The Spice of Life - Peppermill's Stories

by Mr Merritt

Scissors and Escargot

I think…I need…to get in…better shape… This was the silent lament of the grey-coated, black-maned earth colt as he struggled under the weight of a large picnic basket balanced precariously across his back. He panted as he trudged step by step in the general direction of what he assumed was the one and only schoolhouse in Ponyville.

In hindsight, Peppermill admitted he might of gone just a tad overboard in filling the basket with all sorts of sandwiches, salads and a massive thermos of iced tea. While he knew fully well that he was going to feed, at the very least, four hungry young ponies he knew his cooking tended to result in seconds and thirds more often than not. But in making sure everypony would have their fill, he did not take into account the logistics of weight. Nor did he allow himself to think about how…out of shape he really was.

I guess…strength…doesn’t get…absorbed. Peppermill had been the guest-slash-honorary kinfolk to the Apple clan of Ponyville for a few months now. While the young colt was sensible enough to know that just because a city-bred pony found himself on a farm did not equate to a sudden increase in strength and stamina, he didn’t stop him from wishing for a few extra muscles.

Eventually he reached the point of no returns, or at the very least the point where his body got to out-vote his mind and good intentions. With comical slowness his legs slowly spread out at four separate angles and he found himself laying in the dust on the edge of the path he was on. He lay on the ground like this for a few minutes, trying hard not to cry out in frustration. Peppermill disliked showing too much emotion nowadays, but even he had his limits.

“B-bother…” he grumbled as he shrugged the basket off of his back. No longer pinned down, he got upright on shaky legs and gave the current source of his annoyance a dark glare. Once he was satisfied the inanimate object had absorbed enough of his wrath, he then turned to the task of deciding what options he had available to him.

He certainly was not the type to waste food, so simply emptying the basket was out, as was eating some of it himself. While few ponies would of looked down upon the colt feasting on his own food, Peppermill was firm in his belief that the cook did not eat until everypony else had been satiated. If…I only knew…how far I am…away from…the school. he thought. Then I…could decided…whether to go on…or head home.

rustle…rustle…rustle…

The grey colt’s ears perked up, and he gazed back behind his shoulder. There was nothing behind him but bushes.

rustle…rustle…

But it was clear something was moving around over there. Peppermill was not frightened, mainly because he lived by the belief that after having to deal with fire, the destruction of his home, the death of his parents and a mentally shattered older brother, there wasn’t much more left on Equstria that could faze him.

“You and your shortcuts…”

“It looked like a path…”

Colts? Peppermill did not doubt for a moment that there were young ponies on the other side of the bushes. But why would there be ponies there, when he himself was standing near a perfectly good path? His pondering on the situation was ended quickly when a head poked out from the bushes.

“Uh, Snips? There’s somepony here.” The unicorn colt, his aquamarine mane hanging over his eyes, spoke with a drawl that Peppermill couldn’t place.

“Don’t just stand there, hide!” A scratchy, high-pitched voice squawked out the command.

“Why?” questioned the orange unicorn.

“I was…wondering that too…” admitted Peppermill.

“Wait, do we know this guy?” Another head popped out of the shrubbery, somewhat chubbier in the cheeks but just as messy in the mane.

“No…” drawled the first colt.

“Well…I don’t…know either…one of you.” offered the grey earth colt. “So…we are…even.” The two unicorns took a bit of time to digest this reasoning, and Peppermill could only wait patiently until a decision was made. Finally, the shorter of the two pushed through the bushes and stood before Peppermill.

“You must be new to town. My names Snips, and this is my pal Snails.”

“Hiya…” chirped the taller unicorn as he stepped into view.

“I’m…Peppermill. How…do you do…”

“That name sounds familiar. Are you sure we haven’t met before?” questioned the one named Snips.

“No…we haven’t…”

“Uh…” Snips turned to his friend, a patient look on his face. Peppermill found himself looking at the taller colt in genuine fascination. Finally…

“Didn’t Applebloom say something about a guy named Peppermill?”

“Oh yeah…she did, didn’t she?”

“You…guys know…Applebloom?” A idea began to blossom in the grey colt’s mind, but he had more blanks to fill. The two unicorns seemed decent enough: the one called Snails seemed to be a bit…slow on the uptake (not that anything was wrong with that), and he found himself feeling a sort of kinship with Snips and his interesting voice.

“Yeah…we go to school with her.” answered Snails.

“Really?”

“Uh…yeah…” Snips was beginning to feel a bit conspicuous at this point, as if he was expecting somepony to suddenly appear. His fidgeting and furtive looks around further convinced Peppermill he might be onto something. The fact that he had a year or more on the two of them in age might of sent the wrong message.

But Peppermill could use this to his advantage.

“Speaking…of school…” began Peppermill carefully, taking note of the wince from Snips at the offending word. “Shouldn’t…you two…be there…right now?”

“Yeah, about that…” began Snips, refusing to look the older colt in the face.

