Little Amnesia: My Dark Descent

by Pippington Britishhooves

My name is...

Don't forget. Some things mustn't be forgotten.

A few wobbly steps forward.

The Shadow hunting me. I must hurry.

The steps are starting to become difficult.

My name is Diamond. I live in Trottingham at...at...Mayflower.

It's hard to think, with all my effort going into trying to walk straight.

What have I done? This is crazy!

I've given up trying to move in a straight line, and have instead settled for being able to move forwards at all.

Don't forget. Don't forget!

I stumble against the wall, but push myself off immediately and back onto my hooves. Keep moving forwards. I'm almost there.

I must stop him! Focus!

I concentrate on the clopping of my hooves on the stone floor, and it allows me to stay in the present, if only barely.

My name is...

Just a little further, then I can rest from all this.

I am...

Just there, up ahead. That corridor should do nicely. I push on, dragging each hoof up with as much effort as I can muster.

Diamond.

I'm done. I've reached my destination. It's not my problem anymore. It's his. It will be his. I just hope he can solve everything, and forgive me. I can't, which is why I've pushed all this onto him. With one last stumble, the world rises up to meet me, the blackness rushing in to greet me. I welcome it.

.

..

....

.............

........................

The patter of water on stone eased into my ears, although it could have always been there. It didn't seem to increase in volume, I just...started to notice it. It began to grow clearer, and I could make a distinction between a pattering of what sounded like rain, and a gentle gurgling of water draining away, followed soon after by a low throaty rumble of thunder.

I opened my eyes slowly, trying to focus my sight on something solid. A groan immediately followed as the light burned my eyes, forcing me to blink to try and clear away the sudden influx of discomfort. Cracking my eyes open slightly, the blurry images of the outside world made their way to my brain, barely registering as shapes at all. Screwing my eyes up tightly, I tried again, opening my eyes and trying to make out something. It seemed to work, the blurs growing sharper, more focused, albeit slowly. There was a window set into a stone wall. Light flashed through the glass, and a second later the report of the thunder followed, then a rapid, grating whistle of wind. I shivered, suddenly feeling the cold biting into me. I appeared to be laying on a carpet, although the hardness of the stone floor underneath was not diminished any. I lifted my head, my gaze travelling up the wall until I spotted a hoof sized hole punched into the ceiling, letting in a steady flow of rainwater, as well as the chilling wind. At this point I noticed that the carpet was growing unbearably soggy, having apparently absorbed a fair amount of the puddle that was trying to form under the miniature waterfall, and with a small heave I hefted myself up onto my hooves.

With the ruined fibre below me, I looked around, taking in my surroundings. I was in a corridor, set with windows on one side, throwing pale, meagre light in from the outside, not so much illuminating the interior but darkening the shadows around it. The drenched carpet below me ran the length of the short corridor, at one point perhaps furnishing it quite spectacularly, but not anymore- its floral patterns were faded, and it's red colouration had dulled to a feeble hue. A small wooden table sat next to a pillar on the other side, a plant pot resting morosely on it. In the other direction, perhaps a few paces from me, was an archway to another part of the corridor. I took a hesitant step forward, wobbling slightly on my hooves, and then another, and another. My hooves squished sloppily on the carpet, and within five steps I had reached the arch. There was a window inside, letting in enough light to reveal the boulders blocking the rest of the way forward. Just to the left and right of the opening, nestled into the corners, were candle stands, each holding four candlesticks. There was nothing else in here though, so I turned back.

