Hello everyone! Now that my story is up, I'll say a few things. I'll do my best to update daily or near daily, but can make no promises as it's near the end of the quarter for school and am busy with projects. I hope everyone enjoys the first chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it and ask for criticism. I'm writing this with my ipad, so typos and such are harder to see. Anyway, thanks for giving the story a shot, and make sure to comment your thoughts.

Thank you,
Nick

Chapter the first, wherein we have a premise, and a somewhat novel setting, but the only conflict so far is the fact that our protagonist is kind of a douche. He's expressed a desire to go home, but just trying to get home is boring, as far as things-to-do-when-you-end-up-in-a-magical-alternate-universe go.

My suggestion for the next chapter would be to actually start a story. I'll be keeping an eye on this in case you do.

Mechanically, the most bothersome thing so far is that you're constantly alternating between first and third person when talking about Jem. I suggest you choose.

4078864 Thanks for the feedback, The story will get rolling next chapter, I kind of wanted to introduce Jem in the first chapter. I'll probably update tomorrow or sometime during the weekend. Thanks for the first and third person comment, I was bitching myself out the whole time that I needed to stick with one lol. Glad to see you're giving it a chance and hope to please.

Thank you,
Nick