Fluttershy trotted along the path to Sweet Apple Acres. She smiled as she looked around at the brilliant shades of red, yellow, and orange adorning the trees. It was early Autumn and Fluttershy had always particularly enjoyed Fall more than the other seasons. Fluttershy loved to take walks in Autumn to enjoy the peace and quite of nature, but that was not why she was there. She was there because she had agreed to meet Twilight at Sweet Apple Acres in order to help her with a a spell she had been practicing.
Fluttershy saw the clearing where she was supposed to meet Twilight and spotted Applejack talking with Twilight. Applejack noticed Fluttershy's approach and gave a friendly wave. Fluttershy smiled and waved back at them, increasing her pace to a quick trot to reach them faster.
"Hey Fluttershy good to see you made it," said Twilight.
"It's nice to see you too Twilight, and you as well Applejack," said Fluttershy. "I'm sorry I'm a little late, Angel was being a teeny tiny bit difficult and I was delayed for a while."
"Oh it's no problem Fluttershy, I was just explaining to Applejack what we are planning on doing," said Twilight.
"About that, what exactly are we doing? You weren't very specific when you asked for my help," said Fluttershy.
"I'm glad you asked! I've been trying to develop a new form of teleportation for much greater distances on larger scales. The problem I've been having is that I can't store up enough magical energy inside a fixed leyline construct, so I developed a new delivery system for matter to magic conversion streams through space that operates outside of the normal limits of basic leyline point to point teleportation by using an amplification pattern to greatly increase the spells power. Now I should be able to travel much further without the consumption of extra magical energy! Isn't that exciting!" gasped an excited Twilight.
"Um yes? So what is it we're doing?" Fluttershy asked.
"Twilight made a teleportation spell with more juice so she can travel further and she wants us to help test it," said Applejack.
"Oh, okay that sounds simple enough," said Fluttershy "It's not dangerous is it Twilight?"
"No of course not, I've done several small scale tests and the results have all been very promising, I am almost one hundred percent positive that this test will work just as well," Twilight said.
"Alright well I guess I'm ready when you are," said Fluttershy.
"Great let's get started then, just stand where you are and try to stay as still as possible," said Twilight
"I guess I'll get out of your way then," said Applejack.
"Actually if you wouldn't mind I would like to try and teleport you as well Applejack, If it's all right with you of course," said Twilight.
"Sure Twi I don't mind at all," said Applejack.
"Excellent! Just walk over there and stand next to Fluttershy and remember to try and keep still," Twilight said.
Applejack walked over to Fluttershy and stood beside her. She looked at Fluttershy and saw that she was a little nervous, so she gave her a reassuring smile causing her to smile a little back in return.
"Now where should I teleport us to?" asked Twilight.
"How about Sugarcube Corner? I've been meanin' to talk to Pinkie about a new recipe for apple turnover cupcakes all week," said Applejack.
"I guess I could teleport us there, but it's not as far as I would like to go for this test," said Twilight.
"Umm, we could go to my cottage, I need to check on Angel anyway and you two could join me for an early dinner if you want to," Fluttershy said.
"That sounds like a great idea Fluttershy! Your cottage is rather far from here and I am getting a little hungry. What do you think Applejack?" asked Twilight.
"I think it sounds like agreat idea," Applejack said.
"It's settled then, we'll teleport over to Fluttershy's cottage and celebrate over an early dinner," said Twilight "Alright I'm going to start casting the spell, remember try not to move."
Fluttershy and Applejack nodded their heads in understanding.
Twilight's horn began to glow with a brilliant magenta light causing strange shadows to dance around the clearing. A large circle with twisting runes began to materialize around the three ponies. Sweat began to run down Twilight's forehead as a second burst of magical overglow enveloped her horn, increasing the brightness. Fluttershy looked around anxiously as the runes along the circle's circumference began to fluctuate faster and faster, even Applejack looked a little nervous. A high pitched whine began to sound as a third layer of overglow formed around Twilight's horn. Just as they were sure something was about to explode, Fluttershy and Applejack saw a brilliantly bright ball of white light form at the tip of Twilight's horn before floating in between the three ponies. The ball of light hovered in place for a few seconds before shrinking down to a small point in the middle of the air before rapidly expanding enveloping the circle and the three ponies within it.
Fluttershy felt a sensation of weightlessness as she was whisked through space, she could not see, smell, hear, taste, or touch anything but she could think, and for one terrifying moment Fluttershy felt as if she didn't exist. Then just as quickly as the moment had came it vanished. Fluttershy shook her head trying to clear away some grogginess as she stood up. She looked around and saw that Twilight and Applejack had both arrived safely. She also noticed that they were not in her cottage.