Just aside the archway was a wooden door, and I almost missed it. If I hadn't turned around the way I did, I wouldn't have noticed it at all. With a small amount of trepidation, I pushed lightly against it, wincing as I heard it creak. It couldn't have been very loud at all, and I was likely overreacting, but in my nervous state, it sounded as loud as the thunder outside. Pausing to let my nerves settle, I pushed again, the door opening quite easily. I didn't immediately cross the threshold into the room beyond, instead waiting anxiously as if I were considering intruding onto somepony else's property. For all I knew, I already was. The thought gave me pause, which was quickly followed by a rising sense of panic. I didn't know where I was. This could be somepony's home, or business, or anything, and I could be trespassing. How did I get here? I tried to cast my mind back, but found it blank and empty, as dark as the corridor around me. Oh no. No no no no. Where am I? How did I get here? Why am I here? Who am I? WHO AM I?! The sickening feeling threatened to overcome me, but I forced it down, clenching my eyes tightly shut and gritting my teeth. Panicking won't help, I must stay calm. Focus. Feeling the icy sensation in my gut recede, if not disappear, I opened my eyes again, gently allowing my jaw to relax.

The room behind the door was dark, but there was a clear source of light. A candle burned merrily away, shining brightly on a wooden writing table, the wall behind adorned with two banners, one a dark blue with a crescent moon and a blue pony standing beneath it, and the other a vivacious yellow, almost identical except that the moon was replaced by an image of a shining sun. The ponies in each banner were facing towards each other, as though greeting the other. Or perhaps preparing to battle for dominance. The light also illuminated the rug underneath the table, not unlike the carpet I was currently standing on in the corridor. That light...it seemed to beckon me, like it could offer me comfort and...where did that come from? Perhaps I was just unnerved by my situation. Taking a deep breath, I walked forwards, entering the room and moving towards the table. Reaching it, I found a small metallic tube resting beside the candle, which seemed to be...glowing blue? I reached forward, picking it up in my hooves, but when I brought it closer to my face to observe it, the strange tint seemed to have vanished. Just a trick of the light, I told myself. Flipping the lid off the tube, I looked inside. It was filled with a stone and a small piece of metal. Ah, it was a tinderbox. Deciding this would come in useful, I looked around myself to see where I could store it.

That was when I discovered that I was wearing saddlebags. How did I not notice this before? I hurriedly reached for the buckles, undoing them and shrugging the bags off onto the floor. I opened up each side in turn, rummaging through them for anything that might have been of any use. The first side turned up nothing at all, and I shoved the tinderbox inside for safekeeping before closing and sealing it. Opening the other side, I put my hoof in and immediately felt an object, quickly pulling it out and holding it up. It looked like a book of some sort, judging from its rectangular shape. I placed it on the table, beside the candle, and opened it up, only to find that many of the pages had been torn out. That was strange. Why would I be carrying a book with this many missing pages? Turning the first blank page that wasn't ripped out (it was a journal, I realised), I spotted some text scribbled hurriedly onto the paper, looking like it had been scrawled in a hasty panic. I had to squint to make it out, only belatedly noticing the underlined heading above, reading 'Mementos'. The message itself was short, but it took me a few minutes to determine that it was a prompt and curt instruction:

Follow the liquid trail and find its source.

What liquid trail? I began to think again, to cast my mind back, before realising how futile that was. Even if I could remember just anything about my past, it likely wouldn't help here. After all, this 'liquid trail' could be anything, and it could be anywhere. It may have been something that I'd written days or weeks ago, and it may have been far, far away from here. It may have been completed already, or have absolutely nothing to do with my situation at all. There was no guarantee that it had been written for me, that I had left the note for somepony else. In fact, there was no indication that I had actually written it, or that it was even my journal at all. I sighed, closing the journal and shoving it back into the saddlebag where I had found it, before pulling it onto my back and fastening it in place again. I had to figure out what to do now, so I set off, hoping that I'd find something useful somewhere. I stopped at the door, taking a look at the room over my shoulder one last time, before I sighed once again and stepped outside.

CRUNCH

The noise caught me off-guard, as did the sudden sensation on the bottom of my hoof, and I scrambled backwards, a small yelp escaping my throat. I looked down, spotting the remnants of the shard of glass I had just stepped on. I took a few breaths, feeling my heart thudding against my ribs frantically. It was only some glass, that was all. Nothing to worry about. My eyes moved upwards, seeking out more of the glass, only to fall on the bright pink splodges on the carpet. My breath caught in my throat again, the words from the journal pushing their way to the front of my mind. Could this be what it was on about? I looked to the right, spotting the splodges continuing along the corridor and out of the archway. Steeling myself, I started forwards, deciding that it was sensible to find out if this was a lead or not.

