Catch Me If You Can
“GET OFF ME!”
“You’re not staying here for the rest of your life!”
“THIS IS CHILD ABUSE!
“Stop struggling!”
Scootaloo held to the door frame trying her best to stay in her room. Rainbow was dragging her out against her will and she didn’t like it. She grip loosened and she slipped through door. She turned and kicked Dash in the stomach and became free from the grip. Rainbow fell back winded and Scootaloo sprinted towards the stairs and down to lobby room. Waiting at the door were her parents who tried to grab their daughter. Scootaloo’s mother had red eyes from crying and tried her best to stop her child from escaping. Scootaloo ran through into the living room and hopped up onto the window sill.
The three ponies followed, one unicorn and two pegasi. Scootaloo pushed the window open and hopped out into the flowerbed filled with bluebells. She took off in the direction of the road, running as fast as her hooves would carry her. Rainbow stormed through the front door, clutching her chest and trying her best to run after her. Scootaloo was already out of sight, running down a dusty road decorated with bland rocks and gravel that made the surface uncomfortable to tread upon. She walked down a side alley, brick walls on either side but a slightly more level asphalt. Scootaloo slowed to a trot, she was out of breath and pretty sure that she had lost her followers. She balanced herself, one hoof on the back wall of the alley.
She had remained calm up until this point but the stress of being out in the open was starting to take its toll on her mentality. She began to be more diligent, eyes flitting around to look at every corner and dark spot. The opening that was a few metres away was her main priority though. She tried her best to back herself into a corner where she couldn’t be seen as easily. The sky above was also a problem, she knew that Rainbow could fly and do a helo-scout on her. She used her small figure to curl into a small target, only showing the darkest parts of her body which turned out to be her mane.
‘What am I doing here?’ thought Scootaloo. ‘Why am I curled up into a ball in an alleyway?’ She uncurled and stood up. She looked around confused, trying to look for anything to indicate why she was here and not at home. She took a step closer to the entranceway. Then another, and another. Each step she took she seemed to have the feeling of déjà vu but she had no idea why because she sure as hell hadn’t been here before. She emerged into the sunlight and recognised it as the road that she took on the way to school.
“HEY!” Scootaloo jumped and turned to see Rainbow Dash speeding after her. She landed and slammed on the brakes to stop right in front of Scootaloo.
“What’s the problem?” asked Scootaloo, a little concerned at why Rainbow seemed to be angry at her.
“What do you think?”
“Um, has something very bad happened?”
“By bad do you mean distressing half of Ponyville for a week?”
“Why would I do that?”
“Stop acting like you don’t know!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“You really remember nothing?”
“Yup.” Rainbow dash looked to the side, a worried look on her face. “Is that a problem?” wondered Scootaloo. Rainbow didn’t answer, her brain ticking that something even worse had happened and she hadn’t known.
“I think you may have…”
“What?”
“…Sh-Short term memory loss,”
“What?”
“You don’t remember what happened,”
“WHAT HAPPENED?”
“You stayed distressed in your room for a week and scared a lot of ponies,”
Scootaloo’s eyes widened as the memories began to repopulate her memory.
“GET AWAY FROM ME! I DON’T KNOW HOW I GOT HERE BUT GET AWAY FROM ME!”
“What’s going on?” Scootaloo was already off, running down towards her school and past the many houses on either side of the street. Her legs weren’t carrying her very fast and Rainbow flew ahead and stomped to the ground, stopping Scootaloo in her tracks.
“Please let me help you,” pleaded Rainbow Dash, getting a little exhausted with this little filly’s antics. Scootaloo was now getting really angry and began crying again.
“PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!” Rainbow Dash was now crying as well.
“SCOOTALOO PLEASE! TRUST ME, I’LL STOP THE BULLYING!”
“J-just leave me! Why can’t you see? My life has been nothing but pain and misery!”
