enjoyable

4439025
Thank you kindly. Fell free to throw critique or suggestions in my general direction if you feel like it.

Please don't have the humans immediately annihilate the ponies...

I hate Warhammer Crossovers where that happens; please have the humans at least try to be reasonable. Highly suspicious of course - the Inquisitor might want to check for taint and all that - but at least have her be neutral/reasonable to the ponies instead of "XENOS! BURN! KILL!"

4439861
I strongly, strongly, stongly dislike those kind of fics too.

As for Rayla, well, she is a Thorian after all (no Ultra-Thorian like her late master but a Thorian at least). She´s having a mutant as a bodyguard for a reason (plus being a mutant herself).

What Kaeris and her goons will do on the other hand, well...

mutants that made the main forces of the manufactory workers

in warhammer the they call that manufactorum

4441023
Ah, so they are called that in english too? Good to know, I was not sure since I work with german material mostly. Thank you.^^

Just finished the first chapter. A pretty good start, though the spelling and grammar made the fighting a slog to get through. I had to skip a few parts, namely where some sentences were unreadable. Still, a good start. I'll be back with another comment on the second chapter.

4550211
Thank you for your thoughts. I admit, I hope to improve this along the way. Looking foreward for it.^^

Aside from the regular amounts of fresh recruits for the Imperial Guard or the Imperial Tenth of course.

Presumably you mean Imperial Tithe?

Only protected by the Planetary Defense Forces and three Sword class battleships that were constantly stationed around the planet.

Sword-class are frigates, darling

„INCOMING!“

I have no idea why the quotation marks are like that.

The alarming shout made its way through the defense line. Soldiers in black plate armor and red uniforms manned their respective stations behind sand bags, piled up debris and burned out vehicles. Hellguns leveled, the soldiers starred into the no-man’s-land that stretched in front of them.

Barbed wire stretched between countless small craters which marred the outskirts of Faiths Arrival, the medium sized spaceport the 401.st Inquisitorial task force was using as a foothold right now. On top of all that, thick, black smoke wafted lazily around, obscuring the view.

Wait, didn't you just say that the planet was only protected by the PDF? Did the Inquisition set a trap or something?

The mutant man was at her side, always a few steps behind her, slightly at her left, clutching his trusty shotgun with his strong hands. Rayla allowed herself a small smile. Despite his hump and his speech defect he had been a loyal servant since their fateful encounter on Kalisto Primus.

I can see certain Inquisitors accepting certain mutants, but Sisters of Battle ain't known for their tolerance.

To her left and her right, black and red glad soldiers inched away slowly.

Clad, presumably.

Steeling herself Rayla took a step forward, shouting with every ounce of authority she could muster “No! I am Rayla Nor, Inquisitor of the Ordo Haereticus, leader of the 401.st task force. We are here to confront the xenos that are tarnishing this planet and to learn the reason why.

Interesting. What's an Inquisitor of the Ordo Hereticus doing fighting the Dark Eldar, though? Wouldn't that be the job of Ordo Xenos?

Several hellguns came to life, sending red spears of death towards the target and likewise did Pineas bolter. The laser beams cut into the abused flesh, literally vaporizing big chunks of the man´s body but it didn´t stop him. Rayla watched as a precise volley of bolter rounds hit the former human being square in the chest.

Grimdark. I like it.

Crux was highly concentrated.

Sounds a bit awkward. "Crux was acutely aware of the battle around him." might be less so.

To his right he saw his Mistress firing her pistol into the rushing bodies, only to engage three of the Empires enemies in close combat.

Imperium's.

Right now, the battleships bridge was bursting with action.

Tense contradiction. "Just then, the battleship's bridge was bursting with action." is more grammatically correct.
And "battleship's", not "battleships".

“Nyiet Commander. Those gebrit xenos are fast. The gunners have trouble keeping up with their movements.” the man answered with his heavy accented voice.

"heavily accented" or "heavy, accented".

Fin like Aether sails, open decks filled with xeno warriors in segmented armors, long scythe like blades attached underneath the vessel and a deadly prow mounted heavy weapon completed the picture.

