'It's not over, Rainbow.' The evil voice laughed, 'It will never be over...'
Dash was back to herself and in the corner next to one of the guards she had brutally slaughtered.
*Twitch*
'But... why? Why do you come back? Why won't you leave me alone....' Rainbow's voice was sad and terrified at the thought of being unable to control herself, and that this demon was going to harm her and her friends further.
'Why me...? Why did you choose to be me...?'
'Because you are the strongest host I've ever found' the voice within her interrupted, 'You are the one I chose to become my voice. TO BECOME ME!'
Rainbow couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was frozen with fright and slowly began rocking back and forth next to the wall, bashing her head on it lightly with each pull.
'No.... no..... You won't.... I will never let you take me over and destroy Equestria and my friends...'
The voice just laughed.
'HAHAHAHAHA! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO?! I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!! I OWN YOU NOW! THERE IS NO ESCAPE! YOUR FRIENDS WILL DIE ALONG WITH EQUESTRIA!!'
'No. They WON'T!!! YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO CONTROL ME... YOU KNOW WHY?'
The voice didn't respond.
'You will NOT be able to control me because I still have the bone saw in my hoof, and do you know what THAT means?!' Dash's voice was serious.
The voice just cackled. 'Yeah, I do. Sweet dreams...'
The voice took control of the hoof bearing the saw.
'WAIT! what are you...? AHHHHHGHRRRHH!!!!'
The uncontrollable hoof swung the bone saw into Rainbow Dash's wing cutting the whole wing clean off from her body.
'BLEED, BLEED! BLEEEEEEEEEDDD!' The voice cheered with glee seeing Rainbow's wing now on the floor, making blood pour from the joint like a fountain, covering her cyan coat with her own blood.
Rainbow grabbed her wing joint trying desperately trying not to let it bleed too much so that she passes out.
'*sniffle* MY WING!!! AHHHH! WHY?!?! WHY?! WHYYYYY?!?!? I'D RATHER BE DEAD!!! JUST FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY!!!'
The evilness withing the voice just cackled out loud as Rainbow tried to put her hoof onto her wound to stop the blood from coming out.
'In time my dear.... Hehehe.... In time...'
MEANWHILE, 1 HOUR LATER, IN SECTOR B
The 4 friends were still running and exhausted, but they kept on going, trying to find a safe place to rest.
Eventually, they reached the end of the corridor, and found the exit door. Unfortunately, it was sealed shut by the titanium riot door that stretched all the way down the door to the end. From what they could tell it had to at least be 7 inches thick, and of course very, very heavy.
Applejack sighed out loud, trying desperately to breathe.
'Consarnit! What da we do now?!' 'There is nowhere to go... She'll find us eventually!'
Rarity walked up to AJ and placed a hoof on her shoulder. 'Calm down, Applejack. There has to be someplace where we can get out of this dirty prison and then we can....'
Rarity stopped. There was an evil sounding laughter coming from around the corner at the other end of the corridor. It was Rainbow Dash. She had snapped back into her evil side. She had obviously found out where her 'friends' were.
'Oh god, she's found us...' Rarity squirmed.
All of them gulped hard and found a place to hide. Rarity and Fluttershy of them went into an open shipping box and placed themselves inside it.
Twilight and Applejack had nowhere to go however, so Twilight used an invisibility spell to turn both her and Applejack transparent. This way the crazed Pegasus wouldn't see them.
They stared cautiously at the wall at the end of the corridor to see if Rainbow was coming around the corner. The maniacal laughter got louder and louder by the minute and eventually her shadow could be made out on the concrete wall before them.
Twilight and Applejack's eyes both filled with fear as they saw the terrifying figure stumble around the corner, blood still flowing intensely out of her mangled wing joint.
She was giggling to herself as she scanned the dimly lit corridor for her targets.
'Come out and play... Hahaha.. *twitch*
Dash had a very disturbing grin on her face with blood staining her teeth making her look like a wolf after the night feast.
'Rarity..... Raaaaaaariiiiity.... Come out and play with me! Hehehe....'
Rainbow's maniacal smile got wider and her eyes narrowed downwards even more than before as she kept her crazed and bloody look.
