Clusterbuck
“Vinyl, please wait!” Rarity rushed forward to catch Octavia as she trotted out the doors of the hospital lobby.
She had to admit, it wasn’t a surprise to find out Vinyl didn’t have health insurance. She was surprised, however, to learn that Nurse Redheart had already covered the cost of the visit. In the nurses own words it was a “thank you for the you-know-what”. Octavia actually didn’t know what, but the seductive wink Nurse Redheart gave her – after slapping some adhesive bandages and a prescription in her hoof – did leave room for the imagination.
Octavia was just happy the whole exchange occurred before Rarity could catch up to her. Unfortunately, she hadn’t been quick enough to fully slip away.
“Vinyl.” Rarity trotted in front of Octavia. “I’m serious. You should go back and get your horn looked at.”
Resisting the urge to scoff, Octavia tersely replied. “There’s really no need. I’m more than fine, all right?” She prepared to brush passed her.
“You are not fine, Vinyl! You can’t even use magic for pony’s sake. Doesn’t that scare you a little?”
“Not really,” Octavia answered honestly. Considering her earth pony-ness, a lack of magic wasn’t all that new. Though now that she was technically a unicorn, the thought of using her powers intrigued her. Refusing to dwell on the possibilities now, Octavia attempted to side step Rarity.
“Darling, listen to me.” Rarity stepped in front of Octavia. “I can’t imagine how embarrassing it must be to admit to having magical dysfunction, but I sincerely think you should get some help. It may not seem bad now, but it gets worse. One day your magic stops working, the next, your horn becomes limp.”
Octavia fought down a look of revulsion. Thankfully Vinyl’s sunglasses blocked her expressive eyes, but she still had to keep her mouth from morphing into an expression of disgust. “Okay then…” She surreptitiously inched away. “For the fourth time, Rarity, there is nothing wrong with me.” Other than the fact that I’m trapped in the body of my roommate! Beyond that however, everything’s just peachy.
“I still don’t see why you’re refusing help, darling… but I suppose I can’t force you on this one.”
Sweet Celestia, she’s actually going to relent! “You’re absolutely right. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere to be.”
“Very well then, but, um… at least put on a bandage before you go. The glass may have all been collected, but you are still bleeding quite profusely.” Rarity held up a hoof to her cheek to indicate the waterfall of blood still on Octavia’s face.
“Yeah that’s probably a good idea.” Turning her attention to the roll of bandages in her hoof, Octavia attempted to peel one off. Several seconds of frustrated fiddling later, Rarity spoke up.
“Would you like some help, darling?” Octavia sighed inwardly, but nodded. Rarity ignited her horn and levitated the bandages up in a blue aura, before removing a single strip. Rarity leaned in close to her face as she began to place the bandage, likely to get the best precision. Octavia felt the sticky surface grip her cheek as Rarity’s magic smoothed the bandage over her cut cheek. With the job done, Rarity seemed to forget that their faces were in such close proximity, so Octavia cleared her throat and backed away.
“Thanks... dude.” She turned, prepared to trot over to Princess Twilight’s castle and catch up with Vinyl. Upon walking away, she heard hoofsteps. Turning, she saw Rarity following her.
“Oh, um, it would appear my work is done here then.” She backed away. “Sorry, I won’t over stay my welcome.” She turned to leave. “I hope we can meet up again sometime, Vinyl. You really are a delight to be around.”
Octavia watched her start to leave, her roommate’s asinine request suddenly coming to mind. She groaned internally. “Actually… uh, dude.” Rarity looked back, stopping. “I got this… uh… gig, tonight at Club Stirrup. Would you like to attend?”
“Club Stirrup you say?” Rarity paused. “It’s… not my usual venue, but I suppose it would be nice to branch out a little. I’ll try to be there around eight then.”
“Uh… righteous.” Celestia, I sound like a moron.
Rarity giggled. “Goodbye Vinyl, and I do hope you will reconsider getting your horn looked at.” She waved. Octavia returned the gesture, along with a forced grin. As soon as Rarity was gone, she turned and bolted.
Vinyl, I really hope you have a cure.
“Finally!” Vinyl exclaimed as she broke through the dense foliage and spied a tiny tree house not far ahead. “I thought I’d never find this bucking thing.” Granted, she was saying that after searching for only five minutes, but she only had Octavia’s body, not her patience.
Vinyl trotted forward, hoping that Apple Bloom would be inside. If not, the hunt will be forced to continue, much to her dismay. As she approached the top step of the tree house, she heard voices coming from the inside.
