Oneiro

by ngrey651

A Neverending Nightmare?

Author's Note:

Earlier before I'd kind of HINTED things weren't quite what they seemed and also talked somewhat about just what the Conversion Bureau was doing to Earth. Yet just like before, the real horror of what it represents, much like the real horror of Oneiro, had not fully sunken in. Now, though...

And I know what you're thinking. "Okay, why isn't this character you showed popping up in the "this character is in this story" part of the story description? Why is his icon not there? Well...don't assume anything. Including that this is the real him. Or just how real ANY of this is...

Chariot shook his head back and forth, cringing as he hung outside the bathroom, Anna approaching him with a concerned expression on her face. “You were supposed to be at the clock tower, glad you decided not to go.”

“I WAS on my way when I had to use the bathroom downstairs.” He admitted. “Then I heard the scream up here and raced up the steps but…” He trailed off, sighing as he hung his head, holding it in his hands as Anna put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a comforting smile.

“Look, we’ll stick together and track down everyone else. Worse thing to do in something like this is split up, right?” She reasoned with a calm nod, Chariot nodding up firmly as he made his way down the hallway with her, darkness stretching across it like a foul quilt. He glanced at her, looking at the back of her neck and the way her hair swayed back and forth, sighing a bit.

“If she was still alive, she’d be your age right now.” He inwardly thought with a sad expression coming to his features, a hesitancy in his tone as he nervously began to mumble. “Er…Anna, um…I wasn’t completely honest with all of you when I said I couldn’t remember much about my past. It’s more like bits and pieces float about in my head…” He admitted, tapping the side of his head with his finger, dark green eyes glistening in the hallway. “And more and more of the puzzle pieces have been fitting together.”

“What do you remember?” Anna asked as Chariot bit his lip.

“I was…part of a police force, I believe. We were supposed to investigate the Conversion Bureaus. Find out exactly how the potion works…perhaps even make a cure.” He admitted. “After all, there’s no such thing as a supervirus. There’s always going to be some people who are completely immune to a disease, or at least highly resistant, and what is the Ponification process if not a virus seeking to take over you, body and soul?”

“But the dumb thing is supposed to be magic, right? How do you handle that?” Anna asked with a shrug before the clock tower began to ring.

Once.

Twice.

Thrice. It repeated again and again, finally sounding off that it was 9o’clock in the morning, yet dark as twilight outside, the crash of lightning splitting the skies being the only source of true light for either of the two. Anna cringed a bit, Chariot shuddering as he wrapped his arms around himself.

“I knew something was off about this estate. Perhaps we should simply break out and make a run for the town.”

“If we can’t find the others, we’ll do that and get the cops.” Anna reasoned with a nod. “Smartest thing to do, right?”

“Yes. We play it smart, we’ll be fine.” Chariot agreed, giving her a small little smile.

SOME TIME EARLIER…

Tori had been speaking to Shinedown as he held a small candle up, using it to light their way towards the power generator so he could attempt to turn it back on. The thing was outside in the garden, and they had to go through the library sector of the east wing to reach it. Before, the library had seemed beautiful, majestic, each towering bookshelf like a vibrant stack of rainbows displaying tomes of every tone. Yet now all of the shelves seemed to be like bars, meant to trap them where they were and keep them from escaping.

“You’re not afraid of the dark, are you?”

“You are?”

“Um…kinda sorta?” Tori sheepishly admitted as she gave her host a nervous smile, rubbing the back of her neck with a slender hand as he apologetically smiled back.

“I’m sorry this is happening.” The Earth pony admitted as he noticed a small table coming up to their right. “Oh.” He murmured, seeing the photo there…it showed a dragon with unmistakably the same exact skin color that Shinedown now had, only the Shinedown in the photo that was holding the little tyke up for the camera to take a picture of was of a greyish shade, more similar to the “Changeling” body structure.

“Is that…really you?” Tori wanted to know as she picked the photograph up, examining it closely as Shinedown sighed and nodded his head.

“That’s Sunset. He was a very dear friend of mine. My sister, she…she was supposed to hatch him from an egg to pass her final exam in school, but she had no use for a baby dragon so she gave him to me.” The Earth pony sounded as though he was on the verge of tears, his voice a faint, tragic whisper. “He became sick about five years after that, I…I took on his color scheme to honor him whilst I did research on a cure.”

“You couldn’t find one? I’m-I’m so sorry.” Tori apologized, looking down at her host as his expression became…faintly angry for a moment before he bit his lip, then spoke carefully, deliberately.

