255913 lol, so true Kinda like how 'life won't wait'-ozzy changed my life. in the fact that I kept it probably why Im so into ozzy also, why the buck does it show numbers and not you're username
My one big problem with this chapter is pacing. Rainbow dash sees an instrument she hasn't played for a decade since "that fatefull day" and within two very short paragraphs she's strumming a storm. This is a pivotal moment in the story and some longer pacing and vivid imagery would be really good. Imagine meeting an old friend who helped you out of the worst shit in your life for the first time in over ten years! Something a little more reminicent of 2112.
aside from that it was fairly good. There were a few grammar issues, mostly misplaced or unclosed quotations. And sometimes I was confused as to who was talking. like “Good to have you back Sugarcube, I was starting to get worried that I had lost my best friend.” Rainbow smiled back and with the most sincerity that any of the five girls have ever, heard Rainbow began to speak.
Youd didn't introduce applejack or say she was talking, so I could only guess by the sugarcube that it was Applejack. If I didn't I'd probably think it was Rainbow dash speaking.
Again, most of this is pretty good. I like how Rainbow backstory played out, and the forming of the band makes sense. Just work on your pacing and discription of important scenes.
Yaaaaaaaay! I'm getting shout-outs! :D If I were Kermit the Frog I would be spazzing out so hard right now.
BLACK DOG, YES![:rainbowkiss:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowkiss.png)
APPROVAL
255813 haha I knew it would work, I mean really, who wouldn't change there whole entire life story after hearing that song. I know I would!
Fun, but Rarity should be lead vocals ... she was born to be a star, darling!![:raritystarry:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/raritystarry.png)
255939 Oh, just wait and see
255913 lol, so true![:derpytongue2:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/derpytongue2.png)
![:flutterrage:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/flutterrage.png)
Kinda like how 'life won't wait'-ozzy changed my life. in the fact that I kept it
probably why Im so into ozzy
also, why the buck does it show numbers and not you're username
255970 idk, but after you post the comment it changes to the username. Its amazing how certain songs can change your life!![:rainbowderp:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowderp.png)
Not bad at all.
My one big problem with this chapter is pacing. Rainbow dash sees an instrument she hasn't played for a decade since "that fatefull day" and within two very short paragraphs she's strumming a storm. This is a pivotal moment in the story and some longer pacing and vivid imagery would be really good. Imagine meeting an old friend who helped you out of the worst shit in your life for the first time in over ten years! Something a little more reminicent of 2112.
aside from that it was fairly good. There were a few grammar issues, mostly misplaced or unclosed quotations. And sometimes I was confused as to who was talking. like
“Good to have you back Sugarcube, I was starting to get worried that I had lost my best friend.” Rainbow smiled back and with the most sincerity that any of the five girls have ever, heard Rainbow began to speak.
Youd didn't introduce applejack or say she was talking, so I could only guess by the sugarcube that it was Applejack. If I didn't I'd probably think it was Rainbow dash speaking.
Again, most of this is pretty good. I like how Rainbow backstory played out, and the forming of the band makes sense. Just work on your pacing and discription of important scenes.
25799 Thank you I really appreciate the advice. I have always had trouble with the pacing of my stories, but I'm working on it!
255939 Actually, wouldn't Rarity want to design the outfits too?
258292
That goes without saying.