Of mercenaries and.... Ponies?

by Lion Tale

The Start of Something Something Evil.

Author's Note:

Hey guys! I just recently got back into the groove of writing this story again!
Yes I know, it's been about three months that I haven't typed a single chapter.
But hey, I've also came up with some 'mini-sodes' which is like small fillers, non-canon.
So, does this sound good?
I'll leave it to you. Also, I've been thinking of alternate endings already! Does that sounds good as well?
Hehe, I should stop talking and *gets shot in the head*

Nick: "About bloody time. Let's go! Chop, chop!"

The bright blue sky was clear, Celestia’s sun was shining with happiness, and the rainbow blur had passed by, leaving a trail.

“Yea,” Rainbow Dash’s voice echoed throughout the sky.

She sped through the clouds, with no destination in mind. The pegasus slowly turned to her left, and did a nosedive into the barely visible ground. However, once she got just meters away from hitting the ground at full force; Dash did a sharp turn back up to the skies, leaving the somewhat legendary Sonic Rainboom.

Once reaching the skies, Dash finished by doing a cone-shape corkscrew, leading to a very frantic barrel roll. She lost control, and started to fall towards the ground, but before she hit; Richard appeared, catching Dash with his open arms.

Rainbow Dash opened her eyes that she had slammed shut on her fall, and saw that Richard was smiling at her. As the pegasus leaned in to his face, Richard suddenly spoke. “Hey Dash.”

“Yes?” Dash said softly.

“It’s time to wake up.”

“No, just let me relax here for a bit,” she replied.

“No. It’s time to wake up,” His voice sounding more frantic. “Wake up!”

Dash’s eyes jarred her eyes open, to see that she was indeed very close to Richard’s face and her lips were puckered. Very quickly, Dash pushed herself away from him, her face flushed with embarrassment.
Richard stood up from the couch, where everyone was sleeping on. It was very large, and in fact, about as large as a queen-sized bed. On the other hand, it was used frequently for taking care of animals; so it had multiple — yet questionable — stains on the fabric.

Last night, Jennifer had first tried to get snuggling next to the Bostonian, but instead, the sky-blue pegasus had to get in between the two, ruining Jennifer’s chance. Of course, Richard slept on the very inside of the couch, right next to backrest almost buried within the cushions.

What woke both of the humans up was that Fluttershy and Arvin had come back from their herb collecting — which was about four basketfuls and a couple of flowers — and found them sleeping together, with Rainbow trying spoon Richard. Fluttershy squeaked, and it had woken up Jennifer from her very light sleep.

Richard walked to his trademark duffel bag, and quickly pulled out his container of Saxton Hale’s Power Coffee. Suddenly, upon pulling it out, disaster happened.

“Make me some, now!” Dash yelled. “I want my precious!”

“Nein,” Arvin reacted, trying to hold back the narcissistic pony.

“Oh, that looks delicious,” Fluttershy quietly stated.

“Give it to me!” Jennifer said, reaching for the container. “It’s the love of my life!”

Roxy said nothing, but she tried to reach for the container as well, wondering what the fuss about some coffee is. But, it seems that the changeling never had coffee once in her life.

“Everybody stop!” Richard hollered. “I know how much the container means to you guys, that’s why I am making some!”

Suddenly, everyone stopped, and looked down in shame; except for the changeling and Fluttershy of course. Arvin continued to hold Dash down, but was released once she had calmed down enough.

Over the next hour, enough coffee was made to give at least everybody two cups, if not more. Roxy had tasted the drink, but just couldn’t get the gist of it, and decided to stay with drinking this in case there were better ways to enhance flavor. Fluttershy however, loved it and let her assertiveness get the best of her and demanded more.

“Any idea on the agenda today,” Richard asked, silently eating eggs he had snuck from the chicken coop.

“I was told to meet up with Dell for something important.” Jennifer said, lifting a finger for effect. “He said that we were meeting somebody and that we ought to bring our favorite weapons or something.”

“I believe he also said that we meet at the train station,” Arvin supposed.

“I can take you there,” Dash said calmly, as if she never been this relaxed. “Also, are the ponies involved in this?”

“Hell if I know,” grinned Richard. “Maybe we’ll end up having our whole team coming along.

“And that’s exactly what y’alls princess said.” Dell spoke.

The walk to the train station was short because of how it was still six in the morning, and with no traffic, there’s no trouble at the station.

“Are you sure Princess Celestia said that?” Twilight said.

“Yup, she said ‘No ponies, I shall require assistance from only the humans. I am terribly sorry for the disappointment; I hope you can forgive me.’” Dell quoted.

“Ah wonder what the princess meant by us asking for forgiveness.” Applejack queered.

“I think that she’s planning something fishy.” Tavish scratched his chin.

