• Published 5th Oct 2011
  • 1,326 Views, 6 Comments

Of Treachery and Traitors - BrianBlessedPony



Treason is bound in Equestria, leaving the Guard Captain little time to bring the true culrpits in.

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Chapter 1

Rain flowed down the streets of Canterlot, partly flooding as the gutters overflowed. The dark clouds blotted out the sun Celestia provided, making it seem like it was after sunset. Nopony dared to venture out in the awful weather unless it was absolutely necessary.

Outside the Royal Palace, three dozen Palace Guard stood to attention, a dozen of each type of Pony. They all wore a water proof cape over their armour and bodies, the magically formed garments keeping the worst of the weather out. Behind them sat several chariots, one designed to look like a mobile jail. In front of the assembled Guard, in the shelter of an archway, was Captain Ironhoof, a medium grey Pegasus larger then most stallions. He had a jet black mane, tail and bushy beard, all slightly greying through age.

He liked the rain, he always said to the troops. It was true enough; as a career soldier he’d seen a fair few battles abandoned due to the rain. Even when they did still fight, the rain helped clean wounds. But for once, he wasn’t happy. This was a grim subject to be dealing with tonight.

He took a deep drag from the mug if coffee his assistant held for him. The young unicorn swapped the mug for an official looking document.

‘CAPTAIN IRONHOOF

CONFIRMED–STORM WILL COVER FROM EVERFREE FOREST TO CANTERLOT

CONFIRMED–STORM WILL LAST UNTIL 8PM

LIEUTENANT CLOUD (CLOUDSDALE GUARD)’

Ironhoof allowed a grim smirk to enter under his thick bushy beard. This information was key to his entire operation and had used only the most secure unicorn magic; few pegasai knew the exact timing of the weather patterns. He’d called in many favours for this simple information; he had to if this plan was going to work. Draining his coffee, the old stallion stretched his wings before pulling on his own cape.

A clock begun to chime in the distance, the bells muffled by the heavy rain. Ironhoof stepped out of the shelter and instantly became drenched. None of the Guards broke their stance as he trotted down to them. As far as they knew, this was a pre-planned exercise set by an old warhorse. He did them all the time after all. The Captain raised his right hoof, the signal to mount their chariots.

Most of the Earth ponies took up the chariots, leaving the Pegasai and Unicorns to rest. The weather was too much of a risk to fly and the Unicorns needed to conserve their energy. In each chariot there was a sealed scroll only to be opened once they were moving. Ironhoof mounted his own chariot and looked around. The ponies had all mounted up and were waiting for the next order.

His nerves hit him as he began to breathe in. His actions would be judged heavily the next day. Ironhoof thought of his Cutie Mark, a shield that was meant to defend family, Equestria and his rulers. What the Captain needed to do made him sick, but he had no choice; Duty called.

“Drivers, make for Ponyville!” he bellowed.

With a whiney, the ponies began to gallop. Behind the lead chariot, the Guard opened their scrolls and got the shock of their lives. There was no turning back now.

‘MISSION IS LIVE; THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

-

It took over an hour for the small convoy to make its way to the sleepy town. The Earth ponies were covered in mud and the chariots were all in a similar condition. The sky had darkened as Celestia had made way for her sister and the rain was beginning to ease off. Despite this, the streets were still barren, exactly as Ironhoof wanted.

The Guard formed behind him, steam rising from the panting drivers. In the distance there was a crack of lightning followed shortly by a roll of thunder. Ironhoof pointed at the target building.

“Surround it.” He commanded, hooves thumping over the cobbles as the Guard gathered around the structure.

Ironhoof finally stepped off of his chariot and strode up to the door. Taking a deep breath, he pounded on the door.

“Just a minute!” a mare’s voice cried back.

Ironhoof had faced griffons, Dogs, rebel ponies, plant monsters and high society. He’d survived the frontlines, breaching enemy fortresses, rescuing fallen comrades and the Grand Gala. Nothing had prepared him for this.

A purple aura surrounded the door and it soon opened to reveal a library interior built into a tree.

“Spike! What took you so long? The girls will be here soon and we still have to get ready for the sleepover!” the mare’s voice said.

Its owner, a purple unicorn, trotted up to the door, a large book blocking her view. She lowered the book and looked at Ironhoof’s hooves, eyes widening. She suddenly looked up to stare at the stern face of their owner.

“Twilight.” He said, stepping in slowly, wiping his hooves on the mat.

