Doctor of the Lance

by Silver Page

Chapter 9 – Dance of Fools / Tanz auf Narren

Chapter 9 – Dance of Fools / Tanz auf Narren

Spell Pact yawned, covering his mouth politely as he did so. He was standing in his apartment in Canterlot, a small loft he rented when teaching at the University. It was rather drab and under furnished, but if he really needed anything, he could just use his magic keys and return to the house. Currently, though, he was waiting for his date to finish dressing, and for the two of them to head off to the Grand Galloping Gala, which he was almost dreading at this point.

Spell Pact was having doubts about the validity of his idea. Yes, the Elements of Harmony would be there, but would he be able to actually get any good data on them? At best he’d get personality and general physicality. At worst he’d be thrown out for semi-molesting a mare as he tried to get accurate measurements.

That had happened before, with his “grandfather” Spell Graft. It was one of the reason’s he had been known as the Mad Medic. Women just don’t like being felt up with calipers while eating in a restaurant.

The doctor sighed, and tapped his foot on the floor. What was it with women from any world and taking their sweet time to change? Spell Pact glanced at the wall mounted clock, then at his pocket watch, then finally at the door to the bedroom.

“Are you ready yet? We have less than thirty minutes left!”

“You try putting on make-up, a bra, panties, pantyhose, and a dress with my figure!” The irate voice shouted at him from behind the door.

“If I did, I’d still finish faster than you!” Spell Pact retorted. A snort was his response, and the bedroom opened, revealed his date.
Chocolate Rain stood there, wearing a lovely black cocktail dress highlighted with silver embroidery on the edges. What appeared to be red sequins were sewn into the sleeves and neckline, and over-all his Pegasus friend looked rather nice.

He’d chosen Rain as his date merely for the fact that she was not attracted to men, and his other, jealousy prone associates knew she wouldn’t try anything with him.

“Ready?” Spell asked, though he knew the answer.

“Yeah, let’s get to this party before you die of old age,” Rain joked, Spell Pact offering a small smile. He opened the door for her, and entered the apartment’s elevator. It was nothing like the kind from Earth, far less electricity and lots more ropes and pulleys. Still, as long as he didn’t need to walk down four floors to get to the lobby, he was happy. Once there, he led Rain over to a waiting taxi-chariot. The thing was like the old Asian pull-carts he’d once seen while on a research trip to Japan controlled China. A single pony pulling it with only their body strength to support them. So very inefficient.

An Earth Pony was the driver tonight, and Spell Pact gave him the instructions and destination. He nodded once, and was off.

“Thanks for the ride,” Spell said, tipping the driver well as he stepped out of the chariot. The driver simply nodded and left, leaving Rain and the doctor in front of some massive gates. Several Royal Guards stood at attention outside of them, checking the tickets of potential guests.

Spell and Rain were in line for a few minutes before they reached the front.

“Tickets please,” the Guard intoned, and Spell handed him the two golden slips of paper. He scrutinizes them, passes a spell over them, then hands them back.

“In you go. Have a nice evening, you two.”

“Of course,” Spell replied, leading his date up the winding path. At length they entered the massive hall, Rain’s mouth falling open at the sight of the sheer opulence of the place.

“Sheesh, this must have cost a truck-load of bits,” Rain whispered to Spell, who shrugged.

“Most likely. Now come along, I wish to greet Celestia.” That was that, and he moved up to stand in line with the other well-wishers. A few minutes more of standing in a line, and Rain was getting very bored.

“You know, these line would move faster without the nobles constantly talking,” Rain grumbled, low that only Spell could hear her.
Indeed. Still, almost there, so…” whatever he was about to say next was lost in a swell of music coming from the entryway. Spell blinked, then groaned as he felt the familiar sensation of Harmonic Music starting to play.

Another thing Spell Pact could not tolerate about Equestria was the fact that sometimes, in moments of extremely high emotions and potent natural magic, God-damned musical numbers would start, Ponies singing happily and doing impressive impromptu choreography.

“Only in Equestria,” Spell muttered, as he heard lyrics about the Gala, how wonderful it would be, how they’d find their dreams here, and more asinine drivel.

It was one thing he had tried to understand and resist, as him singing about his rather morbid ambitions would be a stupid way to get caught. All he knew was it was the result of some high tiered spell generations ago from some princess called Harmonia, and it had yet to fully fade. The lands across the Shallow Ocean, such as Germaneigh, Prance, Griffonia, and so on, had no troubles with spontaneous song and dance, and often Spell wished he was back in Germaneigh.

“Not a fan of Harmonic Music, eh?” Rain teased as she watched his reactions. “A lot of ponies from overseas find it weird. My grandmother said it took her decades to get used to it.”

“Is that so?” Spell Pact inquired, teeth gritted against both the music and the magic.

“Yup, came over from Germaneigh years ago. She knew your grandfather, though only by reputation.”

“I imagine it would be hard for anypony to not have heard of the Mad Medic of Germaneigh or forget him,” Spell Pact replied, whole Rain nodded. Conversation dwindled, and after another minute or so, the Harmonic Music ended, and Spell breathed a sigh of relief.

A few moments later, there was a ripple as some of the ponies in line shifted about. Confused, Spell looked around to spot the source of the disturbance, only to see a young, petite, and very purple unicorn making her way up the stairs and cutting in line.