“Whatever it is,” Jacques started. “We ought to leave now, before she gets mad.”

“We can’t,” said Nick. “The bloody train that was supposed to pick us up is still not here.” He looked up and down the rails. With no train in sight, it seemed like they were going to wait for a long time.

“Don’t worry,” Twilight flapped and stood next to Nick. “I’m pretty sure there’s—“

She didn’t get to finish that statement because suddenly, almost literally out of nowhere, a train appeared. It looked a lot different from the usual train; it didn’t have the usual front locomotion, just a sharp-nosed front; the cars were slender and the space between each car had disappeared; at the very end, a car similar to the front one was at the back. It looked like it had belonged to something from the future, considering the white and sleek design.

The ponies were gaping at the train, but the humans just shrugged and boarded the train. Almost immediately, a couple of high-ranking royal guards appeared and started to show the mercenaries to their seats.

The interior looked like it belonged to a luxury mansion, complete with a small bar, leg room for each person, and chairs designed to fit a human properly.

“Hello,” everyone craned their necks to find a solid blue, unicorn mare with white stripes in her mane. “I will be your train conductor, and welcome aboard the Mach 5 Friendship Express. My name is Kapellmeister; I would like to wish you a nice time on our experimental train.”

The last statement opened a couple of people’s eyes wider and started to worry if this was really that reliable. But the train has a cozy feeling, like home but a weird feeling that you are still a guest.

As everyone started to get comfortable in their own seat, train lurched forward. A couple of people jerked back, and decided it was better to get some sleep rather than suffer the believably long ride to a place.

Or at least, they thought it was going to be a long ride.

“Here’s your stop, welcome to Canterlot!” The announcer gleefully stated. “Please exit to your right and have a nice day!”

Tavish grunted, “Five more minutes mate, me still haven’t properly napped!”

The announcer walked up to him. “But the Princess shall give you a room in the castle and you’ll be able to eat all of the glorious food!”

Somehow, whichever word got him going — whether give room, or food — it had made him jump up in ecstasy, run out of the train car, and then shoot a couple of sticky bombs before him with his Scottish Resistance. Tavish ran as fast as he can past the bombs. He then jumped, and launched himself by detonating it. The Scotsman flew high and far over Canterlot, until he landed through a stained glass window to the throne room.

Celestia jumped from nearing a nap, and instantly, a unicorn guard appeared with a spear, eager to poke out the never-before seen creature.

“At ease private,” the white alicorn yawned. “He’s one of the team members of my mercenary team.”

The guard lowered the spear, but kept a close eye on Tavish as he moved back to his hidden position. Once he got back to the position however, he suddenly camouflaged into the wall color, leaving a small shadow for ones with a very keen eye.

“I was told there would be rooms,” the Demoman stated. “And food.”

“Of course there would be,” She smiled. “We’ll just have to wait for the others.”

Tavish’s face turned into a frown, and he ran out of the door. Celestia continued to sit on her throne, but was left puzzled about his departure; until she heard the Demoman yelling at his teammates. She then facehoofed, and told a nearby servant to prepare the ‘special’ rooms. The small pegasus servant nodded and left the room with a more than happy squeal.

The alicorn chuckled, and another guard appeared with the mercenaries trailing behind, awed by the mammoth, yet comfortable room.

“Welcome my humans,” Celestia mentally chuckled. “I have called you here today to talk to you on a more personal level. Please, follow me.” She got up from the throne, and started to walk towards a door behind it. It also guarded, but with only one pegasus she held two daggers below the wings, as to show that she was ready for anything.

“Excuse me Rogue, me and my team is heading in.” the alicorn spoke. “Be sure that not one entity is allowed to hear.”

The pegasus nodded and unlocked the door, but did not move out of the doorway. “But promise me this…” Rogue then leaned and whispered into Celestia’s ear. “And be sure that it happens,” she finished.

“I’ll do the best I can,” Celestia smirked. “But no promises.”

“Agreed,” Rogue moved out the doorway and let them in, but not without giving a wink to Nick.

Once Nick got into the room, he shuddered and imagined what the two could’ve talked about. But he kept it to himself and decided to take out his Strange Bushwacka for comfort.

“I’ve called you here today because,—“ Celestia started.

“We were promised sleep and food!” Tavish roared.

“I already told you, there will be soon,” She paused. “But first I want to talk about your personal lives. Since you’re going to be here for a long time, I’m proposing that each of you find yourself a suitable house in the town of Ponyville.”

The mercenaries just stared, either bored by this conversation, or just taking it in like a sponge.

“And, if possible, you must find yourself a suitable love to be with.”

It was Richard’s turn to speak, “You mean we go and try to fall in love with the ponies?” He spoke astonished.

Celestia sighed, “Yes, that is what exactly what I am proposing, now –“

“Bullshit!” Celestia jumped, startled by the outburst.

