After decades of rule a rebellion quells an ancient empire, the only known survivor of the royal family being a single man. Faced with death, a new land, and a new life can he survive long enough to make an impact? Or will he end up fallen and alone?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Clop clop clop...no wait this is fap fap fap. Either way, disregarding the lack of depth in this plot and the rush to third base I'm well pleased (still saying this is PWP so I can enjoy this). Though you don't need to put "Nnnng" over 9000 times and the dotdotdots are also over 9000 which is not necessary. Dotdotdots are nice when used sparingly but as for the sputtering and the beat in between moments like you have done are good...just don't do it so much like you did in this chapter. There are more efficient ways to convey sputtering or nervousness which cause a character to stumble on his/her own words.
But I get it. I still enjoy it nonetheless. Makes it much less cringeworthy since I understand why you put so much dotdotdots.
Overall, much better than the average fimfic which is a very good thing.
..*jingle theme in back ground*
CLOP CLOP CLOP CLOPPY CLOPY CLOP. CLOPCLOPCLOP CLOOOOP
ok this is more than just laying it on thick .... still good shit tho