Fallout Equestria: Tales of a Courier

by a friendly hobo

Chapter 6: Remnant of the Past

Chapter 6: Remnant of the Past

“History must be written of, by and for the survivors.”

“Motherfuckingvoodooshitzombie!” I shouted as I stumbled backwards out of the room and into the wall, knocking several things off of shelves. The zombie started to get out of the bed and stretch out his rotten flesh.

“What happened?” Ace called out as she bounded down the stairs from the terminal and froze solid at the sight of the approaching zombie. “Stand back, Clover. That's a ghoul.”

“What? Never seen a sane ghoul before, amigo?” the zombie chuckled, his voice was cracked and raspy, as if his throat was full of sandpaper, or something.

“Not a sane one, no...” Ace growled as she loaded her shotgun. I was trembling behind her like a coward. I have no regrets about that. “Prove you aren't going to devour us, and I might not shoot you.”

“Seems reasonable. My name is Snake Eyes, and I was born in the lands south of Equestria before the war. I've been, among other things, an engineer, a soldier, a spy, an executive and a wanderer,” Ace pressed her shotgun against his head, “And a vegetarian.” Snake Eyes added, hastily.

Ace narrowed her eyes at the rot bag, a skeptical look dancing across her features. after a few moments she lowered her shotgun. “Okay, but I'm watching you...”

“I suppose you're here for the foal?” Snake Eyes asked. Ace slowly nodded, “Then allow me.” Snake Eyes trotted up the stairs and started tapping keys with practised ease; the door unlocked. Ace looked at the zombified unicorn with a puzzled expression on her face.

“Where did you learn to do that?” She asked.

“I've been around for over two hundred years. You tend to pick up a few things.” He grinned and backed away from the door, letting let us past.

The room was a cluttered mess of papers, pencils, radio equipment and tools; In the corner sat a small cage with a small blue blob inside. Ace and I approached cautiously as Snake Eyes picked up a number of tools and put them inside a discarded saddlebag. The blob seemed to twitch as we got closer and out poked the tiny head of a colt who seemed unharmed.

“Mommy?” he asked through bleary eyes. “You're not mommy...” he put his head back down before his eyes went wide, “Are you here to help me?” bounced to his hooves.

“Sure are, kid.” I said with a smile. I could hear Snake Eyes mumble 'he speaks' under his breath, I shot him a glare and immediately regretted it as he smiled back at me through a dilapidated muzzle. Creepy. “Ace, get the cage door.”

“Sure thing, boss.” She said with a smirk and began picking the lock.

“One thing I ain’t so good at,” Snake Eyes nickered from behind me, making me jump, “Is lock picking. Hacking and just about anything technological on the other hoof...”

Ace was taking her time picking the lock so I took some time to examine this 'ghoul', I had never even heard of one before, let alone seen one. Snake Eyes was like a walking corpse, his skin was flayed and cracked and only parts of his dark gray mane remained, fortunately his small mustache had somehow survived, giving him a slight not-so-dead look. His coat was a patchy light gray and had a revolver with a snake coiled around the grip for a cutie mark, slightly distorted through the rotted skin and flesh.

Finally Ace opened the cage, and the colt sprinted out and wrapped himself around my leg. Ace chuckled as he looked up at me.

“Thank you.” He said with wide, adorable eyes. I gave him a pat on the back as I looked at Ace.

“Objective one...” I nickered. She went from chuckling to silence.

“Objectives?” Snake Eyes asked, “You ponies mercs?”

“No. Objective one, get the child out of here. Objective two-”

“Kill psycho bitch.” Ace said, finishing my sentence.

“You're going to try and kill that thing controlling the dish? She's loco, claims to kill with her thoughts. At least, one of them does...”

“One of them?” I spluttered, “There's more than one up there?!”

“Well...yes and no.”

“You'd better start making sense soon, or you're going to be deader than you look.” Ace threatened. The colt hid behind me from the scary mare.

Snake Eyes raised his hooves, “Okay, okay! It seems that its not just one pony in that pony but a bunch. Could be two, could be more, I never really wanted to find out.” and I thought I was nuts. “Got a plan?” He finally asked.

“Kinda. Got an armoury?” I asked. Snake Eyes grinned.

------ ------ ------

We left the prison building after opening the last locked door, which only housed a few skeletons, and trotted to the second building. It was smaller than the prison building and had a much tougher door to get through, considering it was made of metal and intact, but still had a fairly easy lock, nothing Ace couldn't get through.

“Built to withstand a balefire blast but not the skill of the great and powerful Ace!” she called out triumphantly, thumping her chest in glory. I rolled my eyes as we stepped inside.

The building housed the best thing you could find in the wasteland: Weapons. Some stacked high but in horrible condition; rusted and cracked but some still operational. The thing that caught my eye was what was hanging on the back wall. It was the most majestic, mouthwatering, groin twitchingly, awesome rifle I had ever laid eyes on.

“Clove, wipe your chin, and get to looting.” Ace smirked, knocking me out of my stupor; I walked over to the rifle. It was larger than Longshot, the rifle I had customized for so many years, so it had to be mounted on a type of harness mechanism that seemed to go across ones back. I smashed open the display case and hefted it down. It was much heavier than my old rifle; I loved it.

I strapped the rifle onto my back and the harness mechanism immediately started humming and buzzing as the rifle positioned itself beside me and it's scope swung over my eye. It was a bit unconformable, but I would get used to it. I flicked a switch on the harness and the scope retracted back to the rifle and the rifle swung onto my back. The weight felt good on my back, It felt like I actually had a rifle now, and not a toy BB gun.

“Anything good?” I asked as I approached Ace, who was muzzle deep in a large box. She pulled out several pieces of junk; scrap metal, some electronics, some spark batteries and some wonderglue. Nothing special.

“Nothing useful at the moment but this stuff will defiantly sell.” she chuckled, triumphantly. I could hear Snake Eyes muttering while ransacking several cupboards and boxes, throwing the stuff we could sell out of the way, searching for something in particular.

“AHA!” he shouted as his chipped horn started glowing and he levitated an impressive magnum out of the bottom of a box, “Bull Stopper.” he said before he kissed it. Weeeeirdo.

“So anything that can deal any damage?” I asked right as Ace opened a small cylindrical box, squealing with glee. I peeked into the box, and inside were three disks with Better Wiped than Striped written on them.

“Watch it, those things are extremely dangerous...” Snake Eyes said as he backed away, slowly.

“Duh, they're mines, of course they're dangerous.” Ace said.

“Yes, but those are designed to blow up tanks.” Snake Eyes said, “And they are quite unstable.”

“Why might that be?” Ace smirked as she spun one in the air with her magic.

“Because they have a slight tendency to negate their safety measures and explode.”

“Explode?” my ears perked up. I like explosions.

“Explode.” Snake Eyes repeated with a nod.

“The plan just got a whole lot better,” I grinned. “You know your way around the command center?” Snake Eyes nodded. I looked at the junk Ace was piling up in a crate and spotted the wonderglue. “Good.”

