Feed back is appreciated; be it good or bad. Please don`t be shy about it. I wish to get progresily better at what I do; so if you have something to say to help me improve upon myself, please say so. I do this for my enjoyment; and only wish to get better.

*progresivly* Dumb xbox keybord set up lol.

4426280 You should get an editor. I don't mean this maliciously (hell, pretty much all of the best writers on here get several people to pre-read and edit what they write), but your technical command of the language is a real barrier to connecting properly with the story. The idea seems solid, and that is the greatest challenge in writing fan fiction, so there's a fair amount of promise here. If you write with a forceful editor then your stories will get a more useful reception and you will also find your own technical abilities improving rapidly. It's great that you're here to continually improve your writing, and I feel bound to tell you that that is honestly the best first step you could make from here.

There are some fantastic guys who do editing on this site, as well. Good luck and happy writing!

Look people; don`t thumb down comments please. I take them all in to concideration; and try to learn from them. Also; from now on, if you thumb down the story; please tell me why. I`m nont going to get mad; I just would like to know why you did it.

Rape-Murder, Incest rape, Mind break, Fillyfooling rape, basically a thousand rape and foalcon tags under the sun, a thousand notifications, and only 1,000 words to one story?
I can tell without even reading it that it's not going to be good. Fitting all of this shit into one chapter that's only a thousand words long is saying that first of all it's going to be extremely chaotic, and second of all it's not going to be detailed enough for anyone to care.
I *do* appreciate that you're going through some hoops to try and learn from your mistakes, but there needs to be more effort put into it.

@Sunnyside the pegasus- The eyes only see what you tell them to see. The mind sees it all in clear form; this story is meant to be a mind game. It will require ones mind to prosses smal details in each chapter. The fillies have lost their grip on reality; thus one must attempt to put the pieces together. Each one of them suffers from a form of psychosis; and it is up to the reader to pull out what needs to be. In short; prepare to be mind fud.