'Twilight.... hehehe... COME OUT! Come help a friend... Hehe.. You'll be sorry you ever brought me here!' She snarled and sounded demanding as she started drooling both spit and blood from the side of her lips.
Rainbow had had enough of playing hide and seek with her targets and started to get violent.
She began by tossing and throwing boxes or anything that she could find. She began grunting and growling more and more.
The blood in her mouth bled its way out faster and faster until she looked like a blood thirsty rabid dog.
'WHERE ARE YOU ALL?! COME OUT! COME OUT AND BLEEEEEEEEED!!!' Rainbow laughed menacingly as her pains grew stronger, making her act more mental each minute.
All of the ponies were petrified at what had become of their friend. Applejack was nearest to her, and that didn't make her feel safe at all, it just made her feel extremely UNSAFE and also made her breathe heavily. Heavily enough that there was no way Rainbow couldn't hear her.
The sound caught Rainbows ears and she turned around. Twilight stuck a hoof in Applejack's mouth to stop her.
'I KNOW YOU'RE THERE AJ! I CAN HEAR YOU!!!' Rainbow snarled.
Applejack stuttered as she responded without being seen, under the influence of Twilight's spell.
'R - Rainbow! Stop what y'all doin'!' 'You aren't your self, sugar cube, Calm yourself down!!' Applejack tried to sound calm but still sounded demanding.
Rainbow twitched again. *Twitch* *Twitch*.
'Applejaaaaaack.... where are you? I've got a present for youuuuuu!' Rainbow lied. Her so called present was the scalpel.
She would surely slash AJ's throat out if she ever found her.
'Rainbow! Put the scalpel away! Why don't you listen to your friends?!' Applejack sounded quite sad but still angry with what has become of her friend.
Rainbow snarled a horrific growl onto her face. 'FRIENDS?! FRIENDS?!?!?' Dash continued to growl. 'YOU'RE NOT MY FRIENDS! WHAT FRIEND WOULD DRAG ME TO A PRISON! RRRRRGGGGG! I WANT TO BE FREE! AHAHA HAHA!'
Rainbow continued her maniacal rampage and this time not just threw random structures and objects everywhere, but started swinging her scalpel in Applejack's direction, one swing nearly grazed her cheek bone.
'HAHAHA! I'LL SHOW YOU THE TRUE MEANING OF PAIN! HAHAHA!' Rainbow's crazy grin was now at full size, giving her a more disturbing look that made her look more of a cannibal with blood and flesh between her teeth,
Twilight and Applejack had less space to move in upon all the thrown junk and pieces scattered around from their rainbow maned friend.
Rainbow was now moving rapidly with the scalpel in her hand, swinging it repeatedly around, cutting Applejack's cheek as she did so.
Applejack let out a loud cry of pain as the blood started to drip from her graze. The cut wasn't that deep, but it did indeed hurt.
'ARGH!' AJ held her hoof to her left cheek, applying pressure to the wound to attempt to stop the blood coming out.
The yelp of pain caught Rainbow's attention and soon she heard the dripping of the blood fall to the floor and splat upon impact.
'Mmmmm.... I smell your essence..... your blood smells lovely...' Rainbow hissed under her breath.
Applejack and Twilight's eyes shrunk to the size of pin-tips as they grunted in disgust of what they heard her friend say.
They both had a thought about what they could do while they were not visible to Rainbows eyes. They both were trying to think weather they should try to reason with the tormented Pegasus or knock her out. But how? Just then Twilight had a thought. Applejack had a strong kick right? She is strong enough to buck trees for their apples, so why not to help a friend?
Of course the most loyalist of ponies was no longer loyal due to her current insane state. Would a mind spell work if they knocked her out, or would it fail? It happened with the Discord accident, so why not on a friends tormented soul?
'Hey, AJ?' Twilight muttered from under her breath in a faint whisper.
Applejack responded quietly (If they're invisible, they can't really SEE each other, so I changed this)'Yeah, Twi?'
'I have an idea, but you'll have to help me in it.' Twilight was still eyeing the cold blooded Pegasus
'Sure, Twilight. What is it?'
'Do you think you could knock out Rainbow by bucking her into that wall?'
This caused AJ to let out a quiet gasp.
'Buck Rainbow?' 'I don't know, Twi. She may be insane but i don't wanna knock her down.'