"Fin-like" and "scythe-like".

She had already lost around forty men and four Rhinos and her enemies were only down one. But she refused to loose here!

"Lose".

Together with her allied forces, consisting of Morla Bladebane and her Wyche’s Cult of Quarrel, several mercenary factions like Hellion gangs and Scourges, her army had swept away any form of measly resistance her prey could offer.

"and several mercenary factions, like".

Sipping wine from her chalice, made from the skull of the planetary governors daughter she graced the nervous looking kabalite in front of her with her attention.

"governor's".

The warrior, a male she had picked up from the lower levels of Commoragh like many of her half-born, straightened himself in order not to appear weak for weakness was only befitting for prey.

"Commoragh, like many of her half-born" and "weak, for weakness befitted only prey".

Archon Kaeris Hellwrath put her chalice on the arms rest of her throne, never letting her eyes wander from her subordinate. “How many enemies consisted this convoy off?”

"How many enemies did this convoy consist of?".

Ghostly green flames came to life in the Mandraks free hand and with a simple gesture, the dark creature lobed it at the sororita.

"Mandrake's".

Coming back on its feet in an act of superhuman agility just a second later, the Mandrak hissed exasperated, trying to identify its new opponent.

"feet, in an act of superhuman agility, just" and "hissed, exasperated".

“Emperor damn them! This one had learned from the others demise!” Ursula yelled angrily as the last remaining Raider danced through the hail of fire she was sending towards it.

"This one learned". Though that's a bit wordy to be shouting mid-battle.

At least they had kicked Tireks flank back to Tartarus for this unforgivable crime against knowledge!

"Tirek's".

“What would I do without you Spike?” Twilight asked amused, eying the mass of unhealthy but delicious treats before her.

"without you, Spike" and "asked, amused".

This story has potential, but could really use an editor. All the typos are distracting, and you should indicate when you're switching pov.

4725106
Thank you very much for all those pointers, they had been really helpfull.

„INCOMING!“

I have no idea why the quotation marks are like that.

I blame my spelling programm.

The alarming shout made its way through the defense line. Soldiers in black plate armor and red uniforms manned their respective stations behind sand bags, piled up debris and burned out vehicles. Hellguns leveled, the soldiers starred into the no-man’s-land that stretched in front of them.

Barbed wire stretched between countless small craters which marred the outskirts of Faiths Arrival, the medium sized spaceport the 401.st Inquisitorial task force was using as a foothold right now. On top of all that, thick, black smoke wafted lazily around, obscuring the view.

Wait, didn't you just say that the planet was only protected by the PDF? Did the Inquisition set a trap or something?

The mutant man was at her side, always a few steps behind her, slightly at her left, clutching his trusty shotgun with his strong hands. Rayla allowed herself a small smile. Despite his hump and his speech defect he had been a loyal servant since their fateful encounter on Kalisto Primus.

I can see certain Inquisitors accepting certain mutants, but Sisters of Battle ain't known for their tolerance.

Steeling herself Rayla took a step forward, shouting with every ounce of authority she could muster “No! I am Rayla Nor, Inquisitor of the Ordo Haereticus, leader of the 401.st task force. We are here to confront the xenos that are tarnishing this planet and to learn the reason why.

Interesting. What's an Inquisitor of the Ordo Hereticus doing fighting the Dark Eldar, though? Wouldn't that be the job of Ordo Xenos?

I intend to answer most of these questions in later chapters. Please be patient with me for a bit more.

Several hellguns came to life, sending red spears of death towards the target and likewise did Pineas bolter. The laser beams cut into the abused flesh, literally vaporizing big chunks of the man´s body but it didn´t stop him. Rayla watched as a precise volley of bolter rounds hit the former human being square in the chest.

Grimdark. I like it.

I´m glad you do. After all, this is a W40k crossover isn´t it? There will be light moments in the future (I simply can´t stay dark ALL the time) but mainly, we are talking Darkness, Blood and Lasfire here, don´t we?