Emissary Anon

by Bastinator

Chapter 2: Cool Off

”You’re a prince?”

”Indeed he is Twilight Sparkle.”

Not- If there’s one thing you don’t like doing, it’s having to explain the peculiarities of your situation. “Barely, most don’t see me as an heir at all.”

”Do explain,” Celestia says egging you on. You really don’t want to talk about this stuff, there’s a reason you kept your identity a secret. ”You’re safe to speak to us, we will not judge you.” Sure, that’s what they all say.

“Have either of you seen humanoids before?” Twilight shakes her head. You expected that, she seems far too young to have met your kind before.

”I have, yes,” Celestia answers. Another successful guess, her dealings should make her familiar with others of your race.

“Well, you should be able to tell the difference between me and the others.”

”What’s so different about him?” Twilight asks curiously.

Celestia tries to hide her smile, but fails, horribly you might add. ”He’s shorter.”

You furrow your brow in irritation. No judging your ass. “The Erredian people stand at a height of eight to nine feet tall. I on the other hand stand at a measly 6 feet, and the differences don’t stop there.” You stand up, displaying yourself like a puppet. “My bones and muscles are weaker than that of my brethren, but I’m also smarter. Not genius smart mind you, but more so than those bumbling buffoons.”

”So if it wasn’t for your royal blood…”

“I’d be an outcast, a freak to my own people. My father saved me, but I was always his least favorite son.” All you wanted to do was impress him… “My brothers teased me of this, so I picked up the sword and became a soldier. I’m a damn good one at that, but no matter how I tried I could never earn my father’s favor.”

”But he asked you to act as his Emissary. He obviously cares for you.”

You chuckle softly at Twilight’s naivety. “He sent me to get me out of the way. Besides, my even-temper made me the best choice for a negotiator. I’m the end slice of bread no one wants but uses when out of options.”

You sit back down, finished with your little spiel. ”Is that what you think of yourself?” Celestia asks questionably.

“Don’t make me add pretentious to my list of traits,” you joke, anger subsided.

”I like you Prince Anon,” Celestia states, “What do you think Twilight Sparkle?”

”I think that’s quite a story, but you already know what I think.” You swear to Tartarus if they’re going where you think they are…

“I appreciate the sentiment, but I’d rather not-“

Celestia hushes you, “It’s your king’s wish, and you must help in whatever way you can. This is what you said.”

“I know that, but-“

”And I wish to see this deal through to the end. So I think I’ve come to my decision.”

‘Anon?’ Yes brain? ‘Why are you always right?’ Because the gods hate us brain.

“You will be my lucky bachelor.” You sigh heavily in defeat. Shit always turns against you it seems.

“Alright your majesty. I accept your offer.” Twilight can barely hold in her excitement as she begins rambling off wedding plans. Celestia smiles at her bumbling student before turning back to you.

“So who am I going to marry? I’d like to get his all out now while I can.”

”Well, Cadence is already wed, and I am far too busy to deal with such things. Luna… Yes, you will marry my dear sister. Don’t worry, you’ll like her… probably…”

Probably… You don’t like the sound of that. “And she would be okay with it?”

”Why wouldn’t she?”

“Do uh- Do I really have to tell you?”

”This isn’t about species is it?” You give her the ‘no shit’ look. ”Please Anon, she is not a child anymore. She will understand.” Like that’s gonna happen.

“So when are you going to tell her?”

”Soon. Whenever the occasion arises.”

”What are you going to wear?” Twilight cuts in.

“That really isn’t my priority right now. I can bring something on my way back.”

“You may not be headed back as soon as you thought.”

“What happened now?” you ask with disdain.

”John asked that this take place as soon as possible, you won’t make it home and back in time.”

There isn’t an apothecary in the land who could cure your headache right now. “Look princess,” you start, standing up. “This is a bit overwhelming for me. It’s more than I expected.”

”It’s not too bad.” Twilights says still bounding with joy.

“For you, but not for me. I need some time to process all this okay?”

Celestia looks at you understandably. ”We’ll finish the preparations, you may take this time to relax, you must be stressed. We can handle it.” You thank her and walk out the room to get some air.

