Still Alive

by Bombastic Bookpony

Trotting Equestria(Revised)

Twilight woke up. No, that was wrong. She was conscious, but there was no gradual awakening, no slow rising out of bed. Instead, it had been a sudden thrust out of darkness, and into thought. She was standing in a white, clandestine room she immediately recognized as part of a hospital. There was a blue curtain in front of a patient's bed, meaning somepony was here.

What's going on? What happened? Why am I here? Think, Twilight, think. She reached into her memory, tried to remember what led her here, but to no avail. The last thing she remembered was heading to the library and then ... nothing. The princesses had told her that she would be a political target, that insurgents would aim for her. They usually never got close due to a combination of the Princesses' high public approval and the fact that Shining Armor, her brother, led the royal guards. He made sure nopony got to her. Except, maybe they did. This hospital ... what if it's a rebel group's? What if they drugged me and that's why I can't remember how I got here? What if the drug is still taking effect, slowly destroying my real memories and brainwashing me into their tool, a weapon to be used to topple the Princesses?! What if ... She was falling into another of her panic attacks. She was gasping for air when thankfully, her thoughts were interrupted when a doctor walked in the room.

"Here she is," the doctor announced as ponies (and a dragon) Twilight knew and loved entered. Celestia? Luna? Spike? Mom and Dad? Shining Armor? Maybe they knew what was going on. Obviously, somepony they knew was hurt, judging by the looks on their faces. But if that was the case, how come she didn't know until now? If all of these ponies in her (admittedly small) social circle knew this pony well enough to gather together, shouldn't she as well? No matter. She wouldn't know if she didn't ask.

"What's going on? Who's hurt?"

Yet nopony paid her any mind. She felt a brief moment of irritation before realising how she must've sounded. Tact, Twilight. Ever heard of it? A pony they care about is hurt, and you ask them who it is while they're grieving? Another shining example of your extraordinary social skills. But they didn't even look at her, not one annoyed glance or angry glare. They just kept their eyes on the doctor.

"Tell it--tell it to us straight, doc," her father spoke up. His voice was breaking. Obviously this pony must've meant a lot to him. Daddy ... It didn't matter if she knew this pony or not, her father did, and he needed whatever small comfort she could give! She trotted up to him and leaned in to hug-

"OOF!" she yelled, hitting the ground. Smooooth, Twilight. Serious matter, and you fall on your face! She picked herself up off the ground, dusting herself off. She was ready for hushed yelling, loud yelling, anything after that display. Letting the others take out their emotions on her would at least be helping a little. But not a single head was turned. And she could've sworn she had touched her dad. Something's not right.

Finally, the doctor answered her father. "She's... comatose. She's 'stabilized', and by that I mean she's not in danger of flatlining, but at the moment, it's unlikely she'll wake up. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Twilight watched the reactions of everyone in the room. Her father was silently letting the tears flow, which made sense. He was the emotional one of her parents, a genius of the arts rather than the magic of her and her mother. Whenever they went to the theater, he'd always tear up more than the two of them combined. He'd call them 'his little robots' on every trip back.

Celestia and Shining Armor were keeping stiff upper lips, holding Luna and her parents respectively, but she could see in their eyes their pain, the barely successful attempts to hold in the tears. Just like them, really. No matter what expensive vase she broke while in one of her happy fits, or how annoying she must’ve been with her adoration with the sun goddess, Celestia would never lose her temper, gently chastising her instead. And Shining Armor truly lived up to his name. She couldn’t count how many times he had ignored whatever injuries(and by ‘injuries’ she meant skinned knees or mud in the eyes) he had suffered in their escapades together to treat hers instead. They always shouldered others pain without dealing with their own. That couldn’t be healthy, especially when it seemed like the victim was somepony they really cared about.

Luna was trembling, though whether with rage or sadness Twilight couldn't tell. She had always been more volatile than Celestia; more informal, yet easier to offend. She recalled how late at night she would find the ruler alone, staring at her night sky. She would tell Twilight of the sacrifices she made, how every victory came with a price. Sometimes Luna wondered if her subjects loved her at all. Without fail, Twilight would reassure her. She would laud the night as her favorite time. And it was, truthfully. Nightgazing with Luna was one of her favorite pastimes. But Luna was once again showing her emotional nature at this news. Twilight felt for her; she had lost so much.

