Cold Hooves - Warm Heart

by RandomGreymane

Chapter 4 - Details of the Devil

Cold Hooves - Warm Heart by RandomGreymane (Mike Hebel)

Chapter 4 - Details of the Devil

Dear Princess Celestia,

Sorry for how long it’s been since my last letter. Been a little occupied.

First there was the fall harvest which kept us all busy. I was pleasantly surprised to find that this body CAN get tired but it just takes a whole hay of a lot longer.

While I would love to take the credit for getting all the cherries bucked, it truly was a team effort. As I st here in the barn with the bright and warm light of a lantern I can see the snow falling outside through the window. Miss Jubilee says she’s never seen anything of the like, however the store shop-keep said that it had snowed one winter a long time ago. Even the local weather team is confused. Fortunately the townsponies were all freshly built and stocked after having to rebuild the town. One of the ranch-hooves has a bit of weather sense about him and said that this shouldn’t last more than a couple weeks. Even the holes out behind the property are completely obscured.

Regardless, bare cherry trees stretch for as far as I can see and I can take no small amount of satisfaction in making that happen, but not all of it.

We managed to get the harvest complete just in the nick of time. There was an early frost here that pretty much put everypony in a panic. Not having someone skilled in earth pony magick, we had to take drastic steps. If the leaves hadn’t fallen yet we bucked them off so that we could mulch them and pile them at the base of the trees to provide the right soil conditions throughout the winter. (Not having magick, how to mulch the leaves puzzled me a bit as I didn’t see a mechanical device around to do it. Turns out the answer is as simple as a large wooden barrel half and a bunch of hoof-stomping.) Normally out here in the desert climate it isn’t necessary but obviously this weather necessitated the extra work.

The poor trees will never recover from the hoofprints we put in them I fear.

Still, definitely worth it. Miss Jubilee says that the trees all appear healthy and the harvest got off to the clients without any damage. Now, while it snows, we wait.

No doubt about it that this quick winter is cause for much introspection. From time to time one of the other ranch-hooves comes out to visit me but, as I’m always in the barn and they stay in the house and ranch quarters, for the most part I am alone.

I think about many things now. My mind wanders and strays like a drunk staggering from one saloon to the next. I think what I think about most is the loss of my magick.

It’s hard losing something that was such a large part of myself. Conceptually I know there was no way around it and my logic obviously dictates it was necessary. But the loss still leaves me hollow and empty, like there is a cavern inside me where something else should be. Echoes in my heart.

Even when I was so weak, as “the other me”, I still had my magick. It was still there if greatly diminished. Now...nothing.

It’s taking some getting used to.

If my life has taught me anything though it’s that I’m more adaptable than I feel I am sometimes. It will help as I make more friends here though that is slow at the moment.

What else...oh! The holes!

Turns out they are the result of an old diamond dog named, of all things, Bob. I haven’t met him yet. Miss Jubilee says he’s “a bit off” if you know what I mean. Still I plan to introduce myself to him once the snow lets up.

Miss Jubilee got a bit quiet when I asked about him though. She says he has seen too much and it’s best to leave him be. When I mentioned going to see him she just smiled sadly and shook her head as if I was the one “off” instead of him. She said it was my choice so I’m going to take it as such and see him once weather permits.

Friendship. I guess I still am tied to it. But then everypony is tied to it as well. See? I can learn things sometimes! (That was a joke in case you didn’t get it.) I came here to find myself and what I seem to have found is that I miss the other pieces of myself...my friends. I’m sure that if I’d stayed in Canterlot or Ponyville they would have come to know me better. But honestly it would have been incredibly awkward and I’ve had far too much of that in my life already to put them in that position. Not to mention myself.

But then that brings me back to the present. I have found that I have to remind myself that I’m not the Princess of Friendship any more. All that confidence I picked up is just fine...except that a fair chunk of it was focused on my role as a princess. So now, on top of the body issues, I have to keep my “inner princess” at bay. Somepony in town insulted me when they thought I’d clipped the edge of their hoof with mine. (I hadn’t but they didn’t accept that.) I got so intensely angry that I almost spouted off at him for treating a princess as such. (Yeah, I know. Not like me at all. Repressed anger much?) Then I recalled that I’m not only NOT a princess any more but not even an everyday pony. In the end, when the pony in question wouldn’t back down, I just leaned over him and snorted a bit. He quickly apologized and made a beeline out of site as fast has his hooves could carry him.

Unarguably not my best moment.

And it will happen again if I don’t get all this under control. Whatever all this is...

I miss all of you sooo much! I promise that I’ll come back to visit once I sort everything out. But for now I don’t even know what I am, let alone who, and it’s going to take a long time before I’m comfortable coming back...home.

I keep thinking about that too. Home. Where is my home now? Canterlot and then Ponyville were the only homes I’ve ever known. Now...I’m not sure where I belong. Nothing feels right and I’m not sure it ever will.

Sorry for the emotion. I’m...not myself...whoever that is.

Yours in cold stone,

Alabaster