The Legend of Zelda: A Derp to the Past (The Fanfic Version)

by FictionaryThought

Gee, it sure is boring around here...

Hi there! My name is Derpy Hooves!

So, ok, I’m probably going to have this book copied and send a copy of it to my homeland Equestria, so let me just say, this story might not make any sense.

Why not? Well, not only does it not take place in Equestria, but it doesn’t even take place on our home planet. Or, maybe it does and I’ve gone back in time or something? I don’t know. Either way, none of this happens in the land you know and love. It’s definitely not your typical alien invasion story, but it’s still an interesting one.

Also, for the sake of the humans that will be reading this, since a copy will be made to stay in Hyrule, I’ll be writing this story 3rd person.

This is the story of how I became the chosen hero of Hyrule.

…

In the long chain of Hyrulian history, there were many stories. So many in fact, that one book alone couldn’t possibly be enough to contain it all. So let us begin this tale simply where it begins.

After The Sealing War, where 7 sages worked together to put an end to a great evil, and locked away a golden power given by the gods, Hyrule was at peace. So long as the family line had continued for at least 1 sage, the seal that had kept the world safe would hold.

Little did the land of Hyrule know, that a new section of history, which would forever be known as The Era of Light and Dark, was about to begin.

An evil wizard had been devising a plan to break the seal that the 7 sages had placed. His name was Agahnim. He served as royal wizard to the Hyrulian family that governed this land. One night, Agahnim used his dark magic to lay claim to the royal guards minds. With every guard that was guarding the castle now serving his every whim, he could now fulfill his plan to make the descendants of each sage disappear.

The final descendant was none other than Princess Zelda. But Agahnim had underestimated the skills of this Princess. She knew that he couldn’t have gotten every single guard at the family’s disposal. So Zelda used her magic to send a message to any guards outside of Agahnim’s control. Little did she know, that the same message would be heard by a creature who was no doubt new to the land of Hyrule.

…

Meanwhile, inside a small house just outside of Hyrule Castle, a small grey pegasus mare with a blonde mane was awoken from her sleep. She heard the voice of an innocent girl.

“Help me… Please help me… I am a prisoner in the dungeon of the castle. My name is Zelda. The wizard Agahnim has done something to the other missing girls. Now only I remain… Agahnim has seized control of the castle and is now trying to open the 7 wise men’s seal… I am in the dungeon of the castle. Please help me…”

The young pegasus mare got up, her eyes wide hoping to see who was talking to her. Looking at her now, you could see she had crossed eyes. She couldn’t help her eyes looking this way however, having been born with this problem.

The owner of this house, who insisted the young pegasus refer to him as “Uncle”, looked at her. He assumed she’d been woken up from the thunder outside. It was currently raining after all.

“Derpy, I’m going out for a while. I’ll be back by morning. Stay in bed. I know the lightning is scary, but you’ll be safe in here." Uncle walked over to the door, stopping a few feet away to speak more. "We still don’t know where you came from, or this fabled Equestria of which you speak, but I know we can find some answers tomorrow at the library. I promise I shall return.”

Derpy knew something wasn’t right. Uncle had a look about him that said something serious was going on. She decided that he must’ve heard the same voice, confirming that it wasn’t a dream. She looked around the house, hoping to find something, anything that may help in her quest.

She also broke 3 pots to see if anything was inside them, but that was ok. Uncle said pots would always magically reappear in Hyrule, which Derpy learned to be true after clumsily breaking one when she’d first visited Kakariko Village.

Seeing there was nothing in those 3 pots she broke, which made her wonder why they were even there in the first place, Derpy looked in the treasure chest at the right side of the house. Inside was a lantern. It didn’t sound too useful since it was raining outside, but she kept it anyway, thinking she may have to use it later.

She looked out the window to make sure Uncle had walked away far enough, and then left the house, ready to do whatever she could to help Uncle save Princess Zelda.

...

She walked out of Uncle’s house and into the rain. The lightning was scary, but so was the idea of Uncle trying to save Zelda by himself. Derpy could tell that he was older than the average guard. Hoping to get out of the rain soon, Derpy quickly began trotting through the muddy ground, only to notice there were guards blocking the way to Kakariko village. Wondering what they were up to, Derpy trotted up to them and asked what they were doing.

