34k words is awful long for a single chapter (that's the length of a novella in itself!), and the organization is a bit disjointed. I started losing track of things about a third of the way through.

I'm betting most of those dislikes came from people who didn't make it past the intro/first couple paragraphs, though.

I do think it has some potential, but it could use more editing. I'll keep an eye on it out of vague curiosity.

3302908

Thank you. I will see what I can do about it.