Reaching the archway, I peered around the corner, finding a wider hallway ahead, the pink splodge trail leading into another opening further down, just before a great wooden door. I looked ahead, finding the corridor opposite caved in, boulders choking the way, much like the one behind me. Swallowing loudly, I turned right and walked towards the opening, following the pink trail, which was only partly illuminated by the giant window now situated in the wall behind me, occasional flashes of lightening throwing some more dull luminescence onto the morbid carpet and grey stones of the hallway. Two suits of armour stood as silent sentries, watching me as I passed by them. No, that was just my nerves. Suits of armour don't move, not on their own. With a small shudder, my front legs gave way, leaving me to half fall onto the carpet, its rough fabric providing no comfort. I tried to ignore the texture, as well as the feeling that I was being watched, and pushed myself back onto my hooves and scrambling as quickly as I could through the arch.

It was much more lit in here, with chandeliers spaced along the ceiling and candles placed at intervals along the left of the wall. I felt my heart slow slightly, my breathing lose its ragged edge. Stepping forward, I felt a little more at ease, my shaking legs finding strength, at least until the door just ahead of me to my right swung open of its own accord. I jumped back, startled, and smacked into a cupboard, my terrified eyes fixed on the doorway in fear that something should walk out. Nothing did, and I wasn't sure whether that terrified me more or not. Switching my attention to the cupboard, I opened it quickly, looking for anything of use. Resting on the bottom of it was another cylindrical tube- another tinderbox. I picked it up and shoved it into my saddlebags alongside the other, before looking back at the doorway. Nothing had changed, and I took a cautious, timid step towards it. There was light coming from inside, and I heard a faint sound.

Stepping inside completely, my mouth felt dry as I continued into the room. The walls either side of me were decorated with the same banners as before, the two ponies with their respective colours and symbols. On one side of the room there was a fireplace with a small fire burning, which I realised to be the source of the sound I had heard. It had warmed the room wonderfully, enough that I could have just sat in the chair placed in front of it and relaxed, had I not been confused and alone, having awoken in a seemingly abandoned building not five minutes prior. However, the warmth and seclusion of the room, with its setup of a small table (on which sat an empty bottle of wine and a tinderbox, the latter of which I snatched up gratefully), a few comfy seats, some candles casting calming light through the room, and the burning fire made it obvious that somepony actually lived here. Not only lived here, but had been here very recently, dispelling my previous consideration that this place was long abandoned. I also realised that there were no windows here.

Then why had the door blown open?

I quickly left the room and continued down the corridor, passing by the pictures hanging on the wall with little attention to them, stopping only to rummage through another cupboard in which I found yet another tinderbox. Why were there so many laying around, I wondered as I placed it inside my saddlebags. Stepping past the cupboard, I came to a wooden door, which I pushed open tentatively, peaking around the side as I did so. As it opened, I spotted a staircase, a chandelier above beckoning me forwards.My nerves tingled as I trotted forwards, placing my hooves on each step with the utmost care and attention, my head, kept up at all times in case something should appear. Walking in this fashion slowed me down immensely, and it took several minutes for me to reach the top of the stairs to find...nothing, just a winding corridor. I breathed out a sigh of relief and ran a hoof across my face. This place was unnerving me, making me paranoid. I needed to find the end of this liquid trail, and then find out where I was and what I should do.

I followed the hallway round, my eyes twitching nervously at each bend. Why was this hallway so curvy? What purpose did it serve to be so narrow and winding? Did I just hear hoofsteps? I spun around hastily, my searching eyes looking for the source of the approaching pony. The hoofsteps seemed to grow louder and faster, until I couldn't determine where they were. The tumult was ubiquitous, coming from the walls themselves, the ceiling, the passage behind and in front of me. My breathing grew heavier and my motions erratic as I twisted and turned, searching for a tangible being, something real to catch sight of, until I collapsed, my legs buckling under me as they failed to sustain my overextended movements. I lay on my side, shuddering as unearthly grunts and groans made their way around me. The stone walls seemed to constrict, then stretch exponentially, a sickening creaking and groaning accompanying the change. I began to whimper, my shuddering reaching my head and causing my vision to blur.