The colt looked at me with a puzzled look. “But first. We need Knick Knack.”

------ ------ ------

Finding Knick Knack was not hard with my EFS and the fact that he was not too far away. What we were about to try and do was far too dangerous to take a colt along with us, so we asked Knick Knack to take him down to Stitches and Purple Haze along with the box of salvage. He was reluctant but did it anyway.

We stood outside the communications command building. It was a huge square concrete building sticking out of the mountain face with a large dish on top. Apparently, the crazy alicorn that resided here never leaves the main control room, which made our job easier.

“Everyone know what to do?” I asked.

“You made that plan up on the fly, didn’t you?” Ace nickered.

“Um...well...mostly...” Ace gave me one of her stern looks. “Well I had most of it planned out...kinda. It was mostly reliant on explosives...” she continued her stare. “Well we've got a plan now, alright?” she rolled her eyes.

“Forgive me for interrupting, but are we going in there or are you two going to start kissing or something?” Snake Eyes said, breaking the tension. Ace went wide-eyed before laughing. I stood dumb struck, as always.

“Come on, lets go.” Ace sighed after composing herself, wiping a tear from her eye. Through the great metal doors we went.

The inside of the command center was dusty and smelled of age; The walls were gray and grimy. There was a large portrait at the end of the hall of two alicorns, standing side by side, their faces scratched off. Most of the painting was deteriorated and covered in dust except for the some fresh scratchings underneath reading: “The Goddess commands me”.

“Those are the princesses and former rulers of Equestria before the bombs.” Snake Eyes said. “Never really met them as myself.”

“Not as yourself?” Ace asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

“Ah, that is a tale for another time.”

“You're an enigmatic little bastard aren’t you?” I asked.

“My life is an open book, granted the pages are scorched and falling out, but still open, its just not the time for my ramblings of the past.”

“Right...best get to work.” I said, regaining focus on the mission.

We parted ways at the end of the hallway, Ace and I turned left and headed for the command center while Snake Eyes headed right. My EFS was still clear when we rounded the corner before we heard voices.

“Get the ghoul!”

“NO! I will not let you use him any longer!”

“The Goddess waits for no pony. He will fix the dish or die trying!”

“Why do we have to talk to the goddess? Can't you see we are better off without her?”

“BLASPHEMY! The unity needs our assistance. GET THE GHOUL!”

What followed was a series of banging and crashing. Ace looked at me with a expression that said 'what the hell?' I returned the look before poking my head around the corner to see a blue alicorn smashing its head against a table but what struck me as odd was that it had a cutie mark that seemed to flicker. I flicked a switch on my harness and approached the alicorn.

“Stop! Get away! Quickly!” It screamed as its head shot up, staring at me through beautiful blue eyes before I could take a shot. It flailed around the room suddenly, clutching its head. The alicorn hit a wall and stared at me again; Its eyes were starting to go from blue to a sickly green before it grinned.

“Should have ran, ponies. You should have ran.” it laughed before picking up a nearby table with its telekinesis and flinging it at us. I quickly dove to the ground as the great hunk of wood flew past, just grazing the tip of my mane.

“And so it begins. Snake Eyes, you'd better hurry...” I muttered to myself. I disengaged my new rifle and plucked my .45 out of its holster, ramming in a fresh magazine. I took a peek around the corner to see the alicorn shoot off a bolt of lightning. It whizzed past me, making the grime that had set around my face crackle.

“Fucking hell!” Ace shouted, “How are we going to do this?”

“Simple. Hold it off and wait for the signal!” I called back.

The alicorn started to march through the room to where we had taken cover, shooting lightning with each hoof fall. Ace was firing blindly out of cover but to no avail, the shield was too powerful.

“We have to move!” she shouted between shots.

“You first! I'll cover you!” I sprang up after a bolt flew over my head and fired off four bullets in quick succession before I ducked down again. Ace was staring at me with her big brown eyes. “Get going!” I shouted as I gave her a small tap before I jumped out of cover again, firing off the rest of my mag. Thankfully Ace got the picture, left cover and darted out of the room.

second bolt, 2...3...4, third bolt. 2...3...4, fourth bolt. Now! I jumped out of cover and galloped to the door but a table beat me to it. Well not exactly, considering it had taken me with it. I slammed against the wall outside the door.

“Fucking run!” I shouted as I scrambled to my feet, ignoring the pain along my back, and jumped out of the way. A large machine smashed into the space I had just vacated with a dull crunch that shook the floor beneath my hooves. We ran through another door into a large room, laden with chairs and tables. We proceeded to move the tables in front of the door and waited.

Thump...thump...thump...

we dove behind a counter and readied weapons. Ace poked her shotgun over the side of the counter while I lay prone next to it. I really liked my rifle, it would have been too heavy for me just to grip with my mouth and shoulder but the harness made up for the additional weight.

Thump...thump...thump

Ace trembled beside me, breathing heavily.

Thump...THUMP...THUMP

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Calm down...I thought to myself, and willed myself to stop shaking. All I could hear now was my heart beating. The thumping on the door stopped.

Silence. The one thing we didn't want to hear. I could see the sweat dripping off of Ace's brow.

“Take a deep bre-”

SMASH

The barricade came down in a shower of splinters. Ace started firing her shotgun blindly into the smoke as I prepared my shot. I could hear her shots ricocheting off of the alicorn's shield and I heard the crackling of its horn charging up as it came into view.

Part of the shield came down just before the lightning fired. I took my shot. The shield started to come up before my bullet hit home but managed to ricochet off the closing shield into the Alicorn’s shin. The alicorn stood shakily on its bloody leg, glaring at me.

“well...shit...” I muttered before the alicorn picked up the counter.

“Look out!” Ace shouted as she dove out of the way. If I had thought of that, I wouldn't have been smacked in the face and almost crushed beneath the counter. If I had thought of that...

My head felt like it was split open and I could taste the blood. I managed to open my eyes just enough to see that Ace was still fighting, shot after shot but the only thing she was killing was her ammo reserves. The alicorn grinned as it plucked the shotgun out of Aces levitation field and threw it across the room. Fuck, Ace’s going to die. The alicorn picked her up in its levitation field and threw her across the room, cause Ace to smash through several tables.

She slowly got up, only to be knocked back down by a chair. The alicorn picked her up and held Ace suspended in the air, blood dripped from the field. The alicorn pulled a piece of pipe that extended from the counter I was under, effectively freeing me, and ripped it out. She swung it above her head before connecting it with Ace's cheek.

I felt pain arc across my midsection as I saw that the glass containers my potions and medipacks were in had smashed and stabbed into me. The liquid inside had seeped deeply into what remained of my barding and coat.

The alicorn was going to town on Ace, swing after swing; she did not let up. I wobbled to my feel before trying to charge the alicorn. I managed to get enough momentum to at least get its attention. It dropped Ace into a crumpled heap, she did not move as blood started to stream onto the floor. I felt my heart sink.

I could hear a whirring sound that wasn't my rifle's harness; it came from above. Both the alicorn and I both halted and looked up, the sound increased in volume before it became a deafening screech.