Twilight rolled her eyes.
'AJ, I know you don't want to, but it's the only way we are going to get out of this. She'll kill us before long.'
Applejack repeated her pained look as she stared at where she presumed the purple unicorn was. Thinking about what she had been asked to do to one of her friends.
Applejack let out a quiet sigh.
'Okay, Twilight. I'll do it.'
Applejack got line up with Rainbow and the wall and cocked her powerful legs to push her strength into them both.
She bucked them back with full strength followed by a loud grunt sending Rainbow back-first into the thick concrete wall behind her.
The blow instantly knocked Rainbow off her feet and made her crumple onto the floor with a thud.
Rainbow moaned in pain as she turned back into her normal self once she landed. She saw Twilight and Applejack come into view as the invisibility spell was deactivated.
All Rainbow said before blacking out was, 'Ngh... Twilight....'
Sweet, an update! I like this story, and it didn't feel as rushed this chapter. It still felt like it was A LITTLE Rushed, but not completely. I like it, and now that we're getting a little bit into the reason behind the voice, its understandable. Bravo! Can't wait for the next chapter!
3357226 Thank you for the feedback. javascript:smilie('');
Next chapter will be out either net monday or this thursday. Still glad you liked this chapter :3
BTW, do you not have an editor? It doesn't seem like it. I'm just gonna point out a few mistakes that will make this story better
This sentence could be improved greatly if you changed it to something along the lines of this:
But... why? Why do you keep coming back... why won't you leave me alone?
Her and her friends further would be most correct, in my opinion of course. I'm not entirely sure actually
...choose to be me? would be more correct in this sense, and choose was missing an O
Couple of things wrong here: Interrupted - 2 R's
I've - ALWAYS Capitalize I, I forgot the reason, but I ALWAYS needs to be capitalized!
And this sentence doesn't make much sense. Try it this way
"Because you are the strongest host I've (either A- ever found or B- found in centuries, you can't have both in there, I'm going with A for now) ever found" the voice within her interrupted "You are the one that I chose to become my voice! To become ME!"
Oh, the ending of that brings up something else, quotation marks. Use THOSE for dialogue, not apostrophe's. If you use an apostrophe for dialogue, people will think that when they see a word that requires one, it is the end of the dialogue, when it actually isn't.
Again, capitalize I. Should be- "Yeah, I do. Sweet dreams." The comma after "Yeah" should be there, but I don't think it's a crime if it isn't.
Try this instead- The voice cheered with glee, now seeing Rainbow's wing on the floor, blood pouring from the joint like a fountain. This results in covering her cyan cote in her own blood.
Need the ownership apostrophe as well
This is a scene transition, you need to make it that way. How you have it, and with the all caps earlier, I first thought it was just the voice saying something. Highlight it in a different color, do whatever, but make it stand out so it's a noticeable scene transition
It's been two freakin' seconds. You gotta give a little bit of time here. Dash couldn't have found them that quickly. If anything, when you're doing your scene transition, say like 30 minutes or 1 hour later.
I could carry on, but I think you get my point. If you ever need an editor, just shoot me up. I can easily edit out your mistakes, that is if you want me to! I know not everybody has an editor, I don't by any means, and I don't ever correct anybody, but I'm just trying to help. Because this could be greatly improved, and possibly get more likes/fav's if it were cleaned up! And personally, I think it should. This is a great story!
Sorry if I sound like a bitch, but again, just trying to help!
3357769 Did i REALLY misspell those sentences?! Jesus... also, Yes i will try them. I'll get on it as soon as i can edit the story. and this will always be an open to you, no I don't have an editor so if you really want to, you can be the editor for this story. it would be a great help, and i'd appreciate it a whole lot. The position is always open :)
also that sentence was meant to say 'chose' not 'choose' but it will make a difference, so we'll try it and see where it gets us.
again, Thank you for your help! PS: No, I don't think you sound like a bitch, just spotting some mistakes and lines to be improved.
-DA
3360116 I got nothin better to do, so when you have the next chapter done, send me a message, I'll check it and be your editor for sure!
Just hit me up whenever you got a chapter up, and I'll edit it!
3360883 Alright. the fourth chapter is out and ready. Shorter than the rest that is.