Banished

by mlplover17

Planning Revenge

"When I'm finally free, I'll capture Celestia. Then I'll spread eternal night throuout Equestria. My subjects will have to bow down to ME! Yes. I'll finally rule! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" I shout excitedly.

"No pony understands. My sister got all the love. I got nothing. Just ponies asleep. Watching them play only in my sister's light is painful. IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!" I shout angrily.

I'm starting to get tired. I find a huge crater and sleep in that. It's a little chilly and uncomfortable, but I guess it could be worse. I fall asleep awaiting for my escape.

It's now been five hundred years since I've been here. Its been the same routine over and over again. Eat, explore, watch stars and planets, eat, and sleep. Today is special. Today I see a shower of falling stars. It's so BEAUTIFUL! The hot, glowing, sparkling shooting stars makes me smile so wide, and I'm watching in awe.

When that's over, I'm tired so I fall asleep. I dream about being loved by every pony. They all bow down to me. They play in my night. My sister is crying. I'm happy to see her in pain. She deserves it after what she's done to me. When I wake up, I see Jupiter a few feet away from me. I stare at it. I see it's giant red spot. I go on with the same daily routine for the next one thousand years, seeing the occasional meter shower, comet, shooting star, or planet. Wake up, explore, sleep.

Comments

[Lord of Nothing]

It has great potential, as does almost every story, but you should really go back and edit some of this. It just all seems to move really fast, and the characters aren't as developed as they could be. So, maybe "edit" isn't the best word to use, but you should totally head back and expand upon things here and there.

I hope this was of some use; I can't really give advice like other people.

[mlplover17]

Lord of Nothing Thank you for the advice. I'll try and work on that. But I'm not really sure how you would like me to develop the characters.