My movement returned to me, and I pushed myself off the floor again, stopping when I had stood up to listen for any hoofsteps. There was nothing. The walls were motionless, the candles flickered stoically in their holders, throwing some light onto the stonework, the struts in the roof giving some gentle creaks. This did nothing to calm my breathing, and I continued forward on shaky legs, rounding another corner to find a doorway leading into a smaller, but wider, hallway. The pinks blobs continued on, and so I did too, noting the overturned cupboard laying on the carpet.

I had barely stepped three paces into the hallway before a door ahead creaked slowly open, which sent me shuddering yet again. Fearfully, I hurried to the side, passing through an open doorway and into what I only belatedly realised was a small storage room. It was dark, and I nearly backed out of it, until I spotted a blue glow on a far shelf. Turning fully to it, I could see it was only a faint hue, as though it were merely a trick of what little light was in here. My curiosity won over, and I started slowly towards it, stepping over several items strewn across the wooden floorboards haphazardly, before finally reaching the shelf. Perched on it was a solitary tinderbox, the source of the strange blue tint I had seen. There was no doubt about it, it was definitely emitting a blue aura, although from up close it was far less pronounced than it had been by the entrance. Taking it and stowing it in my saddlebags, I turned around and went back the way I had came, peering around the the entrance to see if anything had emerged from the room. Nothing had, so I crept out cautiously, spotting the pink trail leading to a doorway on the left, opposite the door which had opened itself moments prior. Creeping forwards along the carpet, I swept a suspicious eye over the door, opting to look inside should anything approach after I had passed it. Inside, it was brightly lit by several candle stands and a chandelier, the spacious, open room decorated with a large carpet and curtains on the walls. It actually looked quite pleasant, and I allowed myself a small, contented sigh at the sight.

My sigh was returned as a sharp whistle of cold air which snuffed out the candles, plunging the secluded area into blanketing darkness and chilling me through. With a startled yelp, I shoved the door closed, letting it thump loudly, and turned on my hooves, galloping for the doorway through which the pink trail led, hurrying down the stone steps as quickly as I dared, leaping over the fallen stone pillar at the bottom (something I only spotted thanks to the feeble light from the hole in the roof), and pushed against the great red door before me, heaving it open before turning and quickly shutting it once I was on the other side, panting heavily. Turning around to face whatever was before me, I was only comforted slightly by the presence of burning torches adorning the walls. Still tense, I trotted forward, peaking round the corner and finding that the stone corridor continued on, with torches lighting the way ahead. With a quick look behind me to check the door, I stepped around the corner.

A grunt gust of wind blew a door on my right open and extinguished all the torches in a heartbeat. I shrank to the floor shivering violently, unable to vocalise my terror by now. My breathing had become jagged and strained, and my throat was tight. Several seconds passed where I remained motionless on the floor save for my hyperventilation- at least, I assume it was several seconds, although I lost track of the passage of time. I may have been there for several minutes, or hours, until my eyes had adjusted to the darkness and I saw that nothing had emerged from the room. My breathing was still quick, but was slowing from uncontrollable gasps and desperate clutches for air to quick, deep inhalation, and I gradually rose from the stony floor, shuffling forward slightly to check the room. Peeping round the corner, my eyes took in shafts of dirty, grey light from above, water pooling on the floor from the holes in the roof. My eyes scanned the room and were quickly drawn to a pair of items emitting a blue tint. I tensed my muscles in my legs and held in a deep breath to steel myself for the task to come. Letting out the breath, I quickly trotted into the room, snatched the two tinder boxes from their place on the shelf, and stowed them inside my saddlebags hurriedly, all the while casting furtive glances around to make sure that nothing would...I'm not sure what, but one doesn't fight instinct.