The signal!

I galloped out of the room and went in the direction Snake Eyes had gone. Lighting shot out from behind me as I turned corner after corner. I finally got to the archives where Snake Eyes had put the next stage of out operation into place. I ducked and weaved my way through the shelves as the alicorn entered the room. I hid under a fallen bookshelf.

“Ollie Ollie Oxen Free...” the alicorn purred as it flicked the shelves away like dominoes. I crept out of my little hidey hole and sprinted for a nearby door. I managed to just get through it when the ground exploded beneath me. I choked on the dust as I rolled over and saw the alicorn walking towards me through the door way. It placed its hoof on my chest and its horn was glowing.

“Ever felt poison running through your veins, slowly, painfully killing you?”

Beep

It turned around.

Beep

It looked above the door way behind it to find three disks glued in place.

“Have you ever felt the impact of three anti tank mines? Have a nice day.” I said

“In other words,” a voice boomed over the intercom.

Beep beep

“Adios,”

Beepbeepbeep

“Mother fucker!”

beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

“FIRE IN THE HOLE!”

The explosion was deafening. The image of a black alicorn silhouette in front of a white light was burned into my eyes. My body ached as I started to come to; I shook my head to clear my vision. In front of me was the twitching body of the alicorn, its cutie mark still flickering, one of her eyes was green but the other blue. The blue one looked at me as the alicorn mouthed “Thank you.” before Snake Eyes came through the door with his revolver in his levitation field.

The blue eye of the alicorn had gone back to green as it stared down the barrel of the revolver. I couldn't hear much over the ringing in my ears as Snake Eyes said something before pulling the trigger. The alicorns cutie mark flickered one last time before it vanished.

Snake Eyes helped me to my hooves as the ringing started to subside.

“...and another thing, that was too lucky that the alicorn still had its shield up or you'd be cut to itty bitty pieces! I mean, just look at the doorway, amigo!” the doorway was completely blown apart. I finally got a stable footing before I raced out of the room and down the hallway.

“Where you going?” Snake Eyes called after me.

I didn't listen. Only one thing was in my mind.

Ace.

------ ------ ------

I screeched to a halt beside Ace and pulled her out of the smashed table, she was lying in a small pool of her own blood. It did not look good, her face was swollen and bruised, blood flooded her face.

“Come on, Ace! Wake up!” I shouted as I lifted her head. No response. “Come on! I can’t loose you!” I yelled. Still nothing. “Why did you have to be the one to get hurt?” tears welled in my eyes. “You’re the closest thing i have to a friend! Hell, you are my friend! Don't you die on me!”

“Okay...” She whispered in a tiny, hoarse voice. She cracked her eyes partly open and looked into mine. “...I'll try...not...” she closed her eyes again, but she was still breathing.

“Uh, boss?” Snake Eyes said as he appeared behind me, “I dunno if you realise this but that alicorn may have rigged this place to blow in the event of her death... as in, any second now...”

“I'm getting you out of here and back to Stitches.” I said as I hefted Ace onto my back. I heard a dull thump from above us, followed by more thumps from all around.

“Let’s get outta here!” Snake Eyes shouted as he darted off.

I galloped after him as the room we had just vacated exploded, sending cement chips and splinters flying all around me. I heard Ace groan on my back. Just around the corner and we were home free. Snake Eyes flew ahead of me as we passed the last corner. He leaped out the door.

Just a few more steps and... as luck would have it, the floor fell from beneath me, just a few hoof beats from the door, I managed to barely leap off of the falling floor and get one hoof out of the door and grabbed the edge while my other foreleg was wrapped around a bloody Ace. I was going to fall into the seemingly bottomless cavern under the facility. Even the basement had collapsed. More rumbles shook the entire building as fire erupted from the upper floors.

Either I let go of Ace and save myself or we bother perish.

“let go.” the voice said in my head.

“Fuck that!” I yelled as I tightened my grip around the edge of the door frame I had managed to grab. I was losing my grip on Ace; It was time to make the decision. I let go of the door frame, maybe we would survive the fall...

“Oh no you don't!” a voice called out from above as my hoof caught something, I looked up to see Snake Eyes grinning back at me through his cracked teeth. I would have vomited if I wasn't about to die. His horn flickered before lighting up, making us a bit lighter as he tried to lift us out of the hole. Even with rumbles shaking the building, he had remarkable focus.

He finally lifted us out of the hole and I hefted Ace onto my back again, and without a minute’s notice, We galloped for the crater, good timing too as the building exploded behind us, I didn't bother even looking at this explosion. Ace needed help more than I needed to watch the glorious fires of a detonation.

We had no time to take the winding road down, it was time for me to learn how to fly. I looked down the relatively steep hill. Was I really about to do this? Ace groaned before coughing up blood on my leather coat.

Fuck it. I jumped off the side and skidded down the mountain. I could feel my hooves burning and gradually chipping away. I landed with a thud on the road we had fought the alicorns on and I got burned.

I sprinted down the road, both my blood and Aces blood dripping from my hooves with each hoof fall. It was painful but I kept going, I wasn't going to let my only friend out here die. Not while I still drew breath.

------ ------ ------

I passed the area we had outsmarted the alicorns and I almost took my first flying lesson without wings. The smashed corpses of alicorns littered the area. Obviously Knick Knack didn't like these alicorns much either.

We finally got back to Stitches and I gently placed Ace on the ground before him.

“By Celestia...What the hell happened?!” He gasped, immediately gathering his supplies.

“Alicorns are toughies, and explosions are not as fun as I thought.” I said as I procured some healing bandages from Stitches' saddlebag. “Please, tell me she will be okay.”

“This is significant damage, she's barely conscious as it is. I can try and get her stable but I wont be able to do anything more with out proper supplies or environment. Haze was lucky it was just only a leg injury she had.”

“There's a small clinic in Rust,” Purple Haze said as she helped me get the bandages around my hooves. Her leg was looking a lot better. “and it is just beyond the tunnel down the road.” I got to my hooves, as painful as it was to do so.

“Lets go then!” I said, picking up both mine and Ace's saddle bags before trotting in place.

“I'm surprised you got her down here in one piece, if we plan on moving her now I should get her ready to be moved. Give me a minute.”

It was the longest minute of my life. I watched as the colt ran between his mother and Knick Knack, who had somehow managed to gain the trust of the mother and colt. I watched as the clouds started to turn darker and darker; A very light drizzle had started to come down.

“Okay, that ought to do it for now, lets not waste anytime getting her to that clinic.” Stitches said as he picked up his saddlebag. Stitches helped me pick up Ace and gently place her on my back. My legs were killing me with the weight, but an unknown force seemed to be driving me, allowing me to keep going, a force that seemed to strengthen with each impact from the pipe as it hit Ace, it felt like the rage I showed when I tried to fight the legion pony, but different.

“What the hell, kid?” Snake Eyes said as he finally caught up, “Since when is surfing down a mountain on your hooves a good idea?”