“No. Celestia had a cure. The same “cure” she used for humans. The ponification potion. Everyone…heh. Heh-heh-heh.” He began to chuckle, but it was a sad, almost “I give up” kind of laugh. “At first, everyone is just so…SOOOOO happy to see the potion work. To have it give them limbs they might have lost. To see the cancer that they’d had fade away. To get wings or a horn, and sure, it stings a bit at first but it’s a good kind of hurt, like peeling away a scab. You know it’ll feel so, so good to have it off. I watched the potion bathe over Sunset and he went from a little tyke to a fine young colt.”

A slight twitch in the pony’s expression. A…darkening of his eyes as he put the candle on the floor.

“He seemed a little…overly cheerful, but not even that could kill the joy I had in knowing my best friend was back.” Shinedown said, the tears now beginning to well up in his eyes. “No, that…that came when I realized he didn’t like reading mysteries anymore, and…and never got angry, never cried, the…the look in his eyes. That light, it wasn’t there. He’d have this LIGHT, this…this cute little twinkle!” The Earth pony began to say, his voice cracking, his body shaking. “You’d see it there when he talked about painting and drawing and you knew he was thinking up something wonderful to make, already painting it in his head, that…that light wasn’t there anymore. The heart was gone!”

Shinedown covered his face, sinking to his knees as he began to openly sob, Tori leaning down and gently stroking his mane in careful, deliberate strokes as his whimpering cries wracked his body. She sat there, stroking her host, a look of deep sympathy on her face, Shinedown’s tears falling to the floor like the rain pouring down outside.

“It took…it took my friend from me. And I realized something was very…VERY wrong.” Shinedown finally got out. “I swore to come to Earth and research. I promised myself to find some way to help people. No matter what it took.”

“You’re a good person.” Tori insisted, patting his head before rising up. “You’ve helped me and the girls out so much these past few years, I’m sure you’ll be able to do so many more great things and make Sunset proud!”

“I’d like to think that…” Shinedown murmured, heading for the doorway that would lead to the garden outside, and the power generator with it. “Here, I’d better go first, see if I can do it alone. You keep the door open and an eye out for-”

Then a chandelier above broke, plummeting down into him, crashing him through the floor as his screams faded away into the inky black below…

PRESENT…

Roxy had run off for what was the clear and obvious choice: the tool closet in the kitchen. Quickly moving across the carpet, the fringe-haired young lady opened it up…or rather, attempted to, only to find the damn thing was stuck. She grunted, tugging as hard as she could, growling at the futility of it. “Damn it!” She yelled out, kicking the closet. “How the heck am I supposed to get a weapon to defend myself? A powertool is a girl’s best friend.” She sighed, turning to the kitchen drawers. “Guess a carving knife will have to do. If it was good enough for Michael Myers, it’ll be good enough for me.”

She felt the cool texture of the knife in one hand, weighing it in her palm to make sure it was sufficiently strong, and swung it about in the air, the knife making a smooth “woosh” sound with each slice as she smirked a bit, pulling out another carving knife and sticking it into her pants, tying it around her with her belt so it didn’t cut into her side. “Heh. Any little piggy that tries to bump me off is gonna go wee-wee-wee all the way home.”

“You have spunk. I hate spunk. It’s a poor man’s substitute for charm.” A voice whispered out, Roxy stiffening before glancing about, frowning. Where had that come from? She clutched the knife tightly, holding it before her as she took a few steps around the kitchen, past the counter and towards the hall.

“Show yourself…” Roxy growled, eyes glancing left and right, the house breathing about her in long groans and creaks.

“Spunk has to be broken. Will must be broken. To make room for the true Willpower. Mine.”

Roxy suddenly heard a “THUMP” from the tool closet, turning around, eyes narrowing as she approached it. She took a few cautious steps towards it, knife held up as the faint thumping returned. It almost sounded like tiny bodies were being thrown-

The doorway burst open, disgusting, ugly roaches flying out, hissing and snarling at her as she sliced and scratched at them with the knife, trying to get them to leave her alone, horrific laughter ringing through the air from the phantasm’s voice. Roxy bolted down the hall, the cockroaches chasing after her, their hissing cries rising in a terrifying crescendo as she finally made it to one of the downstairs bedrooms, slamming the door shut and locking it behind her, panting and heaving as she rested down on the nearby bed, lying down in it, looking up at the mirror hanging over her-

King Sombra the Shadowlord stood there, dark mane flowing freely, green eyes glinting as he emerged from the mirror, holding the horrific potion in one hoof. “Relax, tomboy. This will only hurt for a second.” He cooed, pouring the potion down upon Roxy, and as he face began to melt away, and veins in her cheeks popped and sizzled like popcorn she screamed and SCREAMED AND SCREAMED-

…

…

…

…Anna and Chariot kept close together, moving through the halls towards the unmistakable horrified voice of Tori as they glanced about, eyeing every doorway, watching every shadow, trying to make sure it wasn’t moving, ready to reveal some horror that would leap out and strike at them. The library door was tightly closed, and Chariot knocked on it carefully, Anna giving him a small nod. So far, so good.

