My Little Portal-Break: Portal-Broken

by shieldgenerator7

Chapter 1: Arrival

Somewhere, on the edge of Ponyville, a space-time distortion formed. One little pony stopped to watch it form. The image of the edge of the Everfree Forest twisted and soon became enveloped in a view of someplace other than the Everfree Forest. How it was happening was a mystery to the little colt.

Trotting closer, the colt went up to it. Coincidentially, at this point in time it fully opened and a tall red-headed man stared into the sky.

The colt cowered, took a step back, and scurried a little distance away, not knowing what to do or think. It would have run away in fear if it weren’t for its blinding drive to satisfy its itch of curiosity.

The colt stared at the two-legged being standing before it in a circular archway to another location – actually a whole other world. He stood about 6 feet tall and wore sneakers, jeans, and a t-shirt. The symbol on his shirt bore a cross-embellished shield. The figure didn’t even notice the curious colt as he stared into the Equestrian sky.

“Ah,” he breathed in a deep breath. “Equestria, it’s good to see you again.” He then stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out a slab of some kind. It was black but somehow cast a light glow on his face, which changed colors as he rubbed his finger tip on it. “So, just a quick check up on Equestria, and then it’s off to the Mushroom Kingdom to solve some sort of block ghosting glitch. Sounds like an interesting day.”

He pocketed his slab and walked through the archway, waving his hand behind him briefly. The archway closed and the view of the Everfree Forest was restored. As he walked forward, he noticed the hiding colt.
“Hey, you look scared,” he said, crouching down to the colt’s eye level. “Is there something wrong?”

“W-what are you?” it said.
He gave a quizzical look, and then stood up again. Putting his hand to his full-fledged beard, he whispered audibly to himself. “I’ve been here before and never got asked that question… Is there something I’m forgetting?” After staring off into the distance for a little bit, he took his hand off his beard and stared at it. “Oh, that’s right! Haha! I forgot. I was a pony last time I came here. What happened this time? Oh, right. I used the general coordinates from the portal gate room, instead of using the ancient pony-portal that automatically transforms its passers-through.”

“So, you’re not a pony?”

He crouched down and looked it in the eye. “Uh, no.” He looked at the colt’s reaction and could tell that his presence wouldn’t be handled well by the ponies of Ponyville if he remained human during his visit. “Hey, I need to find Twilight Sparkle. Do you know where she is?”

The colt nodded.

“Where is she?”

“In the library, most likely.”

“Ok, thanks,” he looks around, trying to see the library from this side of town. “Hey, where are we exactly?”

“On the south-east side of town, near the Everfree Forest.”

“Ok, thanks,” he patted the colt on the head as he opened a portal from where he stood to about 10 feet above him. “Ok, looking through this portal here… Aha! The library should be in this direction at this angle…” He opened another portal that opened up into the Ponyville Library. He closed the viewing portal and turned to the colt. Generating a small stone out of electro-magnetic energy, he held it out in his hand for the colt to take. “Here, take this. If ever you’re in trouble, activate this and you will be protected.”

The colt looked into his eyes curiously and then turned his attention to the shield stone. He looked back at him as if to say, “Really?”

“Go on, take it. As a token of appreciation for helping me out.”

The colt smiled and gleefully bit the stone.

He patted it on the head before disappearing through the portal, which closed right behind him.

Inside the library, he could hear voices above him. Somehow, he had gotten the wrong angle and had portaled into the basement. Nonetheless, the voices were distinct. He heard Twilight’s voice, and some other pony’s voice. They were arguing, and, not wanting to disrupt or intervene, he decided to take a short break before asking Twilight for any official news.

He decided the Sugar Cube Corner would be the perfect place to do so. Opening a portal there would be easy, since he had done it before from the library. In fact, all he had to do was find the space-time distortion left by his previous portal and reopen it. “Easy as pie.”

The portal opened up to the stair case to the living quarters above the shop.

“OOF!” he reacted as a tower of towels attacked him and knocked him onto the stairs.

“Who’s there?” came a high-pitched muffled-by-the-towels voice. “What are you doing in my home?!”