“Captain Ironhoof? What are you doing here?” Twilight Sparkle asked, taking steps back and noting the lack of cheer. She’d known the Captain for a few years back in Canterlot and he’d always been that cheerful uncle you found in every family.

“Sadly, my Duty. Twilight Sparkle, I arrest you in the name of the Princess’ under the suspicion of treason.”

For a moment there was no sound but the rain. Twilight blinked at the Pegasus.

“You’re joking, r-right?” she managed, eyes darting to the open door. A flash of lightning illuminated Guards staring into the doorway. She stepped away.

“Please Twilight, just come with me...” the Captain said as soothingly as possible. He moved forward slowly, but panic had already gripped the mare. She spun round on him and kicked him in the chest. Another flash of lightning showed more guards outside the windows as their Captain crashed into the wall. Options gone, Twilight had one last spell up her horn.

Grimacing under the dual pain in his chest and back, Ironhoof saw the unicorns’ horn begin to glow. He turned towards the door.

“Sergeant! Plan B right now!” he said with his normal booming voice.

“But sir, your still –“

“DO IT NOW!” Ironhoof roared as the unicorns spell neared completion.

Outside the library of Ponyville, a dozen unicorns focused on one spell. A dome fell around the tree as Twilights teleportation spell finished and tried to move her elsewhere. The dome reflected the spell and sparks, the reflected energy of that spell, began to fly around the library. Twilight poured her might against twelve well trained Guard; an unstoppable force versus the unmovable object.

At least, that was the plan. Blood began to trickle out of the Guard’s noses one by one. Twilight was in a similar condition and the sparks had turned into lightning bolts, getting bigger by the second. Ironhoof gritted his teeth and looked out the window. One unicorn had collapsed already when he heard the purple mare scream. As he turned back to her, he saw a large lightning bolt form, looking for a target. He was damp and wearing metal. It shot towards him.

“Oh hayseed.”

-

Captain Ironhoof opened his eyes. To say there had been a slight tingling sensation was an understatement. He could taste purple and smell burnt hair. He could also hear the crackling of magic. His eyes focused on Twilight as the spell began to wind down; he’d been knocked out only a few seconds.

Her magic depleted and physical exhaustion setting in, the mare gave up. Blood covered her mouth and she looked awful. She began to stagger about. With difficulty the old pegasus rose from the floor and stumbled towards her. He was just able to catch her before she fell to the floor, tears streaming from her eyes.

“W-why?” she muttered feebly before she passed out. He said nothing, instead just dragging her outside.

“Medic, take care of her. I want her legs bound and her horn suppressed.” He commanded to the assembled Guard. Only two unicorns still stood, and even those looked like pure willpower was the only thing keeping them that way.

“Corporal Fig, you and your team take over here. Nopony in or out, search the library from top to bottom. If you find either book, I want it sent to me instantly, understood?”

The purplish brown pony saluted the captain and pulled out a small piece of paper from her armour. Ironhoof already knew what was written on it. He nodded his head and trotted off behind the tree. He found a suitable looking bush, opened it up slightly, and heaved heavily until there was nothing left in his stomach.

-

In an alley just off of the street leading to Ponyville library, a squat figure lurked. Hidden behind some crates it had seen everything. As the rain finally came to an end, most of the pegasai Guards took up the chariots, two of the winged stallions remaining at the library. The figure began to tremble as the resting mare was placed in the jail chariot and took off with the convoy.

“Twi...”

-

The journey back to the palace was much quicker than the earth pony drawn ride. Within half an hour all the chariots had settled outside the main entrance once more. Ironhoof jumped off of his own before it hit the ground.

“Take her to one of the guest rooms in the East Wing. I want her watched at all times but treat her well, understood?”

The ponies unloading Twilight from the jail nodded. The East Wing was the closest to the Guards barracks and was the most quiet. The captain motioned a pegasus over to him and handed a note over.

“Swift, take this to my home and await the reply. Escort the package back here.”

The stallion saluted and headed off in the direction of the officers house. Alone, Ironhoof entered the large doors of the Palace and shut them firmly. Hidden, he sagged with a deep sigh. Pulling off the cape and wiping his forehead with the same hoof in one movement, worry spread across his face. “What have I done...”

“Yes, what have you done Captain?”

-

The once hidden figure stumbled through the partly flooded streets. It hadn’t attempted to approach the library after they had left. Alone and soaked, it made its way to one of the few places it knew it was safe. There, it could work on a plan

-

In front of Ironhoof stood Princess Luna. Celestia had long since made way for the Night Court. The captain took a moment to realise who it was. He made a deep bow.