Spike, her poor little Spikey Wikey, burst into tears, wailing. She had to resist the urge to hug him, to tell him it was all going to be okay. He was only a baby dragon; he shouldn’t have to deal with loss so soon. She fondly smiled at the memory of him tending to her during one of her study sprees. More than once, she had woken up with her face in a book but a blanket around her and fresh soup on the table. Spike’s body might be small, but his heart was bigger than the largest wild dragon. That’s why it hurt so much to see him go through this. But even his reaction wasn't the worst.

Her mother, her logical, sarcastic, snarker of a mother, was crying. She never cried. Some of Twilight's fondest memories were reading a book with her mother, and she'd be tearing up as a character she loved would heroically sacrifice herself, and she'd be engulfed in her mother's calm, exploring voice clearly sounding every syllable, and then, when her mother finally finished the heartrending passage … she would make fun of some sentence and other, breaking the hold on Twilight. And Twilight would laugh and act mad at her mom for ruining the moment, even though she really loved her mom's dry jokes, and her mom would chuckle and continue on. No matter what, her mother had been strong, always supportive, an immovable pillar of support no matter what happened. But she was bawling her eyes out. The only time she had even teared up was when Twilight had moved into the castle with Celestia!

And just like that, it all clicked.

No. NononononoNO! Celestia no!

And so Twilight walked through the curtain(only later would she notice that she didn't brush the curtain aside but instead had literally walked through it) and looked down on the patient bed. And there, she saw a bandaged unicorn with a purple horn, and a clipboard below naming her as "Twilight Sparkle.”

---

Twilight was numb throughout the next few weeks. She couldn't leave that room. The doctor's words kept ringing through her head. Comatose ... Unlikely to wake up ... So, so sorry ... How? Why? She had so much more to do! She hadn't revolutionized magic as Equestria knew it yet! She hadn't gotten her name down in a textbook yet! Hay, she hadn't even made any friends outside her family, outside Celestia, Luna and Spike! She never got to win a magic duel, teach a lecture, see Spike grow up, have a first kiss... It wasn't fair!

And even worse, nopony could notice her. She had tried yelling at the doctors and her family. "I'm alive! I'm right here! Look at me!!" But nopony ever looked. And she couldn't touch anything either. She had finally confirmed it when, in frustration with a doctor who was oblivious to her presence, she had tried flipping over the clipboard she was holding, but instead saw her hoof go right through it. She was like a ghost. Although, technically she was still alive. Woo hoo.

The only times she broke out of her reservoir of sadness was when somepony had visited, and that replaced the reservoir of sadness with an ocean of despair. Almost all of them visited only once(she didn't blame them; they all had pressing careers, and none of them were handling this well), and Shining Armor was the first. He just looked down at her and sadly smiled. Perhaps he thought a coma was at least better than death. He leaned down, kissed her forehead, and said, "Your BBBFF is waiting for ya, Twily. And he always will be. That last F stands for forever, right? And when you wake up, we'll hang out, just like we used to. We'll fly your favorite kite, I'm sure Mom and Dad still have it around somewhere! And we can discuss our notes on magic, and-and just talk. Just like we used to, Twily. So hurry up, ‘kay?" And then his facade broke, and he dropped some tears on her, before walking off.

Luna was next, and she raged, ranting on how the world never stopped taking, that it had to take the mare she considered a sister away. Twilight’s eyes watered at this, both of elation at being considered her sister and misery at being yet another pony the princess had lost. Then the lunar princess swore on all the stars in her domain that she was having all her best people looking for a way to wake her up, and that by her own holy name that they would wake her up. That fiery certainty in her eyes almost convinced Twilight that she would.

Celestia, always playing the composed, strong Princess for those around her, said nothing but, "My most faithful student." She finally let out all the emotions she had bottled up, and her mangled sobs were all that she uttered for the rest of her visit.