“Oh hey, Pinkie Pie!”

“Heeeeyyy…..” she muttered, trying to place where she knew that voice. “I know that voice… Shield?” Before he could respond, Pinkie had dropped all the towels that were blocking her view. Getting a good look at him, she gasped. “GAH! You’re not Shield! Who are you? What are you? The stair monster?!”

“Pinkie, it’s me, Shield,” he put his hands out horizontally palms down and made a slight up-and-down motion. “Don’t panic.”

“Shield! It is you!” Pinkie jumped up and hugged Shield with a mighty hug only Pinkie Pie could give. “How’ve you been? And what happened to you?”

“Happened? Haha, no…” Shield pushed Pinkie Pie off, stood up, and brushed himself off. “This is my true form. I’m a human.”

“But you were a pony last time!”

“Yeah, that was because I came through one of Equestria’s magic portals. This time, I created my own. Heh, it doesn’t have that transformation side effect.”

“Oki-doki!”

“So, Pinkie, I’m here mostly for business.”

“Ooh! What kind of business? Cupcake business? Brownie business? Cookie business?”

“No, I’m here to check up on this world. Is it doing alright? Have there been any space-time rifts or distortions opening up?”

“Not that I’m aware of…” Pinkie put a hoof to her face. “Except for the one that lets me jump from my kitchen to the Ponyville park via my oven! That one’s super fun!”

“What?!” Shield gasped. “That sounds dangerous! I better take a look at it.”

“Nah, it’s fine. It only happens when I turn the broiler on.”

Shield gave her a quizzical glance. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely-positutely!” She gleefully smiled.

“Anyway, I’m mostly here to talk to Twilight about these matters. But she’s apparently busy with somepony else at the moment, and I didn’t want to get involved.”

“Oh, that’s probably Heartbreak,” Pinkie rolled her eyes as she started picking up the towels. Shield bent down to help. “Twilight’s been trying to teach her all about friendship.”

“Hey, wait a second… what are you going to do with these towels?”

“Put them away, like I always do.”

“But they fell on the ground!”

Pinkie looked confused.

“They fell on the ground, and now they’re all dirty! They’re contaminated!”

“Oh silly! They’re not dirty! Look at them! Still all fluffy and pink!”

“No, they pick up bacteria and viruses off the floor when they fall. They’re dirty!”

“They don’t look dirty.”

“But they are.”

“But then, if they’re dirty… then that means I have to wash them again… and if I have to wash them again… I won’t have time to make the cupcakes… and if I don’t make the cupcakes, then my friends won’t have dessert at our picnic today, and if they don’t have dessert at our picnic today…. They’ll go stark raving mad for cupcakes!” Pinkie’s eyes narrowed in a stare of terrifying realization.

Shield laughed. “Pinkie, you’re so adorable.”

Pinkie gasped. “I gotta go!” She tromped down the stairs with the towels and into the back room.

Shield stepped down the stairs after her. “Pinkie wait! Where are you going?”

“I’ve got to incinerate these towels before they cause an outbreak, so that I have enough time to make the cupcakes before the picnic!”

“Wait! Pinkie! You don’t have to incinerate them. Just wash them.”

“But washing them takes Big O of t time to complete, where t is the number of towels, and incinerating them just takes Big O of 1 time! There’s no time to lose!”

Shield appreciated the computer science joke, but had no idea how Pinkie would have known about that. Sometimes he wonders whether he’s telepathic and his thoughts leak into other people’s minds… Nah, that’s probably not true.

“But isn’t that a waste of towels?”

“It’s better than causing an epidemic! Quick! Hand me that matchbox over there!”

Without thinking, Shield obeyed. “But if you can’t wash the towels again…”

“Quick! The gasoline!” Pinkie pointed to a corner in the back room.

Again, without thinking, Shield portaled the gas can over to Pinkie, who poured it all over the fluffy pink towels.
“…Then you can let me do it.”

“No time to lose!”

“No, wait! Pinkie!” Shield puts a shield lock on both the matchbox and gas can. “I’ll wash the towels for you. Go bake your cupcakes.”

