Not-So-Quick Fix
“Are you sure you know where you’re going?” Vinyl had lost track of the amount of times she’d asked that question. If she had to guess, it was probably six.
“For the twelfth time, no.” Octavia groaned as they trudged ahead through the Everfree. The thick underbrush crunched beneath their hooves with each step. It was the only sound that could be heard for a while as they continued on. Occasionally, Octavia would stop and look around for a bit before moving on. It was becoming very boring, very quickly.
“Are—”
“No Vinyl!” Octavia whirled around. “I’m not sure where we’re going, all right! Now could you just be quiet for five minutes while I try to figure out how to get to Zecora’s home?”
Sensing that Octavia was slightly irate, Vinyl made the wise call to shut her mouth.
“Thank you.” Octavia sighed, pushing a tree branch out of her way. “Now if we can just find Zecora’s hut and be done with this mess.”
Vinyl didn’t have time to duck as the branch snapped back. It clocked her in the face, sending her sprawling on her back. She clamped her hooves over muzzle, feeling hot, sticky blood covering her face. “Ah! Dammit, Tavi! I think you broke your nose.”
She heard Octavia stop and backtrack. She bent down, but almost retreated when she saw the blood. “Oh my Celestia! Vinyl, are you all right?”
Rolling to her side, Vinyl groaned. “I’m reeling in a pool of my own blood— scratch that, your blood, Tavi. What do you think?”
“Hang on,” Octavia said, ignoring the sarcasm. She reached down and hoisted Vinyl upright. “Can you walk?”
“You hit me in the face, not the legs,” Vinyl grumbled. Cracking her eyes open, she looked around. “Hey, did that branch whack me so hard that I’m hallucinating, or is that tree actually glowing?”
“Huh?” Octavia followed Vinyl’s line of sight to a large tree not more than fifty feet away. “It’s not glowing.”
“Great, so now I know I have a concussion too.”
“No you don’t. Or uh, I don’t… Look the tree isn’t glowing, it just there's a light on from the inside.”
Vinyl squinted. Her vision was elucidated after a little while and she could make out a set of windows and a door. “I didn’t know trees grew into readymade houses.”
Octavia laughed, but it was stunted before lasting longer than a second. “No, they don’t. I think somepony, or in this case, somezebra made it.”
The puzzle pieces took their sweet time clicking together in Vinyl’s brain. “Oh… it’s Pothole Lady’s house, isn’t it?”
“Yes, Vinyl. Yes it is.” Octavia gave her a pat on the head. “But if you call her Pothole Lady to her face, I swear to Celestia, I’ll hit you.”
Vinyl snickered as they walked toward the tree. “You wouldn’t hit your own body.”
“No, I’d hit yours.”
Raising an eyebrow, Vinyl asked. “So you’d punch yourself in the face if I call her Pothole Lady? Awesome.”
Octavia groaned loudly. “Just remember, we need her to help us.”
“Right, right. Don’t chase away the one zebra in a hundred miles who can help us.” She sighed, clutching her nose. “Geeze, even with my voice your nagging sounds awful.”
"I don't nag," Octavia grumbled under her breath. They stopped at the door and she gave it too sharp knocks. A small scuffling noise came from behind the door and soon it gave way to Zecora.
“Ah, you must be the body swapping two. Please come in, I’ve been expecting you.” She stepped aside and allowed them both to walk through. Vinyl was intrigued immediately by the décor. A series of carved masks hung from the walls, along with painted porcelain jars of varying sizes and shapes that lined the floors. Shelves around the room were packed with bowls that held exotic looking plants and rocks. In the middle, a huge cauldron bubbled wildly.
“Wow, you’ve got a real cool Zebrican vibe going on in here.”
Octavia nudged her with a fetlock. “Obviously, Vinyl.” The death glare that followed blatantly told her to knock it off.
“Might I ask what happened to your face?” Zecora spoke, indicating Vinyl. “You’re blood is getting all over the place.”
Vinyl glanced down and saw that a few drops of crimson had landed on the earthy floor of Zecora’s hut. She would hardly define that as all over the place, however. Maybe Zecora was as much of a clean freak as Octavia.
“I hit a tree.” Vinyl shot Octavia a sideways glance. “A naggy tree.”
“I have a salve that can help you heal. Afterwards we can focus on the whole body ordeal.”
Vinyl nodded. “Sounds good to me.”
“Oh hey, the Diamond Dog is back,” a familiar voice slurred. Vinyl whirled her head over to the other side of the room. The orange filly from earlier — she thought her name might be Scootaloo — was propped against the back wall. Next to her, Apple Bloom was biting her lip and trying to push a vial of purple liquid into her friend’s mouth.