“Your majesty, I’m sorry, I did not realise you were there.” He said with more honesty then would be expected. He’d spent 50 years fighting for one Princess, he wasn’t used to two.

“That’s quite alright Captain. So tell me, why have you arrested my sister’s personal student?” the younger alicorn said.

A barrage of thoughts hit the pegasai brain. They were all designed to skirt round the issue or make it seem as if it wasn’t any of Luna’s business. Sadly, nothing came to mind to get round the fact it WAS her business. He gave in.

“Information was discovered that insinuated that Twilight Sparkle in a crime that required urgent action. At this time, she’s being held for safety reasons and for questioning.” He was proud of ‘insinuated;’ he’d heard it off of his eldest son.

“Why is she unconscious and what are the charges?” the Princess demanded, eyes widening.

“We were forced to contain her home in an entrapment field to prevent her from escaping. And the charge is treason.”

Princess Luna’s mouth hung open at the revelation. Her left eye twitched as the information went round her head. Ironhoof seized the initiative before she could.

“I will gladly show you my evidence and reasons shortly your highness, but for now I need to collect it and also recover from a severe magic attack.”

Luna nodded having not re-mastered politics to her best ability yet. With the grace of her sister, the dark alicorn trotted away, allowing the captain to stride back to the barracks. This brought about a whole new problem. Guards rushed in and out of the barracks having been put on full alert. Ironhoof’s office lay beyond the mass of pony, forcing him to struggle and fight through.

Finally, after using his whole body as a battering ram, he shut the door to his office after staggering in. For an office in Canterlot, it wasn’t much of one. A few shelves held books, an old desk and a pair of large seat cushions on either side of the desk. There was also a second door that lead to a private bedroom and lounge for the captain.

Said officer collapsed into his seat and rubbed his temples after idly tossing his cape onto the clothes hook behind the desk. He allowed his wings to spread out, a small magic discharge shooting off into a book about armour. Ignoring it, the pegasus pulled out a few documents and a small notepad. Slowly like a pony taught writing as an afterthought and as small as possible, Ironhoof copied details down from the papers as the noise in the main room died down.

-

In the shadows of the palace corridors, half a dozen figures moved with as much stealth as possible. The lead figure stopped now and then to get its bearings, sometimes forcing the group to backtrack. Now and then they stopped dead when a mass of Guards surged by. Eventually they found the room they wanted and waited for the hubbub to die down.

-

Captain Ironhoof couldn’t help but look at the documents yet again. Even after writing it all down for his own records, the information still made no sense to him. His ears pricked at a sound outside in the main lobby, making him smile. It was short lived though as the noise quickly became shouting and somepony crashing about. He rose to his hooves; this wasn’t right.

His office door exploded open to allow for a light blue pegasus to fly in. Ironhoof was just able to see a rainbow coloured mane before they smacked into his chest, sending him to the wall. Wincing he was just about able to make out his assailant was female and VERY angry.

“What have you done with Twilight you armour plated meat head!” she snarled, standing on his chest.

‘She has to be a third of our age, if that...’ part of Ironhoof thought.

‘She’s young, she’ll heal and learn from her sill antics...’ another darker part of his mind thought. Instinct and relying on those thoughts for several decades drove him to a dark idea for a moment.

‘You don’t hit mares, especially ones just out of being a filly. No matter HOW annoying.’ A softer thought said.

Ironhoof’s rear legs found a compromise. Gripping the seat cushion between his hooves, he managed to flip it up and towards his head. Unfortunately the shot was a little too low, meaning that the pegasus mare was caught on the head. Bouncing off the confused mares’ cranium, the pillow hit the wall above the pair and fell directly onto the elder pegasai head. With his attacker confused, Ironhoof was able to sit up enough, grip the cushion in his teeth and swing. The rainbow ruffian was caught round the head again and fell to the floor.

The Captain managed to grab his cape off of the wall and began to tear strips off of it. Before the assailant knew it, her legs were being bound together and wings tied by her sides.

“HEY! GET OFF OF ME! I’M WARN-“she began before a bundle of cape was crammed into her mouth.

With a scowl set in his face, he hoisted the squirming pegasus up onto his back as a crescendo of noise continued outside, Carrying her, he stepped out of his office to find chaos.