“Tori! Victoria, are you there?” He whispered through the door, Lori’s whimpering ceasing as they heard her approach the door and knock back.

“Yes, yes, oh God, I’m here, I’m here. A chandelier came down, it…it came down on Shinedown and he crashed through the floor!”

“Listen. You need to get the door open and we all need to get out of this estate and get help. Oneiro isn’t safe at all.” Chariot reasoned. “Can you open up the door?”

The doorknob handle turned uselessly, Tori audibly grunting behind the door, throwing her body against it with an aggravated growl. “GRRR! The stupid thing won’t open, I-I gotta get out of here, I don’t do well in the dark!” She admitted, Chariot’s face becoming sympathetic as he put a hand against the door.

“Look, Tori. Calm down. Can you find something large and heavy, throw it against the door?”

“I’m a 98 pound weakling so…that would be a “no”, I’m afraid.”

“Damn.” Anna murmured. “Well, the library leads outside. Just run out there and head to the front of the house, we’ll make for the front door and meet you there.” She said through the doorway, Chariot shuddering as he felt a dark chill rise in him, the sound of Tori’s footsteps racing off for the exit as another set of footsteps began to fill the air. The two of them turned, seeing the heavy footfalls of armored hooves making their way down the hallway as the candles on each wall began to slowly light up as HE passed by each one. King Sombra was there, smiling pitilessly, his every step spreading a diseased, disgusting ooze of a rainbow…pure ponification potion that was reaching out to ensnare them.

“Come and take your medicine like good, BIG little boys and girls.” He whispered to them, his voice deep, authoritative and powerful with a horrific persuasive edge that made them cringe, Chariot grabbing hold of Anna’s wrist and racing for the nearby doorway, opening it up and slamming it shut, locking it behind them as they made for the window, still not yet closed, and open just enough so maybe…maybe they could slip out.

“Go, go, I’ll hold him off!” Chariot insisted to Anna, holding her shoulders and giving her a firm nod. She began to push herself through the opened window as the wind cut at her face, making her hair toss back and forth whilst Chariot grabbed hold of a nearby desk’s chair. He swished it back and forth, eyes narrowing intensely as the doorway burst down, King Sombra standing tall and proud, red pupils glittering as the Chariot held up his makeshift weapon.

“This will only hurt for a second, little ones.” He cooed out.

“Funny, I was going to say the same to YOU!” Chariot roared, launching himself at Sombra as Anna wriggled out of the window, landing on the grass below and racing towards the front of the estate, intent on finding Tori…

A crack of lightning split the sky, she shielded her eyes from it’s light-

And remembered nothing else.

Comments

[Would You Kindly]

Like sticking one's reproductive organ or sensitive parts into an operating blender, just because you can does not mean you should. I would focus less on the liberally sprinkling ALLCAPS and other formatting over your story, and more on the actual writing, if I were you.

I'd focus on the positives, but they are depressingly few, if any. You've built atmosphere in the same way that driving an eighteen wheeler through a playground of children is subtle -- not really. The narrative is (literally, at times) all over the place, which doesn't help, and this is so not-pony it hurts. It looks like you just used TCB as an excuse to get this mediocre horror story onto a pony fanfiction site, completely disregarding everything that TCB is about.

Normally, I think the hate a fic with "TCB" in the title gets is unjustified thanks to the hatewagon that is the Anti Conversion Bureau crowd. However, in this case, I entirely agree -- It's not pony, it's not TCB, and it isn't even well written. And for that, you get my downvote.

[ngrey651]

5269316
All caps? Fine, I can cut down on that but in regards to your other points:

The entire point behind slasher genre that the horrors supposed to be fairly obvious and around every corner, and I created an atmosphere that tries to emphasize that. And don't tell me that stories never shift focus from one character to another in the middle of the story. That is ludicrous.

And the entire TCB is a horrific scenario. It's the end of the world, it's the destruction of Earth, the complete obliteration of body and soul by self righteous monsters who see no problem with them committing horrors yet judge us when we do the same. I've drilled down to the core of that. It is pure misanthropy and I am putting a bullet in it.