Why Universe-Traveling is a Very Bad Idea

by Liondancer17

You're Not Serious. Nope.

“Those pants are absolutely blinding to look at.” A voice with a strange, semi-english accent said. Len kept himself still and silent. Information was important.

“...hnng, not the pants...” James mumbled, rolling around and latching onto the nearest thing-Mark’s hind leg. The stallion twitched, but didn’t stir.

“He’s awake! Oh my gosh, he’s awake! Oh my gosh oh my gosh!” A high-pitched, feminine voice squealed. Len wondered if his poor eardrums could take it.

“Pinkie, I wouldn’t be excited about that. They kind of almost blew up a hospital.” A more raspy, but still distinctly feminine voice said.

“Yeah...ah don’t think I’d be excited ‘bout a bunch a folks like them.” Another girl’s voice, one with a, very thick, southern accent.

“Come on, Applejack...I’m sure it was a misunderstanding...” This voice was very soft, and Len internally wondered if this is what Piper would sound like as a girl. Soft, demure, kind, gentle. (No...not after what he did to Apokolips. No crossing the guy now.)

“Fluttershy, stop. You’re being too easy on them.” The raspy-girl voice said again.

“I think we should listen to Fluttershy. She was right about Discord.”

“But still...that trickster can’t be trusted.”

"Heyyyy...stop being so mean to me...gimme back my candy...I wanna get some ice-cream...” James whined again. A few of the voices had to stifle giggles at this, as James now latched onto Piper’s cloak, and the redhead sneezed, rolling onto the blond.

“They’re so cute...” Fluttershy cooed, and Len swallowed down a burst of laughter at that.

“The pants are still awful, through.”

“Yeah, think he’s more colorblind than Raider, to be honest.” Mick said as he sat up, rubbing a hoof over his head. Immediately, all of the other ponies shot back, and Len made a face as he sat up.

“Mick, honestly, learn some subtlety.”

“Len, they were going to find out anyway.”

“Still.”

“Alright, enough! Who are you? And what do you want?” The purple pony asked, narrowing her eyes and spreading out her wings in a way that was probably meant to be intimidating. But it was a freaking purple pony. That could not be intimidating.

“Honestly? None of us know. We just kinda woke up here. And leaving sounds real great about now.”

“Seriously, why is nobody questioning the fact that we’re in a world of rainbow ponies. What the hell.”

“Mick, shut up. Mommy and Daddy are talking.”

“He owned your ass there, Mick.”

“You too, Mark.”

“Wait, those are your names? No wonder you guys are so messed up.” The blue-and-rainbow pony said. Len scowled. Well, way to rub it in.

“I’m Captain Cold. The one in white is Heatwave. The one in orange guy is Mirror Master. The green one is Piper. The one with the stripes is the Trickster. The rainbow one is Rainbow Raider. The orange girl is Golden Glider. The blue one is Captain Boomerang.”

“See, those are nice names! Why the weird ones?” the pink one asked. Len brought a hoof to his face. This is so weird. Weirder than the seventies. And those were weird times.

“Piper puppy, they’re making fun of my pants. I like the pants. The pants make my butt look good.”

“Nobody wants to see your butt, Tricks. And the stripes are stupid.”

“Nooooo...I like them.”

The purple horse made a face. And Len considered how weird it was that he was relating to her.

“Okay, let’s get right to the problem.” she started officially. “Where are you from?”

“Keystone.” Digger grunted, getting to his feet...hooves. Yeah. “Keystone, Kansas.”

“Wait....what?” the one wearing a cowboy hat asked. “I never heard’a that place. Ya sure it’s real?”

“I can’t believe this. We’re being questioned by rainbow horses about reality!”

“Mark, what are you talking about....oh. It wasn’t a dream.” Roy said flatly. “Well then.”

“Okay, you guys are just weird.” The other rainbow pony said, making a face.

“Trust me, we know.” Lisa said, walking up to her brother. Len couldn’t keep the look of pure joy off of his face when he saw his sister approaching him. After all this time...

“Tricks, you’re going to have to get off of me.”

“Nooooooo...stop, you’re taking away the soft pillow!”

“That’s my...err, tail.”

“It smells like cotton candy.”

