Tonight I Shall Be Laughter

by Cloud Wander

In the Forest of the Night

The Ancient Palace of the Royal Pony Sisters, Everfree Forest:

Silently pacing the ruined halls of the Palace, Captain Bucephalus now doubted that Princess Luna had returned here.

It had seemed like a good idea, before. This was the last place She had been Nightmare Moon, the site of Her most wrenching transformation. There was still some power here, Bucephalus felt. If there was risk for a Princess of Equestria, it might well be concealed here.

But there was little opportunity for fun, unless one's tastes ran towards ghost stories. The ancient ruin was haunted by memory. This had once been the fortress of the Lunar Guard. This had once been Her home. But now the corridors only echoed with regret.

Bucephalus left the Palace, somberly walking across a suspension bridge over a misty chasm, into the depths of the Everfree Forest.

So where else, then? Bucephalus wondered. It occurred to him that the Princess was a total stranger to modern Equestria. Canterlot, the ruined Palace... what other place could hold meaning for Her now?

And, as in uffish thought he stood, a manticore ambushed Captain Bucephalus.

Bucephalus's armor saved him. The manticore's claws raked the pegasus's neckguard, shredding the armor but leaving Bucephalus relatively unhurt. Now regretting the loss of his helmet, Bucephalus headbutted the brute's sensitive nose. The manticore roared with pain, backed up a step, then charged again.

An adult manticore is much larger and more massive than a pony, but also slower and less agile. Bucephalus evaded the beast's powerful swipes, all the while working back towards the edge of the trees. If the pegasus could get some clear sky, he could take to the air where he would have the advantage over the slower, clumsier flyer.

As he dodged and beat back the manticore's attacks, Bucephalus suddenly became aware that against all reason he was grinning again. For all that he was in deadly danger, the thrust and counter-thrust with the manticore reminded Bucephalus of nothing so much as the mock battles that he had often had with the Lunar Tower's furnishings. Fighting the manticore was fun.

"Aha! Parry! Riposte! Have at you!" Bucephalus shouted, planting a well-placed kick in the manticore's ribs. "Ho, villain! You think to subdue the Commander of the Lunar Guard? I say thee neigh!"

The pegasus's taunts and kicks drove the manticore mad with frustration and rage. The brute, wild-eyed, lunged furiously at Bucephalus, but the pegasus always remained just beyond its reach.

The battle had reached the edge of the trees, along a wide riverbank. Clear sky was just behind Bucephalus. All he required now was a little space to make a leap into the air and to safety.

The manticore seemed to realize this too, for all of a sudden as it sprang towards Bucephalus it unfurled its own broad, leathery wings, blocking the pegasus's path to the sky.

Bucephalus was forced back into the river. Water rushed up around his haunches; thick mud clutched at his legs. No good; in the water and the mud, the advantage would turn quickly to the more powerful manticore. The manticore, sensing this, threw itself with all its fury at Bucephalus.

Unnoticed by the two combatants as they fought, the river had begun to boil. Something enormous and unseen moved beneath the black waters until the surface churned foam-white in the thin moonlight.

Watersmooth claws as sharp as swords sliced the river. Fingers like great tree trunks bound with cables reached out with oiled grace. In a flash, both the pegasus and the manticore were seized by mighty, gargantuan hands sheathed in amethyst scales.

Bucephalus struggled helplessly in the monster’s grasp as he was raised up. The creature, impossibly long, rose majestically, dragging coil after heavy coil out of the dark river. Bucephalus gazed in horror at the broad draconic head that blotted out the stars and the vast eyes that blazed with anger. The manticore shrieked with terror and rage.

Then the great serpent spoke.

"Really, now, if you boys want to roughhouse, you should do it someplace else. A fellow needs his beauty sleep, you know."

Say what now? thought Bucephalus.

The manticore, screaming, stabbed savagely with its barbed tail at the monstrous serpent, striking its luminescent scales without effect.

"Rude," said the serpent, cocking an eye at the manticore. It wrinkled its huge nostrils. "Tch! And you smell bad, too! That I think I can fix!"

Utterly indifferent to the manticore's howling, the serpent reached down and swished the manticore about in the water, like a cook rinsing a turnip. Then the serpent waded to the river's edge and rubbed the struggling manticore vigorously against a mass of shrubbery.

The serpent raised the manticore to its nostrils and sniffed. "Ah! Lilac! Much nicer, as I think you'll agree. Well, now that you've had your little bath, be a nice kitty and fly away home. Shoo, shoo, shoo!"