Pinkie’s pupils widened again as she realized what he was trying to say. “Oh… Haha, silly me!” She giggled and pranced off towards the kitchen.

Shield looked down at the pile of gasoline-soaked towels and scratched his head. “Crash. What have I gotten myself into? I hate washing towels.” Shield looked around the back room area. “Any washer-dryer combos in here? No? That’s what I figured. Looks like I’ll be washing these by hand.”

Shield took the towels to the wash tub and piled them in. They filled the tub halfway. Shield turned on the water and let them soak. “What am I supposed to do? I’ve never washed anything by hand before.” Shield rubbed his beard and thought. “Ah, I’ll just wash these later. Right now I have to go and see if Pinkie Pie needs help making those cupcakes.”

Shield paced through the hallway to the kitchen, where he was stopped in the doorway.

“Stop! Don’t come near! This is a very delicate process…” Pinkie Pie momentarily held out a hoof before returning it to her task at hand, er, hoof: pouring the dough into the cupcake molds.

“Wow, you’re already on that stage—” Shield started before being warned by another hoof gesture. He shut up and watched the cupcake master work her wonders.

After the last of the cupcake molds were filled, Pinkie skillfully placed them in the oven and shut the door. “There! What were you saying?”

“Uh… I don’t remember…” Shield rubbed his beard and then picked something to talk about. “So you’re having a picnic with your friends today?”

“Yes indeedy! Rarity’s going to be there, Rainbow Dash is going to be there, Applejack is going to be there, Fluttershy is going to there…”

“And Twilight?”

Pinkie nodded. “Yep, Twilight’s going to be there, and of course, me! I’m going to be there!”

“Cool! So then I can talk business with Twilight at this picnic?”

“Well,” Pinkie thought for a second. “It’s a friendly picnic and is usually just between the six of us, but I brought Maud one time and this time Twilight’s bringing Heartbreak… maybe I could bring a guest and that could be you!” Pinkie cheerily pointed at Shield.

“Great! That sounds good!”

“But… she’s been awful busy lately with Heartbreak and all. They might be arguing the whole time…”

“I’m sure two ponies can’t argue all the time,” reassured Shield. “Or at least, I hope not. How long until the picnic?”

“Eeeks!” screamed Pinkie. “That’s just the thing! All that extra time with the towels has put me behind schedule! The picnic is in 30 minutes and the cupcakes need 20 more minutes bake time, plus 10 minutes for frosting and taste-testing time, and then, I have to get there in lickety-split! Well, if I can cut my travel time to just about 10 seconds, then I should be fine. Can you run from here to the park in 10 seconds?”

“How far is it?”

“About 2 miles.”

“Haha, um, no.” Shield laughed.

“Then we’re doomed!” Pinkie Pie yelled. “We’re going to be late! Well, maybe actually not really… if I leave you behind, I can get there in no time at all, so I can tell the others that you’ll be late.”

“But they’re not expecting me, are they?”

“Hmmm… good point. Not that I know of. Ok, well just come whenever you can then!”

“Okay!”

An interrupting voice yelled from upstairs. “Pinkie! Did you wash the towels yet?!”

Pinkie looked at Shield. Shield grimaced. “I’ll get right on that…”

In the back room, Shield grumbled to himself. “You couldn’t just let her put them away, now could you? You had to inform her about the dangers of germs…” As he looked down at the flammable towels, he considered his options. “Well, I could portal back home real quick and wash them in my washer, but then it’d be two hours before I got back… unless I got my time-speed friend to speed up the washer for me, but he’s probably busy. I could go back home and bring one of my towels back… but then I’m missing towels and my towels might look out of place here. Or… or! I could get some towels from the library! Yeah!”

Shield ran up the stairs to the place where the portal opened to the library basement. “Oops, I forgot the shut this…” He jumped through and ran to the library bathroom, where he grabbed two towels and then raced back through the portal, shut it, and portaled the towels through the bathroom door.

“Thanks, Pinkie!” said the voice of Mr. Cake on the other side.

