11 - Of Memory and Magic
We all stared as the 'Princess of the Night' spoke, her demeanor as grave and graceful as ever. 'Showoff,' I thought sourly, snorting. Surely my Luke and Mary wouldn't fall for such a transparent attempt to impress... Ah. Well, apparently they would. I rolled my eyes at the two of them, but they were to enraptured by the sight of 'Luna' in all her glory. Didn't they realize how pretentious she was being?
She looked us over, one by one, and narrowed her eyes when they landed on me before turning back to the group at large. “I had intended to share this with only two of your number,” she said, her eyes flicking towards me once more, “but events have forced my hoof. I'm sure you've all had 'visions' by now, but they've been as forgotten dreams or disregarded as nonsense.”
I rolled my eyes, already suspecting what she was going to say next, and was not disappointed.
She continued, giving no indication that she'd noticed. “I tell you now, those weren't nonsense, nor were they dreams. They were memories of your past life.”
Luke and Mary were predictably shocked by the news, gasping in surprise and immediately rattling off questions and exclamations. I grumbled off to the side, wondering how they could both be so gullible. We KNEW that this 'Luna' was addled in some way, most likely by the curse that 'Discord' put on us; why were they falling for it now? A pony – a person, sorry – could rationalize away anything if they were really determined – whatever this 'Luna' had to say, it would doubtless be no different from other conspiracy theories.
The poor deluded fool wasn't finished, however, and kept up the regal charade. I could only imagine where she learned to talk like that. Maybe she had been a fan of particularly bad soap operas. “You are, all of you, returning to your original forms. Each of you was cursed by Discord to live as a human for five and twenty years, and now that the curse is breaking down you have turned back into your old selves. Your memories, however, are lost; I do not know any craft to restore-”
I couldn't hold it in any longer. “Oh come ON. This is ridiculous!” I shouted, giving my brother and my friend matching looks of disgust. “Those 'ponies' aren't REAL. They are MAKE BELIEVE. For goodness sake, they're bloody cartoon animals! I've seen you both in Walmart – little plastic figurines, devised by some corporate think tank to get the most profit. None of you are...” I stopped, confused; rather than the sheepish looks I expected, they looked wary and defensive. “Why are you staring at me like that?!” I demanded.
'Alright,' I thought, 'time out! Something's not right here.' They should have been lining up behind me, joining me in telling 'Mrs. Princesspants' here what was what, and getting on with what really mattered – getting us back to our old selves! Instead, they were acting like I was about to pounce and... Oh. Right. They believed her. Why the fuck did they believe her over me?! I sighed and rubbed my forehead around the base of my horn, trying to remain calm – blowing up wouldn't get them on my side. “Look,” I said levelly, adopting a reasonable tone as I explained what I thought were some very basic concepts to them. “I'm not debating that something very strange has happened. I'm not even going to try to speak for Ms. Starshine over there,” I said, earning a raised eyebrow from the midnight blue alicorn. 'Time to tackle the heart of the issue,' I thought, and continued. “But, come on, guys... do you REALLY think I could ever be a tyrant like that? Even assuming that these creatures are real, it just doesn't add up! You've known me my whole life, Luke – you know I'd never enslave anyone, or conquer a city, or, or whatever other sins the fictional character did in canon – or in another galaxy or universe or whatever. And you! You've always been able to figure out people's motives, Mary! Shoot you've known what people have thought and felt even if they didn't know it themselves! So tell me; am I capable of enslaving a bunch of cute pastel ponies and ruling a kingdom with an iron hoof, fist, or whatever else may sit at the end of my appendages?”