"W-where are we?" asked Fluttershy.
They were surrounded by trees on all sides, tall trees with green leaves. Rain slowly fell from the murky sky, which was odd since it wasn't scheduled to rain all week. The air smelled... wrong, it smelled like moss and trees and dirt and all the other things a forest would normally smell like, but it also smelled very faintly like something was burning.
"Twilight where are we?" Fluttershy repeated.
"Well I would guess that we are probably in the Everfree Forest," said Twilight "My destination might have been slightly altered and we ended up a little bit further away than I intended."
"We're in the Everfree Forest? It doesn't look like any part of the forest I've ever seen," said Applejack.
"I'm sure it's fine, but we better get out of here. The sun is setting and we don't want to be out here in the dark," said Twilight "We'll just walk towards the sun and it should take us out of the forest, then with any luck we will be close to Fluttershy's cottage."
"Sounds like a good idea to me, let's go!" said Applejack.
They all got up and began to walk towards the setting sun. Fluttershy shivered from the cold drizzle and partially because they were in an unknown part of the Everfree Forest.
"Sorry about this girls, I don't know what went wrong with the spell," said Twilight as they all trotted along.
"Don't worry Twilight it's okay, we all make mistakes," said Fluttershy.
"At least we're all safe. That's the important thing," said Applejack.
"Thanks girls, I'm glad I have such great friends like you sometimes I jus- woah," said Twilight coming to a stop.
"What is it Twilight?" asked Fluttershy as she and Applejack trotted up to her side.
In front of the three ponies was a road, but it was not like any road they were used to. The road was made of a hard black material with two bright yellow lines running along the middle. To the right it seemed to stretch much deeper into the forest and to the left it turned sharply and disappeared from sight.
"I think it's a road," said Twilight "It doesn't look like any road I've ever seen though. I have no idea what this material is," she said tapping it with her hoof.
"What's it doing here in the middle of the forest?" asked Applejack "Why would anypony build a road in the middle of the Everfree Forest?"
"I'm not sure, but somepony built it," said Twilight "Fluttershy, have you ever seen a road like this in or near the Everfree?"
"No, I've never seen anything like this before, It-it's kind of scary looking," she said.
"Maybe we should try to walk around it," said Twilight "just to be safe."
"I agree with ya Twi, ain't no reason to mess with something strange if we don't have to right Fluttershy?" asked Applejack.
Fluttershy wasn't listening to Applejack, she was staring at something in the middle of the road something that made her heart fill with sadness. Fluttershy raced to the middle of the road not heeding her friends startled shouts for her to stop. Fluttershy dropped onto four knees in front of the object of her fixation.
Fluttershy let out a heartbroken cry as she confirmed her fears. She cradled the broken, bloodied form of a small squirrel in her hooves. Her eyes filled with tears and she began to sob deeply as she saw that the squirrel was dead. Twilight and Applejack had quietly trotted up beside Fluttesrhy with heads hung low. Applejack placed a comforting hoof on Fluttershy's shoulder and whispered. "There there sugarcube, It'll be alright."
Fluttershy looked up at Applejack with tears still streaming down her face and embraced her in a hug, sobbing deeply into her shoulder. Applejack stood there and stroked her mane as she cried. Fluttershy pulled away from Applejack, still crying softly and stood up.
"I want to bury him," she whispered.
The three friends stood in the rain under the darkening sky, the sun having almost completely set now.
"Of course Fluttershy, we'll take him with us," said Twilight as she gently lifted the squirrel up with her magic.
They began to walk back across the road when all of a sudden they heard a deep growling noise. They looked to the left and saw a giant black beast with glowing white eyes tear around the corner at high speed.
"Run!" shouted Twilight as she and Applejack dove off the road, but Fluttershy could only stare at the glowing white eyes as they bore down on her.
Twilight and Applejack turned just in time to see it all happen. The huge beast slammed into Fluttershy flinging her backwards with tremendous force. She sailed through the air before hitting the wet ground and sliding several feet smearing blood along the road. The beast itself skidded to halt making a terrible screeching noise before going silent except for the continuous growl. Fluttershy came to a stop as her blood began to mix with the pouring rain.
Twilight screamed.
The spell goes perfectly fine.
[Spoilers for those who haven't read chapter 1 yet. You have been warned.]
Hmm... I'll be following this. I look forward to the human(s)'s reaction(s). It could go MANY different ways. For instance...