“What are you doing?” The guard on the right ironically said. “You were given orders to stay in that guard’s house.”

Derpy raised an eyebrow. “How did you know that? Uncle literally just left the house.”

The guards looked to each other. One looking annoyed, the other looking satisfied. “Told you he’d be that desperate for family.” Said the guard on the left.

The guard on the right sighed. “I didn’t think he was actually going to have a pony call him Uncle.”

The left guard chuckled. “Too bad, you owe me 20 rupees anyway.”

Derpy was obviously confused. “What are you talking about? I only call him Uncle because he wanted me to!”

“Exactly!” Said the guard on the left. “That poor old man lost himself the moment his nephew died. Now he’s so desperate he’ll even pretend a house pet is related to him.”

Derpy was turning red with anger. “Who are you calling a house pet!? I am an INTELLIGENT BEING!!!”

The guard on the right shrugged. “Either way, don’t expect him to come back. Lord Agahnim has no need for a foolish old man.”

Quickly remembering why she left in the first place, and now being even more worried, Derpy galloped as fast as her hooves could take her to the castle.

…

The entrance was too heavily guarded for Derpy to get past. Not to mention her only means of defense was a lantern. While looking for an alternate route, she heard another message from Zelda.

“Quickly! I am in the dungeon of the castle. There is a hidden path outside that leads to the inside.”

Luckily for Derpy, she knew where the path was. Uncle had given her a tour around the castle to cheer her up when she had expressed her distaste for all the Hyrulians that treated her like a freak. She used her memory to find her way. Looking around for an entrance, she noticed that one bush had stone surrounding it in the shape of a square. After pulling the bush, she could now clearly see the trap door just beneath it. She questioned how a bush could even grow on a wooden door like this, but decided to shrug it off, knowing this world was nothing like her own. She lifted the trap door and jumped in.

…

Derpy landed in a hallway with a flooded floor. This definitely looked like a secret passage. She heard some familiar coughing, and galloped to where it was coming from.

She saw Uncle, sitting against the wall, covered in blood, with fatal wounds. “Uncle!” Derpy shouted, running to his side.

“Derpy… *cough* I didn’t want you to see me like this.”

“Uncle, please don’t die. I didn’t even get to learn your real name!”

He faintly chuckled. “What’s in a name? *cough* *cough* *wheeze* There’s something else I want to tell you… Something more important to me.” He reached into his shirt and pulled out a green cap. “Bring Princess Zelda to Sanctuary, and give this cap to the sage who guards it. Tell him… Uncle gave it to you. He’ll know what it means and tell you what you need to know. *cough* *cough* *cough* Please… It’s dangerous to go alone, take my sword and shield.”

Derpy shook her head, tears flowing from her wall eyes. “Don’t talk like that! You can’t die! I barely know you, and yet you’ve been so nice to me!”

He smiled sadly. “Everything will be clear soon. *cough* *cough* Derpy… I know… You’ll find a way… back to your home……..”

Derpy gasped, checking everywhere for a pulse, but finding none. She cried more. “UNCLE!!!” She shouted, crying while pushing her head into his chest. She had no idea how long she’d been crying by his side, but when she’d finished, her sorrow turned into anger. “Someone’s going to pay!”

She strapped the blue shield to her right hoof, and tied the sword’s scabbard to her back. Having no pockets to store the green cap she’d been given, she simply placed it a top her head, and turned to the nearby exit. “Don’t worry Uncle. Whoever did this will PAY!!” She said with malice in her eyes.

Comments

[SuperSeriousSoul]

Hmmmm... I've played this. And I loved it. Let's see how the story goes.

[SigmaAtlas]

I. Love. The. Name. Of. This. Chapter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CV5UgInnzQ

[FictionaryThought]

3085251 Lol, I knew somepony would appreciate it.

[Fugly Duckling]

whenever i see anything with The Legend Of Zelda

[derpydad]

love how you tried to follow the game- breaking pots to find items .can,t wait for the next chapter