Their wariness had diminished somewhat, replaced by confusion. They looked at one another, conferring wordlessly, and I sighed with relief. Surely they'd see reason. Surely they'd see that I wasn't some sort of monster, that I had their best interests at heart, that I was the only one fit to lead our group and that I knew best how to-
“You always had a silver tongue,” Luna said coldly, regarding me with a regal stare. “But even if you deny the facts of your own eyes, you cannot hide them.” Her eyes and her horn glowed, but by the time I realized what she was doing she had already cast her spell. Something leapt from her horn and into my head, something electric and cold and shining like moonlight. Then, for lack of a better word, it hooked onto something inside. I gave a yelp of surprise and revulsion as I felt something being pulled, something both physical and mental, but there was no pain. It pulled farther and farther, and the dazzling lights resolved themselves into a shape. A complex network of either solid light or brilliantly glowing mist poured out of my head, unraveling into a dizzying three dimensional web. I was too shocked to say a word, but she appeared unsurprised by the light show.
“Normally this would be invisible,” she said, her own horn glowing as she tugged at various nodes and vertices to reveal the larger pattern, “but in the realm of dreams one can visibly see the metaphysical forms of enchantments and spells as a physical analogue – or at least, as physical as they can be. With enough skill, one can decipher the purpose and nature of a spell, though in this case it's not necessary; I'm almost certain that it's a failed memory enchantment.”
I was only half listening, engrossed by what had been... well, been residing inside my head. How on earth had that got in there? Moreover, what did it do? It was an enchantment, I already knew that on instinct, but it was somehow familiar even though I was sure I'd never seen anything like it in my life. The shape of it tickled my memory, nagging at the back of my mind... 'That's not right,' I thought, frowning as I spotted an irregularity in its form. I scrutinized a few of the pathways, immediately noticing how they broke the pattern; while the others were clean and terminated in nodes or vertices, these seemed to trail off and darken as if broken. I idly wondered if I could fix them...
She continued speaking, even as I contemplated the strange web of light and magic. “What you should notice is that there are no ties to any other unicorns or spell-casters, no links, however faint, that stretch across the void and bind the enchantment to the will of another. The only binding is to the subject. That can only mean one thing; the enchanter is the enchantee. It was a self enchantment.”
I snapped out of fugue as I felt the web suddenly rush back at me, shuddering as it poured back into my head and filled the vacancy it had briefly left. Now that I knew it was there, I could feel it. I shook away the willies, reminding myself that it was just magic – not parasites or insects or anything else that would give me the heebie-jeebies. “That's nice and all,” I growled, trying to recover from the shock of the ordeal, focusing instead on the anger of the violation, “but what is your point?”
“Simple,” she said without missing a beat, smirking in such a self satisfied manner that I wished nothing more than to blast the look off her face. “You cast it; you put the enchantment on yourself. Tell me, do you remember doing anything of the sort? Weaving any sort of complex spell-work?”
“W-well no,” I stammered, caught off guard. I tried to think of a good counter, but I was still processing what I'd seen. She pushed on before I could fumble for a rebuttal.
“Oh? No ideas where it came from? Well, you've done it before. After all, we have proof in your own head that you devised the enchantment yourself! And if you're correct – if there is no past life for you to have forgotten – you can certainly do it again. So? Go on! Put lie to my words!”
That bitch was relentless, and she was getting on my last nerve. I glowered. “Fine, you want a spell? I'll give you a spell!” I shouted, furious, and snarled as I charged my horn with the essence of thermal-destruction. I didn't want to kill her – well, not right then, but if she kept pushing it I might have been sorely tempted – so I focused my attention on a nearby tree. With a savage roar I balled up all my hate, all my frustration and anger and loathing, honed it to a point, and lashed out all at once. The tree was immediately immolated.
“There!” I panted triumphantly. “See? I can do PLENTY of magic, and-”
“You really are deluded, aren't you?” she said conversationally, her head cocked, regarding me as if I was a curious lab specimen.
“I – what?!” I froze, dumbfounded at her unexpected response. I'd just incinerated a tree – what more proof of magical prowess did she need?!
She extinguished it the flames, taking her time and ignoring me as she did. “You performed a spell,” she explained, turning back to me with a cool stare. “Not an enchantment. You clearly do not know how to perform even basic enchantments – do not deny it, and don't throw another tantrum, 'tis unbecoming of a stallion, even one such as yourself. Yet, you refuse to see what's in front of your very eyes. You refuse to acknowledge what's already apparent to everyone but yourself.” she poked my chest with a hoof, and I was still too shocked to respond to the rude slight, “You are the one who made that enchantment. And you,” – another poke! The nerve! – “have no memory of ever doing so. You've seen the evidence; take it to its logical conclusion. You are at least capable of that, if my memory serves rightly.”