“Okay, stop. You’re so weird today. And that’s not counting the fact that you’re a yellow horse.” Truth be told, Len thought that Trickster was acting perfectly normal, the way that he had been back when all of them were a group. When they were all like family. Before...

“Hey! People say that my tail smells and looks and tastes like cotton candy too!” The pink pony cut in.

“That’s disgusting. Green cotton candy?”

“She’s pink, Roy.” The purple horse’s eye twitched in irritation, but before she could open her mouth to speak, Digger did.

“Everyone shut the bloody hell up, or we’re going ta be stuck here!” he snapped. The purple horse shot him a grateful look, and cleared her throat again.

“Okay, my name is Twilight Sparkle-” every rogue but Golden Glider and Captain Cold, who were too mature for that, snerked-”and I want to help you. But first, I want to know why you broke out of the hospital, caused it massive damage, and endangered the life of everypony”-James snickered and whispered something in Piper’s ear, and the redhead thumped the blond’s head with his hoof-”in the building. I also want to know who you all are, where you’re from, and how I can go about helping you return, after punishing you for your crimes.”

“Are you serious?” Sam asked.

“Very.” Twilight replied.

“And what will our punishment be?” Mark asked, bristling, his wings unfurling. He picked up the wand and held it in his teeth, sparks shooting from the tip.

“You’re going to rebuild the hospital, and issue a formal apology to all of ponyville.” Twilight announced with authority.

Digger’s mouth fell open with an audible ‘pop’.

“That’s it?” he asked. “That’s all? We’re rebuildn’ the place, and then that’s it? No jail?”

Twilight looked absolutely horrified. “No! Why in Equestria would I lock you away?”

“.......guys? Can I stay here?” Trickster asked. “Seriously, can I stay?”

“......umm...I guess...we’ll do it.” Len finally said, once he could find the ability to speak again. This was just unreal. It reminded him of the good times...but somehow, even...kinder.

“Really? You don’t think it’s too much?” the yellow pony with a pink mane asked. Piper just burst out laughing, leaning on James for support, nearly toppling them both over.

“Are you kidding? That’s...that’s amazing! Back home...we’d...we’d...” the redhead visibly trembled, and Trickster put a hoof on his shoulder, steadying him.

“It’s alright, Hartley.” The musician’s ears pricked at his name, and he shook his head, hiding his face under his cowl. The blond pouted and continuously poked his side, whining softly and leaning against the musician.

The white unicorn whispered in the ear of the yellow pony, and both giggled.

“Hey...you seem so sad...” the pink pony said, her big blue eyes filling with tears. “You know what? We’re going to have a party to welcome you guys here. And...and that’ll make you smile!” The horse was just so damn excited about making people she had just thought of as criminals happy. This was just...unreal. So unreal. And weirdly enough, the fact that they were now talking horses was just the last weird thing on the list.

“You...you’re joking, right? You’re...you’re not being serious, are you?” Mark asked, the wand clattering to the floor.

“Yeah, ‘fraid so. The girl will just throw parties for the silliest things, ‘specially new folks, like y’all. But she really means well, an’ ya better get ready for some new friends comin’ yer way.” The horse in the cowboy hat said, shaking her head and smiling.

“Guys, I think Evan shot us all up.” Mick finally announced.

“But I’m dead.” Sam pointed out.

“And so am I.”

“Me too.”

“Then we’re hallucinating you.”

“...........”

“Don’t worry Piper puppy, I’m real.” James quickly added. The white unicorn and yellow winged-horse giggles again, and Len face-hoofed.

“Stop calling him that.”

“But Papa-Bear, he likes it”

“Stop calling me that!”

“I’m going to start using that, Tricks.” Mick chimed in. Digger snickered, and Len groaned.

“So Papa-Bear, what now?” Roy asked, tilting his head. And already, they were the Rogues again. No questioning sticking together, no questioning loyalty. But that was the thing about the Rogues. No matter what, they were always a sort-of weird, ragtag family.

“We find an old, abandoned place, and stay there. Like we always do.” And without saying a word, they flanked each other and started to walk away, Trickster taking to the air as a lookout.

“H-hey, wait!” Twilight cried out, catching the Rogues’ attention. Len turned around.

“What?”

“You...don’t have to go!”

“What? Do you expect us to just sleep in the dirt?” Len asked.