“We’re playing hooky.” announced Snails.

“Snails!” The long, drawn-out growl of his friend’s name indicated this wasn’t the first time this sort of thing must of happened.

“Well, we are…” responded Snails, sounding and feeling put upon.

“I…see…” intoned Peppermill.

“We have a really good reason!” insisted Snips. “Miss Cheerilee was going do make us do…ugh…division.”

“Ouch…” Peppermill suspected these two were not fans of schoolwork, but chose to show sympathy to them. He also chose not to mention he himself didn’t have nearly as much dread of this subject as they did. Most, if not all, of his learning came from his mother who taught him the basics herself. He knew some ponies frowned on home schooling, but his mother was quite insistent on it. She handled the basics while his father handled the specifics, in his case the art of cooking.

“Can’t do it if we aren’t there.” concluded the stubby unicorn, with a hint of pride at his cleverness.

“But…” began Peppermill carefully.

“But?” Snips gave the grey colt a wary look.

“What…about…tomorrow?” The unicorn colts looked blankly at him. “I’m…sure this…Miss Cheerilee…won’t be…pleased…with you two…when you go…back tomorrow. You…are going back…tomorrow, I mean?”

“Oh…yeah…” mumbled Snails.

“Oh man!” Snips was now in full panic mode. He grabbed at his friend by his long neck and shook it hard (Peppermill could of swore he heard the sound of something small rattling inside an empty space just then, but shrugged it off as hearing things) “We can’t play hooky twice in a row. I mean once is sort of ok, but twice! We’re doomed!”

“W-w-what d-do we d-d-d-do?” stammered a now dizzy Snails, his eyes rolling in their sockets as his friend threw himself onto the ground in defeat.

“A…last…meal.” answered Peppermill solemnly.

“What?” squeaked Snips, looking up from the ground at the grey colt. Peppermill motioned to the picnic basket beside him.

“Or…perhaps…a peace offering…”

***

“Geeze, what did you put in this thing anyways? Bricks?” complained Snips loudly as he struggled with the picnic basket on his back.

“I don’t think bricks are supposed to smell that yummy.” intoned Snails, keeping watch on one side of his friend to prevent the basket from slipping.

“No…just food. But…I may have…overdid it.” admitted Peppermill, walking on the other side of the short unicorn.

“You think?” muttered Snips.

“It’s…usually better…to have too…much than…too little…when it comes…to food.”

“Did you really make all of that yourself?” asked Snails for what might have been the sixth or seventh time. It seemed the two colts were not entirely convinced that all the food was a result of their new friend.

“Everything…in that…basket was made…by me.” repeated Peppermill calmly.

“Wow, that’s cool!” gushed Snails.

“Cool, but way too heavy. Come on Snails, it’s your turn!” demanded Snips. The orange colt gamely took the basket’s handle in his mouth and lifted it off of his friend’s back. Peppermill noted that the taller colt didn’t seem to have nearly as much trouble with the weight as he or Snips did. The three continued to walk in silence, until a red building could be seen growing on the horizon.

“Are you sure about this Peppermill? I mean, you don’t know Miss Cheerilee like we do.” Snips had been not nearly as accepting of Peppermill’s plan as Snails was. Peppermill highly suspected that he was exaggerating just a bit, given that his depiction of the school teacher contradicted with that of Applebloom and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders. Of course mused the colt these two probably spend a lot of time on her bad side.

But Peppermill had faith in his cooking and faith in the teachings he received from his late parents. Food, they told him, was a great tool. A well-crafted meal, presented with humility and sincerity, could work wonders even a herd of alicorns could not dream to achieve. He also liked to think that he had picked up (admittedly with great chagrin) certain…tricks from his lamentable older brother when it came to charm and manipulation.

Of course, he never had to deal with a strict teacher before…

As the three colts got closer to the building, the bell in the tower above rang out.

“It’s not…that late…is it?”

“Mmmph mmph mm…” mumbled Snails unsuccessfully around the handle of the basket.

“Naw, that’s just the first recess bell.” explained Snips. Sure enough, the bell had barely finished ringing before a gaggle of young ponies piled out of the school and spread out across the playground. It didn’t take long for him to spot a familiar red mane topped with a pink bow among the throng of ponies. But before he could call out, he suddenly felt Snips and Snails suddenly tense up and shuffle behind him.

“Miss Cheerilee…” moaned Snips. Indeed, steeping out of the doorway was an older mare that had to be the teacher he had been told about. Peppermill was about to remind the colts behind him to leave everything to him, when the teacher’s gaze fell upon the group and her initial smile was replaced by a mix of disappointment and anger.

“Snips! Snails!” she announced as she trotted over. “Where have you two been? You’ve missed the math lesson I had this morning…”

“Um…” squeaked Snips.

“Er…” moaned Snails.

“Good day…Miss Cheerilee…it is…a pleasure…to finally meet you.” Peppermill took a step towards the mare, and gave a small bob of his head. “My name…is Peppermill.”