My mouth worked like a fish's on dry land, but no words came out. No one had ever talked to me like that.
Her face softened, and she gave me the one thing I couldn't stand, the one thing I couldn't allow: pity. “This can't be easy for you. All you can remember is life as a human being, and it would seem you were decent enough – at least, you were decent by the standards of Man – if you've made friends with Cadence and Soarin. But you cannot ignore-”
I'd reached my breaking point. She'd talked down to me long enough, and I would have no more of it. “You know NOTHING about me!” I hissed, shoving her hoof away. Resisting the urge to gore her on my horn, I turned away. “You are a sad, mad little creature, and I won't let you poison my friend's minds with your lies! Come on,” I said, turning to the other two, “we're leaving! Or waking up! Whatever!” I strode past them, confident they'd follow, but I only heard my own hoof-steps. Confused, I turned back. “Well? What are you waiting for? We're leaving! We're not listening to this mad-woman any longer!”
Mary's eyes were fixed on the ground, and she scuffed her hoof. “I... I think she's making a lot of sense,” she said, squeezing her eyes shut. I ignored the tear that rolled down her cheek, too incensed by her betrayal to care very much.
Luke was much more blunt. “Dude. You need to chill the fuck down and listen.” He gave me a hard stare, and I could only gawk. E tu, Brutus?
“You should listen to your brother, James.” The 'princess' gave me a cold, implacable look. “It is by his own good nature, no doubt, that your darker one has been kept in check. It is his influence that has helped curve your eviler desires.”
“Evil? I'm not evil!” I growled, glowering and stamping the ground. “I'm a good person! Have you seen where I work?! A food pantry, helping homeless people, giving them clothes and food-”
“Even if that was out of the goodness of your heart rather than just the rules of your place of employment,” she said, cutting me off yet again, “I've heard all about what you intended to do to the pastor that runs the vaunted 'food pantry'. Tell me – how was that 'good'?”
I balked, my argument cut short. How did she... I glared at Luke, who was suspiciously refusing to meet my gaze. I squeezed my eyes shut, and reconsidered my approach even as her words ran through my mind. “Look,” I muttered, trying to sound calm and in control, trying and failing to silence the thoughts buzzing through my mind, “I was stressed-”
-people get stressed all the time, and they don't try to hurt innocent people-
“-and I wasn't thinking clearly-”
-yes you were, you were thinking all too clearly, you chose to be cold-
“-I'm really a nice guy-”
-nice guys don't want to kill people just for being a potential threat, nice guys don't fly into a rage over tiny little things, nice guys don't burn down trees and lose their temper just to prove a point–
“-I go to church, I pay my tithe, I-” I floundered, justifying myself, but she once again cut me short.
“-Blow up at the smallest of slights, look down on others as intellectually and morally inferior, and let your pride override your good sense. Oh, and we cannot forget your penchant for revenge and wrath. Yes, I know,” she said, frowning. “You've always had those problems. You've had them for hundreds of years, and you still haven't learned.”
I gaped wordlessly at her, momentarily lost for words. I tried to ignore what she said, to disregard it – she was mad, she was delusional, she was a talking pony princess – but no matter how I tried to dismiss the source, I couldn't... I couldn't deny that what she said was true. I wasn't always the nicest person... But I couldn't really be Sombra, could I? She was mad. Ponies were from a cartoon for goodness sake... But then, what about that web of light, that network of magic I could still feel buried in my mind? She was right about that, as loathe as I was to admit it – at least, she was right that I had no memory of creating it myself. Something didn't add up. The data was contradictory; there were too many conflicting variables, too many paradoxes. Something had to give, and for the first time I wasn't sure it wasn't going to be me.