A cool breeze flows through the open door as you enter the courtyard. It certainly makes you feel better, but it merely dulled your senses. In your mind nothing makes sense. It’s like life took one big shit, and it happened to be on your life. You had a life back home, not much of one, but a life all the same. Here? What do you have? These ponies won’t accept you for who you are. They want a colt or stallion or whatever fucking term they call males. You’re just different.

You feel like finding a cold hole to crawl into for a while, while you soak up all the excess crap you have to deal with. You grab your stuff from the gatekeeper and walk through the city. That noble said something about the lower districts, sounds like a good place to lose yourself for a while. You head down one of the more rundown looking alleys, hoping to find the districts you sought. A drunk stumbles from the balcony, puking all over himself. Yep, you found the place alright.

The district is masked from the sun, giving it a nightly appearance. The inhabitants are mostly drunks and other miscreants, a few elderly stick to their homes for protection. This wouldn’t fly where you live, these people would be out on their asses breaking stone. You run a tight ship, but didn’t have to worry about whose piss you’d step in by accident. You spot what you think is a tavern and head inside.

No one seems to notice you come in, or if they did they don’t care. If this is what bars are like then you should live in them. ”What’ll it be?”

“Oh um I don’t drin-“ You know what? Fuck it, you’ll drink. It’ll take your mind off things. “The strongest thing you’ve got.”

”You sure? It’s not for the faint of heart.”

“Just give me it.” You gulp down the silver fluid, your throat seizing up making you choke.

He laughs, “I told ya. Let me get you something weaker.” You grab his shoulder as he turns.

“Another.”

He eyes you and smiles, “You’re alright you know that?” You down the next glass, your eyes tearing up from the pain.

“No I ain’t.”

You don’t know how long you’ve been here, and for once you don’t care. “Aand thuts’ how wi gut the beach.”

”Shouldn’t you be headed home, everyone else already has?”

“Hum? O that. Otay. How much d I owe yu?”

”No charge, just get home safe.”

“You,” you say pointing to him, “You’re a good guy.” He helps you out of the building before locking up and walking home himself. Now to find your own home.

You stagger through the streets, holding onto the wall for support. ”Hey there cutie.” You stop and look around though everything’s blurry. ”Down her you big hunk.” You look down, two mares at the other side of the alley. ”Looking for a good time?” Amidst your aching head and the alcohol coursing through your veins you can’t figure what they mean by that, but you can’t leave them hanging.

“Uv coursss.”

They both giggle, making you laugh yourself though you don’t know why. You drape your arms around them as they lead you off somewhere. You drift in and out of sleep, a series of knocks finally waking you up for good. ”Here we are sugar, make yourself comfortable we’ll be right back.” They set you down on a large bed, both of them entering another room, shaking their tails oddly. Where the fuck are you?

You struggle to sit up, but through concentrated effort you manage to make it there. The bed creaks as you try and get up making your ears throb in agony. “This is why I don’t drink…” You reach into your satchel and take out a red vial. You take in the sour liquid, gagging at its final drops. It’ll take a few minutes for it to kick in, but that shouldn’t be a problem.The pair of mares stand at the doorway, their eyes glued on you. You didn’t… Oh god dammit brain. ‘What? They wanted the d.’

”Looks like the big boys ready to play.”

“I think there’s been a misunderstanding here.” You stand up, only for them to push you back down.

”You’re not just going to walk away until we get what’s ours.” They pin you down, your muscles too weak to get them off. ”Over there. Grab it grab it!” You feel the potion starting to kick in, but it’s too late. You throw your wrists about, the rope binding them to the bed. It’s at this moment that you learn the most important lesson of your life. Karma is bullshit!

The girls grind on your leg, “You just might enjoy this.” They rub at your groin, the leather armor absorbing most of their touch. ”That feel good hun?” It does, but it’ll be a cold day in Tartarus before they know it.

“As good as sandpaper.” They ignore your statement, fumbling to untie your garments with no luck. Apparently the concept of lace is foreign to their whorish heads. “You’re pathetic.”

”Shhhh… Hush now. Only dreams.” What does that even mean?

A boom echoes through the sky turning their attention away from you. This is exactly the opportunity you needed. You extend the blade from your arm and cut through your binds. You do the other before they figure out what you’re up to. Rejuvenated, you leap off the bed and head for the door which clangs as the lock slams against the handle. ”Where do you think you’re going?” They approach you like a pair of lions stalking their prey.

