:D

A few misspelling were toward the end. You should go over your story once more then re-upload it.

this made me want to so badly
so i just instead

To all ponies who are reading this story; i am aware of the misspelling stuff the story is going to be cleaned and re-uplaoded as soon as my friend can do it. I am sorry if it is not as good as i tought but i promis it will be better this is my first try at making a FiMfict. but still thanks for all the input , and yes my english sucks i know thats why i make fanficts to improve on that and leanr how to make good stories

The fic is very well rounded as a first chap but you might want to consider using past tense in the speech like instead of 'says' try 'said'and keep the tense consistent. It may just be nitpicking but it will go a long way trust me

247300I know i have the finished chapter at a friends place he is going to correct and added stuff in but thanks for your input i am happy you liked it Chapter 2 is still in brainstorm phase but getting a sens it will be better then this one i will take your advice into improving my wrighting and story making

247379 Id love to read chap 2 spmetime and I hope you understand that my comment wasn't a criticism in any way... so, um, keep up the good work

247876i under stand that every thing everyone say i take as advice to inprove my stuff so dont worry

Work on that spelling buddy and you got yourself one helluva story!