The main Guard room was designed to be an all purpose room when needed. It could act as a meeting room, dining quarters, additional sleeping quarters and on three occasions a school classroom. Otherwise it held some desks for NCO’s to write up reports (two of which were too small) a few benches and some spare lockers. At quiet times it felt like a cavern and had the reverence of a temple.

This had been shattered by the sight of straggling Guards dealing with a group of intruders. The old warhorse saw in front of him one guard just being kicked by a Stetson wearing orange pony, whilst another was dazed on the floor. A pink pony with crazy pink hair was jumping up and down on three Guards with far too much joy. A white unicorn with a well styled purple mane had apparently cornered two Guards and was both berating and whining at them. A small purple dragon was sat on her back, backing up her accusations. In the corner sat the only real pony he recognised, the pegasus Fluttershy, cowering slightly in what appeared to be a night shirt with a white rabbit.

He now realised who these ponies all were, the Elements of Harmony ironically; Twilights closest friends. Rage instantly formed in Ironhoof, making him shake slightly. Something began to rise from his lungs to form the rage vocally. He wanted to stop, to try and avoid more chaos, but it was already too late.

STOP THIS AT ONCE!

It was a shout that that had been developed to be heard over a battlefield. It echoed through the room, sending papers flying, manes flowing and the dragon somersaulting in the air. One of the Guards ears began to bleed from being to close. It had the desired effect though as the fighting and shouting stopped.

“What is, the meaning, of this?” he managed, breathing heavily through clenched teeth.

“We want to know what you’ve done with Twilight you kidnapping meany!” the pink one blurted out, whom Ironhoof finally realised was Pinkie Pie.

“Y’all got no right to rustle anypony you like!” cried the other Earth pony. He was certain this was Applejack.

“Right? RIGHT?! You talk to ME about rights?!” he began, advancing on the girls. Rage was etched into his features. The intruders circled round Fluttershy.

You come here, you assault my stallions, assault ME, Royal Guard members, and think you can get away with this?! AND THEN YOU TRY TO LECTURE ME ON MY JOB?!

The roar echoed round the room again. Ironhoof shrugged off Rainbow Dash, who was helped up by the trembling Guards. Nopony was going to be safe from the Captain.

“I don’t give a rats tail who you are, when I’m done with you, you’ll understand wha-“

“Daddy?”

-

Princess Luna smirked to herself in the throne room. Equestria ran 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, so the Night Court still had enough activity. The shouting had managed to even reach her ears and those around her. This made the court slightly nervous. The smirk evolved into a genuine smile.

“I’m afraid I must see to another matter now. I believe I have some visitors.” She said, rising from her throne.

-

Stood in the doorway of the Guard room was a silver pegasus filly with a bright red mane, looking like she’d just got out of bed. Her initial look of shock quickly turned to joy as she galloped towards Ironhoof. Only four of the mares and the baby dragon noticed the odd noise as she galloped; the fifth had heard it before. It was the gallop of a three legged pony, having to use her wing to keep balance.

The rage that had been burning through Ironhoof was quickly extinguished but the sight of the filly. He lowered himself slightly, allowing the little pony to launch herself at the stallion. He caught her with his forelegs and hugged her.

“Silver, sweetie! I’m so sorry I can’t come home tonight.”

“Daddy, were there monsters? You were using the voice you use to scare off monsters...” the little pegasus said, a little worried.

“There was sweetie, but it’s gone now.”

He put her down gently and nuzzled her. A cough from the doorway revealed that Guardpony Swift stood there, holding a pink filly sized satchel in his mouth. He looked much worn out, having flown from the Palace and back, carrying the filly on the return journey.

With a giggle, Silver spun round and galloped back to him. The five mares and dragon now saw that the filly did have all four legs, but the hind left leg was out of proportion to the rest of her. It was smaller and less formed then a regular leg. When she was still it sat by her side like she was sat down, and when she walked about it attempted to aide in walking.

Silver took her satchel from Swift and gave him a hug around his leg before quickly bounding back to her father.

“Good work Swift, grab some hay time. If anypony attempts to wake you, send them my way.” Ironhoof said, a strict tone returning to his voice. The pegasus saluted and trotted off to the main sleeping quarters. Ironhoof turned back to the intruders, Rainbow Dash having been put with her friends.

“Guards, please escort the friends of my sisters student to the Guard meeting chambers,” Princess Luna said. Having waited for Swift to get out of sight, she was now leaning nonchalantly against the doorframe. “I’m pretty certain that Captain Ironhoof is keen to get his daughter to bed. And to also inform me of tonight’s events.”