“No! Ya can’t have anymore. Ya already drank half the dang thing, and clearly it don’t work.”
Well there’s a country twang that sounds a little familiar. Vinyl allowed a smile to break out on her face; she’d only be stuck in Octavia’s body for a little longer.
Barging in, Vinyl was immediately met with a confused yellow face. There were two other fillies in the room, but Vinyl was only focused on the one she came here for.
“’Sup,” she greeted.
Apple Bloom blinked.“Uh… hi?”
“We need to have a little chat, kid.”
“Ooooh!” an orange filly called out. “Looks like Twi-hic-light found out about your potion mess up.”
“That isn’t Twilight,” the other filly promptly stated, swaying as she stepped closer to Vinyl. “Clearly she’s a Diamond Dog.”
“Oh yeah,” the orange filly murmured, squinting her eyes. “My bad.”
“Are they drunk or something?” Vinyl asked Apple Bloom.
“No they….” She shook her head. “Wait, who are ya? Why are ya even here?”
It suddenly dawned on Vinyl that Apple Bloom had never seen her before… or rather, never seen her as Octavia before. Before she could open her mouth and find something to say that would clear up the confusion, she was cut off.
“Am I Sweetie Belle yet?” Vinyl watched as the orange filly poked a hoof into the face of the other kid, who she guessed was Sweetie Belle.
“I think so.” Sweetie Belle blinked in rapid succession. “I don’t remember having three heads though. Or being really blurry. Or orange.”
Vinyl glanced at the mug near Apple Bloom and inhaled the sticky, fermented apple scent that hung in the air. The behavior of the two fillies before her pieced together the last of the puzzle for her.
“You gave them the cider, didn’t you?”
“Cider?” Apple Bloom’s face scrunched into confusion. “Ah don’t have any cider.”
Vinyl pointed to the mug next to her. “That’s cider.”
Apple Bloom groaned. “Why does everypony seem ta think that? No it ain’t cider, it’s a–“
“Body-switching potion?”
“…H-how did ya know that?” Apple Bloom's eyebrow shot up in suspicion, but her jaw hung loosely with nervousness. Her eye's failed to choose one emotion to express, and she ended up showing both shock and fear.
“Remember bumping into an awesome white unicorn the other day and dropping your cider?” Apple Bloom’s eyes widened, but she nodded. “Yeah… that was me.”
“But ya aren't–” Understanding suddenly began flooding Apple Bloom’s face. “Oh…”
“Now you get it.”
Apple Bloom’s mouth morphed into a wide grin and her eye's lit up with joy. “Holy cow! It actually worked! Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, did ya hear that? It worked!”
Vinyl blinked in shock as a yellow blur began bouncing around the room with joy. Her friends drunkenly staggered to their feet, whooping and hollering. In the midst of celebrating, Scootaloo hoof pumped the air, accidentally making contact with Sweetie Belle’s jaw. She went down giggling giddily, almost unaware that she’d been punched.
“Hey!” Vinyl barked, cutting the celebration short. “Look, I’m not usually a wet blanket, but being in Tavi’s body seems to be having that affect on me. So can you – if it’s not too much trouble – fix this shit?”
“Hehe… shit’s a funny – hic – word.” Scootaloo giggled.
“Ya don’t need ta worry too much. The body switching potion only lasts about an hour.”
Vinyl arched her eyebrow. “Oh really? That’s good news. I guess all my worrying’s been for nothing… EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT I DRANK THE BUCKING THING LAST NIGHT!”
Apple Bloom fell on her hindquarters from the force of the shout. She shook her head, confused. “Wait… last night?” Her pupils suddenly shrunk to the size of marbles. “Oh no… the zap apple seeds!”
“Zappy whatsits?”
“Zap apple seeds!” Apple Bloom repeated with a rising panic. “They were supposed ta be the last ingredient of the potion but Ah only added them ta the cider!” Her head swiveled to her two friends, both of which were having fun saying “shit” every time they spoke. “And Ah… Ah gave it ta them!” Apple Bloom dug her hooves into her mane. “Oh Celestia, Ah just got mah best friends drunk! This is awful!”
“Yeah, yeah, we can discuss who’s going to jail for giving a couple of fillies some booze later. Right now, I’m a little more concerned about the fact that I’m NOT EVEN IN MY OWN BODY!”
“The Diamond Dog sounds mad,” Sweetie Belle piped up. “Should I find a jackhammer, or some shit?”
“I’ll get it,” Scootaloo replied, promptly turning and walking into a wall.