Angry and annoyed grumbles followed her, but even that quick glance was enough to confirm who she was; Twilight Sparkle, personal student of Princess Celestia and Element of Magic. He had last seen her five or so years ago, and she had shot up nicely, growing from an awkward teenage filly to a young mare.

He might not be attracted to them, but he could at least appreciate good development.

At last, though, he and Rain were next in line, and a part of him smirked internally as Celestia’s smile became a bit more forced than usual.

“Hello, Doctor Spell Pact, thank you for coming.”

“The pleasure is mine, Princess. Let me introduce my friend, Chocolate Rain, Pegasus weather mare from Trottingham.” Rain gave a quick and nervous bow, which Celestia smiled at and returned with a nod of her head.

“It’s also a pleasure to see you again, Miss Sparkle,” Spell said, turning his attention to the young Unicorn. “You’ve grown up to be quite lovely. The dress certainly suits you.”

His flattery quickly turned her into a blushing, embarrassed mess, a lot more than he’d expected, to be honest. He decieded to ignore that for now, and turned back to Celestia.

“By the way, where is Luna? I was hoping to check up on her progress in personally while I was here.” Spell emphasized his question with a show of looking over the crowd, as if to spot her.

“She is not fully… well enough to be presented to the public, and she never was one for formal occasions. She once refused to remove her battle armor after a rather harsh fight and attended a meeting with the royal ministers bedecked in blood spattered armor. Oh, their faces were priceless,” Celestia said, chuckling at the memory. Spell Pact smiled as well, a genuine one due to the mention of blood, though Rain and Twilight’s faces clearly showed how disgusted they were with the thought of blood-spattered anything. And fighting. Such innocent fools.

“Very well, Princess. If you need my expertise in this matter, I am now back in Canterlot for the new school year, so please feel free to contact me. Have a good evening.” He turned and walked down the stairs, Rain at his back.

At the main floor, he and Rain split up; she to find a drink and maybe a dance, he to mingle and try to locate an Element of Harmony. He had little luck. After only twenty minutes, he was soon accosted by some Ponies. They were the closest things he had to friends in Canterlot, and he knew that connections were vital in the heart of Equestria’s seat of power.

“Fancy Pants, Fleur de Lys, good to see you.” He shook hands with the kindly noble Unicorn couple. They were one of the few kind hearted aristocrats in Equestria. If more were like them, he wouldn’t hate the rest with such a passion.

“Charmed, Doctor Pact. Glad to see you returned.”

“Photo Finish! It’s been too long!” A fellow immigrant from Germaneigh, she had been a model some years back, before becoming a photographer and talent scout. Of all the Ponies, she was one of his favorites, though her exuberant attitude could become grating.

“Ach, zis is vunderful, to have my old friend back at my side! Vhy, ve could turn the vorld of fashion upside down!”

“Greetings, Sky Bastion.” Spell was a bit surprised to see the massive Pegasus soldier out of her armor and in a dress, but pleased to see her all the same.

“Hey, Pact. My daughter was supposed to be here tonight with her friends, but I haven’t seen her.” The soldier shook hands with the other Ponies near him, and conversation started.

“Trying to set up the doctor with your little filly, eh, Bastion?” Fancy teased, while Sky took the joke with a smile.

“Nah, she’s totally not his type. Plus, he’s not her type either. No, I just wanted to see her again. Haven’t seen her in over a year, plus now that she’s an Element of Harmony…”

“Ah yes, I remember reading that.” Spell Pact said thoughtfully. “Never would have thought timid little Fluttershy could become an Element. Nor that little hellion, Rainbow Dash.”

As a close friend to Sky Bastion, Spell Graft and his “grandson” had known the shy little Pegasus when she’d been a filly. He’d also met the prismatic best friend of Fluttershy once before, and had found her arrogance rude. Hopefully she’d have improved over the years.
Sky chuckled.

“You can say that again! I almost feel old, knowing my daughter is nearly twenty!”

Small talk continued for a while longer, until something shattered the stuffy yet tranquil atmosphere.

First, loud party music, of an annoyingly grating style. A bright pink Earthy Pony is a candy themed dress dancing around trying to get the nobles to lighten up.

Second, Prince Blueblood using a mare a shield against a wayward cake, launched by the antics of the Pink Pony. Said cake-covered mare terrifying the arrogant prince into a pillar, somehow knocking it over, and causing a domino effect with the rest of the pillars. And last, but not least, and certainly the most surprising, was a hoard of rare and exotic animals breaking into the Gala pursued by Fluttershy, in a tattered dress, who was screaming incoherently about love.

Total chaos erupted, and Spell Pact stood stock still, jaw hanging open, his expression mirrored by Sky Bastion as she gazed at her daughter, and Fancy and Fleur as they took in the panic. Photo Finish, on the other hand, was busy snapping pictures with a portable camera, capturing the scenes for future use.

“I think I’m going to call it a night,” Spell Pact managed to say after a while, his friends nodding and quickly slipping out, the doctor grabbing Rain as they made a hasty retreat.

“Well, that happened,” Rain said as they waited for a taxi-chariot.

Spell Pact just nodded, disappointed with his lack of new data. Something exploded behind them, and the two looked at each other and shrugged.

“Nobles.”