“Come on, Scootaloo! Just drink this already!” Apple Bloom glanced over at both of them. “Ah’ll be with y’all in a minute. If she doesn’t get this inta her system soon, she’ll be a babblin’ drunk for a mite longer.”
“I told you I don’t want that shit!” Scootaloo exclaimed.
Octavia exchanged horrified looks at Scootaloo and subsequently Vinyl. “You didn’t tell me the fillies got drunk!”
Vinyl toyed around with the idea of coming up with an excuse, but decided better of it. “Whoops.”
“Whoops?” Octavia replied with a stunned gape. “Whoops? You supply alcohol to a foal that ends up inebriating her and all you have to say for yourself is whoops?”
“Actually, it was two fillies,” Vinyl amended, much to Octavia’s horror.
“By the way,” Apple Bloom interjected, shoving the vial in Scootaloo’s mouth. “What didya end up doin’ with Sweetie Belle?”
“She passed out, so I left her at your tree house.”
“Ya did what?” Apple Bloom shouted. Octavia’s jaw hit the floor.
“Well, I mean, what was I supposed to do? I didn’t feel like holding her hair back while she puked into a toilet, so…”
Apple Bloom facehoofed. “Oh great. What made ya think ya could just leave her there?”
“I lack a sense of responsibility,” Vinyl replied with a shrug.
“Unfortunately, I have the joy of being able to confirm this. And even so, I still can’t believe you, Vinyl.”
Apple Bloom sighed. “Don’t worry about it. Ah’ll make sure ta pick her up before I head home.”
“Good luck with that; she’s going to have a massive hangover.”
Zecora returned with a small bottle in her mouth. She motioned for Vinyl to reach with her hoof, and proceeded to slather it with a thick cream. “Now just rub that onto the broken bone,” Zecora told her, after setting the bottle down. “And it will be better by the time you get home.”
Vinyl eyed the mustard colored cream in her hoof. “Uh… okay.” Tentatively, she dabbed the cream on her nose. It made a hissing sound as it touched her coat, which admittedly disturbed Vinyl, but she rubbed it in as per instructions. It took a moment, but she suddenly felt the bone tingle and begin to snap back into place. “Aww, shit!” Vinyl cried feeling every tiny movement. “I think I’d prefer to leave it broken!”
Octavia winced. “Vinyl, I’m so—”
“It feels like a bucking pole was just shoved up my nose!”
“—sorry,” she flatly finished, the wind taken out of her apology. She turned to Zecora as Vinyl continued clinging to her face and over dramatically wailed. “Why don’t we focus on the cure?”
“Indeed, a reverse potion is what you need. Apple Bloom tells me that a zap apple seed is what was missing from her brew. If so, there is only one thing I can do.”
“What is it?”
“We gotta make a new potion ta cancel the effects of mine,” Apple Bloom said. Zecora gave a nod of affirmation.
“Ow, my head,” Scootaloo groaned. Apple Bloom’s attention returned to her friend, who now appeared to be coming too from her drunken state. “What happened?”
“Thank Celestia you’re back ta normal.” Apple Bloom skipped with happiness.
“Did… did I switch with Sweetie Belle?”
“Eh… no. Not even close.” Apple Bloom offered a smile, before taking in a deep breath. “Ya see, Ah sorta mixed up mah potion with some cider, and these here ponies accidentally drank it an’ switched bodies. But since mah potion was incomplete, they’re stuck this way an’ I’m tryin’ to help fix them. Also, Sweetie and ya got real drunk.”
Scootaloo blinked and looked at Octavia and Vinyl. A confused mutter was all she offered.
“So, can you give us that antidote now?” Octavia asked, turning her attention back to Zecora.
“Unfortunately, the remedy is far from complete. I’ll need a full day of work to make it ready to eat.”
“A full day?” Vinyl jumped into the conversation, still wincing as her nose continued to heal. “Look I don’t want to rush you or anything, but I kinda have the most important gig of my life TONIGHT and, in case you didn’t notice, I can’t show up like this! Not to mention Tavi isn’t exactly qualified to go in my place.”
The shouting forced Zecora to take a few steps back. She chose her next words carefully. “I’m sorry, but the ingredients need to brew this potion are extremely rare. I’ll have to track them all down with great care.”
“Bucking fantastic, so what exactly are we supposed to do?”
Apple Bloom looked between them. “Uh… Ah’m no expert on these er… gigs, but why can’t yer friend go in yer place?”
Vinyl facehoofed, and subsequently yelped in pain when she smacked her nose. “Are you kidding? Tavi isn’t trained to be a DJ. Sure she’s got the ears for music, but none of the skill needed to pull off an epic night of wubs. And uh… No offense Tavi, but you aren’t cool enough to be a DJ anyways.”