“Let me tell you something, and on the account of every human here, it’s so wrong for us to do that sort of thing!” Richard scoffed. “I’d rather throw myself in front of a train than do that!”

Jacques placed a hand on Richard’s chest. “What he means, is that we humans,” he chuckled. “Don’t do any interspecies relationships. It’s just so taboo for us.”

Celestia shook her head, understanding the situation, “But just to say, most ponies would love to be with you.”

Most of the team shook their heads. The alicorn sighed, “Very well, let’s skip that topic and possibly save it for later in case you change your minds.”

“Good riddance,” Nick muttered.

“Now,” she started. “I see that some of you are making yourself at home, and are possibly becoming friends with the ponies you’re assigned with; so let me begin with the fact that you may need to teach them how to use this technology of yours against the other team.”

“I understand that Jane Doe and a few of you have already begun to do so. So let me say that your next mission will be in approximately the next two days. I’ve already begun to have your rooms, dining, training areas, and entertainment prepared. By now, they should be done. But let me say that the reason the ponies are not with us, is because they’re going to be here tomorrow.”

“For the rest of the day, you are to be familiar to your rooms. Once that is done, ask one of the guards —the white ponies that are in gold-colored armour¬— to bring you to the throne room where you’ll be brought dinner, or lunch however you say it.”

“Any questions?” Celestia finished with a smile.

The mercenaries looked at each other; a couple shrugged their shoulders and nervously kicked the ground. Strangely, there were crumbs of something greasy scattered around some of them.

But Mikhail raised a hand, and then his minigun. “Can you make sure my Natasha is not harmed?”

The alicorn raised a brow, and chuckled. “Of course I will. In fact, I promise that no damage with come to it.”

“Of course you will, because if I see one scratch or dent,” he leaned in closer and lowered his voice to a near whisper. “I will make sure your precious white fur is stained with red and that no doctor will save you then.”

Celestia then grew a face of slight terror, and then noticed that she was actually sweating a bit. Never in her recent times that she has ever been threatened like that; better yet, she has met such a group of violent pony— no, creatures— in the last two-thousand years, since the banishment of her sister.

“Wait!” A southern voice spoke. “What time is it?”

“It’s approximately thirty minutes until noon,” She replied. “Why?”

“It only seemed like an hour ago that we had just left Ponyville.”

The princess giggled, “That’s because of you’ve had taken the experimental train. It alters time and space to make it where five hour trips seem like five minutes. I cannot fully explain how, or we would have to welcome the remainder of the team by the time we had finished.”

Meanwhile, Richard was slowly eating from a bucket of fried chicken. He was also sharing with the other teammates not talking to the pony. “Hey Dell, you want some chicken?”

Dell turned, and saw the amount of empty chicken buckets scattered around the other members not including Mikhail, himself, Jacques, and Nick— he didn’t feel hungry, in fact he needed to make another jar of jarate.

Celestia stared at the buckets, then at the scout, and back at the buckets. She licked her lips, and slowly walked towards them.

Richard looked at the alicorn, “You sure want this? I know you’re a vegetarian, but I’m pretty sure you don’t want any,” he said while waving a drumstick back and forth.

She followed the movements of the drumstick, not wanting the remove it from her sight. Richard noticed her longing stare, and decided to give it to her. Celestia grabbed it with her magic, and started to silently eat the chicken; in fact, it was quite the opposite of silent, it was as though a dog never had anything to eat in a long time.

The mercenaries jumped back away from a ferocious pony, and grabbed another piece of chicken.

By now, everyone was eating from the twentieth bucket of chicken; Celestia only having her own. The humans stared and ate at the same time. Eventually, after all the buckets were depleted, a knock on the door to the room startled everyone.

Celestia perked her ears, and then kicked the empty bucket towards the humans. She then wiped her muzzle with a nearby cloth, and finished by rinsing her mouth with some mouthwash she had magically spawned.

At the exact moment she had finished, Rogue had opened the door revealing the mass smell of fried chicken and fresh mint. “Whoa!” she sniffed the air. “Who’s cooking? It smells nice, like a fancy restaurant.”

Richard raised a chicken thigh. “You want to join?”

“By Celestia’s name, hell yea!” she trotted towards the group, forgetting that Celestia was standing next to her. “By the way,” she bit into the meat. “What is this, it tastes awesome.”

“To be honest with you,” Richard rubbed the back of his head. “It’s uhh….”

Rogue finished the piece she was on, and grabbed another. “Oh mare,” she moaned as the meat’s juices ran down the sides of her cheeks.

“The food that you’re eating now is—“

Dell placed a hand on Richard’s shoulder, interrupting him. “Don’t tell her, it’ll ruin her moment.” He whispered.

“Is what?” Rogue paused.

