Eh. For a stream-of-consciousness of Big Mac's thoughts, this feels a little bit off. I think my problem is that you're trying to make Big Mac look like a prize catch in set-up for the rest of the story, but in the process you made him TOO perfect. Seriously, doing everybody's chores for the next day on multiple occasions? Retiring 'early' means going to bed shortly after midnight? Perfect gentlemanly chivalry? It feels like it shoots to the far extreme of perfection that it honestly comes out a bit as satire.