“As if I’d want to— Excuse me?” She scoffed. “I’m certain I’m more than capable of cuing up records and adjusting volume, Vinyl.”
Vinyl snorted, and then winced, clutching her nose. “There’s a lot more to it than that. You gotta be able to carry the energy from one song to the next, and make sure the crowd doesn’t get bored in the middle of a song.”
“It becomes clear as I watch you two, that resolving your situation gives you much to do. Return home for now and prepare for tonight. I’ll send Apple Bloom to retrieve you when the potion is just right.”
Vinyl and Octavia exchanged a look. “Well,” Vinyl started. “I guess we don’t have much of a choice. I need to show up at Club Stirrup at eight, which means you have to be ready.”
“Yes, but I don’t want to be there.” Octavia huffed.
“Tavi,” Vinyl’s tone shifted, becoming much more serious. Caught off guard, Octavia blinked in surprise. “Look, DJing is my dream job, and this might be my one chance to actually do something with it in Ponyville. Besides… it’s only for one night; what’s the worst that could happen?”
Octavia felt her resistance soften as Vinyl gave her puppy dog eyes. In her body. It quickly became too much for her. “All right, fine. I’ll give it a shot.”
She was wrapped in a sudden, and short embrace. When Vinyl backed up, she was grinning. “Thanks, Tavi. Now let’s go!” Octavia let out a short yelp as Vinyl grabbed and yanked her towards the door. “See ya later, Pothole Lady!”
Zecora blinked as the left, the last statement providing some confusion for her. She shook her head and turned back to her cauldron.
“So…” Apple Bloom spoke up. “Ah git ta help… right?”
“No no no!” Vinyl groaned deeply. She uselessly punched the nearest amp. “Tavi, you’re doing it all wrong!”
Octavia shrunk behind the turntables. “Sorry… I guess. Look, it’s…” She paused.
Vinyl’s disapproving scowl turned into a smirk as she saw an opportunity arise. “Yes?”
Sighing, Octavia decided to finally relent. “Okay, it’s hard being a DJ.”
“Ha!” Vinyl hoof pumped the air. “I knew it! It only took six hours of practice to admit it, but I fricking knew it! You, little miss perfect Octavia, can’t DJ.” Vinyl laughed for a bit longer, then froze. “Oh shit, you can’t DJ…”
“I could do it if it weren’t for these stupid records.” Octavia tapped indignantly on the grooved disk. “It takes five minutes just to switch them out.”
“I keep telling you, it’s because you’re not using magic.” Vinyl flopped down on the living room couch and kicked her legs up against some of the sound equipment. “Hooves weren’t fashioned for this sort of work.”
“Hooves weren’t fashioned for cellos, and I can play mine just fine.”
“After years of practice, yeah. We’ve got about…” Vinyl glanced at the clock and her face fell. “…one hour to get you performance ready.” She rocketed upward. “Okay, we’re going to have to skip the part where I teach you how to be awesome.”
“But I though you said ‘being awesome’ was the most important part of this.”
Vinyl waved her hoof dismissively. “Yeah, I did. But if you can’t change out the records in a second or two, the whole party will grind to a halt. Besides, I have a contingency plan for the awesome part.”
Octavia cocked her head. “You do? What—”
“Never mind it,” Vinyl cut her off, slamming a hoof down on the turntables. Octavia jumped slightly. “Look, you won’t be able to do this unless you use magic.”
Octavia rolled her eyes. “Right, because that can happen.”
“You have a horn,” Vinyl observed.
“Yes, but does that matter? I’m technically an earth pony, Vinyl. I don’t have unicorn magic… right?”
Vinyl shrugged. “I don’t see why you can’t; you’ve got my body now. Have you even tried to use magic?”
“No,” Octavia admitted.
“Heh, what? You swapped bodies with a unicorn and you’re telling me you haven’t been the least bit curious about trying out magic?”
She grumbled slightly. “I’ve been busy. Between panicking and trying to figure how to switch us back, and panicking some more, when was I supposed to find time to figure out how use magic?”
“Fair point, but now’s the perfect time to learn.”
Blinking, Octavia asked, “You honestly think I can figure out how to master magic in one hour?”
“Master it?” Vinyl laughed. “Hell no. But figure out basic levitation? Sure, why not? You’re smart…ish. Besides, my body isn’t a young filly who’s never done a spell before. I’ve been doing levitation for years.”
“Okay…” Octavia looked down at the record before her. “So what do I do?”
“I dunno.”
“What?”
Vinyl flinched. “Hey, don’t get pissed. I’ve never taught somepony how to use magic before.”
“Well how do you do it?”
“Well, whenever I need to use magic, it just happens, you know?”
“No!” Octavia slammed her hoof into her face. Repeatedly.
