4968457 fixed, plus bonus sceance

better. still has a lot of room for improvement, but i can easily see the changes. have you, by chance, considered getting an editor to help create and smooth out the story?

4982695 is that an offer?

4982803 unfortunately, i will have to say that that was not an offer. my job, home life, and school work have kept me from keeping up on such things in the past, and they've only gotten more cumbersome as these last few months have come around.

however, if you really want me to, i would try to see how it all worked out. if you want me to try, i shall send you my email, and you can send me these two chapters for me to attempt to work on.