“Oh yes. I’ve heard quite a bit about you from Big Macintosh and Applebloom, for that matter.”

“I’m…honoured. And I…would like to…offer my most…sincerely apologies.”

“Apologies?” The mare tilted her head puzzled.

“I…am afraid…I am…responsible for…Snips and Snails…being unable…to attend classes…this morning.” The two colts in question gave each other nervous glances, while Cherrilee gave Peppermill an unconvinced look.

“I…had fully intended…to come here today…with a surprise for…Applebloom and…her friends.” began the grey colt, motioning to the picnic basket before him. “A little…lunch…for later today. But I…didn’t count…on the basket…to be so heavy. So…I had to…ask for some help.” By this time, Peppermill could see that Applebloom and the other Crusaders had noticed the commotion and were watching and listening from a discreet distance.

“Fortunately these two…” Peppermill had to give a small kick to Snips’ ample rump to get the two unicorns to stand up to attention. “…offered to help me out. Despite…knowing they…could get in trouble…for not being…in class…they selflessly…helped a stranger. You should…be very proud…of them.”

“So, your telling me that Snips and Snails offered to help you bring this picnic basket here, without needing to be bribed or anything?” Snails almost spoke up at this, until Snips had to forcefully jump on top of him to keep him silent.

“Well, I couldn’t…expect such…help without…payment. Believe me…there is plenty…of food for them…as well.”

“Hmmm…” The teacher eyed the collection of colts, then gave a nudge to the basket with a fore hoof. She frowned when she realized just how weighty the container was. She stared hard at the two unicorns, her expression unchanged despite the trickles of sweat and the silent pleas to Celestia to end the torment. She finally looked down upon Peppermill, who looked up at her with a sweet smile.

…

…

…

“Well, I must admit I am surprised…” started Cheerilee. Snips and Snails looked ready to burst into tears. “but very, very proud of you boys.” Snips and Snails could of melted into two puddles of relief, and Peppermill felt that niggling note of worry that his plan wouldn’t work evaporate.

“Of course…they have promised me…they will…do any homework…needed to make up…for what they missed.” The unicorns behind Peppermill flinched, but a quick glance from the grey Earth colt spoke volumes.

“Yeah, homework. No problem.” sighed Snips, deciding to cut his losses.

“Um…” The expectant noise from Snails drew the attention for the gathered ponies. For a few agonizing moments, they waited for whatever comment was coming. “Do we have to wait until lunch? Carrying that basket made me hungry…” This caused Cheerilee and Peppermill to laugh, while Snips only rolled his eyes.

“Unfortunately no. But I promise that I’ll make the rest of the morning easy for you two.” chuckled Cheerilee. She then turned to Peppermill. “Would you care to join us in class Peppermill? I’m sure we can spare a desk…”

“Well, I had…planned on…joining my friends…for lunch. But…this morning has…been so hectic…I think I’ll pass. I’m sure…that Applebloom…will return…the basket…at the end…of the day.”

“Very well. I’ll let you three say your goodbyes. But I expect Snips and Snails to come into the school immediately afterwards so I can get their homework assignments dealt with.” With that announcement, Cheerilee walked back to the school as Applebloom approached the colts.

“Wut in tarnation jes happened?” she demanded. “How come yer with these two Peppermill?”

“I…was bringing you…a little gift.” explained Peppermill. “But…it was…not as little…as I planned it to be.” The grey colt quickly explained what had happened with him and the unicorns, all the while Applebloom giving them a unreadable look.

“Well,” she said once Peppermill was finished. “I guess it was nice of you to bring us something’. And I guess it was nice of you two to help him.”

“Of course we helped him! He’s our pal!” replied Snips defensively. Peppermill blinked, and turned to the two colts.

“Really?” he said.

“Sure! You helped us out of a big mess. Or at least kept it from becoming a really big one. We owe you.”

“It’s nice to have another guy around…too many fillies…” This rather frank comment from Snails caused Peppermill and Snips to snicker and Applebloom to glare.

“Well…thank you. Now…I have…one more…thing I need…from you two.”

“Uh, we promise to do our homework.” drawled Snails.

“I…know you will. What I need…is to make sure…Applebloom…doesn’t hog…the cake. Her…sweet tooth…is as bad…as Applejack’s”

“What?!” bellowed Applebloom as Peppermill began a mad dash out of the schoolyard, leaving her fuming and his new friends trying to keep from laughing out loud.

Laughing out loud was something Peppermill had no issue in doing, all the way back to Sweet Apple Acres.

Comments

[YeahWhateverBye]

I love Peppermill, and I can't wait to see more from you. You are a very good writer.

[Manticore328]

Very good. Also I had a horrible thought what if saltpeter breaks out of the asylum for revenge. Again

[YeahWhateverBye]

371471 Let's hope he'd be smart enough not to, cause Peppermill will kick his ass.