“Of course, your highness.” The Captain said, joining the rest of the room in a bow.

-

Thirty minutes later Ironhoof strode into the meeting room. Like his office, it was spartan in design, forcing meetings to be rushed to allow a return to comfort. Princess Luna was sat at one end of the table, flanked by the six friends of Twilight Sparkle. They all sat down ahead of him. Ironhoof had had a quick glance on his files to remind himself of who they were. He took his seat opposite the alicorn.

“My apologies, it took longer than I expected.” He said, setting down folders of files in front of him.

“That’s fine Captain, I was listening to the girls explaining their side of this story. But tell me, since when did you turn your office into a full time school?” Princess Luna asked a smile on her face and joy in her voice.

“Silver Lining has problems getting off to sleep, as in; she won’t unless I’m there. I’ve also promised to bring her to the palace, so I’m shoeing two ponies at the same time.”

“Couldn’t her mother be with her?” Rarity asked.

“She, passed away as Silver was born...”

A chill descended across the room for a moment as Ironhoof flicked through his papers.

“Back to the matter at hand, three days ago I received this letter. It was sent directly to my office for the attention of me.”

He nudged a piece of paper towards Luna, who carried it along with her magic. The words had all been formed from clippings out of newspapers.

‘CAPTAIN

A MOVE HAS BEEN MADE AGAINST THE THRONE. THE BELOVED STUDENT TWILIGHT SPARKLE TURNS AGAINST HER MISTRESS. AWAIT FURTHER INFORMATION.

FRIEND’

“The clippings come from The Trottingham Times, Equestria Daily, the Hoofington Post, The Celestia, the now defunct News of Equestria and The Daily Sport, according to my unicorns. They also say the age of each clipping varies from a few days to a few weeks old. That came in the morning, this one came that afternoon.” Ironhoof slid a similar note up.

‘CAPTAIN

TWO BOOKS OF UNSPEAKABLE POWER HAVE BEEN TAKEN FROM THE PALACE, THE “HORSEADENIUM PRINCIPLE” AND THE “MAGIC COMPENDIUM.” IF COMBINED, OUR ROYAL’S SHALL BE IN MORTAL DANGER.

FRIEND’

There were a few moments of silence as the two notes were passed from royal to ponies to dragon. Finally Rarity spoke.

“Well, I’ve heard of the second book, most unicorns have...”

“What is it then? I haven’t heard of it!” Rainbow Dash blurted out, the other non-unicorn or alicorn members mumbling in agreement.

“It is a book of extremely old magick.” Luna stated, pronouncing the ‘Kay’ heavily. “It may have even been used to make Equestria, if not the entire universe. Only Celestia has seen its contents, and it almost blinded her. The magick is far too strong...”

“But maybe it’s possible for a pony whose special talent is magic itself?” Ironhoof asked, more to himself.

“What about tha’ first book?” asked Applejack, still looking at the second note.

“I thought it was destroyed...” Luna whispered.

“That’s what the teachers at the School for Gifted Unicorns said. The book has become more of a legend. The truth may be that the book does really exist, but it’s being protected by a bodyguard of lies and tales.”

“Even so, what’s this got to do with Twi?! This is just gossip!” cried Spike, standing up on the table.

“Shockingly Spike, we don’t just believe everything we’re told. My own Secretary and I checked the Library records and in the last few weeks, Twilight has been signed in and out more than a few times. The signature matched all previous entries.”

“But, she hasn’t left Ponyville in months...”

“Are you with her ALL the time Spike? Are any of you? And how far can she teleport?”

“Y-you can’t honestly think it’s her...” Fluttershy mumbled, hiding her tired eyes behind her mane.

“Miss Fluttershy, if I honestly did, I would have given her a head start. I asked her to come willingly, she attacked me and I had no choice but to stop her.”

“Why did you not consult my sister? And why have acted so quickly before a proper investigation?” Luna asked.

“Simply put, there wasn’t enough time in my opinion. Once rumours of treason get out they can be hard to control. Even worst, we may be dealing with a conspiracy cell. If I’d given any hint that I didn’t believe these letters, Twilight may not have been safe.”

“What is the penalty for treason?” Rarity asked.

“Banishment to the moon.”

Luna raised an eyebrow towards the stallion. He returned it with one of his own.

“No offence your Highness, but you are the only example.”

“None taken Captain. You said it’s hard to control talks of traitors and treason. What’s the worst that could happen? Especially to a trusted member of the Court?”