Richard cleared his throat, “Is delicious, isn’t it?”

“Buck yea!” she said, and continued to eat. “Say, how much did you bring with you?”

“That’s the last piece you’re eating.”

“Then you better bring more!” The pegasus then wiped her muzzle with a cloth. “Or I’ll make you bring more. In the meantime, I’ll try and find out it was made of. I can just say it that was way better than any food I’ve eaten.” Her stomach roared, and with a surprised look on her face, Rogue jetted out of the room.

Celestia watched as the pony took a left outside the throne room toward what are presumably the restrooms. Nick poked her in the neck, and asked where the said place was.

After directing him where they were, she did a quick cough and motioned that it was time to leave the room. The humans followed, but left the buckets where they were.

Once they had reached the front of her throne, Celestia spoke, “Please excuse me for those actions I had done.”

“Uh-huh,” Jacques crossed his arms. “How were we supposed to know that a meat eating horse was ruling this nation?”

“Quiet!” she hissed. “Do not talk about it too loud or the guards would start spreading rumors!”

A voice from the door had entered the conversation. “We had already known your highness, we just decided that this was too big of a secret to let loose.”

“You have got be kidding me,” Celestia facehoofed. “How long did you know?”

The earth pony guard chuckled. “Ever since you had decided that speaking your thoughts aloud after the griffons left last time was a good idea.”

“But that was three years ago!” She sighed. “Did you tell the recruits?”

“If they asked,” he replied. “Then they were only told that you liked eating pastries.”

“Unfortunately, that also somewhat the truth,” She muttered. “I only like meat more.” Celestia then turned her gaze to the humans. “Now, go and get situated with you rooms. No need to worry about dinner, unless you’re still hungry.” The mercenaries left the room, leaving the guards and the princess alone.

“Your highness,” the other guard spoke.

“Yes?”

“Should we tell Rogue what she actually ate?”

“No, if she still wants to eat it, she can.”

“Can I ask you another question, how was it when you ate meat for the first time?”

“Imagine your mouth in pure bliss, your stomach quite the opposite, and your plot hurting from the reactions in your stomach.”

“Sounds painful,” the guard stated.

A feminine pained moan emanated from the restrooms providing proof.

“Only for the first four times,” Celestia giggled.

(……….)

Nick placed his compound bow, Unusual Hitman’s Heatmaker, Strange Sidney Sleeper, Cleaner’s carbine, Razorback, Unusual Bushwacka, and Strange Tribalman’s Shiv into an ordered set on his bed— which happened to be about the size of a hummer. He hummed a popular jazz song from back home he listened a lot, and started to place his multiple cosmetic hats next to the weapons. The one he particularly loved was the original hat he had been given when he was just a youngster.

(..)

Nick was playing in his dry and patchy yard, but when a fancy car starting rolling on the dirt road, he stopped and watched as the car made its way towards his home. Dust had risen behind the moving vehicle, and eventually, the black car stopped before the front porch.

Nick watched as his dad opened the front door and walked towards the car. It wasn’t until he was a couple meters away that the driver’s side door had opened to reveal a man in his early-thirties. The man’s skin looked as red as the Australian’s sand, had muscles so large you couldn’t wrap two hands around them, a moustache so neatly trimmed; it looked perfect , and a tattoo on his right hand of Australia.

The man walked up to Nick’s father, and spoke a few words. Nick couldn’t hear the conversation, but could only read the expressions on his father’s face and the man’s. Whatever they were talking about, it was serious. Eventually, his father nodded and walked back inside the house. Nick slowly crept up next to the muscular man, and just stared at him.

The man noticed the young lad and spoke, “Oh! Aren’t you a little bugger?”

He picked up Nick and started to toss him into the sky and catching him. At first, Nick was terrified, and then noticed how fun it was. He laughed, and saw the hat on his head. Nick reached for it, and after multiple attempts, managed to grab it.

“Ah, so you fancy my hat? Well, you gonna have to fight me for it!” The man said.

He placed Nick on the ground, and raised his fists into an intimidating stance. At first, Nick felt scared, then noticed that he could finally prove who he was. So he had also raised his fists, but in a poor stance.

Nick was the first to deliver the punch, but once his fist hit the man, he instantly recoiled due to the strength of the muscles. It was like punching a brick wall.

“Ow, ow, ow!” The man yelled.

Nick looked back at the man then threw a poor punch towards the stomach, but once again it was like punching concrete.

The man yelled in pain again, but this time, he doubled over.

“Please don’t,” He begged.

Nick threw another punch towards the burly giant, this time it was towards his face. It had connected, but this time, it felt like punching a sofa cushion— soft, yet firm.

The man fell to the ground, faking an unconscious knockout. Nick then placed his foot on his back, and then did a triumphant yell. But once he finished, the man stood back up, unfazed like nothing just happened.

