The Sound And Fury From Seaddle

by Nic-Fit

Special Agent Conrad Uno

Chapter 13 : Special Agent Conrad Uno

In which we question the eternal wonders of space, and time

Okay, not really, but it does get a bit spacey

...

And there might also be a beatdown

~

'Guuuuuuuuuh.' Thought Vinyl.

"Guuuuuuuuuuuh." Said Vinyl. She was definitely not a morning pony. Especially having gotten very little sleep, and waking up somewhere that wasn't where she fell asleep (even if it was only a really short distance away from where she was now), nor did she appreciate being poked into consciousness.

"Wake up you lump." Octavia sighed, and continued prodding Vinyl with her hoof.

"Pffft. Too early. Not enough sleep." Vinyl rolled over to escape Octavia's onslaught.

"Its 8. You've been asleep for six hours, the shop opens in an hour, get up." Octavia resumed her prodding.

"SIX IS NOT ENOUGH!"

"Six hours of sleep is perfectly reasonable-"

"Come back in three, maybe four hours. Then I'l be up and about." Vinyl cut Octavia off.

"You stay up until stupid hours all the time, and you always open the shop at 9, why is it different now?"

"It's your house, 'Tavi." Vinyl explained, without moving from her defensive position on the sofa. "I never had to get up early while' I was staying here, and my brain doesn't like it. Now, if you'll excuse me." She pulled the covers up over her head.

"Vinyl, I am not dragging you all the way to the shop." Octavia said in a stern tone.

"Don't then. Leave me here and I'll swing by in, like, three hours."

"You are unbearable sometimes Vinyl Scratch." Octavia turned and left the house, slamming the door behind her.

'FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINALLY." Vinyl thought.

Then she went back to sleep.

~

Octavia approached the shop in a huff, still annoyed by Vinyl. At least Lyra was there so the shop could at least be opened. If she'd snapped out of whatever trance she was in, anyway. Otherwise there'd be no way to get any actual work done until Vinyl showed up, which she doubted was guaranteed to happen.

Drawing closer, she began to hear some pretty freaky sounds emanating from somewhere in the local area. Picking up speed (and keeping an eye out for UFOs and/or the living dead) she found that the noise only got louder the closer she got to the shop.

Rounding the corner and heading onto the street where the shop was, she found a small group of ponies stood outside. Heading for the door, she noticed that there was a large banner hanging over the door, reading 'FREE MYSTERY CONCERT TODAY!'. The shop was also still closed, shutters blocking her view inside, and now the noise was louder than ever. She made her way through the group of ponies stood around the door, and headed inside.

"SURPRISE!" Lyra jumped out from behind a shelf, causing Octavia to rear up and knock over a big box of 7"s. "Heeeey, where's Vinyl?" Lyra asked, deflating a little from the white unicorn's absence.

"Lyra....you....me...heart attack...." Octavia wheezed out, clutching a hoof to her heart.

"Eheheh...sorry 'Tavi..." Lyra offered a sheepish grin and rubbed the back of her head. "But where is Vinyl?"

"At my house, being to lazy to show up to her own house."

"Oh...its just I organised all this for her...to say sorry..."

"She should be here later. She better be here later." Octavia muttered angrily. "What is 'all of this', anyway?"

"So, I read Vinyl's note about how she had to go to your place to fall asleep, and that made me feel bad. So then I thought 'how can I cheer Vinyl up?' And this idea came straight into my head! Come have a look see!" Lyra started dragging Octavia towards the back of the shop, which was now home to a drum kit and a number of amplifiers, as well as some weird glow-y coils and a box with some antennas coming off of it, with a single pony tinkering with said box.

"Hey Loco!" Lyra shouted "Say hi to Octavia!"

He waved his hoof, causing the box generate wavy noises, which he frowned at, and went back to adjusting the knobs on the machine.

Lyra giggled and turned back to Octavia. "That's Loco The Electronic Ape Mage. He plays bass and theremin!"

"Theremin?" Octavia mused.

"This here box!" Loco exclaimed, and began waving all around the instrument, making noise for effect.

"Fascinating!" Octavia trotted closer for a better look at the machine. It was just a small box with an aerial either side, one straight and one curled.

"Try it out! Watch!" Loco again waved his hooves around, generating random noise.

Octavia lifted a hoof towards the vertical antenna, and the theremin generated a tone. The tone got more shrill and higher pitched the closer she got to the antenna. She was captivated by it.

"Come on 'Tavi, lets go find the other guys."

"B-but Lyra! Look at this thing!"

"Yeah, its amazing, but you gotta come meet these guys!"