Ignoring them, Apple Bloom looked up. “Don’t worry, Ah can fix this!”
“Yeah, I doubt that,” Vinyl snorted. “You’re really lucky that I already sent a letter to Twilight.”
“YA DID WHAT?” Apple Bloom exploded. “No, no, no! This is terrible. She can’t know Ah mixed up the potion! Ah’ll never git ta go ta a Twilight Time again!”
“As uh… awful as that sounds, I’d be more concerned about what the mare who has my body is going to do to you when she finds out there’s no cure.”
“Look, Ah can fix this! Ah just need time, all right!” She hit her head with her hoof repeatedly. “Come on, think!” Vinyl opened her mouth to interject that head trauma wouldn’t really help the situation, but suddenly Apple Bloom perked up. “That’s it! Zecora!”
“That zebra who always digs potholes in the town square?” Vinyl knitted her brows together. “What can she do?”
“She’s a potion expert! Ah’m sure she can whip up a cure in no time!”
“Really? Epic! Can you go see her right now? I gotta go find Tavi and make sure she knows what’s happening.” And check her progress with Rarity, while I'm at it.
“Yeah.” Apple Bloom turned her head. “Girls, Ah–” She froze, seeing only Sweetie Belle behind her. “Uh… where’s Scootaloo?”
“She… uh… went to find a jackhammer or some shit.” Sweetie Belle wobbled. “She took my body with her… the jerk.”
Apple Bloom’s eyes widened. “Oh no!” She faced Vinyl. “Ah gotta stop her!”
“Why? I’m pretty sure no one’s dumb enough to give a jackhammer to a kid.”
“But she’s drunk. In public!”
Understanding dawned on Vinyl. “Okay, yeah. You better find her first I guess.”
“Meet me at Zecora’s hut in an hour.” Apple Bloom rushed out the door, stopping to turn around and barked an order, “Sweetie Belle, don’t go anywhere! Ya understand?”
“Yep. I got it. No shit from my – hic – end.” She flopped down on her stomach.
“An' stop usin’ that word!” Apple Bloom bolted out.
Suddenly, Vinyl had a horrible realization. “Wait!” she called out. “Where’s Zecora’s hut?” No response. Apple Bloom was already out of earshot. Sighing, Vinyl turned back inside. Sweetie Belle was inching towards the cider bottle using her hind legs to propel her. Vinyl stepped in and grabbed the mug. “Nope. Sorry kiddo.”
“You shitty Diamond Dog,” Sweetie Belle mumbled.
Wow… I’m a really bad influence, aren’t I? Sweetie Belle gurgled something about Diamond Dogs again, before the massive amount of alcohol in her system forced her into unconsciousness. Well, at least she’s not going anywhere. The cider must be pretty strong though if she passed out after only half a glass. Either that or this kid’s as big a lightweight as Tavi.
Curious, Vinyl swirled the mug in her hoof for a moment, sniffed it, and took a sip. “Not bad.” Remembering she still needed to find Octavia, Vinyl ran out of the clubhouse too, cider in tow. She hoped it would be enough to calm down her undoubtedly seething roommate.
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Yeah. I'm putting this out there.
IT NEEDS AN UPDATE!
And...
Also important,
I'M FIRST COMMENTER!
But seriously,
UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!UPDATE!
Righteous chapter, bro. Can't wait for that next one. Keep on rockin', dude!
You got featured! That's awesome.
Who's the loser that made six other alternate accounts just to dislike this story?
Omargash.
Their antics are hilarious. :)
Oh god, here's to hoping Apple Bloom finds Scootaloo before Rainbow Dash does.
5554103 Supposedly they've been living in Ponyville for 2-3 years now, so they would've moved in around the same time Twilight did. I can see why that might be valid though.
Can't wait for the next chapter
I love this! It made me laugh lots XD
That was every bit as amusing as I had hoped it would be. Admirable idea dragging Zecora into all this, I can only see it devolving into chaos however, Discord would be proud.
Oh right, the cider was alcoholic.
I can't believe I didn't think of that.
Yep.
Yep.
It's been more than an hour, so, it WOULD have been an hour, except for the fact that without the zap apple seeds to make it temporary, it's most likely to be permanent.
Yep.
Honestly, yes.
I can see that she's gonna say this in front of Rarity at some point.
Oh dear.
Yep.
5597658 dat cat like shoes tho. maybe it thinks it's a dog.
That's when you take Sweetie bell
and Scootaloo 
to Pinkie Pie! I bet she could have some fun with that 
Gosh I love that line