I looked at Ace and back to him. “Anything is a good idea when a friend is in need.” and I sprinted off for the tunnel, quickly followed by Knick knack carrying Purple Haze and her colt, then Stitches.

“Mi diosa...” Snake Eyes muttered before galloping after us.

------ ------ ------

The tunnel had seen better days. Carts were left to rot where they stood, some crashed into each other, some with skeletons still hanging over the sides. For a route taken by probably hundreds of ponies, it was still as desolate as if the bombs had only just fell.

Did I care at this point? No. I ran straight through the bones, managing to barely miss them as I thundered past. Blood was staining my bandages as I galloped along, causing me to cringe with each step. Some healing bandages those were turning out to be. I'm sure that if Ace was up and about, she would be going through each and every cart or chariot in search of any valuable goods. I looked over my shoulder to see Knick Knack still holding onto the box of goodies we had gathered up on the mountain.

I burst out of the tunnel and felt the rain gently falling on my face. Knick Knack appeared at my side.

“Well, for a pony, you sure are fast.” Knick Knack said as he caught his breath. Running with a mare, a colt, and a box of junk must have been tiring.

“Rust is just down the road.” Haze said. I looked at my comrades and darted off again, followed by the thundering choir of several pairs of hooves behind me. The relief I felt when I saw a makeshift sign with ‘Rust’ scratched on it was great, but my heart quickly sunk when I saw smoke rising from the nearby town. At least, I thought it was a town, the large jury-rigged wall spanning around it obstructed my view.

I screeched to a halt outside the large door to Rust before a bullet ricocheted off the metal walls. I looked up to see a pony in sunglasses looking back at me through a sniper scope.

“Let me in!” I shouted up at him, banging on the gate. He aimed down the scope but didn't shoot. My entourage caught up to me and looked at the sniper, he moved his eye from the scope as another pony walked up behind him. They both stared at us before the new pony whispered something. The sniper nodded and they both disappeared. I heard shouting before the large metal door started to open.

“Who are you?” The new pony said from under his large top-hat.

“Doesn't matter right now, we need immediate medical assistance!” I took a step into the town. I figured out that was a big mistake after I found myself at the end of a sniper barrel. The sniper pony had smaller sniper to my new one so he didn’t need a harness like mine. I couldn't tell if that was a good thing or not...

“Again, Who are you?”

“Travelers, now please, some medical help?”

“A likely story. You're a raider spy, and that's a bomb, isn’t it? Come to finish the job, eh?” He bellowed. I was going to object before Purple Haze spoke up.

“You're right, these aren't travelers, they saved me and my son, blew up where the alicorns had set up shop and got us back here, even the alicorn helped. They are bloody heroes, now if you will excuse us. The clinic is this way.” She said as she pointed into the town. We trotted after Knick Knack as she guided him. The top-hat pony glared at us.

“Just watch it kid, if it wasn't for Haze, I would have gunned you down on the spot.” He hissed as we trotted past.

Rust was in bad shape. There was blood on the dirt and walls along with bullet holes and scorch marks. Haze's eyes widened as we passed the scenes of carnage but still gave Knick directions. We stopped outside a larger building and we trotted inside.

There was two doctors and three nurses but ten of the twelve hospital beds were occupied by ponies old and young. Each in significant pain.

“Come, put that one here.” A nurse said and pointed to Ace. I walked over to her, followed by Stitches and Purple Haze.

“What the hell happened here?!” Haze asked.

“Miss Haze, the raiders in the old factory came for us. Five are dead, no, desecrated, and these ten were injured in the fight. We could use your help, mister...uh...”

“Clover” I said as I softly put Ace onto the bed, which was hard to do with hooves. Purple went back to the group as the top-hat pony came in.

“We had to suspect you of being a raider with the recent attack. I am mayor Driftwood. Welcome to what is left of Rust.” the top-hat pony said, obviously calmed down. Purple stared out of the window at Knick Knack and her colt, mixed emotions washing over her face.

I was helping the nurse clean Ace's wounds as Stitches talked with one of the doctors about getting the needed supplies. “This brings me to my next point. The creature you brought with you is starting to... at a lack of a better word, panic the rest of the town. May I ask you to get it to stay outside the gates?” I looked a him and then to Knick Knack. I looked back at Ace's bloody face, sighed and walked out to Knick Knack..

“Knick Knack, it appears you are unwelcome here.” I said. “I want you to stay but these people don't want any of it. Can I ask you to stay outside the gate?”

“Don't worry about me. I was planning on going to my shack afterward anyway. I guess I will just head back there now.”

“Why?”

“Because the broadcast might have attracted more alicorns and I want to send them to the alicorn refuge in the northern mountains.”

“I suppose. Its been nice meeting you, Knick Knack.” I said as I raised a bloody hoof. He shook it like any regular pony would.

“I doubt this will be the last time, Clover.” he said before walking to the gate. I watched the alicorn leave our company; he was possibly the only reason we are still alive, but what had he meant by not being the last time we meet? I cut that thought short as I turned and walked back into the clinic.

“What did you mean by 'desecrated'?” I asked the nurse. She winced as she pointed through the door to the bar across the street. I walked outside into the rain and entered the bar.

The scene was something I was completely not ready for. I had seen a pony's head blasted apart but I had never seen a two completely dismembered bodies lying on top of each other, obviously forced to partake in intimacy before being massacred. The other bodies weren't any prettier, the head of a unicorn mare had been ripped off and shoved inside its own back side as its intestines dangled from a table. The last two had been hung by each others entrails. My jaw was on the floor and tears rolled down my cheeks, I raised a bloody hoof to my face to keep from vomiting. I didn't want to look but I couldn't walk away.

“Beheading is a step down from raider work.” I remember Ace saying. The strength I had been feeling since the communications array started to boil inside of me, raising me to new heights. The corners of my vision started turning red. I could hear the faintest chuckle, like it was miles away.

“Its a sad sight, isn’t it?” Driftwood sighed from outside. Sad? Try traumatizing, disgusting, but above all, rage inducing.

“These raiders are going to fucking pay.” I growled. Driftwood stumbled back and almost fell into the puddles that were starting to form.

“Your eyes...” He stammered. I looked into a puddle and noticed the corners of my vision was starting to go a bright red. The eyes in the reflection turned completely red before grinning at me. I kicked at the puddle, sending water in all directions.

“I'm fine.” I muttered. “Where are the raiders?”

“uh, um, right, come with me...” Driftwood stammered as he led me back into the clinic and up the stairs. The nurse had hooked Ace up to a machine that was beeping at a constant speed. I gathered that as good as Stitches looked up from his bloody tools and gave me a small nod. I followed Driftwood up four flights of stairs to the roof. We looked over the rusty walls of the small town; About a kilometer from the town was a large building.

“Crab Apple Guns West. The factory of one of the biggest gun manufacturer out west. The Raiders pitched up there about a week ago. We've been watching them, but they caught us off guard but we managed to kill a few before they ran off, claiming they would be back. So you understand my suspicions.”

“How many are there still alive?” I asked, not looking away from the building.