"No. I want one." Octavia turned around and started messing with the theremin again.

"Fine, we'll do it the hard way."

Lyra picked Octavia up with her magic, extracting an audible 'squeak' from the grey mare. She began to walk off, dragging Octavia through the air behind her.

"LYRA! PUT ME DOWN! I WANT TO PLAY WITH THE THING!"

Lyra kept on walking away.

"Pleaaaase?"

Again, no response from Lyra.

"Hmph."

~

Vinyl had elected to get out of bed Vinyl had rolled over too far and had fallen off of Octavia's sofa and was currently too busy being lazy to get back up. A glance at the clock revealed that it was 10:30.

'I did say I'd come in by 11...

But 'Tavi's floor is soooo comfy...

That train of thought brought her back to Octavia and the bad mood she had the last time they had spoken. Because of Vinyl. She decided that getting up and going to work was marginally better than being killed to death by an irate 'Tavi. She stretched her legs, put on her glasses, and headed out the door to the shop.

~

"How many guitars did you say you had?!" Octavia gasped.

"24." Star Dust casually confirmed. "I only use this one, though." He gestured to the one currently held in his magic.

"Then why, pray tell, do you have so many?"

Star Dust just shrugged, and lowered the visor on his space helmet. "Why not?"

"Thats like asking why we bring, like, 50 sci-fi b-movies with us wherever we go!" Interjected Pegastuff, the drummer.

"And why do you do that?"

"Why not? I literally just said." He rolled his eyes.

Octavia sighed, Lyra giggled.

"Hey Lyra, we're all set up, you want to start letting them in?"

"Sure thing Star Dust." Lyra turned to Octavia "'Tavi, be a dear and start letting everypony in please?"

"Why can't you?"

"Because, I'm needed on stage." With that, Lyra donned a space helmet of her own and levitated her battered red guitar towards her.

"Wait, you're playing? As in, now, with these guys?"

"Yes? They're a guy down, and I have a guitar and know a bunch of their songs. Besides, I've known them for ages anyway. How do you think I got them to play here?"

"I always said we should've replaced him with a robot. Robots don't get sick." Pegastuff again interjected. Octavia just sighed and went to open the door.

"Just saying."

~

'Hmmm, there's never been this many ponies waiting around outside before...'

Vinyl made her way to the front of the crowd, and found the shop to still be shut. It also had a massive 'FREE MYSTERY CONCERT TODAY' banner hanging above the door, which was new.

'Aw, what did I miss this time?'

Just then the door swung open, revealing a slightly exasperated looking Octavia.

"Ah, Vinyl, I see you finally decided to show up!"

"'Tavi, whats going on? Whats with all these ponies?"

Octavia simply pointed a hoof up to the banner above the door, her face un-amused.

"Yes, I read the banner! I mean, like, what is actually happening?" Vinyl said, now getting slightly annoyed.

"I would say ask Lyra, since its her idea, but they're about to start, so you'll have to wait. And can you hurry up and get inside already? You're holding everypony else up!"

Vinyl looked to the crowd behind her, and revived a number of impatient stares. She walked inside, as did all the others. The counter area had been cleared and now had a board over it, creating a stage. There were glow-y things around, and right near the door was a projector, beaming the phrase 'Mare...or ASTRO-MARE?' onto the back wall of the shop. The crowd 'oooh'ed and 'aaaah'ed at the setup.

After a few minutes, the band members clambered onto the stage, Lyra bringing up the rear. They all stood in position, as the projection changed. Suddenly, a sound clip from a corny old B-movie began to play, and just as suddenly the band launched into the song. The crowd whooped and cheered, and jumping broke out around the 'stage'.

Octavia was slightly disappointed that the theremin had not made a re-appearance since the soundcheck earlier.

~

Half an hour in, the band were jerking around to a weird noisy intro. Lyra had taken up Loco's bass, as he had to operate the theremin (much to Octavia's delight). A burst of guitar, and the song kicked in proper. It was a fast one.

~

The set was nearing the end when Lyra spotted something. Something in the crowd. There, leaning on the wall near the door, was a red pegasus. A red pegasus with a flame for her cutie mark. Lyra could actually feel the anger inside of her. It didn't matter to her if she was mid song, this pony was not getting away again.

"YOU!" Lyra pretty much exploded into the mic, pointing at the pony in question. Lyra took of her guitar as the song spluttered and died. She also took this moment to lock the door with her magic, so Miss Pyromaniac couldn't leave. The pegasus gulped, and tried to slink away.

Lyra wasn't having it. She bounded off the stage and into the crowd, managing to surf her way at least halfway to the back. From there it was a sprint in-between onlookers. She burst out of the last throng of ponies and quickly identified her target.