“Yer punches are like someone poking me; I barely feel them,” he said, brushing off the dust. “But I like your spunk kid. Here, you’ve earned it.”

The man taken off his hat, and placed it on Nick’s head.

“Thanks mate!” Nick said.

“No problem, now go inside and tell your dad that he should hurry up.” The bulky man said.

(..)

A knock on the door jolted him out of his flashback.

“Uh, one moment!” he yelled.

The marksman walked to the door and opened it, to reveal Rogue on the other side.

“Yea, you need something?” Nick asked.

“Princess Celestia is getting the others ready for something, and told me to come and get you,” she replied. “She also told me that you need some relaxing so you can take some stress off.”

“Uh,” Nick quickly noticed where this was going. “Nah, I’ve got better things to do. Tell that pony I’ll be there.”

Rogue grunted. “Fine then, hurry up.”

Nick closed the door, and then walked back to the bed. He quickly grabbed his Tribalman’s Shiv then started out of the door. But not without grabbing a jar of Jarate and a couple empty jars.

(……….)

Of course, Richard was the first one to be at the throne room before anyone else. But that also means being the one who has to wait the most. So while he was waiting, Richard decided to talk to a guard.

Apparently, this specific pony has worked for over half of his life here, and hasn’t seen any action until the past two years. There has been a mad pony who escaped prison, another who has escaped the asylum, an empire rediscovered, an invasion of changelings—Richard grew slightly worried about Roxy back in Ponyville—, a god of chaos escaped and now reformed, a purple pony with OCD becoming Celestia’s student and ascended—it took Richard a few moments after being told the description a couple of times to remember the pony—, and the return of Celestia’s current enemy; Nightmare Moon.

This, by the way, was the beginning of the action strangely.

“So you mean to tell me, the beginning of all of this, was when our client’s enemy reappeared?” Richard said.

“Exactly,” the guard, whose name was Synopsis Sentinel, replied.

Richard thought about it for a moment, and decided that this was going on number three on the top weirdest things.

He checked outside the throne room to see Rogue trotting her way towards the room in a frustrated manner. It was if someone told her she had no presents on Christmas and was given a toothbrush instead. Richard quickly backed out of her way, and took another look outside.

He saw most of the team with Nick in the very back. Everyone had at least one weapon, but Richard only brought fifteen cans of ‘Crit-o-cola’ and ‘Bonk!’ Arvin brought the Quick-fix, Mikhail brought his Natasha, Tavish brought his Loose Cannon, Jennifer brought her Backscratcher, Jacques had his Dead Ringer and a Kunai, Jane Doe had his Pain Train, Nick brought his Tribalman’s Shiv, and Engineer brought his everything.

Princess Celestia watched as her team slowly walked towards them, though she was disappointed that they haven’t put on the new suit she had heard the Element of Generosity made. What was her name? Raricow? Rawrty? Rhinestone? Rarity?

Celestia mentally shrugged, she’ll just call her Marshmallow. In fact, she wanted to eat one right now. She purred as she remembered the flavor of the sugary sweet melting in her mouth.

“Pony Princess?” Mikhail spoke, interrupting her daydream.

“Yes, Mikhail?” Celestia said— how she remembered his name and not most of the Elements was odd.

“You wanted us here because?”

“Oh yes,” the alicorn remembered. “I wanted you here because we’re going to talk a walk in the city. Get you situated with the place. Maybe go shopping!” Richard gagged. “But we’re just mainly going for an entertainment purpose. The catch is that you guys are going to be my temporary guards. But I doubt anypony here in the city would like to harm me.”

The team just shrugged, and nodded, deciding that this was an okay plan.

“Good! We’ll set off immediately!” She stood and started towards the entrance. “Oh, a quick reminder!” she turned. “Please don’t try and kill anypony that decides to touch you, they mean no harm; they’re only curious.”

(……)

Chrysalis stood on the edge on a cloud, still nervous about how she could be able to stand on something that looks so delicate from the surface to tough and concrete when standing on it. The changeling stomped on the cloud, leaving a faint grey spot. Then she peered over the edge, to show a city that she had visited one time to earn some love. The situation turned bad due to some commotion in the streets about an imposter, which happened to be the actual pony she was disguising as.

Now, she stares at the city in such glee, to be able to take it over. Chrysalis turned around, and looked into the small group of what she likes to call Zealots. They were nearly the highest rank, only one rank from commander. Ever since she regained her general power; she only wanted to take over just a single city, but it just wasn’t enough! The queen wanted more, and more!

The changeling wanted to even take over the United Districts of Grayphon. But she had once fought a griffon, and she was lucky a nearby medic changeling was nearby to heal her. Even then, it took about four changeling altogether to take one griffon down. That day was one of the days she hoped to never experience again.