You draw your sword, fear lighting up in their eyes. “Hey now, there’s no need to be like that!” You point it at one of the girls, motioning towards the door.

“Open it.” She obliges and opens the door before retreating behind her partner. They’re nothing more than a couple of cowards. “Both of you make me sick.” With that you leave as quickly as you can.

It’s almost pitch-black at this point, a few lanterns illuminating the scenery the dead streets of the district. You take a deep breathe. It’ll take weeks to get the smell of rotting mare crotch out of your leggings. You retrace your steps and step back into the upper districts, the familiar sight of guards are quite welcome. It’s getting late, and you don’t have a place to stay now that that inn is being renovated. The best choice would be to take Twilight up on her offer. Hopefully she’s still at the castle; if not… well you’re just shit out of luck.

You begin loosening your sword once you reach the gate. ”That will not be necessary. You’re clear to proceed.” You point to the castle questionably, earning a nod from the guard. That’s one stop you don’t have to worry bout anymore. You’re about halfway through the courtyard when you begin having second thoughts. This’ll make you look incompetent. If you can’t find a place to stay, how are you going to be a good husband? Confound these ponies, they drive me to drink. “YOU!” A voice shouts from above.

You turn back just in time to get knocked back onto your ass. Whoever it is, they’re strong, more so than you care for. A pair of hooves presses against your shoulders pinning you to the floor. ”WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?” The rush of blood to your blurs your vision. You can’t even see your attacker. A hoof strikes you in the ribs puffing the air out of your lungs. “WE ARE NOT A CHIP IN YOUR GAME!” Another strike against your bruised abdomen.

“Who the hell are you?”

”DO NOT SPEAK YOU WORM!” As they prepare to strike you again you counter attack. Sweeping your legs you throw your attacker beneath you as you hold your blade against their throat.

“Who… are…” Your vision finally clears up, revealing the attacker in form of a black alicorn with a starry mane. “Luna?”

She throws you off of her with her magic, standing up valiantly. ”YOU WILL ADDRESS US AS PRINCESS LUNA.” So much for her taking the news well. She was about to beat you to death.

“Don’t think you’re the only one who’s against this Luna.”

”WE SAID YOU-“

“Cut the crap. I’m just as mad as this as you are.” Your defiance does little more than enrage her further.

”DO NOT EXPECT TO UNDERSTAND US!” This is a waste of time, she’s not going to listen to you. You turn back and walk to the castle. ”WE ARE ADDRESSING YOU!”

“Yeah good luck with that.” The door slams shut the second you open it. It’s going to be one of those fights? Fine. You turn around and stare her down, waltzing towards her. “Let’s get something straight, you’re not the only one pissed at this little arrangement. I had a life you know, and now I’m stuck here, with YOU!”

She walks towards you, giving her own spiel. ”WE DID NOT ASK FOR THIS! IT IS WE WHO ARE STUCK WITH YOU!”

“Don’t give me that. I was the last person who wanted to get involved, but I’ll do what’s best for my kingdom, whether YOU like it or not.”

”AS WILL I! YOU ARE LUCKY WE CARE FOR EQUESTRIA SO!” The two of you are inches apart, staring each other down. Neither of you are willing to back down, though you’re feeling the same anger. A few guards break rank and stare at the two of you.

“Let’s take this somewhere else, away from prying eyes.” She notices the guards as well and both of you disappear in a burst of light. A few seconds later you find yourself in a chamber, not unlike an observatory. Constellations are graphed on the walls, a sliding glass door leading to a balcony. Most of it seems to deal with night cycles, few personal things lying around. Sounds like Luna’s chambers alright.

“Look, I’m sorry about how I yelled at you back there. It was unprofessional.”

Luna sighs, “Of course it was. That is no way to speak to a princess.” You hoped she would apologize as well, no such hope it seems, but at least she’s not yelling at you.

“We’re both stuck in this so the least we should do is try to make this work, for both of our countries.”

She can’t argue with that solid point. “Fair enough, where shall we begin?”

“Introductions never hurt. I’m Prince Anon of Glaemar, but just call me Anon.”

