Too many authors ruin the bakeoff

by improvhour

The Animated Adventures of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air

Title: The Animated Adventures of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air
Description: Derpy ties her shoes for the first time

One of those days. It starts out just the same as any other day. Waking up before dawn, breakfast in the morning, lunch at noon. Ordinary.

Twilight Sparkura was the best japanese sailor scout in the entire village of Nintendone, and she had decided that today she would bake the biggest cake in the world.

“What’s the plan, short man?” asked Spike Spiegel.

Spike Spiegel was Twilight Sparkura’s Number One assistant, and she would never miss out on an opportunity to go on a baking adventure.

“All you need to bake are the dreams of a man and the zeal of youth! Oh hear me baking Gods, I will summon the cake that will pierce the heavens!”

“Woah there Twilight,” Reinbou Desu said, a twitch entering his eye, “what is the occasion?”

“It’s the thousandth year anniversary of Colonel Sanders, the great great grandmother of Scootaloo, and I must prove my worth in order to collect the FriendChips and become King of all Butts… fuck this is stupid.”

“I agree. Also, bang.” Spike Spiegel said.

“Well, we might as well do something, I guess we’ll fast forward to the bakeoff.”

And so they did.

“Knife?”

“Check.”

“Icing?”

“Check.”

“Dough?”

“Check.”

“Powdered Puppy Souls?”

“Check.”

All preparations seemed to be going just swimmingly, and Sparkura thought how baking in a pool might work. But this was naught time to be thinking such ideas.

Ideas… if only she could think. Could she really though? After all, according to the ideas of Aristotle, one plus one is equal to three, and there was no way that such an excellent idea could possibly add up.

Sparkura began with marzipan, then added her secret ingredient, expired soy sauce. She mixed together the mangled remains of your favorite character with half a ton of gingeritis. All was going well until she saw that Rarity was using tentacle porn, the same recipe that had won her this pointless bakeoff for approximately five years in a row. It was really closer to five point three years.

“That fabulous bitch, I’ll base my turkey with her tears.”

And so Twilight Sparkura heard the voice of Deus Ex Machina, who sounded like the worst Morgan Freeman impression you’ve ever heard.

“Twilight Sparkura, you need to believe in yourself,” the voice said.

“No.”

“Alright then, use elephant semen, it’s the best ingredient ever.”

“Okay. Spikeeee!” Twilight ordered Spike to get him elephant semen, and about 5 seconds later Spike returned.

And so Twilight Sparkura used the elephant semen and won the contest, which I won’t go into the details of because you’ve already stopped reading about two sentences in.

Seriously, I could spend the rest of the story describing in great detail the particulars of gall bladder infection (yes, I know) and you’d never read it.

~The ned~

Comments

[deli73]

I read the whole thing, but the first chapter was better.