Is mlp known in this world? If so, is this person a/ are these people brony(ies)? Do the ponies look like their counterparts on earth, or do they look like they do in mlp? Is Fluttershy okay? Pegasi (as we know from Rainbow Dash) can certainly take quite a beating. How will Twilight and Applejack react to something that just came out of nowhere and seriously hurt their friend? Then, it quickly stopped, perhaps to go for another attack? Will they be petrified by fear at seeing a new creature (since Twilight isn't an alicorn and hasn't gone to the EQG alternate reality), or will they attack it? Will the human(s) be able to speak to the ponies? Or are Equestrian and English two different languages? How will the military react? Will the human(s) reveal them to others? How close are they to society, as there are paved roads? Are Twilight and friends unwittingly going to initiate first contact?
Well, I hope to see the answer to some of those (rhetorical, for now) questions, author. I look forward to the next chapter!
Depends. Does Fluttershy die? If so, then yeah, I'd say it deserves a dark tag... if she doesn't, though, then nah, you're fine.
Wow, what a great start... Can't wait to see what happens next.
Interesting start, I hope this doesn't fall prey to the cliches that this genre is known for.
MOAR! if you dont mind. i want to see wat happend to flutershy.
Interesting.
The only problem I have with this is the minor grammar errors and the mistakes with the quotation marks. Other than that, the start is very interesting.
Fav'd and liked, waiting for more.
Oh snap, Flutters got hit by a car.
you killed shy... 0.o
3150122
ROOOOADKIIIIIIIL
WHY FLUTTERSHY?! I wish it was AJ who got hit by the stupid driver!
I do hope to see this continued
I will wait till the next chapter to read this and find out if fluttershy lives or not. this will also determine If I was continue to read it.
Critical Hit.
Rule number 3 in human world don't go to the middle of the rode when it's raining even worse in the middle of the woods.
3148389 I'd love to see someone make an interesting story from that.
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'Caus she's the most likely to panic and freeze up.
Can you make longer chapters please? This is going to be very good...
Well, great. Fluttershy is roadkill while moving roadkill.
It happens to the best of us.
Excuse me...
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Wow! Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my story. I am shocked by the amount of positive responses I have received and am glad so many of you enjoyed my story! A quick note to anyone who wants to know. I plan on posting a new chapter sometime this weekend so stay tuned.
Right, this is a good fic, and I have high hopes for it, my only criticism, Geopocalypse, is that you tend to use the word 'said' a lot. While, 'said' is required to convey which character has spoken, it is not always necessary and sometimes overused, which I feel is what has happened in this chapter. My suggestions, are to either sometimes drop the word, when it is obvious who is speaking, or to replace it with a more in-depth description of speech. Here are some before and after examples:
"Sorry about this girls, I don't know what went wrong with the spell," Twilight wondered aloud as they trotted along the road.
"I think it's a road," said Twilight "It doesn't look like any road I've ever seen though. I have no idea what this material is," she continued, tapping it with her hoof.
"What's it doing here in the middle of the forest?" asked Applejack "Why would anypony build a road in the middle of the Everfree Forest?"
"I'm not sure, but somepony built it," Twilight replied, "Fluttershy, have you ever seen a road like this in or near the Everfree?"
"No, I've never seen anything like this before, It-it's kind of scary looking,"
"Maybe we should try to walk around it," Twilight suggested "just to be safe."
"Um yes? So what is it we're doing?" Fluttershy asked.
"Twilight made a teleportation spell with more juice so she can travel further and she wants us to help test it," Applejack summarized.
"Oh, okay that sounds simple enough. It's not dangerous is it Twilight?"
"No of course not, I've done several small scale tests and the results have all been very promising, I am almost one hundred percent positive that this test will work just as well."
"Alright well I guess I'm ready when you are."
"Great let's get started then, just stand where you are and try to stay as still as possible," Twilight instructed
"I guess I'll get out of your way then," said Applejack.
"Actually if you wouldn't mind I would like to try and teleport you as well Applejack, If it's all right with you of course," Twilight asked her friend.
"Sure Twi I don't mind at all," Applejack said nonchalantly.
"Excellent! Just walk over there and stand next to Fluttershy and remember to try and keep still."
Again, these are merely suggestions, and you're the author, you can take it or leave it, whichever you choose, however, I feel by not repeating the same word over and over, a story can flow much better, and allow an author to go more in-depth of the inflection of the tone of voice, by using other descriptive words.
Aside from this, I would just like to reiterate that this story has piqued my interest and I hope that you continue to do well, and improve. Best of luck to your future endeavors.
*Liked and *Favorited
Epic except Fluttershy getting hit by a car