“Oh…” Vinyl pursed her lips in thought. “Well, just concentrate on the record and imagine picking it up.”
Octavia arched an eyebrow. “And that will work?”
“As long as my horn does the sparky thing, then yeah.”
“The sparky thing. Really?” Octavia sighed. “All right, I’ll give it a shot.” She stared down the record, eyelids narrowing. She poured all of her focus into making it levitate. Her teeth clenched shut and she held her breath. After a few more seconds, she felt her whole body shake as her muscles became tense.
“Okay, stop. Stop.” Vinyl laughed. “You look like you’re about to take a shit.”
Octavia exhaled, snapping out of her intense focus. “Well, what do you expect me to do then?”
“Hmmm…” Vinyl looked at the horn atop Octavia’s head. “Maybe it just needs to be warmed up a bit.”
“Warmed up? What do you…” Vinyl stepped closer. “Uh… what are you doing?”
“Just hold still, Tavi.” Vinyl reached up, her hooves targeting the horn.
“Vinyl, what are you— Ah!” Octavia squeaked timidly as Vinyl grabbed her horn. She began rubbing it fiercely. “Oh Celestia! Vinyl stop!” Octavia tried to push away, but Vinyl held firm, following wherever she tried to move.
“Hey, I said hold still!” Vinyl pressed down harder as she continued to rub Octavia’s horn.
“It… Oh Celestia it tickles!” Octavia burst out laughing. “Vinyl — hahaha — stop please! Ahaha!”
“Hang on! I thought I saw a spark!” Vinyl brought up her other hoof and bore down.
“S-stop! Haha, p-please!” Octavia squirmed but couldn’t escape. She wanted Vinyl off her head.
“Maybe I should use my teeth…”
“No!” Octavia felt of sudden surge of energy to her forehead, and the pressure on her horn flew off.
Vinyl was sent back first onto the couch. “Oof.”
Octavia inhaled deeply. “Never do that again!” She glared at her friend. Vinyl’s eyes were wide with shock for a moment, and then she grinned.
“Look up, Tavi.”
“What?” Octavia glanced up. Her eyes darted up, and she could see the base of her horn glowing a soft blue. “I… I’m doing it!”
“Bitchin’. Now try to pick up the record.”
Octavia looked to the turntable. The record sat idly. Closing her eyes, she imagined lifting it up. Cracking her eyes open, she was delighted to find that it was levitating in the air.
“Ha! You did it!” Vinyl hopped off the couch and clapped her on the back. “Now let’s go. We’ll need to get there early and set everything up.”
“What… do you think this will be good enough?” Octavia asked, indicating the floating record.
“It’ll have to be. Now come on!” Vinyl grabbed Octavia and pulled her out the door.
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Fire Alchemist! Do the Thing! fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2014/316/4/a/uncle_varrick_wants_you_to_do_the_thing_by_beefster09-d868ep6.png
...Wait, you're telling me You're the one who says to do the thing?
Where did my life go wrong?
Ticklish horns, nice refreshing family friendly humor there. Now if only you could edit out the fillies using profanity it might be more age appropriate.
Two chapters in two days? You spoil us!
We're almost done with Pink Eyes! As soon as I finish tomorrow, I'll start ASAP on the two new chapters. I should be free after Monday!
5654456 Drunk fillies using profanity, lest we forget.
5654744 Heh, yeah, I did. Don't expect it too often though. I was on a deadline and had to crank these out super fast, and hopefully that won't happen again. I plan to take my time on the next chapters.
5654978 As Vinyl would say: Bitchin'!
5655878
Applebloom isn't, and she doesn't seem to be overly worried Applejack's going to stick a bar of soap in her mouth...
5657695 Apple Bloom hasn't cursed at all.
5657695
Have you been around children recently? I pride myself on my sailor's mouth, and they're beating me.
5657793
Well she's so blatantly throwing words like crap around, it feels like she has that mindset to...
I'm just saying, it's not that wholesome a characterization when you can compare the mindsets of an adult DJ to a child farm girl.
Nice chapter. Hopefully Tavi doesn't bomb to badly.
5658010 Agreed xD
5698885 True, but then the story wouldn't exist.
5698934 But Vinyl isn't just any regular DJ. She's a DJ with a bass cannon! Her music got so loud she weaponized it! Octavia's obviously using dark magic if she can shatter Vinyl's eardrums, and should be burned as a witch.
Does anybody know where I can find a duck and an oversized scale?
Because you said that, Vinyl, I'd get worried.
It is.
Oh god my sides!
That's not better.
Don't swear around the drunk filly.
MORON! NEVER SAY THAT!!!
5699181 Ohmygosh Ohmygosh Ohmygosh. Monty Python. No way. That is, like, the best non-mlp movie ever. Kudos to you, fine fellow.