Her target, however, had other ideas, and bolted for the front of the crowd, hoping to get lost again.

It didn't work.

"Oh, no, nonono." Lyra picked up the pegasus with her magic, rendering her immobile. "Not again. You don't get away this time."

Seething with rage, Lyra brought the mare face-to-space helmet with herself.

"Uh...I'm s-sorry?" She offered.

Lyra blinked once. Then twice. Then she smacked the pegasus 'round the jaw. More than once.

"Call the guard!" Lyra shouted "This is the arsonist!"

Pretty much the whole crowd gasped and began murmuring. Octavia ran off to fetch some guards. Vinyl stood there in shock, and Lyra continued to better aquatint her hoof with the mare's face.

With nothing left to do, the band started playing again, sans rhythm guitarist.

~

"Well, that was...interesting." Octavia commented, sweeping up the mess that was currently the shop floor.

"I never knew how scary Lyra could be..." Vinyl replied "It was pretty amazing though. The things you can do to somepony you regard only with pure hate..."

"I'm baaaack!" came Lyra's sing-song voice from the door.

"So, what happened?"

"They just asked me about how I knew, what I did. Stuff like that. They said they had enough evidence to put her away for a long time! I hope she rots."

"Don't you think you're being a tad harsh, Lyra dear? You already hit her until you broke her foreleg. And your foreleg." Octavia pointed out.

"Hey! I only broke her foreleg. Mine is just sprained. She deserved what she got." Lyra defended.

"Whatever, what I want to know is how we're going to play to the label guy if you can't play!" Vinyl said.

Lyra wore a deadpan expression on her face, and levitated her guitar over to herself, playing a few chords in the process.

"Oh."

Lyra looked around the shop. Quite frankly, it was a mess.

"Sweep the floor then go to sleep?" She asked.

"Sounds like a plan." Octavia agreed.

Vinyl was already unconscious on the floor at just the mention of sleep.

~

Comments

[akarock]

Heheh, Man or Astro Man?
Btw: Guess who just got Dirty Shirt Rock 'n Roll - The Best of The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, This Guy!
Oh, BTW: for my chapterly song recommendation, check The Gentle Art of Making Enemies by Faith No More out. Awesome song with some frankly disturbing but funny lyrics.

[Nic-Fit]

4600541
Fix'd

4600100
I've basically listened to nothing but Man Or Astro-man? for the last week. Send help.

Love a bit of Jon Spencer, especially when he was in Pussy Galore.

I will endevour to have a listen at some point!

[akarock]

4601562 my god, another person read this!

[Nic-Fit]

4602274
They faved it and all, my friend.

To be fair, I was completely expecting no one at all to read this at all, so its all good.

[akarock]

4602470 well, Mudhoney is an awesome band. I remember first hearing Overblown on the Singles Soundtrack. By the way, am I the only one who thinks of this song when I think of Cello in a rock band? http://youtu.be/TOdo7dhvSwg

[Nic-Fit]

4602523
I first heard Mudhoney when I was tiny, my dad was big into that scene, Mudhoney, Nirvana, Sonic Youth, Fugazi, stuff like that.

Whenever I think of cello in a rock band, this always comes to mind.

[Dark Avenger]

[Nic-Fit]

4729453
They definitely pulled off that Swans style on Swan Jovi.

There should be more parodies of bands like that.

[Dark Avenger]

4729721

Thump Thump Pittup SMASH... Thump Thump Pittup SMASH...

More aggrieved male howling, pulseless drumbeats, guitar white noise and some twisty bass strings too! Torturing you, torturing me. Have I mentioned these guys' subject matter yet? If it's any indication, one of the four tracks on this EP is called "Raping A Slave." I keep asking them to do a cover of "Takin' Care Of Business," but no dice.

-- A review of the Young God EP (source)

I'd sure love to hear their take on this song, too...

Nice story you've got here, by the way, although having to see TaviScratch again (not to mention with the usual "Lyra & Bon Bon" mixed in as well) for the billionth time scores a few negative points with me. Also, some of the names (e.g "No Wave") are not very subtle, to say the least.

Then again, I do still appreciate the reference...

[Nic-Fit]

4730021
If I ever got a band together, I would cover so many songs in the style of early Swans, it would be glorious. I can imagine it now, shouting out 'Day Tripper' with all the boomy drums and feedback..

Thanks, and also for the input. This is (if I remember right) the first actual story I've written down since I left school a few years ago, so I'm still learning.

And I always have time to work in a reference...maybe I should add more...more subtlety...