Her parents were both awful, in their own ways. Her father's eyes were red, obviously from all the crying, and her mother tried to be as supportive and strong as always. She had walked in, a smirk plastered on her face, probably ready to tell her daughter about her day, ready to mock the humdrum of the dour scientific workplace like she did everyday back when Twilight lived with them. But she couldn't get one word out before breaking down, her father holding her.

Spike was the worst, the only one to visit often. "Hey, Twi!" he'd exclaim, rushing in and sitting next to her bod--physical self, a grin on his face. He'd tell her updates on how the other students were doing or what he was doing lately. "Moondancer had a raging party, or so I hear. I didn't go," or "I've been keeping the library at tip top shape, Cap'n!” complete with a mock salute. He'd talk to 'her' for hours, acting like nothing was wrong. Then he'd wave and say goodbye, and come in and do the same thing a few days later. The final visit she witnessed, however, ended differently. After running out of topics, he didn't excuse himself like usual.

"You're probably wondering why I keep visiting and talking to ya, huh?" Twilight nodded, despite the fact he couldn't see her. "The doctors say you can't hear us, that you won't wake up, but they're wrong. They don't know you like I do, Twi. I've known you since birth. You're like a mother to me! And if there's one thing I've learned from you reading through the night just to answer one question of yours, it's that you don't give up. That, and you're a total bookworm." He laughed, and Twilight couldn't help to smile. "I know that one way or another, you're holding on somehow, and that you will come back."

His face fell, and Twilight knew what was coming. "You've got to! It's always been me and you, Twilight and Spike! I don't know who I am without you! You gotta come back, you gotta!" He wrapped his arms around her grababble neck and cried into it. Right then Twilight knew she couldn't stay there anymore, couldn't watch those she loved like this. So she trotted through the walls of the hospital, and even though she didn't know where she was going, she trotted anyway.

---

Once the shock had worn off, she had gone to Canterlot's library, intent on finding some way of fixing her situation. If there was one thing she had learned in her years of learning, it was that every problem had a solution, and that the way to that solution was research. But, to her despair, she could not access her beloved books. Her hoofs phased through them, and not even her trusty magic could hold them. At this final insult, at the theft of her beloved hobby, the removal of that final piece of self ... Twilight couldn't hold in all the despair, all the loss anymore. In a fit of magical rage, she sent out bursts of powerful energy, not caring where they landed, what precious texts she destroyed. She just wanted to have an effect on something.

But when her mind had finally calmed, she looked about her ... and saw that all was like it was before. So she did the only thing she could.

She laughed.

---

The Canterlot park was Twilight’s solace, in the end. She had stopped there on her mindless wandering for no other reason besides that Shining Armor had taught her to fly a kite there. It was a good memory, and those were all she had left. Being away from her body, she felt no hunger, no tiredness, and no hope. So she sat down by a bench and did the only thing left to her. She watched.

Watched as filles played with their siblings and parents. Watched as mares calmly read books, enjoying the quiet. Watched as ponies lived. And she found herself wondering, what was the point of it all? When it could be snatched away in a moment, why did it matter? Who would remember her, beyond her family and friends? In the end, all she amounted to was a footnote in history, the Princesses’ promising prodigy whose career was tragically cut short. Who would remember her smile, her enthusiasm? Who besides her family would remember Twilight the pony, not Twilight, the Princesses’ most faithful student?

She was roused from her sorrowful thoughts by a laugh. She turned to the source and saw two ponies on the bench. When did they get there? I might as well listen in; I have nothing else to do.

The pony who had laughed was a grey mare, with a tidy black mane, a classy purple bow tie, and a purple treble clef as her cutie mark. She was facing a white mare with a blue, wild mane, a black music note, and the most ridiculous indigo shades Twilight had ever seen. They were a strange pair; of that she was certain.

“Vinyl, you are awful,” the grey mare said bemusedly. The white mare, ‘Vinyl’, grinned before responding.