“About fifteen attacked, but we have no idea how man-” The Bit dropped, “You're going after them, aren't you? By the goddesses, are you crazy?!” I gave him a cold, dark gaze. The red around my eyes intensified. “You are absolutely nuts aren't you?”

“Getting there.”

“You can't...how can... WHAT?!” I stared at him, “You are scary... If you do manage to avoid their snipers, watch your fire. They took the children and their teacher straight out of the schoolhouse before they burnt it down.” I felt a small impact inside at that before my vision flickered red and went back to normal.

“Get me the ghoul.” I said

“Ah, yes, the ghoul. We need to talk about him.” I gave him an even scarier gaze. “But...it can wait.” he said with a sheepish grin, before fleeing down the stairs. Some mayor, he had the courage of a filly.

A few minutes later, Snake Eyes trotted up the stairs. “You wanted to see me, boss?”

“Why did you follow us?” I asked.

“Uh, well, I gathered that you saved me, so I guess I owe you one.”

“Good, because I'm cashing in. I'm going to assault that raider nest, and you're going to help me.”

“Mi diosa, are you serious?!” I nodded. “Serves me right for not playing dead... got a plan?”

“Come back in half an hour.” and with that, he left down the stairs.

I looked to the factory through the increasing drizzle, thunder rumbled in the distance. A plan was starting to form.

------ ------ ------

Thirty long minutes had passed. I could hear the faint hammering and shouts as ponies repaired their town and the familiar sound of Snake Eyes trotting up the stairs behind me. I did not shift my sight from the factory.

“Hey, amigo, you been out in the rain all this time?” It was true that I had been in the rain, and my mane slumping over my brow proved that. I did not move. “Uh...okay then...you got a plan?”

I looked at him; he froze solid. I grinned. “Eyup.”

I passed him and walked down the stairs. I could hear Snake mutter “What the fuck was that all about...?” from the top of the stairs. My hooves ached, my head hurt and my stomach felt like it was tied in a knot. Did I fucking care? Fuck no, I felt strong and ready to take on anything. These raiders had done something no pony could ever even think of; They were animals and had to be put down.

I walked into the clinic. Two ponies had sheets over their heads, and only two were awake and writhing in pain. Ace was still hooked up to the machine but had a bandage around her head. Her bloody leather barding was crumpled in a heap beside her bed. I sat down beside her and watched the machine beeping.

“Ace... If I don't make it back... thank you for everything you've done for me. You saved my life more than once. I just wish I hadn't got you into this mess.” I put my hoof on hers. She didn't move. “You're the best friend anyone could ever hope for.”

“She's unconscious, but stable.” Stitches said softly as he appeared behind me. I looked up at him. “Now, I hear you're going to try and wipe out those raiders?” I nodded “Of course you are... well I have no more supplies at the moment and the clinic needs all it has. Just know that you are on your own.” I looked at Ace one last time and got up. I started walking towards the door. “One last thing, the sniper heard the rumors of you wanting to take on the raiders and wants to talk to you.”

I nodded. Snake Eyes was waiting by the door.

“Looks like the sky is about to burst, friend. Best get going sooner rather than later.”

We needed to make one last stop.

------ ------ ------

The sniper had set up in a large makeshift watch post, overlooking the main door way. He had his sniper mounted on a bipod, around him were ammo crates, some open, some locked. There were some pictures nailed to the walls, some framed, like a picture of, from what I could gather, the sniper from when he was younger, a mare and a small baby unicorn. Some of the pictures were just on scraps of paper.

One really stood out, it was a child's drawing of two ponies, one was a tall unicorn and wore a green blob on its head and the other was a small turquoise unicorn with a blue ribbon in its mane. “Me and daddy” was written on the side.

“That's me and my daughter.” The sniper said as he watched me. “The photo is my wife and I after Jade was born. She was killed by slavers a while back, now its just me and Jade here in Rust.”

“What happened to the slavers?” was my first question. More ponies that should be dead?

“I hunted down each and every one of them.” That works too, “I hear you're going after the raiders?” I nodded. “I'm coming with you.”

“What? Why would you want to go?” hell, why did I want to go? The images of the bar flashed in my head. Oh yeah, that.

“Jade went to school today...” fuck, “...she still hasn't come home.” double fuck. That's it, the raiders are going to be nothing but mush.

“I've got a plan...” I began but he just got up, gathered his sniper and opened a large ammo box. Inside were some brown camouflaged sheets, one of which he handed me. He put on a green beret with a bear skull symbol on the front, looked at me through his sunglasses and lit a cigar.

“Time to rock and roll.”

------ ------ ------

The sniper, who I had come to know as Drop Shot, Snake Eyes and myself walked in the pouring rain to a position I had marked on my map. After a few years of hunting out on the Apple Plains you tend to know what is and what isn’t a good place to sit and wait for your targets.

The position I had chosen was about five hundred meters from the factory and covered in desert shrub and rocks. My luck was starting to look up, even the storm had reached us; the sky was dark and ominous as flashes of light illuminated the sky, followed by crashes of thunder that were getting louder with each flash, over powering the slashing of the heavy rain as it splashed down form the heavens above. Everything was going according to plan.

Snake Eyes brushed what was left of his mane out of the way before peering through the binoculars between two large rocks. Drop Shot and I took up positions on either side and covered ourselves with the camouflaged sheets. If they had snipers then the sheets would come in great use. I flicked the switch on my harness and the rifle swung forward and planted itself against my shoulder. I steadied the gun by placing a hoof under the rifle's forearm, just before the barrel. We waited for Snake Eyes to spot the raiders and confirm our count. The factory was a large rectangular building with three guard towers and a long fence, light illuminated every inch of the yard around the complex.

“Let's see... we've got three possible snipers in those towers,” Snake Eyes whispered, “three on the roof... two by the front gate...two by the main door...one having a smoke in the shelter by the side...and two...getting down and dirty out the back. I guess that makes thirteen. Might I recommend the towers first?” My thoughts exactly.

“I've got the back left.” Drop Shot nickered as he shifted to get a better shot. He had set up hit bipod for better stability. I took aim at the pony in the front left tower. We waited for the right time. The red around my vision had intensified, my grip on the rifle grew stronger. The power manifesting inside of me was awesome.

FLASH

wait for it....

The sound of righteous thunder filled the night air over the sound of the torrential rain, canceling out the sound of two rifle shots. The front of the camo sheet flew up as my rifle blasted out a cleansing bullet aimed directly at the wasteland scum that was a raider. I watched the two ponies in the towers fall out of sight. The others were none the wiser.

“Ha ha! Take that, pendejo!” Snake Eyes shouted under his breath triumphantly as he punched the air with a hoof. “Two down, eleven to go. One tower left.”

“I got smokey in my cross hairs. You got the tower?” Drop Shot asked. I gave him the go ahead. And so the waiting began.

The flash and thunder was epic. So was our aim. Simultaneously, the pony in the tower and the pony having a smoke slumped down, lifeless. Both with large red holes in their head. The wall of the factory was sprayed red. No pony noticed.