“No, ah mean...on the farm, we can always use a bit’a help. Y’all can stay with me, we have a barn ya can use, and we have food...ya don’t have to sleep out in a cold place.”

Mick visibly shuddered.

“Do you...think we can trust them?” Lisa asked. Len looked at her for a long time, then nodded.

“If they try to hurt you, then we just hurt them back.”

“So, are we...?”

“Might as well.”

“Never look a gift horse in the mouth~!” Trickster sang. All of the Rogues groaned.

“That was bad. So bad. Never make a pun like that again.”

“No promises!”

-------------------------------

“So, you have names?” Sam asked, trying to break the awkward silence that had fallen over the group. The cowboy-pony shrugged.

“Applejack. How is your friend doing that?”

“Which one?” Len asked, suppressing the urge to correct her that they weren’t friends.

“The one in the stripes.”

“Ya mean how ‘es not blind? Nobody has any bloody idea.”

“I resent that!”

Applejack laughed. “No, ah mean, how’s he walkin’ on air? I thought it was ‘cus he had his wings out, but he’s not flyin’, he’s walkin’. How’s he doin’ that?” After she finished, James flipped on his forehooves, walking on them while he smiled at Applejack.

“My airwalkers. I invented them myself. Anti-gravity technology.”

“Ya mean...like magic?”

“Nope, I don’t cheat. I work to do this stuff!”

“Ah think Twilight’d be interested in whatcha got there. I ain’t never seen anythin’ like it.” Applejack observed, eyes wide with interest. James grinned wider.

“Ooooh, a chance to brag!” Applejack’s eyes darkened.

“Ah don’t like braggarts.”

“Well, you’re going to hate Tricks. That’s all he does.” Mick said. James stuck out his tongue. Applejack frowned.

“Ah hate braggarts. They do nothin’ but try ta make others feel down on themselves, an’ make themselves above the rest. They’re nothin’ but bullies.” Applejack’s face twisted into a sneer. “They think that just ‘cus the rest of us aren’t as lucky as they are, that they’re better than the rest. They’re just cowards. An’ I don’t feel sorry that they don’t have any real friends.”

“Friends are scary.” Trickster observed absently. “They make you feel like you’re made of glass. They can see right through you. And hurt you with what they see. That’s why I try not to make them. And when I do, I end up pushing them away without meaning to.”

Len twitched and looked away. Sam shivered. Piper looked up at the aerialist with an unreadable expression.

“That’s just because of the time you dropped an anvil on Booster Gold.” Piper said lightly.

Immediately, the dark mood lifted, and the blond was sent tumbling through the air in laughter.

“What a maroon! Cannot believe he fell for that!”

“Wait, you dropped an anvil on Booster Gold?” Heatwave asked. Tricks snickered.

“Yep! Tried to warn him, but he just wouldn’t believe me!”

“How the hell were you carrying an anvil?”

“Anti-gravity. Hey, while in hell, I heard you melted a ring! How’d ya do that?”

“Wait...you were in hell?” Piper asked, stopping cold. James grinned.

“Tricking the devil did not make him happy. No siree.”

“What’s the devil?” Applejack asked, tilting her head. The Rogues stopped, and looked back at the pony.

“...nobody. Nobody important.”

-------------------------------

“Flash, Flash, wake up.” A voice said. Wally West stirred, blinking awake and getting to his feet.

“Flash, somebody broke in!” a voice hissed. Wally blinked, and looked up.

And screamed.

“Flash Sentry, calm down!”

“THERE IS A HORSE TALKING TO ME!”

Author's Note:

Don't worry, Flash. It'll be okay.

Comments

[mbpony 512]

Now which version of the Rogues are in this tale of yours ?

[Liondancer17]

4505173
Pre-new 52, post Blackest Night.

[Magenta Cat]

I almost die with that last line.
This is very good, just some little mistakes here and there but nothing enough to overcome the story. Good job mate.

P.S.: What happened to the second generation Rogues? Axel Walker, Evan McCulloch and Owen Mercer (the second Trickster, Mirror Master and Captain Boomerang)?

[Liondancer17]

4506856
All of them will be appearing, as will a good chunk of the league, and some other villains. The rag-tag group is going to start forming over the next few chappies, once the first rogues get their bearings. Axel is going to have an interesting time with he's new buddies in his new residence.