But this city, so rich in culture! So rich in ponies!

So rich in love!

She just hoped it would a quick in and out, she really didn’t want to deal with this city for very long. The emblems they wore on the vets they had, it intimidated her. Especially how the emblem sits in the middle of a big red star! It made her uneasy, she wanted it gone as soon as she gets the chance.

This city must be conquered as quickly as possible.

Stalliongrad will be hers!

(……)

A purple aura surrounded the Festive Huntsman. Twilight has seen a few of these weapons at the Equestrian Games, but now that she has her own set, she’ll now learn how to use it. Even better, she has the power to levitate the weapon, making it easier to hold.

Twilight raised the bow, and slowly placed an arrow in the notch. Drawing the arrow back, she aimed at the target she has chosen; the apple on top of Spike’s head.

“I, uhh,” Spike nervously said. “I hate to say this, but I don’t think this is a great idea.” He backed up to the edge of the tree.

“Don’t be silly, now hold still and be quiet!” Twilight commanded. “I’ve got to concentrate…”

She drew the arrow even farther back; to the point she couldn’t even get a strong hold. In an instant, Twilight removed her hold and released the arrow. With a thunk, the arrow landed next to the drake’s head, barely missing his right ear.

“Drat! I missed,” Twilight drew another arrow. “Now be a good dragon and hold still.”

Spike was trying to hold still, but with the last arrow landing next to his right, his breathing became more frantic. If she was to make another shot like that, Spike believed that he could get a heart attack, or even worse, become a zombie!

He held his breath once Twilight pulled the arrow again. With another thunk, and a quick crunch, the arrow planted itself into the tree. Spike let out his breath, and saw small pieces of apple scattered on the ground.

Twilight walked up to the tree and pulled the two arrows out of the tree and replaced them back into her holster. Spike was frozen in spot then fallen over with a comical faceplant.

Twilight then walked into the treehouse, and placed the bow in a homemade weapon rack next to the door. One side was Spike’s and the other was hers, each organized into Primary, Secondary, and Melee weapons. Then, they were organized into an alphabetical order, and so on so forth. Spike thought it was just so tiresome just to do this organization, but Twilight was delighted with her idea of it and decided that it was perfect.

The purple alicorn then walked into her kitchen and grabbed herself a bottle of ‘Fizz Grape Flavored’. She stared at the drink, and then opened the refrigerator to see if she needed to buy more food. Twilight looked at her schedule, and saw that instead of not having enough time to go to the market; she needed to get be ready to leave tomorrow for Canterlot.

She sighed, while at the same time, wondered why the princess didn’t want the other half of her team to be there with her. Twilight opened the door, and found Spike still lying down on the ground with his face in the ground. She lifted him up with her magic, and placed him on her back.

“I wonder what they’re doing right now,” she muttered. “I bet the humans are having the time of their life.”

Twilight turned around and decided that now would be a great time to start polishing, and get the weapons ready for transport.

(…….)

Richard opened another can of “Bonk!” and took a sip. This has been the tenth out of the fifteen cans of “Bonk!” that he has burned through, and yet he is not stopping.

The day so far had been great for him, but once the team and Celestia had stopped at a massaging salon, it went downhill from there. It had started when it was his time for a quick massage. Richard had first lain down on the table, expecting a casual fifteen minute back rub. What he didn’t expect was that the back rub turned into a belly rub. The mare that was massaging him, wanted specifically a belly rub from him, and nothing more.

Eventually, his time was up, but the mare wanted to be petted. Richard stood, and tried to leave the affectionate mare. But to his luck, the door was locked shut. The scout turned around, and to his horror, the mare was perched up in a position like she wanted to be drawn like a French girl; on her side with her head propped with a hoof.

Richard backed into a corner, but he was saved by someone unlocking the door and letting him have his chance. He escaped, and decided to sit right next Mikhail; where he was able to be hidden from view, and for a quick getaway, he could always run in circles around the heavy.

The next event was when the team went a clothing store. At first, Richard was bored out of his wits and didn’t want to deal with anything. Until he walked into the store, and saw the designs of some of the stallion’s apparel. Some were designed to make to person look like a 70’s greaser or jock. Even better, there was a sign that said clothing able to be made to order.

Scout walked to the nearest designer, whose name happened to be Hoity Toity, and asked to see if he could blue hoodie. At first, the stallion unsure, then noticed Celestia coming by and telling him that she’ll pay for it.

Eventually, after about five minutes of measuring, Hoity reappeared with the hood perfectly matching Richard’s body. But the unfortunate thing, it has Celestia’s and Dash’s cutie mark on his left shoulder.

Richard frowned about the marks, then asked the pony about it.

“Sorry, I was told that it was part of the order. I cannot revise it, but I can say that it was Celestia’s idea about the Cuties marks.” He replied. “I can make a separate one, with the exact way you wanted it, but it’s coming out of your pocket.”

