the scene. As the dust cleared, a spiral shaped hole was all he left in its wake.

But this attack did not come without repercussions, as Zoro found out. The kickback from the projectile’s impact caused the swordsman to lose its momentum as he stopped ascending. Looking down, he saw nothing but fog, and if he had to guess, it would be a long way down from there. If I don’t do something now, I’ll plummet to my death and join that dumbass’ corpse. Honestly, what the hell was he-

“Hey Mosshead,” an all too familiar voice called out from underneath Zoro as he saw a black silhouette inching closer to him, rapidly kicking the… air? Wait, how does he do that? As the figure came within reach, a smirk pursued its lips, its curly brow twitching slightly. “Need my help again?”

Zoro grit his teeth. “I’ll kill you later, right now I need to get up there,”

With one final strong kick, Sanji lunged at his crewmate, his left leg held out like before as Zoro flipped into position again. Planting both his feet on the cook’s black leg, Zoro steadied himself, putting his blades to their respective sheaths as Sanji’s back arched, readying another power kick. “Armée de L'Air: Marimo Shot!” Before Zoro could express his emotion about the name of the technique, Sanji shot his leg upwards once more, now with a clearer view as his target, resulting in a stronger kick.

Zoro was sent flying at a much faster pace than last time, barely being able to keep his eyes opened as he grew near the edge of the cliff. As he flew past the point, narrowly missing the rock, he braced for landing, tucking in his leg and letting gravity do its work as he slowed down and began falling..

When he touched the ground, his body bent down to a crouch as the impact was felt on Zoro’s legs as they trembled slightly. Shrugging off the pain, Zoro stood fully in his tracks, the danger he sensed no longer present as two forests separated by a lone river streak swept his vision. Oi, where is that dumbass cook? he turned around in time to see an upside down Sanji in the air.

As he planted his feet safely on the cliff, Sanji pulled a cigarette and lighter out of the pocket suit, lighting the cig in his mouth. Drawing a huff of smoke, he let it settle before puffing it out as he walked to his crewmate. When he laid eyes on Zoro, a smirk pursued his lips. “You’re welcome,” his spiral twitching with cockyness.

“I didn’t say anything,”

“The fact you are alive and up here did,”

“Please, you wouldn’t be here if I didn’t clear a path for you.”

“Says the man who needed help twice.” Sanji’s smirk intensified as did Zoro’s anger.

“... says the guy with seventy-seven million beri bounty to the one with one hundred and twenty million.” he muttered loud enough for Sanji to hear.

Sanji’s cocky grin faded in an instant. “What does that have to do with this?!” he bellowed, the jagged teeth returning.

“Hmm, whatever,” Zoro left the conversation hang, focusing more on a way out as Sanji followed his movements with a red flame in his eyes. “My ship is gone and we need to find a new one. So where do we go from here?”

Sanji tsked. “Well, that’s easy. We follow the river to the next town.” he pointed to the stream by their sides before resting his hands in his pockets, passing by the swordsman to lead them to civilization.

“You dumbass,” Zoro half-yelled to the cook, causing Sanji to turn to him, seeing him near the edge of the cliff where the river water fell down. “The river ends here.”

“THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE STUPID!”

Author's Note:

I'd like to thank River Road for prereading/editing this chapter. You're an awesome guy/girl/thing!

Comments

[Aixater]

Luckily its not Luffy, he would've eaten half of equestria before finding a ship.

These two are the baddass combo of the manga though.

[xXElite AlicornXx]

Hahahaha!! Some of these scenes I can almost just see!

I think you did a fairly good job with the descriptions of the fighting techniques.
But when you describe their actions, it seems you tend to say more that what is necessary or say something, again, but only in a different way.
I'd be happy to give you an example, if you care.

But otherwise, the story, thus far, is pretty entertaining.
I will definitely read on.