It was another regular morning for Fluttershy. Waking up to an unpleasant alarm of scolding, and having her hair messed up as her lagomorph pestilence whines for a decent breakfast was a typical way to introduce another dreary day. Breakfast is only one of the conundrums she had to tolerate before her real day starts. Angel is a pick rabbit, and almost never asks for the same food twice. Unlike Fluttershy's other, more obedient animal sidekicks, the bunny frequently demands something either difficult, time-consuming, expensive, or dangerous to make. Today he demanded carrot cake. Even Fluttershy knew that carrot cake was an awkward meal to have for breakfast and attempted to talk him out of it. Whether it was saying "please" or soft talking, Angel was as stubborn as a pothole on a dirt road, and immediately threw a tantrum, as well as sharp ceramic objects.
While Fluttershy was dodging the projectiles, the door knocked and she hopped over to answer it. Twilight Sparkle was paying an early morning visit. She usually wasn't even ready for the day at this time, so this seemed important.
"Hey Fluttershy," introduced Twilight Sparkle as she started dictating from a card." Um, what's, um, up? Yes! 'What's up!' I wanted to ask, 'What's up?'"
"Um, is it the sky? Is it the clouds? Is it Angel ripping my ears off?" guessed Fluttershy.
"No silly! It's a new form of talking. It makes vocabulary and sentence structuring simpler," explained Twilight.
Fluttershy drew a blank.
"Never mind. Oh, and did you say that Angel was ripping your ears off?" asked Twilight. She took a look to find a nice, tattered, red pair of ears with a dangerous little white fur ball attached to it. "Doesn't that hurt?"
"You get used to it. Come on in! I am, apparently, making carrot cake," welcomed Fluttershy.
"Why are you making carrot cake for breakfast? And how do you know how to bake stuff?" questioned Twilight as another figure broke into the house.
"Good morning!" excited Pinkie Pie. "Did I hear 'bake stuff?' I can help with baking! As you know, I know a lot about baking, and I really like to bake! Did you know that the best thing that goes with cake is chocolate frosting? Well, maybe chocolate frosting won't be good for a CARROT cake, but we can work something out! Oh oh, after the carrot cake, we should make a tiramisu! I have a really nice rum I would like to test with it! Wait, do you drink? If you don't, I probably shouldn't help make tiramisu, but that is obvious, but we can make cheese cake! Maybe your mouse friends will like it! I know you and I will, but maybe some other friends will like it! NO! We should make carrot cupcakes! I have a very good secret recipe to make it! Did you know there is a flour producing company named Rainbow Pony Flesh? I wonder why they would name it that! I mean, it's not like I actually capture ponies and bake the, I mean, that won't be fun! I have too many friends to do that, and the cupcake would be to gross. Hey, do you like brownies, because I have the perfect ingre-"
"Um, Pinkie Pie, you're hurting my head with this, um, incisive jabbering, I mean, no offense," said Fluttershy while politely trying to quiet Pinkie.
"Oh, sorry for the wall-of-text! I didn't mean to be talking for more than three sentences!" apologized Pinkie Pie.
"Excuse me?" asked both Fluttershy and Twilight.
"Oh never mind. Is that Angel? And is he defiling your ears?" questioned Pinkie.
"Oh, I almost forgot! Ow!" responded Fluttershy as the set up the ingredients to make a carrot cake. "Angel, would you be a good bunny and sit at the table for mommy?"
"Are you calling yourself MY mommy?" raged Angel as he continued to box Fluttershy's ears. The ponies decided to not even think about how Angel managed to talk, let alone rage.
"We came to give you something, because we know that your birthday is in a week. However, your present expires this weekend, so we have to give it to you now," informed Twilight Sparkle.
"Is it a soothing bruise lotion?" guessed Fluttershy. Pinkie jumped out holding a ticket at her face.
"Nope, something BETTER! It's a ticket-of-honor from the Princess herself! You're going on vacation my friend!" surprised Pinkie Pike. "Nope, no money needed! The Princess has payed for everything from travel to payed restrooms, so you can have a free first-class vacation around Equestria for a week!"
Fluttershy attempted to remain indifferent, only to fail as a massive grin flooded her face. "Wow! Are you joking? You're joking, right? Thank you thank you thank you! You are so awesome, that I could scream to the top of my lungs!" Fluttershy uttered a "yay" quieter than the ticking of her kitty-clock. She then asked, "What about Angel and the animals? Who will look after them?"
Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie burst out, "We will! All of us: Pinkie, Apple Jack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and me! We can take care of your mongrel, I mean, precious bunny." Fluttershy aimed a concerning evil facial expression at Angel as shy trotted to her room to pack her bags. The two guests warned her, on her way up, that the first train would leave in two hours, so they would have to hurry.
Fluttershy packed everything. Toothpaste, toothbrush, tooth floss, tooth guard, tooth filler, tooth pick, other pointless tooth-related items, sun screen, insect repellant, an umbrella, a towel, a beach blanket, inflatable floatation arm tube things, goggles, a camera (what?), and a brush. She was ready for the weekend of her life, as shy charged downstairs, out the door, to reach the train station.
Angel sat surprised. "One week without Fluttershy to torture?" he thought. As Twilight and Pinkie bid Fluttershy good-bye and gave her blessings, they turned around to to see another concerning evil smile on the face of that furry white fungus. The two ponies started thinking second thoughts.
No likes or comments? Looks like it's my time to shine!
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Oh and while I'm at it...
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Lololol
Interesting
Dat picture.
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Cheers
~iraqlobstah
Alright, a couple of things here. First of all, Twilight trying to be hip? Drop it. It just feels forced and unnecessary and gets in the way of enjoying the story. Also, the cupcakes reference? Also feels very forced and unnecessary. I suggest dropping it too. You can find something more appropriate and less cliche to fill Pinkie's "wall of text" with. Also also, Fluttershy seems a good deal less shy than she would normally be, and personally, I can't picture her saying "awesome." Maybe amazing would work better? Idk, but that's just nitpicking. As for your writing style, you open with a very description heavy paragraph, but the pace abruptly changes and there is barely any description through out the rest of the fic. I suggest making the descriptions more detailed and elaborate. A little more nitpicking, but it seems like Twilight and co. would at least give Fluttershy a day's warning as opposed to a measly 2 hours. But, overall, I am interested and will track to see where you go with this.
This story has a familiar sense of humor. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I like it.
I kinda agree about the "What's Up" being forced, but instead of chopping the scene, why not simply remove the card bit? Twilight's laughably nerdy explanation should definitely stay, Imo.
Keep up the good work!