“Fine,” Richard reached for his sack of bits. “How much?”

“It’ll be about fifty bits.”

“Deal!” He gave the pony his bag of bits. “Now how it’ll take?”

Hoity was silently counting the bits, “About as long as last time, also, you need about five more bits to pay for your order.”

“One moment,” Richard replied. He walked towards Celestia and then asked for five bits.

After paying for the bill and waiting for the other new hood. Scout threw it on, and looked at himself in a body mirror. I look good! Maybe I should try and get a hat. He thought. I should probably get new shoes, but that can wait until I get back at that one white pony’s place.

Eventually, the humans and the alicorn left the store only to find a throng of ponies waiting to see the mercenaries. Most were holding up small posters, a couple holding very large pictures, and many of them holding small plushie dolls of the team.

How the fandom reached this point was a mystery, but now they were famous and the crowd wanted some autographs. Slowly, the team signed more items and artifacts. A couple objects shouldn’t have even been shown to the general public, but it was there.

After Richard finished signing a small pegasus look-alike plushie, a pony decided to grab him and tried to kiss him. He tried to push himself away, but the earth pony was just too strong for him. The scout then decided to finish drinking his can of “Bonk!” and escaped the pony’s grasp.

And this brings us back at the present where Richard is just finishing his eleventh can.

Celestia noticed his frantic drinking, “Hey, no need to worry any more. Besides, don’t you need to use the stallion’s room?

His eyes opened in surprise, and he ran into the nearest shop. The team watched as the scout disappeared into the store, and decided to take a look. The sign above them said ‘The Wonders of Equestria’.

Once they had walked into the store however, the team saw a gelatin blob of what resembles a creature of some sort, sitting behind the store counter.

“Hello,” was his reply. His voice was impossibly deep, as though he was a person sent through a voice changer. “My name is Qwerty Uiop from the 2364th Dimension; I sell items here that were once found in the Everfree Forest, and artifacts from long ago.”

Princess Celestia looked at random shelf and saw that there was a sword that glowed white. On it, had the words inscribed “And may you live on, avast trala my good friend.” She stared at the sword, her mouth wide open. “Where did you find this weapon?”

“It was found next to a really large pony statue covered in snakes when a couple of miners found what looked like an underground civilization,” He said. “There were also multiple other statues with the same look, as though they were golems waiting for activation.”

“What about this wooden cane?” Jacques asked, holding up a short wooden rod.

Qwerty let a breath of delight, “That my good friend is a magic staff created by the unicorns, for unicorns that had a broken, or born without, a horn.”

Mikhail pulled out a large white and light blue minigun. “I like this gun! What is it?”

“That,” the gelatin let out a deep chuckle. “is a weapon that fires small shards of ice ten percent faster than the speed of an average minigun. The weapon also takes less time to speed up and the ammo is only water. But the downside is that the accuracy is extremely bad and if you’re shooting it for a long period of time, the strength of the bullets becomes weaker due to overheating. Eventually it turns into a harmless water gun if you don’t let it cool down for about ten seconds.”

“I’ll take it!” The heavy said eagerly. “How much for weapon?”

“It’ll be ninety bits.” Qwerty replied.

Celestia walked up to the gelatin creature. “I’ll pay for whatever they buy here.” She placed a sack of bits onto the counter.

“Ok then,” Qwerty grabbed the bits. “Now will anyone else willing to get anything?”

Richard placed a small purple object onto the table. “I’ll take this thing!”

Jennifer also placed a large cannon-like weapon on the counter; Arvin grabbed a small dove that can talk; Jacques had a small glowing dagger; Tavish had grabbed the sword and a shield that had a griffon on it; Dell had a mini-sentry similar to his old one, but it levitated in one spot; Nick grabbed a rifle but it had unusual scribes written on the side; Jane Doe had a small bottle of Coke, and a package of “Instant Cheeseburger, just open bag over and over!”

“Hey Solly,” Richard asked. “Why didn’t you grab any of those ‘Holy Hand Grenades’?”

Qwerty spoke up, “I believe I can answer for him. The bag of ‘Instant Cheeseburger’ always spawns a burger; and that bottle of Coke is never ending.”

“Eeyup!” Jane replied.

The gelatin looked at the items, “So let’s see, it’ll be an Ice Minigun, a Plasma Pistol, an Ignition Cannon, a Chitchat Dove, a Dragonbone Dagger, the Gik-Yar and an Authority shield, a Forerunner Mini-Sentry, and the Folan’dis; a weapon that shoots a beam of pure hard sound.” He counted up the amount of bits, and compared it with the amount Celestia gave him.

“The weapons are paid for, but the only problem is that you only need about six more bits,” Qwerty gazed at the alicorn princess. “but since you’re buying virtually all of the weapons, I’ll give you twenty bits back.”