”Princess Luna,” she extends her hoof which you meet.

“It’s nice to meet you.” She humphs sticking her nose up at you. Well that went nowhere fast. “I guess we could say something about ourselves. You can start.” She just stares at you with scorn. This is going to be a long night.

“If you don’t want to talk to me fine, but can I ask you one question?”

”You just did.”

Why I oughta… “Fine then, three questions?” She nods, looking back outside. “Is Twilight still here?”

”She took the train back to Ponyville. Why do you need her?”

“Well she had information regarding a place I could stay.”

”You can’t locate a resting place for the night? You would make a terrible husband.” That’s what you were saying. ”It is no matter, you will stay here tonight.” You’re awestruck at the offer. Is she committing an act of kindness? Did that magic take something out of her? ”Are you going to stand there like a scarecrow all night?”

“Sorry, it’s just… Isn’t that a bit much?”

”It is customary for a couple to live together yes? I am not up to date on current traditions.”

“It is, well uh… I accept your offer, thank you.”

She humphs again, “It was not a request.” Nope, still old Luna.

“So did Celestia tell you anymore about the wedding?”

”You already used your three questions.”

“Oh, my bad,” you reply sarcastically. Your stomach growls angrily at you, frustrated at your lack of tribute.

”Food is downstairs and at the far end of the hall.”

“Thanks,” you reply cheerfully to her kindness.

”Just go quickly, you’re breaking my concentration.” And you take it back instantly.

You find the stairs and descend them, following Luna’s directions. Upon reaching the end of the hall you find nothing but wall. She didn’t even tell you the truth. You decide to search yourself and spend the next half hour scouring the castle for a kitchen. One of the guards was kind enough to lend you a hand, giving you far more reliable directions. You get there in no time at all, the chef being more than happy to serve you. He was more interested in learning foreign cuisine than anything, but he at least helped you feel welcome.

You made sure to leave out the more carnivorous dishes, though he didn’t seem that appalled when you spoke of it. It was nice conversing with him, but fatigue was catching up to both of you so you said your goodbyes and left belly-full. You thank the guard who helped you and slipped him a sandwich as a reward. Before you know it you’re back at the stairs leading to Luna’s chambers. Just going up and down these is going to be a chore.

”It took you long enough,” Luna says as you enter the room.

“Well if someone had given me proper directions I would have been back sooner.”

She chuckles to herself and walks back into the chamber. She lies down on the bed, taking some of the covers with her. ”Are you coming to bed or not?”
“You really want us to sleep together?”

”The best way to be a couple is to act as one, no matter how woeful the arrangement. You can either come, or you can find a lodging of your own.” She has a point there, whether it was by accident or not is unknown.

You slip into the soft covers, the bed forming around you seamlessly. Her horn glows as she extinguishes the torches. Only the moonlight left for you. “Goodnight.”

She rolls onto her side, taking most of the covers with her. You didn’t want them anyways. So you just lie there, watching the moon stare right back at you. Five minutes, ten minutes, twenty minutes go by. You try to fall asleep, but it’s just not comfortable.

It’s too soft and malleable. It doesn’t feel natural how it morphs to your figure. You need something more solid to rest upon. You check on Luna to make sure she’s asleep which she is. Gently, you get out of bed, making sure not to wake her. Celestia help you if you accidently did. They’d be picking pieces of you off the walls. You walk onto the balcony and peer off into the city.

Maybe this place won’t be as bad as you thought. No place is perfect, and here is no exception. There are always scumbags and creeps lined up with the goodies. It’s all just the same if you think about it. You’re still a freak to these people, no change from your own home. But at least here you don’t feel constantly put down because of it.

And what do you know; Luna might turn out to be alright after she warms up to you. Sure you were never very good with women, but she’s kind of different. Twilight seems to trust you, so she’ll be the first real friend you’ve had in a long while. Now she is something, a true piece of work. She seemed to be the only one who didn’t care about how you looked. She liked who you were, which you find refreshing. Not many care about that these days.

You yawn, inhaling the cold Equestrian air. You guess you might as well go to sleep after all. You lie down on the stone floor and close your eyes. The hard stone does wonders on your aching back. Now just to count ponies. One pony. Two pony. Three pony. Fou-