“Well what do you know?” Drop Shot asked, “Smoking really does kill!” I chuckled.

“So roof or the two making the beast with two backs?” Snake Eyes asked. We went for the beast forming raider couple. We shifted right. It wasn't exactly a pretty sight, both of the ponies were extremely dirty and certainly weren't pretty.

“I got the one on top.” I said. Drop Shot aimed for the one underneath.

We waited and watched for about twenty seconds before the next flash of lightning. If my stomach wasn't empty, I would have thrown up copious amounts.

A Flash of lighting tore through the sky as the pony on top reared his head back in climax, only to have it torn up during the thunder. Both of the ponies fell to their sides, blood mixing with their own bodily fluids. I quickly shifted to the three ponies on the roof. One hung back in the shadows of the roof access, leaning against the wall. It didn't have the same standard uniform as the other raiders. Instead it had a long brown leather coat, similar to mine, and a wide brimmed hat. The shadow of the hat obscured the face, all I could see was the cigarette handing out of its mouth.

It flicked away the cigarette and walked to the others.

“I got the one with the hat.” Drop Shot whispered.

“Hold up, lets see what happens. I can't take two ponies out with one bullet.” I insisted. Drop Shot reluctantly agreed. We tracked the hatted pony as it slowly marched towards the raiders; The raiders turned and went for their weapons. The hatted pony, as quick as the lightning, got up on with hind legs and smashed both the raider's heads together. They slumped to the roofs surface behind a low wall. The hatted pony got back on all fours and pulled out a pistol with a long barrel. It fired two bullets into the ground where I presumed the heads where, I could only see a puff of smoke from the barrel, I heard nothing. The pony looked in our direction, gave a wave and jumped over the opposite side of the building.

“Did...you guys just see that?” Drop Shot asked.

“um...yeah...” I mumbled. What the fuck just happened? I had no idea, I was dumbstruck.

“Okay then, front door.” Snake Eyes brought us back to the mission at hand.

“Got the one on the right.” Drop shot said.

“Guess that leaves me with the left one.” I sighed as I took aim. The pony in my sights was wearing an odd helmet, it was leather with the skull of a small animal tied on top.

Flash

“Hat...” I said as I clamped down on the grip. Thunder cracked and I pulled the trigger. His helmet flew off in a shower of red as the top of his head was blown to pieces. “...no hat.”

“Nice shot.” Snake Eyes said. “Just two more.” The last two were standing under a small shelter, they seemed to have one brain cell between them. Drop Shot went right, I went left. We took are shots on cue. The one on the right's head exploded.

“Standing around like a bloody idiot.” Drop Shot muttered. We had successfully taken out the sentries without raising the alarm. For me, this was an achievement. The rain didn't seem to want to let up. “Phase two, eh?”

“yup.” I said. Snake Eyes picked his rotting self up and dusted himself off. Which seemed futile giving the rain.

“Let's load and lock and roll and rock.” Drop Shot said as he re lit his cigar.

Snake Eyes and I made our way to the factory as Drop Shot disappeared.

------ ------ ------

The power that had been building inside me made me feel epic, godly even. What would have happened if I hadn't had this power? Ace might have died of either blood loss or shock at Black Mountain, I would have broke down and died at the bar and I certainly wouldn't have had the courage to go down to the factory and start killing ponies. No, they weren't ponies, they were animals, I had already established that but it still felt odd, the thought of killing a pony felt good. It felt satisfying to bring down an unsuspecting pony with a single shot as his compatriots stood idly by.

We approached as carefully as possible, trudging through the thick paste that was the soaked mud and sand. The factory wasn't very big but it wasn't small either, the only ways in was the roof, the main doors and the office windows.

I hefted Snake Eyes through the office window and he helped pull me in. The office had been untouched by the raiders, papers still littered the desk and floor and were covered in dust. There was a skeleton in the corner clutching a faded photo, the best I could make out of the photo was that it was of a pony, maybe a loved one? Probably long dead by that point. Something did catch my eye though, on top of one of the desks was a small parcel with a note, reading 'Sgt Black Sword left this behind, I'm going to send it back to him on monday, have a nice weekend.' I picked it up and shoved it in my pocket. Might be useful, plus the pony in question was dead. Probably.

I followed Snake Eyes up the stairs to the observation room, I gasped in horror when I peered out. Hanging from the walls were skinned ponies, all set in decorative poses. Dead ponies were everywhere, in the machinery, on the walls, hanging from the ceiling, not only ponies but I spotted two decimated corpses of griffins. Blood covered every surface, I could hear shouting and laughing from behind a bunch of machines, piled up on top of each other, possibly to make room on the factory floor. Some machines were working, munching and pulverising pony bodies. My head pounded and with each pound the red around my vision flared and grew. What the hell is happening?
.

“Okay, I'm going to go find the main control room, you go and find the captives.” Snake Eyes said as he disappeared through a door. I walked back down the stairs and opened the door. I could see the shadows of unicorns playing a game of cards at a table, illuminated by a fire in one of the machines. I listened in on their conversation.

“Where the hell are Red Grip and Wraith Scar and their guys?” one said

“Red Grip's guys went on a raid and Wraith Scar is still after that griffin kid.” said another

“Fucking hell, that kid flew faster than I thought!” a mare said.

“Yeah, well, I'm sure Wraith Scar will get her, mate. Fuckin' oath, he's a good shot.” said a fourth in an accent I hadn't heard before.

“Snap!” a fifth voice said.

“We're playin’ poker, you stupid twat.”

“Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were playing snooker.” the fifth one said. Followed by a gun shot.

“Fuckin' idiot.” the fourth one said, the fifth one's shadow collapsed to the floor. My head was killing me but I now realized that I could fire my gun here and nopony would care. Neat.

“Right, I'm gonna go hit the head, touch my chips and die.” the mare said and got up. That left three at the table. Another got up and went out of sight. The other two started their game and started another conversation.

“So what is the boss going to do about those kids?”

“That's easy, mate. He's going to ram each of them when he's done with that mare, pass them around, then kill or sell them. Simple, eh?”

“I've got my eye on that one with the blue ribbon. She looks tighter than a-”

Fuck this, I grabbed my pistol and turned the corner and slid into SATS. The frozen faces of the ponies were still buried in their cards. I picked my targets and took the shots. Both of the ponies fell to the floor.

“That will teach you for cheating, dick head!” I called out, trying to mimic the raider’s voice, just in case the shots attracted attention. No pony came around the corner.

How was I able to kill these ponies and not feel anything? I peeked around the corner of the machine to a terrible sight. A large pony was mounted on a pink mare with a ruler as a cutie mark, she was crying beneath the large, grunting pony. My head pounded harder and harder. In front of them was a cage full of young colts and fillies. The pony was raping the mare right in front of the children as the other raiders around them laughed and shouted.

The world flashed around me, I saw Double Down laughing over the body of Shamrock.

“No.” I whispered

Flash! The vision changed to me pounding the head of the bandit.

“No.” I said.