“Thank you,” Celestia said, placing the bits into a secret spot on her chestplate, behind the gem. “I’ll be sure to visit this store once again soon.”

“Thank you,” he replied. “And be sure to tell your friends about this place, I have many items, and there is many more to be found around this country!”

The team left the store, with their goods in their arms as though they had just gotten a new toy.

Celestia turned to face the group, “Now, we must rest up—a big day tomorrow and your mission the day afterwards. So be prepared to take on anything.”

(……..)

Jacques opened the door to his room and stared into the darkness before turning the light on. He walked towards the vanity he had, and saw that the weapons he had placed were still there, untouched. The spy placed his new weapon, and the ones he carried, on the counter.

But before he placed down the Kunai, Jacques quickly turned around and pointed that dagger right in front of an unsuspecting changeling that was about to backstab him.

Jacques cloaked, leaving the now confused creature to wonder where he went. Then, in a flash, the changeling was tied around the legs and couldn’t escape. The Zealot struggled, and even made a vain attempt to cry for his teammates that he had failed, but was quickly knocked unconscious by a quick hit on the head.

Jacques already de-cloaked and now stared at the creature, studying it. He walked to his door, and checked if there were any more changelings. With the hallways empty, the spy walked next door to Nick.

Once reaching his bedroom door however, green blood covered the ground in front of it and the door was ajar. Jacques lightly pushed open the door. Once the door opened fully, in the middle of the room was the sniper holding a Bushwacka and standing over a dead changeling.

Nick turned his head at the door, and saw Jacques looking at him in amazement. Nick lunged towards the Frenchman, and Jacques’ face suddenly turned alarmed. Jacques rolled to his right, out of Nick’s sight.

“Whoa there comrade!” he yelled. “I’m not a changeling!”

“Like hell you are you bloody wanker!” Nick swung his blade out into the hallway. “If you’re a human, then let me see what color is your blood!”

Jacques pulled off his mask and backed away from Nick’s door as the sniper walked out. “It’s me!” He pulled out his kunai and made an incision on his face, light enough to not leave a scar.

Nick paused, and watched as the fresh blood went down the spy’s face. He lowered his weapon, “I’m sorry mate,” He replied, and in turn, Nick made a cut on his hand and it drew red.

“Well, I guess we both say we’re good,” Jacques said. “We ought to check on the others.”

“Agreed.”

(.)

Eventually, everyone was checked for and was okay. There was a problem whenever it came it Richard and Arvin, but they had proved they were themselves by telling a story only the team knew. For example, Arvin lost Archimedes inside Richard; and Richard drank all of Spike’s OJ and that made him pissed.

“Well, we got done,” Jacques concluded. “I hope that there was no trap or—“

He never got to finish the sentence because a group of Royal Guards came rushing towards the group standing in the hallway. “I’ve got an important order from Princess Celestia!” He said.

“What?” Nick replied. “Well, we need some clues here!”

“Oh yes, sorry,” he said. “The ponies have arrived at the palace, but we must head to Stalliongrad immediately. Sorry for the late notice, but you are pack up your items and be ready at the front of the palace in thirty!”

“Alright,” Nick commanded. “Let’s move it! Chop, chop!”

(…..)

Later, the mercenary group gathered in front of the palace. They had already packed everything in less than seven minutes, and now had thirteen minutes to burn. Most of the group was playing poker, with Jacques being the dealer and some of their hats being the bets.

No-one noticed, but the ponies were slowly making their way towards the palace. A uniformed German Shepard nearby Richard barked at the group. They looked, and saw that Twilight led them.

Eventually, they finally reached the front doors and started greet the humans. A few replied, but most of them were too involved into the poker game, that they didn’t even care.

“I fold,” Tavish said.

Mikhail slapped his hand of cards on top of the makeshift table—with consisted of a construct three sentry— and yelled, “I win this game!” What was revealed was a royal flush.

The other people that were playing groaned in agony because they lost. The ponies watched the game come to a close, and were going to ask until Big Mac spoke.

“Ah believe the Princess is here to talk.”

Everyone looked up, and saw her looming over the group.

“I believe it’s time you head to Stalliongrad,” Celestia said. “And I hope that we shall not lose this city! Stalliongrad supplies our guards with weapons and armour, and if that fails, we’re practically defenseless!”

“Totally no pressure,” Dash muttered.

“We got it!” Richard yelled.

Celestia chuckled, “Well my little ponies, today is your chance to prove how good you are with your weapons. Guards! Escort them to the train; have them take the regular train, not the Mach 5.”

The team started to follow the guards.

Once they were out of earshot, Celestia sighed, “May my mother protect them, and I pray that my sister isn’t being a complete douche for the next several days.”