The room shuddered suddenly, dust floating down from above. I froze momentarily, then stiffly continued on, my hooves splashing slightly in the shallow pools of water as I crossed back over the cracked and up the two steps that led out of the room, back into the blackness of the corridor. The pale light coming from the windows to the right illuminated the pink trail as it led towards the windows, then cut left, going round the corner to some unknown. Just how far did it go? I pondered this fretfully as I walked onward in the same stiff manner, panting as I rounded the corner and saw the trail veer into a room on the left. The way ahead was blocked by rubble, so with little choice, I followed the trail inside.

I hadn't taken more than five steps into the room before it heaved. By that, I mean the room shook beyond what I thought would have allowed it to remain intact. I was thrown onto my knees, dust showering down around me, a deep, gradual rumble accumulating and reverberating throughout the room. The window started to rattle as the glass trembled in its frame, as though trying to tear itself away from the erratic movements of the stone around it. The room felt like it was about to collapse, and images of thousands of tons of stone tumbling down to crush me, or leave me buried alive, flooded my mind, immersing me in cold terror. I staggered forwards and threw myself under the shaking table, whimpering loudly as a lay on my side, curled up as tightly as I could muster. Books fell from the bookshelves around me, thumping onto the tiled floor in a strangely indifferent way. I started as an object landed on my side, having fallen from the table above me.

The rumbling movements died down, and the dust started to settle. Ever so slowly, I uncurled from my position on the cold tiles of the floor, panting for breath, shivering violently. As I moved to get up, the object that had fallen on me during the tremors slid off and clanged to the floor. As I shifted my gaze down to it, I noticed two things. Firstly, it was a lantern, powered by firelight gel, which seemed to be already flowing around inside the glassy compartment. Secondly, it was emitting the same strange blue glow that had become apparent to me after I had woken. It was subtle, playing at the corner of my vision, as though merely a trick of the light. Making a mental note to observe this later if I had the chance, I clenched the handle in my teeth and picked it up, turning it on. The gel caught and sent out a wide, bright pool of light, the heat warming my throat. It comforted me as I straightened up and searched the room, and by the time I exited through the other door (having pocketed another tinderbox), I was feeling much calmer, although my heart still thumped strongly in my chest.

The orange circle illuminated the other side of the cave-in as I passed through the doorway, and lit up the remnants of the corridor ahead. Crests adorned the stony walls, and a wooden door stood at the end. close enough to fall into the warm circle of light given off by the lantern. I paced quickly towards it, opening it towards me with a hoof, and stepped into the room, relieved to find that the windows in there were letting in enough grim light to allow me to see without the lantern. Conscious of wasting the gel, I turned it off and turned to my saddlebags to find somewhere to store it. As luck would have it, there was a small hook on the straps which fitted the handle perfectly, leaving it to rest within easy reaching distance. Turning back to the room, I found it to be filled with bookshelves adorned with damaged tomes, and crates stacked atop one another. A chandelier swung morosely on the ceiling, creaking as the wooden boards shifted slightly and let down specks of dust. For the most part, it was peaceful, with the groaning and creaking kept to a minimum compared to the other rooms. I crossed the wooden floorboards at a steady pace, pausing at the door as I took note of the closed stove in the corner and the wardrobe opposite it. My curiosity finally won over, and I walked quickly over to it, opened it up, and found a tinderbox waiting inside. Why were there so many tinderboxes laying around here? Was somepony leaving an emergency stash or something? I wouldn't need to pick anymore up, I thought as I slipped the latest edition into my saddlebags and noticing how much I had stashed in there. It really was unnecessary.