“What can I say, Octy? That might not’ve been the party I was invited to, but it was where I was needed.” She climbed up on the bench, crouching on her backhooves, and raised one of her forehooves to the sky. “It is my duty bequeathed to me from the heavens to lighten up the stuck up, pompous asses-no offense to any donkeys in the park- more commonly known as ‘upper-class ponies’, and teach them to get their huge heads out of their relatively tiny flanks! And as Celestia and Luna as my witness, I will not stop until I die, nay, even including when I die, for my funeral will be the ragerest funeral EVERRRRRR!” she bellowed to the heavens up above.

Twilight watched ‘Octy’s’ reaction. She seemed like a classy, formal mare, much like herself. Why was she hanging out with a pony like this? Surely it was just distracting her from her music? Well, I’ve bet she’s learned her lesson after that display. Half the park must be staring at them!

But instead of blushing and hiding her face, or hissing at Vinyl to get down, Octy just rolled her eyes and pulled the deranged mare down gently and good naturedly. “Why do I let myself be seen with you in public?” she teasingly asked.

“Because I’m the only pony keeping you from devolving into a prissy classy respectable noble, duh,” Vinyl answered with a smirk.

“Oh, the horror. Thank you ever so much for saving me from the horrid fate of being respectable,” Octy sarcastically replied. “You say that like if it wasn’t for you, I’d just be another stick-in-the-mud pony you’d hate.”

Vinyl was suddenly solemn, looking Octy in the eyes. “I could never hate you, Octy. And you were already super awesome way before you met me.”

Octy blushed. “Th--thank you Vinyl.” She looked down at the ground shyly for a few seconds to regain her composure, then launched herself back into the banter. “But what did I say about that awful nickname? My name’s Octavia, and I hate being called anything else, thank you very much.”

Vinyl smiled. “No, I’m pretty sure you love the nickname.”

“Maybe a little,” Octavia grumbled. These two are strange. So different, yet friends nonetheless. How can friendship sustain such differences? Well, I guess now’s as good a time as any to find out. Nothing took Twilight’s mind off her troubles like research. Hopefully, this park was a daily thing for these two. She needed to learn more, if only to distract herself.

---

Luckily for Twilight, it was. The two visited the park almost every day, and she saw plenty of their interactions. Usually, it was friendly banter between the two, sprinkled with tidbits about work, then one of them would jokingly demean themselves, and the other would reassure them with a short touching speech about how much they valued the other. Despite the formula of it, Twilight couldn’t help but find it heartwarming. These two ponies were opposites in every way. Octavia was polite(at least on the surface) to the important ponies while awkward with common ones, followed formal traditions, and found class to be an important quality in a pony. Vinyl meanwhile was belligerent to those in power while easily befriending the average ponies, acted however she wanted, and favored truth over a polite facade. Yet they were the best of friends. Twilight didn’t get it.

It just wasn’t fair. Friendship was something she had never achieved, despite all her efforts as a filly. Her age group just dismissed her as a bookworm, or threw around her doll Smarty Pants when Shining Armor wasn’t around to stop them. She had given friendship up as a meaningless, pointless goal she’d never have and would never need. Yet these two mares looked past their differences and had a true bond. She just didn’t get it. She sighed. Perhaps today would shine more light on it all.

Octavia arrived first, like always. Vinyl arrived a few minutes later. Octavia smiled at her, but Vinyl immediately frowned. “Alright, what’s wrong?” she probed as she sat down.

“I have no idea what you mean,” Octavia replied, but even Twilight could see she was lying.

“I know you, Octy. I know a real smile, and a fake smile. This one is fake, so spill.”

Octavia sighed, her shoulders slumping. “Fine, you want to know? Fine Wine dumped me. Are you happy?”

Vinyl shook her head. “Of course not! I thought things were going great between you two!”

Octavia bitterly scoffed. “I did as well, but apparently I was ‘hanging with the wrong crowd’. She wanted me to choose between said ‘crowd’ and her. Just like the other ponies before her. And I gave her the same answer as before. I chose yo-- I mean, the crowd.”

“C’mon, Octy! I’m not stupid. It was about me, wasn’t it? It’s always about me.”