“Stop! I want you to listen to me! I will always value you and I will always be there for you! I have become so worried about you that I cried every night. Didn’t you want me to be like you’re sister?”
“I-I…” Scootaloo couldn’t form the words and all that came out was an illegible stammer that was followed by uncontrollable sobbing.
“Chin up kid. Say what you want,”
“I LOVE YOU RAINBOW DASH! I WANT YOU TO HELP ME! PLEASE BE MY BIG SISTER!”
“Er, Oh-kay!”
“I’m sorry! I’m so very sorry!”
“Don’t be. I’ll always be here for you. No matter what the cost.”
All Rainbow had to do was get Scootaloo to fly. Now how was she going to do that? Scootaloo lay in the cloud bed in Rainbow’s bedroom attempting to sleep after such a traumatic experience whereas Rainbow slept on the sofa in the living room. She was kept awake trying to think of something that she could do to help her friend. After carrying her back to her house she had notified her parents of the situation and left them a note telling them where she lived so that if they wanted to see their child then they could. They hadn’t come yet so that just left the two to deal with their own problems. It was pitch black in the room and the only noise was the low hum of the dishwasher. The sofa was made of good quality cloud-bound leather that was able to be used in cloud houses such as Rainbows.
Suddenly, she heard something coming from upstairs. She shot up into a sitting position, concerned for Scootaloo. She flicked on a desk lamp and aimed it toward the door to see the Orange Pegasus standing awkwardly in the door. She had red, bloodshot eyes that made her look exhausted. She sniffed loudly and turned her head to look away.
“What is it Scoots?” asked Rainbow rubbing her right eye with her hoof.
“I can’t sleep,”
“That makes two of us, do you want me to stay with you?”
“I don’t know. That might help,”
“Alright, let’s go and see.”
Scootaloo hopped onto the bed and ley herself down. Rainbow brought the sheets up to her neck and turned out the lights. She sat on a wicker chair with a cushion reducing the creaking nature of the wood. She waited until her night vision developed and observed what she could of the room. It was as she knew it: poster of the Wonderbolts in a corner, chest of drawers in another and a desk curving around to the bedside. Scootaloo lay with her back to her host, making it a lot harder to see if she was indeed sleeping.
“Can you hear that?” asked Scootaloo, her voice wavering.
“Hear what?”
“That voice,”
“What voice?”
“Why’s that?”
“Excuse me? What’s going on?”
“I have no idea,”
“You’re not telling me that you’re hearing voices in your head?”
“I’ll answer her if I want to!”
“Oh no! I need to get you to hospital!”
“Why?”
“Just come with me!”
Rainbow grabbed Scootaloo and flew out of her front door, headed straight for the medical centre.
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After all this time someone has dome something new with scoots for a change.or at least something that is less used
4966998 this is new? okay!
4967002 the only story I've read where scoots seems to hear voices or something vaguely the same ids the family mares series
4967010 The hearing voices was completely unintentional! By that I mean I didn't intend for it to happen. The only reason i put it in was because one symptom of schizophrenia is 'losing your train of thought'.
4967022 well keep this up, the story has potential
Okay, I love me a good Scootaloo story...this isn't bad, but there is something decidedly "off" about it.
That right there kinda sums up what I mean. I get the point, Rainbow Dash is pleading with Scoots to let her help, but the phrasing is just weird, I don't know if you're quoting something or what. There are other instances of akward phrasing throughout as well.
and
are two tother phrases that are stilted.
On a more constructive level, sometimes you go long stretches without a dialogue tag, that can be a little confusing, and it robs you of an opportunity to inject some emotion/context into your scenes. My advice is to try and find a pre-reader who can help you iron out the rough patches. Also there are a few grammatical type erorrs, words that don't need to be capitalized etc. This has potential, keep at it.
4970408 Thanks a lot. It wasn't needed but I quoted the name in the description so I felt compelled to include it in the final thing. I'll try to edit a bit and put in a little more dialogue to make it a more enjoyable experience!
uh-oh