The azure alicorn continued implacably, urged on by my silence. “Unfortunately, because of your past and your nature, you cannot remain with Cadence and Soarin. I cannot risk it. I will not allow harm to come to my subject, nor can I allow my fellow alicorn to risk herself for your sake. You must part ways.”
It was like a wrench in the works, bringing the circular and fruitless workings of my mind to a halt. Part... ways? No. “Wh-what?” I asked, coming back to reality and feeling the bottom drop out of my stomach. I'd always had my brother, and I'd known Mary for years. We were close, and we'd only grown closer since the transformation. “No. No! You said it yourself!” I stammered frantically, grasping at straws, “they're the reason I'm not... If you take them from me... How could you take away the only check you think I have against becoming the person I was?” I didn't believe her, but I could only turn her own argument against her.
I stopped my fumbling as a stronger voice interrupted. “And just what right do you have to command me to do anything, let alone to abandon a friend in need?” The pink alicorn beside me stepped forward. Mary had finally spoke up. There was fire in her eyes, and I really started to worry she actually WAS Cadence – she certainly looked regal enough for it, right then. “If what you say is true,” she continued, steel in her voice, “then I am your equal, and you must respect my sovereignty. And I will NOT leave a friend when he needs me most – when we need each other.” Even as doubt crept through my mind like worms, I couldn't help but give a small smile. If she really was Cadence... She was showing her true colors.
My brother was less eloquent and verbose, but no less firm. “Yeah,” he said, placing himself between me and the lunar princess and standing beside Mary, “he's family. I don't care if he was Sombra, he's my brother and I'm not just gonna abandon him.”
The alicorn before them raised her eyebrows, clearly surprised. She took it in stride, however. “Surely thou realizes thine true identity by now,” she said, frowning. “Whatever japes Discord has played with your hearts, you have no more shared blood with Sombra than with a zebra. He is not your kin, Soarin, and he was the enemy of all free people before your memories were purged. You cannot travel with him safely. You must leave him to his own devices; I will watch over him, for he can do me no harm in this place and cannot reach me in the material world.”
“He's not dangerous!” Luke said, stamping a hoof. “Yeah, he can be a jerk. And a prick. And a control freak. And an asshole. And – erk.”
I prodded him with a hoof. “Hey, come on!” I hissed, “you don't have to be hurtful!” He glared back at me, rolling his eyes, then turned back to the princess.
“Anyway, yeah,” he continued, “he might not be the nicest, but he's not dangerous to us, and we can keep him in line if he spazzes out again. Even if he was Sombra, he isn't anymore.”
I'd hoped that she would concede the point – wasn't the show all about friendship and harmony and such? – but my hopes were dashed. “That is exactly what I'm worried about,” Luna said, not missing a beat. “He is enchanted, and if I have guessed rightly that enchantment holds his memories at bay. It might remain dormant and never activate for as long as he lives; it might begin functioning tomorrow. I dare not try to remove it without a clearer understanding, lest I activate it or permanently damage his mind. If his memories do come back, will he be the same person he is now? Perhaps. Perhaps not. Perhaps it will drive him mad, the sudden rush of memories breaking his mind. Perhaps the old Sombra will return, and we will have another foe – and your 'brother' will be no more. Perhaps he will simply have new memories, and remain the same person. There is too much at stake to place things in the fickle hooves of chance.” She turned to Cadence and regarded her sadly. “He means much to you – well do I know the power of friendship – but please, I ask you as an equal; do not risk yourself for this one. The whole of Equestria needs you, every single soul needs our guidance and aid. Do not risk all of our little ponies for one, no matter how dear to you.”
I paid little attention after that; the possibility of those memories residing in my own head, locked away... I felt a chill, the network of magic in my mind seeming a great deal more sinister than it had when it floated placidly outside of my head. But that chill was nothing compared to the doubt, nothing compared to the hunger to know. What if she was right? What if she was wrong? What if there was a third option, one none of us had anticipated? The questions ate at me like worms in a carcass. I had to know! How could I go on not knowing who I was, what I was?! It was a question without an answer, an equation without a solution, a logic loop without a terminating statement. It was a splinter of madness that would not leave me at peace. I had to know!