With that, the great serpent wound up an underhand pitch and tossed the manticore far over the trees and out of sight. The manticore yowled and complained, but the brute still had enough sense to continue flying away.

"Now," said the serpent, turning his vast, deep gaze upon Bucephalus. "What about you then, my little pony?"

That’s quite a moustache, Bucephalus thought. And is that a hair net he's wearing? Studying the great serpent a bit more carefully, the fellow didn't seem quite as fierce as Bucephalus had first thought. He just seemed a bit put out.

Bucephalus cleared his throat. "Perhaps if I may introduce myself? I am Captain Bucephalus, Commander of Her Majesty's Lunar Guard. I apologize for disturbing you earlier. I was fighting for my life just now so I may have become a little boisterous.”

"Well, I suppose it couldn't be helped." Sigh. "Still, I’m delighted to make your acquaintance, mon capitan," said the serpent. “As for myself, there are many who know me as... Steve."

"Hay, Steve," said Bucephalus, genially. His mad urge to grin was starting to return.

"Hay, Captain. I do hope you'll forgive my saying so, but you appear a bit dishabille for a member of the Royal Guard."

Bucephalus examined himself. He was bruised, scratched, his silver armor in tatters, caked with mud and covered in tree sap.

"I've had a pretty busy evening," he admitted.

"Ah, perhaps I can fix you up," said Steve brightly.

"It's kind of you to offer, Steve, but really, ah--- glub!"

Much like the manticore before him, though possibly a little more gently, Bucephalus was plunged into the river then rubbed briskly against a flower bed. When the ordeal was over, Bucephalus thought, well, at least now I’m clean and minty fresh.

"La-da-da-di-dah la-da-da-di-daaah!" hummed Steve gaily, as he carefully groomed Bucephalus's mane with one massive claw. "There! Handsome again!"

"Thanks, Steve," said Bucephalus.

"Oh, no trouble at all, mon capitan," said Steve. The serpent yawned hugely. Bucephalus was abruptly reminded of staring down "The Throat" of the Sonic Rainflume! ride. “Now, if you don't mind, I really must snuggle up in my cozy riverbed. This night air is simply terrible for my complexion. May I offer you a boost to wherever you're going?"

"No, no, that's fine," said Bucephalus quickly, not wanting to be pitched like a softball. "If you could just point me towards the nearest town---?"

"Of course," said Steve, releasing Bucephalus, who hovered near the serpent's head. "That would be Ponyville. Just follow the river downstream; the river will lead you right to it."

"Thank you, Steve. Thanks again for everything. I mean it.”

"My pleasure," said Steve sleepily as he coiled back down into the river. "Do visit me again some time, mon capitan."

Steve raised one warning claw. "In daylight."

Comments

[Thorax]

"That’s quite a moustache," Simply fabulous

[Lordlyhour]

Twas Midnight and the Bucephalus
did search for luna in places fun
For she was his Gaurding charge
She was also on the run

Beware the Sonic Flume, My Boy,
The Dropping Throat, the walk of shame,
and If luna You annoy,
She'll forgive you, all the same.

He seized his Princess Socks in hoof,
Long time the moustached one he sought
So went, did he, to Everfree
and stood a while in Though.

And whilst in Uffish thought he Stood,
A Manticore with Lion's Mane
Came a wandering through that Moonlit wood
Yowling as it came

One Two, One Two, And through, and through,
The Vorpal Steve did wash the cat.
He'd left his bed (or so he said)
and washed Bucephalus after that

"Which way now, a town to go?"
"That way to the town, Mon Capitan
If once more you come this way, Come Back (in the day)"
and he went back to his naprightthen (worst Rhyme D:)

Twas Midnight and the Bucephalus
did search for luna in places fun
For she was his Gaurding charge
She was also on the run

[LittleSallyDigby]

714604

Holy shit, dude. You are a boss.

[Deus]

Aha! GO STEVE!

[Ember Quill]

“As for myself, there are many who know me as... Steve."

I can't help but be reminded of Tim the Enchanter when I read this line.

[Barry From Mars]

The visit with Mr. Magnet was funny.

[Anonymous Assassin]

"La-da-da-di-dah la-da-da-di-daaah!" hummed Steve gaily.
I died laughing when I read that.

[weakpony]

414105

714604
869181
I totally agree, An awesome little rhyme indeed!

Also: Wheee! I'm reading this ages after it was posted .
Good story so far, can't wait to finish it .

[Christovski]

Eyyyy Steve!

[BlueYoshi]

Steven Magnet! Yay!