Flash! In front of me was the body of a filly, shredded from hound jaws. Each sound in the factory, each sob, grunt and laugh brought a new vision, each more horrible than the last. I held my head with my hooves. Give in! The voice in my head said.

“NO!” I shouted.

Flash! The vision of Ace being hit over and over again by the alicorn, Flash! The vision of the alicorn standing over me, FLASH! The vision of the bar.

I heard a deep chuckling, I opened my eyes to find my self around the corner, a deep red tint over my eyes. I was the one chuckling and I couldn't stop, I was grinning much more than any pony should be physically able to, I couldn't control myself, an almost unnoticeable black mist was seeping from my cuts and scars. Every eye on the factory floor was on me. Even the boss had stopped to stare.

“Who the fuck is he?” The boss shouted.

“Oh that's simple, sir.” I said in a voice that wasn't mine, but oh so familiar. “I'm you're worst nightmare.”

The power building inside of me had erupted. The power of Trailblaze.

I...Trailblaze...Pulled out my knife and sprinted at the boss, at the last second we turned and bucked the boss bastard in the head, the power of Trailblaze had boosted my strength, allowing me to smash the boss's head to pieces. In same movement, we jumped onto the boss's body and pounced at the nearest raider, and cut his head in two. Bullets started flying. We were still grinning.

“What's happening?!” I silently screamed.

“Sit back and relax.” Trailblaze said.

A bullet tore through my ear, clipping the tip, blood started dripping down my face. It hurt like a bitch but Trailblaze grinned even harder. I felt the power surge through me as we ran at the pony who had taken the shot. We managed to grab him by the barding and swung him around. We hit three approaching raiders and threw the raider through the air, he landed inside one of the working machines and was smashed pieces. Three bullets tore into my leg, but we didn't falter, we turned.

“That didn't hurt.” Trailblaze grinned. The raiders shat themsleves.

We threw the knife at the nearest raider, It jammed itself in his throat, he clutched his neck as another raider watched in awe. Trailblaze pounced, grabbed the knife, pushed off of the raider and shoved the knife into his comrade's head. Both fell to the floor. The remaining raiders were running at us with melee weapons, intent on pulverizing me.

We ran straight at them, ducking and weaving under swinging weapons, making quick slashes and stabs as we passed. Three raiders fell as their insides fell from long gashes in their abdomen. We turned to find ourselves surrounded by raiders. Trailblaze laughed as all of the raiders armed their guns and took aim.

“FIRE!” one yelled; They pulled their triggers. What did Trailblaze and I do? We ducked, of course. Several of the raiders slumped to the ground, felled by their comrades weapons. The remainder of the raiders looked around and tried to run. Trailblaze pulled out my pistol and gunned them down.

We stood in the middle of a bloody mess, breathing heavily. Even Trailblaze had stopped grinning. A door swung open behind us and the two raiders from the card came through, chatting about something or other. They stopped and went wide eyed. They stared at me, my bloody, bullet ridden leather coat, lying in a pool of blood, my ripped and burnt stable barding hanging from my torso, blood pouring from my torn ear and leg. I was silently screaming in pain while Trailblaze didn't feel a thing. We stared back at them, the air was still, nothing could be heard but the machines, jammed up with raider bits, the whimpering of the captives, the dripping of blood coming from the flayed bodies littering the factory, both from my hooves and the work of raiders.

Trailblaze grinned and threw Silent Reaper in the blink of an eye. It lodged itself in the stallion's head, and he crumpled to a heap. The mare stared at the body, and looked back at us only to find us directly in her face. She staggered back and fell, shuffling to the wall as Trailblaze and I made a slow advance.

“Please, don't kill me! I've got a foal that needs me!” She whimpered.

Trailblaze reloaded the pistol. “Too bad...” he put the barrel between her eyes. “...so sad.”

BANG

Trailblaze and I walked slowly to the cage holding the children, after we pulled the knife out of the stallion's spine through his forehead. Their teacher had huddled up to the bars and was shaking madly. I grinned one more time before my vision cleared and I fell to the floor. My voiced had gone back to normal, the power and strength I was feeling had gone.

The toll of the past day, running, being shell shocked, being burnt, being shot and torn up, hunger and exhaustion all crashed down on me. I steeled myself and was about to try and pick the lock, but there was no lock, just a plate of metal with wires curling around the cage and up to a room on a cat walk.

“Don't touch that thing, unless you want to permanently lock the cage and electrocute anyone nearby.” Snake Eyes said over the load speakers, I certainly didn't want that to happen, especially now that I have just regained control. “Gimme a second I should be able to.. got it!”

The door to the cage swung open and the teacher sprinted in and grabbed her children. Most were crying as she flung her forelegs around them.

“Thank you.” she smiled at me.

“We aren't out of this yet.” I grunted under the pain in my leg as I gestured to the main door. Snake Eyes had opened it from the control room and had come down to meet us. We ushered the children out and we quickly followed (well, as quickly as I could with bullet holes in my leg.)

We spotted Drop Shot leaning against the gate with his forelegs crossed over his chest. He opened them as soon as the little turquoise filly with the blue ribbon ran to him, flinging her self around him screaming “Daddy!”. I couldn’t help but smile.

“You've done good kid.” Drop Shot smiled at me. “Phase three?” I nodded.

We all walked back up to the hill. The rain had let up and the clouds were thinning to reveal a starry sky. Drop Shot pulled out a switch and passed in to me.

“Got a present for ya.”

I stomped on the switch, activating it. The factory windows exploded and the building collapsed in on itself, burying all the horrors under a pile of rubble. Anything inside that could have been useful was jammed with bits of pony, anyway.

“And that was left hoofed.” I chuckled. The children cheered as the building came to a rest; The raiders inside were now gone forever. It felt good to know that a had purged a little bit of the desert wastelands of scum.

We started our march back to Rust.

------ ------ ------

Raider bodies littered the path to Rust, I told the children not to look but I doubt it would change anything. Some of the raiders had roasted flesh and burnt manes, others had been smashed up or shot. It wasn't a pretty sight, but it brought me joy. I noticed that one of the larger one's pistols had red tape around the grip. Red Grip's guys went on a raid... Glad to see they didn't make it.

We approached the main gate to find Knick Knack and Mayor Driftwood talking. They immediately perked up when they saw us, and Knick Knack put down his hammer and trotted to us.

“I should have known you would survive.” He laughed.

“Good to see you too. Saw your handiwork there. Nice.”

“Yes, well, what does one do when he spies a bunch of raiders from the skies?”

“He took them all on to protect my town, but he won't even let me ask him to stay.” Driftwood said as he trotted up. “He's certainly proven that Rust can trust him, think you could talk some sense into him?”

I staggered before Knick Knack caught me. The pain in my legs and ear were finally catching up to me. Drop Shot came up beside me.

“The kid did well, he needs rest.”

I staggered through the gates and collapsed. Knick Knack picked me up and placed me on his back. The children and their teaching ran into the town square to the arms of loved ones. I sat up on Knick Knacks back as the towns folk cheered for me. I had never felt like this before. I was a bloody hero!