“Well, ponies of her stature naturally look down on ponies like you. You can’t blame them.”

“Ponies like me, yeah. We’re soooo awful.” Vinyl intoned sarcastically, with a twinge of sadness. Octavia, seemed to catch it, as she quickly corrected her.

“Vinyl, that’s not what I meant and you know it. Ponies like you are honest, loyal, steadfast. Not like most of the fakers in high society.

“I guess,” Vinyl grumbled. “But why?”

“Why what?” Octavia raised an eyebrow.

“Why do you stick with me? I mean, a crazy lowbrow DJ can’t be good for your career, and in your personal life all I do is get in the way of your happiness. You’ve got all these high brow ponies to hang with, but you choose me, every time. Why do you stick around?”

“Vinyl,” Octavia interjected sternly, “I will have none of that. You are my best friend. Through every bad break up, you’ve comforted me, despite your distaste for the sappy. You have been to every concert of mine without fail. Despite the occasional fight, you always come back. Through good and bad, through thick and thin, I know that no matter what, you’ll come through for me, no matter how bad the situation. And that means more to me than any marefriend. You came out of nowhere, Vinyl, and have made my life infinitely better. Nopony can mean more to me than you.”

Awwww.

Vinyl smiled, obviously touched but playing it cool. “Well, I, uh, am a pretty cool pony, aren’t I?”

Octavia rolled her eyes. “I’ll give it to you just this once, Vinyl. Yes, you are a pretty cool pony.”

Vinyl chuckled. “Yeah. And Octy?”

“Hmmmm?”

“You’re my most important pony too. I’m so glad I met you.”

Octavia gasped mockingly. “What’s this? Is the great, tough Vinyl showing her feelings? Has she gone soft? Someone call the papers!”

“Aw, shuddup.” She gave Octavia a friendly punch to the shoulder, and the two laughed together.

Twilight, meanwhile was having an epiphany. Came out of nowhere … Most important pony … That ... I want something like that. Something to prop me up, something to ... to keep me going, when things look so dark and lonely. I can't give up, not yet, not when there's so much more to experience, and ponies to experience it with!

With renewed enthusiasm, she began to set out, destination unknown, before throwing one look back at the two friends who had given her the will to keep trying. They won’t hear me, but what the hay. She beamed at them, and said “Thank you,” before trotting off.

“Did ya hear something, Octy?”

“I think so. But there was nopony around.”

Vinyl shrugged. “Hey, maybe it was a ghost, desperate for a purpose, and with our awesome friendship we inspired it to keep living, so to speak.”

Octavia stared at her for a bit before cracking. “You come up with the strangest things, Vinyl.”

---

Through the weeks she went to Canterlot, Appleloosa, and more, learning from the drama around ordinary ponies' lives. But the most important part of her stays here were not the drama, entertaining though it may be, but the emotion of life. Friends reconciled and grew closer, lovers admitted their feelings, and it was beautiful. And all her life she had missed out on that. It reminded her that life was worth living, that she had to wake up. How, she didn't know, but she didn't know how she turned into a semi-ghost either. She hoped with all her heart that somewhere in some random place salvation would come, out of nowhere just like her current situation. And in one small town, it did, in the form of a strange little pink earth pony.

Comments

[Bombastic Bookpony]

AU taking place before the main series; also Luna was never banished and for whatever reason Discord won't be busting out of his statue nor will Chrysalis attack. Otherwise this story will just turn into another "The villains win!" story, which are good stories, but I'm going with something different.

[Northwest Brony]

A good start and an original concept. I like!

[Paper Crease]

501056
That's both a shame and a relief to me. You're going with "something different", but you don't know how to name it, do you? I believe that you mean that this story is going to be based purely on emotion and social interaction, although the element of solving an issue still exists here.

[Thespurgin]

holy crap VINYL as a genre savy chick and holing a friendship with her polar opposite? This universe rocks.

[Arcanist Ascendant]

I think you drew inspiration from that one episode of Torchwood. Please don't tell me it happened because Twilight swallowed a comet.