The liquid trail disappeared under the door into the next room, and upon opening said door, the pink blobs lead me directly towards the desk pushed against the wall. The chair next to it was knocked over, as though whoever had been sitting in it had stood up in a hurry. A candle flame flicked, illuminating some of the items strewn across the wooden surface; a slip of paper, a quill residing in an ink pot, and a bottle of something that I couldn't identify from a distance. The meagre light showed nothing else about the room, as though somepony wanted to draw my attention to this exact spot. Well, the liquid trail ended here, and this was apparently its source. Acknowledging that this was likely the biggest opportunity to get the information I wanted, I trotted forwards, approaching the desk with a mixture of anticipation and anxiety. As I drew closer, I saw that the bottle I had noticed earlier was emitting the vague blue light I was by now used to. On closer inspection of the label, I found it to be firelight gel, and after checking to see that the top was screwed on tightly, I slipped it into my saddlebags with the tinderboxes, before turning my attention to the paper on the desk. It also appeared to be glowing blue, something which I barely acknowledged as I pulled the chair up into a standing position and sat down to read the writing upon the paper.

Diamond's Note to Self

19th of the 8th Moon, 1839 Second Equestrian Era

I wish I could ask you how much you remember. I don't know if there will be anything left after I consume this drink.

Don't be afraid, Diamond. I can't tell you why, but know this; I choose to forget. Try to find comfort and strength in that fact. There is a purpose. You are my final effort to put things right.

Celestia willing, the name Steelheart of Everfree still invokes bitter anger in you. If not, this will sound horrible.

Go to the Inner Sanctum, find Steelheart, and kill him. His body is old and weak, and yours, young and strong. He will be no match for you.

One last thing. A shadow is following you. It's a living nightmare- breaking down reality.

I have tried everything and there is no way to fight back. You need to escape it as long as you can.

Redeem us both, Diamond. Descend into the darkness where Steelheart waits, and murder him.

Your former self,

Diamond

My breathing had hitched in my throat as I read on, and when I had finished, I had become motionless. I didn't know what I had expected, but this certainly wasn't it. A note from myself, telling me to go and murder somepony I had never heard of? This was insane! I snapped out of my trance and turned the paper over, but there was nothing on the other side. I turned it over again, and again, and again, desperately searching for more, but there was nothing. How did I even know that this was addressed to me? It could be anything, like the scribbling in the journal I found when I woke up. The journal...

I reached into the saddlebags hurriedly, quickly finding and dragging out the small, leather-bound book and dropping it onto the desk. I opened it up to the first intact page, the hasty writing at the top still present. I looked between the instruction on the page and the writing on the note, and my heart turned to ice when I found them to not only be the same writing, but for the note to fit snugly into the journal, clearly having been torn out. A journal in my bag with an instruction telling me to follow a trail that was right next to where I had awoken, leading to a note with the same mouthwriting. The odds were looking grim. The note had even said that he had chosen to forget, and that definitely sounded like me right now. The circumstances were more than uncomfortable.

A fierce resolve suddenly took ahold of me. I might be lost in a strange building with no idea about my past or motivation, and very little knowledge about my identity, but that note had given me direction, a purpose, and information. It had told me to take comfort in my situation, and that's what I should do. So far, I...I guess that I had set myself up? That it was all me who had left the clues and leads for me to follow? The absurdity of my situation dawned on me, and I shook my head to get refocused. So far, I had lead myself to information, provided a purpose and direction, and it had gone well. So far, I knew more, because I had followed my own wishes. I had clearly known what I was doing, before I had my own memory wiped.

For what reason would I want to wipe my own memory?

Don't think about that! Packing the journal (with my note to myself tucked carefully inside) back into my saddlebags, I grabbed the inkwell, should it come in useful later, and placed it delicately in with my journal, making sure the lid was screwed on tightly. It was a memento that had brought me here, so maybe I could leave more for myself? Tightening the straps, I looked around the room, finding nothing that was immediately useful to me.

Wait...there. A small wooden lever on the far wall stood nonchalantly waiting for somepony to pull it. Trotting over, I gave it a quick pull with my mouth and then stepped back, hearing the scrape of stone as a bookshelf to my right moved out of the way, a hidden door sliding up to reveal a secret passage. Relief washed over me, and it was with a slightly easier, although still reluctant, step that I passed into the passage and found a red door at the far end. I took several deep breaths as I walked up to it.

My name is diamond, I thought. I knew my name now. I was making progress.

I. Am. Diamond.