I clambered off of Knick Knack’s back and limped into the clinic. Ace was still out cold, but seemed okay, even with the bandage wrapped around her head. Stitches directed me to the bed next to hers.

“Celestia is really looking down on you. How you managed to survive must have been a gift from the goddesses.” He said. Snake Eyes sat down in a chair and immediately started snoring.

“That, or that I'm just to damn pretty to die.” I smiled. I fell onto the bed and looked up at the ceiling. Even though my ear was split, my legs shot and every part of me hurt like hell, I fell asleep as soon as my eyes closed.

Footnote: Level up!


New perk: “Focus lvl 2” Your marksmanship skill is improving. Taking out baddies through a scope is now becoming your second nature.


Quest perks:

“Wrath of Trailblaze” It seems when Trailblaze comes to play, shit goes down. When active: Melee increases by 50 points, agility +6, strength +6 and endurance +6. You become a runaway train, damn near unstoppable. After the effects wear off however...


“For the team” You never leave a friend behind. Those around you are more likely to trust and respect you.


VERY special thanks to Errantindy for his editing excellence, No One for her awesome help with dramatic effect and the awesome people over on the FoE sidefic protodoc. You guys are awesome.

And Kkat for creating the world I have so gingerly implanted myself into.

Comments

[The Jack]

Well then! Time for review!
I have some good bits, and some bad bits. Please take all of this as constructive criticism and not as any form of offense ^^
First of all, and definetly the worst of all in my opinion; I think the pacing in this is off. To my eye, it goes way too fast; things happen chop-chop-chop with absolutely no rest in between them. This is made worse by the fact that I think your sentences are kind of...choppy. They are (at least from my viewpoint) incorrectly punctuate, making them all string out way too long in the wrong places, and chopped up when they shouldn't. Granted, you improve dramatically over the course of these seven chapters, but there's still work to do there.
And on the topic of sentences; you have a few formal errors like badly conjugated verbs, letters that should be capitalized but aren't, and the odd badly spelled word. Not horrifyingly many, but still enough to notice.

Especially at the start, you also had (and still have) some problems with the "show, not tell" thing. As I saw it, a lot of what you wrote was simply telling us what happened, instead of showing it to us. Again, this is something you improved upon later in the fic, but still needs some polishing.

Alicorns.
Dude. Alicorns. If I remember correctly, they are pretty much the worst thing you can find in the Wasteland that isn't fairly unique, possibly with the notable exception of Hellhounds.
Meeting that as one of the very first enemies and winning against not just one, but 3-4 of them at once? That's not just unlikely, it seems downright impossible to me.

And finally of the "Bad" list... The way you handle wounds is a little bit off. Clover seems to be able to "power through" wounds that would at the very least severily hinder anypony else. The gunshot wounds to the leg in the last chapter comes to mind; this COULD be explained by this mysterious "Power of Trailblaze", but until we get that one explained it kind of seems wrong to me.
On that note, and moving away from "bad" to "gray"; I hope you have a goooood reason for Trailblaze. The psychological parts are all well and good, but you're going to have a good excuse for that magic he somehow seems to use.

And on a completely different note: two seconds is actually fairly long in a combat situation. (Ace refers to two seconds as short in chapter 5, during one of the Alicorn fights)

Say, what is "Ollie Ollie oxen free"? Never heard that phrase before.

Now, onto the good parts... Which unfortunantly are a slimmer section. I tend to not notice the good parts very much; I just enjoy them. Sorry xD

Anyhow; when Clover checks out his Pipbuck and goes "Tell me your secrets!"? That was priceless. If you don't mind, I'd like to use that in my own fic =D

I very much like the increasingly peculiar relationship between Ace and Clover. I also like Ace's personality a lot, so I'm exited to see what happens with those two xD

First person to use Centaurs; nicely executed.

"Professor Utonium"! Awesome reference there xD

And finally... Boom.

Thanks for reading through the overly long review xD
It's actually quite rare I write this long reviews :3
Continue having a pleasant day! ^^

[a friendly hobo]

45877

Thanks for the review!

The first few chapters were written before I got an editor and my first real attempt to write anything!
I completely agree with everything you say about the sentences and I am slowly improving.

As for the alicorns, my theory is that these alicorns have been severely weakened from being cut off from the goddess for so long, like the alicorns who resorted to using machine guns.

As for Clover's injuries, Trailblaze had not quite died down yet, a sort of "cool down" if you will, which was why he didn't feel the full extent of his injuries.

Also the "Ollie Ollie Oxen Free" was kind of a reference to the Spartans in the Halo books.

The beginning might be weak, story wise, because I was writing on the fly but now I have a plan and it looks fabulous.

Hope you keep reading, there's some stuff planned.

Thanks for the review, very appreciated.

May I also recommend reading "Heroes"? Its a brilliant side-fic and the author has really helped me get started.

[The Jack]

46704

Hm, I guess being severed from The Goddess would weaken them. You might want to mention that, maybe through Knick Knack, so that people like me don't think they are at full power =D

That makes Trailblaze even more powerful. Again, you're going to need a damn good explenation for him. xD

Ah! Halo books. No wonder I didn't get it. xD

*shrug* Even the best stories can be weak at the start. I will continue to read though :P

"Heroes", eh? Will read that the next time I'm bored and need a fic to read. xD

Oh! And there was one thing I forgot in the review;
Your character Clover, and my own character Gears, are pretty much identical. xD
As in, they look almost exactly the same; both have gray coats, green eyes and black hair. They are also both 20 years old. The only obvious difference is that Gears is a unicorn and Clover is an Earth Pony xD
As I was reading this fic and doing some running commentary on it on the protodoc (y'know, the one you're mascot of? xD ), someone there (I can't remember who) said that it could be funny if we wrote some kind of co-op oneshot fic that made fun of this similarity. The best plot-idea that came was that one of them gets into trouble in a town or something, then the other gets roped in because of the similarities. Hilarity ensues. xD
While I thought it was a great idea, I would like to write a few more chapters on my own fic before I start doing other stuff though, so you have plenty of time to think of a response to this. xD

[a friendly hobo]

46740

That would be great!

[The Jack]

46743

Awesome! We can talk about it the next time we're both on the protodoc =D

[a friendly hobo]

47175

Thanks!

It does get better.

Anything you want to point out?

[a friendly hobo]

47655

So awesome you had to post twice? I am flattered!

[PistolWhip]

47284 yeah dive deeper into the combat sequences every bullet has a story behind it or at least thats what my dad always says

[a friendly hobo]

49566

Noted

[Crosshairs]

that bit with the raiders playing poker
its from halo marine tales right?

[ShinjiNichida]

well... not much to say... but, it would be kind if you just revised the grammar... I mean... if it ain't too much trouble for you...
(Dammit! I have to try and stop being shy when writing comments... It feels like i'm trying to talk like Fluttershy!!! But i can't go against my nature...)

[Fletcher]

am I the only noticed the 2 tf2 jokes so far?
"Standin' around like a bloody idiot" & "You got blood on my suit."