For a moment, Ironhoof was silent. With a deep sigh, he opened up a folder to reveal a stack of yellowing papers.

“These letters were sent to me, must be 30 or 40 years ago. They have no date, but I’m sure the Royal Archives can confirm the event of the Manechester Riots.”

“Ah heard of them from grandpappy Red. The local mayor was meant to be stealin’ funds. He sent soldiers in to deal with riots over food at one point.” Applejack said, thinking back to the tales.

“Protests. They were protests...” Ironhoof whispered, looking at the letters. “And it got worse, until, well. There are many salt houses called ‘The Mayors Head’ and the like for a reason. And if it becomes known the traitor is Twilight, then all of Equestria will chose sides, and the violence will begin...”

Silence fell again as the colour faded from the younger six members of the room. Idea’s flashed by of ponies fighting in the street, something that hadn’t been seen in decades.

“So, what happens now?” Applejack asked.

“We find the books. If we can prove the books are still at the library, then it ruins that theory. Then, we find the real culprits and bring them to justice. I’m going to draft you six in to help out as my Guard are now stretched thin.”

There was a general murmur of agreement from the group.

“Just, one more thing. How did you get here so fast? Or even know that Twilight had been arrested?”

Spike beamed at the officer.

“I saw the whole thing. Well, the bit where you put Twilight in the cage. I knew you were Guards, so we got together to get a plan sorted out.”

“Turns out we’re not that good at planning as we didn’t know where to find Twilight...” Dash said, looking a little glum. She quickly brightened up. “But thanks to me and Applejack, we got here super fast!”

“And Fluttershy’s birds helped!” shouted Pinkie, who had been strangely silent the whole time. “A huge flock of them had grabbed out cart when AJ and Dashy had got enough speed up and then Dashy guided us here!”

Ironhoof’s jaw dropped. This time, Luna seized the initiative from him.

“I don’t think the Captain expected such original thinking. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks after all. I think though that you five had best get started.” When a barrage of confused faces hit the Princess, she merely nodded in one direction.

There was a very gently snore coming from Fluttershy. She was still sat upright, most if her face hidden behind her mane still. There was little hint she’d been awake since her question. The white rabbit she’d come with was nested in her mane, fast asleep as well.

“There’s a sofa in my private quarters. She can sleep on that and keep Silver company.” Ironhoof whispered as an indigo aura went around the sleeping pegasus to carry her away.

-

“How can we trust him? After what he did to twilight...” Rainbow mumbled. The group were stood in the main guard room again, waiting for the Princess and Captain to return.

“We can’t really sugahcube, but Luna does, kinda...”

“And don’t forget Rainbow, he’s letting us help. By all rights, he could have us locked up in a filthy dungeon!” Rarity added, shuddering.

“Yeah, why is that...” Dash wondered.

“So, why are you letting them help?” Luna asked the Captain in his private room as she lowered Fluttershy onto the sofa.

“Mainly, it’s true.” He responded, carrying a spare blanked over to the two mares. “I’ve got almost two dozen Guards either out of action or not fit enough for heavy duties. What I have left are spread thin across the Palace to keep up appearance, Guard Twilight and searching here and Ponyville.” He covered the pegasus with the blanked and creped out after Luna.

As they entered the main chamber, they instantly noticed something as being different. Luna was the first to spot it.

“Where’s Pinkie Pie gone?”

Suddenly one of the lockers burst open and a pink and gold blur started hopping about. Nopony could believe what was happening; there were three synchronised face hoofs. Pinkie was bouncing around in Guard armour.

“YAY! I’m a Guard! That means I can’t break the law! I AM da Law!”

“What is she...?”

“What in the hay...”

“Was that the Rocky voice?”

She bounced right up to Spike, who appeared to be trying to hold in his laughter.

“HALT! You have violated da Law!” She slapped some oddly specific cuffs onto Spikes claws.

“Hey! What did I do?!”

Luna’s shoulders were shaking up and down as she tried desperately to compose herself. Ironhoof stood as still as a statue, allowing a genuine smile to creep under his beard as the pink Guard bounded in front of him.

“’Allo ‘allo ‘allo! What’s going on Here then?!” she cried.

“Loitering outside a tent.” Ironhoof responded dead pan, despite the bad joke.

“Gasp! Your nicked sunshine!” Pinkie drew a standard issue Guard short sword.

“Oh Please. I’ll resist arrest easier then it is for you to bounce.”

Pinkie gasped once more and lunged forward with the sword. It went into Ironhoof’s chest right up to the hilt.