Shield laughed. “Haha, somehow he must not have realized it was me.” He went back down to the kitchen to check on Pinkie Pie.

“So, you took care of the towels?”

“Um, yes, kind of. Well, for the moment. I’ll have to get back to you on that.”

“Oki-doki!” Pinkie smiled as she stirred something in a bowl, which looked to be completely non-cupcake related.

Soon after the timer dinged and Pinkie Pie got the cupcakes out of the oven. She used a spatula to spread the frosting from the bowl onto the cupcakes. It turns out the bowl was cupcake related. (Author’s Note: lol I completely didn’t plan it that way. Some how I pictured Pinkie mixing something in a bowl but didn’t connect it to the cupcakes until after I wrote the part about her getting them out. Haha, funny how the brain works, isn’t it?)

“Hey, can I help with that?”

“Sure, but be extra careful! If just one cupcake gets extra frosting, Twilight will go nuts!”

“Haha!” Shield stopped in his tracks to laugh for a second. Then he continued to the counter to help Pinkie. He inexpertly flung the frosting from the spatula onto the cupcakes, or at least the general area. “Is this how you do it?”

“No silly, like this!” Pinkie expertly curled the spatula around the top of a cupcake to make a smooth creamy swirl. “See? Just like that!”

“Ok…” Shield followed suit, but it didn’t turn out as nice. “Is that good?”

“Uh…” Pinkie winced. “It’s… better… Hmm… Maybe the problem is you’re using your hands. Try putting the spatula in your mouth.”

“Is it clean? The spatula?”

“Yeah, I just washed it.”

“Ok, I guess… not sure how this works, exactly…” Shield put the spatula in his mouth sideways and tilted his head to dip the spatula in the bowl of frosting. Then he watched Pinkie as he swirled the spatula around the cupcake top. Looking down on it, he frowned. “Uh… how is… this?”

Pinkie’s face orgasmed. “Eeks, not quite right. Maybe you should go back to using your hands.”

“Hmmm, I have a better idea.” Shield took a sample cupcake with a perfect swirl and generated a shield around the frosting. Then, etherizing that shield to make it able to pass through anything, he picked it up and hardened it so he could dip it in the bowl. He scooped enough frosting to fill the void in the shield and placed it on a cupcake. Then he etherized the shield to take it off without disturbing the frosting on the cupcake.

“Aha! How’s that!” Shield excitedly pointed at the newly frosted cupcake.

“Perfect!” Pinkie cheered. “Now let’s hurry up. We haven’t much time.”

Shield and Pinkie finished dressing the cupcakes, eating the ones that Shield had badly frosted. Then they put them all in a basket.

Looking at the clock, Pinkie shrieked. “Eeks! There’s only 9 seconds until the picnic should begin! I don’t have time to run there!”

“Could you even run there that fast?”

“Dunno. But we’re going to be late! Unless…” Pinkie smiled. “Here we go!” She turned on the broiler in the oven and a space-time distortion in the oven wrinkled and opened a portal to the Ponyville Park. “I told you there was a portal in there!”

“Are you sure that’s safe with the broiler on?”

“Yeah, it’s not hot yet, see?” Pinkie touched the broiler element with her hoof. “Come on! Let’s go!” Pinkie crawled into the oven and came out under a tree branch. Shield tried to follow her in, but he wouldn’t fit.

“Hold on a second, I’m coming. Here, take the cupcakes.” Shield watched as Pinkie pranced off with the basket of cupcakes to her friends. “Okay, just gotta find the destination and bring the portal out into the kitchen… ooh. No, can’t do that.” Shield felt a strange electro-magnetic sensation when he tried to move the portal out of the oven and into the kitchen. A strange feeling like space-time might collapse around this point. “So I guess I’ll be taking the long way there. Oh well, at least that’ll give Twilight and her friends a chance to catch up before I arrive.”

Author's Note:

I'm assuming you've already read My Little Heartbreak: Heart Broken: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/18761/my-little-heartbreak-heartbroken

If you're curious about the Big O of t joke, google "time complexity"

Thanks for reading!