The Age of Ascension

by BronyBrotherhood

TV Shows, Stalkers and Quiz Questions

Celestia cornered me. Again.

"How do you know my name? Have you been spying on me? Are you a newcomer in Equestria?"

"The latter. Definitely the latter." I replied hastily. I didn't want any of these ponies to think I was stalking them...

Then what do you call watching them on a television screen, dipshit? My voice asked sarcastically. Honestly, sometimes I just want to punch my own lights out.

Celestia still looked doubtful. "This still does not explain the fact that you know my name without me telling you it. Did Luna or anyone else tell you?"

I turned to see all of the other ponies, and my traitorous friends, shake their heads.

Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! I was drenched in a cold sweat, and felt like I was about to puke.

I then heard the voices of my parents.

John, buddy. Listen to me. my "Dad" said. Run away whilst you still can. From what I've gathered inside your melon, she's done worse for lesser things. Hoof it sport.
My Mum's voice chimed in next. Honey, just fess up. I'm sure nothing THAT bad will happen! I mean, what's the worst that could happen?
I bloody well get banished to the moon, Mum.

After that, the voices hushed.

Really? NOW you shush, voice?

I sighed in submission. I walked up to Celestia and did the thing I knew in my heart was the right choice.

I turned tail and ran like the dickens.

In hindsight, I realize how retarded I was in that single instance. I had just been teleported by another alicorn nearly 2 minutes ago, and I then decide to run from another one.

Genius John. Simply genius.

And it's back.

After being unceremoniously dragged back to my original spot on the plaza by magic (Which, by the way, itches like nothing else), Celestia decided to contain me inside a rose-tinted ball of magic 20 feet up in the air. She flew up to my altitude and sat on a cloud a few feet away from me.

"I have all day, young one. I can sit here and maintain this level of magic for centuries. You don't have that long." Celestia looked smug, as if she knew she won. She had, but I wasn't going to let her know that. I shook my head and sat facing away from her in my bubble. Not a good idea.

I found myself hurtling to the ground a few seconds later, with Dei-dei screaming and Aloysius running over to my place of impact to attempt to catch me. At the last second, Celestia teleported beneath me and I landed on her back.

(Taking advantage of my vertigo was underhanded, but... Celestia - 1, John - 0)

I uttered a long, long string of expletives and insults after that. Dei-dei and Aloysius knew what I meant, and were cringing. The ponies just cocked their heads and looked puzzled at my colourful outburst.

Aloysius waked over to Celestia.

"Ummm... Your poniness? He knows who you are because -"
"NO!" I yelled. Aloysius sighed at me.
"I'm telling them. Unless you want another torture ball?"

I couldn't argue with that, and I relented.

Celestia grinned. "Good decision, young one. Anything you can do, I will be able to do better."
I raised my eyebrow in disbelief. "Is that so, Celestia? Let me see you do this then."
I started to snap my fingers.
Celestia blushed and ignored me.

(DAMN SON! Ima giving myself TWO points for that! John - 2, Celestia - 1)

So Aloysius then went on to tell the ponies how we came here, what happened to us before they rescued us, and most importantly, how I knew who all of these ponies were.

The ponies were amused at first, thinking this was a joke. Then, when they saw us with sullen faces, their faces hardened.

"So you've been observing us." said Celestia in a monotone voice.
I panicked. "No! No! Well, yes... But I thought you were fake!"

This seemed to make things worse.

Thank god for Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie trotted up to me. "You don't seem like you know everything. Lemme quiz you!"

The rest of the ponies seemed to agree with this statement.

"Shoot." I said.

Somehow, Pinkie pulled out a snazzy fedora and put on a monocole.

"Question 1," Pinkie said. "Where are we at this very moment?"

"Pfft. That's an easy one Pinkie. The correct answer is...." I got interrupted by Pinkie.

"Ponyville of course! You should know that if you stalk us!"

I growled.

And I could only just about take Pinkie in the show... God, I already feel an aneurism coming on.

I sighed.

"Maybe next time you would give me a little more time to answer, Pinkie." I asked nicely, forcing a smile onto my face.

Pinkie nodded and giggled. "Okie dokey Lokey! Next question! Numero two! Who is that?"

She pointed to Gummy.

"That's Gummy, your pet alligator." I replied.

"Psychic!" Pinkie yelled.

Twilight sighed and stepped in. "My turn now... It's only fair that we should know your name before we go any further. What is it?"

"I'm John. John... Thomas." I sighed.

Aloysius and Dei-dei found this hilarious.

"Oh god dude! Your parents must have HATED you!" Laughed Aloysius.

I clenched my fists.

Dei-dei put two and two together and successfully came out with four again. This time though, she punched Aloysius in the head.

"Jesus, Dei-dei! What the fu- Ooooooooooh. Shit, man I'm so sorry."

"Lets just forget about it." I said.

"But-"

"I SAID SHUT IT ALOYSIUS!" I yelled. Aloysius meekly obeyed.

The ponies grew restless.

"Shoot. Even I understood why he shut his mouth there, Aloysius." Applejack tsked.
"I concur!" Said Rarity.
"Yeah... How did it happen, John?" Asked Rainbow Dash.

Author's Note:

Aha! Chapter 3 is done!

I used the british spelling for all of the BRITISH words. Don't you dare scream at me.

Now onto chapter 4! X_X

P.S The tales of Dei-dei, John and Aloysius will continue! Later. I won't be writing over the summer. I will try, but it's gonna be hard. Apparently we need "Family bonding time".