I considered the web, instinctively probing it with my sense of magic. I could still feel it, less distinctly than when I could behold it physically, but still enough to sense its network of nodes and vertices. I could still see it in my mind's eye. I tuned out the conversation around me – none of it was as important as the knowing – and focused instead on the enchantment's form. It thrummed with contained and structured energy, and within that structure was encapsulated information – lots and lots of information. I could access neither, however; its structure somehow prevented that, locking away the information among its nodes and pathways. But there was still that chink, that flaw in the pattern, grating against my senses. It wasn't right. I could feel that much – the ragged, trailing edges that terminated in nothing, the dullness like a corroded wire, and needed to be repaired...
'That part connects there,' I thought absentmindedly, still considering the form. It took me several moments to realize the significance of that; I knew how it was supposed to look. Dread and excitement warred in me as I regarded the damage. I knew how to repair it. The implications of that rumbled at the back of my mind, the warning lights flared, but I ignored them. I could repair it, I knew instinctively how to do so. I didn't know how I knew, but it was enough that I could.
I could finally know.
I ignored my reservations, I ignored the danger, and decided to scratch the itch. Pushing aside my reservations and my hope as irrelevant, I concentrated. I linked the proper nodes in the proper formation, forming complex geometries and flows of magic, operating on instinct and insight. Finally, there was only one last connection to make. I hesitated, Luna's words coming back. What if it drove me mad? I pushed that away, disregarding it – not knowing but always feeling guilty, always wondering and never knowing who I was, that would drive me mad. I had to know. What if it changed me, what if my identity was subsumed by the new memories? I cringed at the thought, but memories are just information – I would still be in control. Surely I could just choose not to repeat what those memories showed me? And, besides...
I had to know.
I would know.
I made the last connection. And then I screamed as I was buried in a great wave of knowing.
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Yay! Update!
And wow, he's in for a rough time.
Now the question will be can he remain himself afterwards. Or rather who he was as a human... or will he become Sombra again wholly, or some sort of hybrid of the two?
Either way, Luna is not going to be happy about this, methinks.
You said something that perplexed me this chapter. You said Cadance was the only other Alicorn... what about Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia? Did you simply mean your Luna has not encountered either of them yet?
3827725
I'm presuming that she hasn't met up with Twilight just yet...TOOOOTALLY wasn't an oversight on my part, nope! *wonders if he should go back and edit it >.>*
But yeah, I imagine she doesn't know about Celestia yet.
Also, up until a day ago or so, I had no dislikes. Now I have 3. I wonder, are people with multiple accounts voting several times???
3830717
Easy enough to fix. Simply change the wording to "The only other alicorn I have yet encountered" or something similar.
I couldn't tell you if they'd been doing it or not. Sadly I wouldn't put it past some people.
Ah well, fixed now, thanks. And now it works whether she knows about Twilight or not ^.^
3830717 I remember I think someone did that to me when I was starting out. Kept making troll comments and stuff. If there is someone doing that, there probably doing it cause there either a big fan of New Boss, or they just don't like Five Score. Or most likely, it was just a coincidence. On the bright side, should still be proud your story wen't this long without dislikes. In my experience it's pretty rare.
On an unrelated note, I still haven't read this cause I'm either afraid of either...
1. Subconsciously borrowing from this
OR
2. Getting discouraged if this is actually better than mine.
May be when New Boss is done in like a year and a half from now... I'll check this out and see your take on Sombra.
3841362
*noddles* Seems like a good enough theory. When in doubt, blame trolls.
Also, don't feel bad about borrowing - if I hadn't read CS Lewis's works, I probably wouldn't be writing this. Though, by all means, if you think you'll be discouraged avoid reading my story.
If I were him, I would just yell at her to go and let me just find a hole so I can go and die in it
Please update this maulkin!
Oh and moustache for you!
4286298
Huh? From funny, or was it bad?
Don't be a bitch tis unbecoming of best pony even one such as your self