The Moon the Draconequus and the Sands of Saddle Arabia

by TheSexyMenhir

Mutinity

Hastily my feet danced across the hot desert sand. Each step reminded me painfully of the searing heat, that turned the flowing plains into the geological equivalent of a frying pan. Had I not already been running as fast as my legs could carry me, the pain in my feet would have cause me to break into a sprint.

As it was however, the arrows that impaled the ground behind me were the only motivation I needed.

My breath became ragged, a rather unfamiliar experience for me I must admit, and I could hear the war cries behind me. Judging from their inarticulate screams, they were gaining on me. When the arrows eased up for a moment I dared to look behind me.

On the crest of a dune stood the enraged goddess of the moon, clad in white flowing robes that were wrapped in the ways of the desert dwellers. To each side of her stood a few dozen saddle arabians, in the same garb, brandishing scimitars and crossbows. Most noticeable however was the rather obvious patch of green grass that sprouted wherever Luna set her hoof.

“DISCORD, COME BACK HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU!” Luna hollered.

“Ehr, no thanks. I’ve grown to rather enjoy living.” I replied snidely. Or at least I would have, had there been any breath been left in my lungs. Have I mentioned that I detest not being all powerful?

Luna charged straight at me!

… What?

You don’t understand what’s going on? The story doesn’t make any sense?

What fun is there in making sense?

…

Oh come on, come back here, I’m only joking...

…

Okay then let’s be boring and start at the beginning... okay maybe not the beginning, that would cover rather a lot more than you need to know, and I think Tia would be angry if I revealed what she did during those wild prehistorical years....

Erm... anyway, my story starts on a sunny summer day in Canterlot....

Watch out for the title...

The Moon, the Draconequus, and the sands of Saddle Arabia

The birds were singing, the earthponies were working, the pegasi cleared the skies, and the unicorns did whatever unicorns do. All in all, it was an awfully harmonic day in the city of Canterlot. Of course it wouldn’t be much longer if I had any say about it.

I had taken position in the rafters of the corridor connecting the royal kitchen with the royal dinning room. It was lined with royal portraits of her royal royalness Celestia herself. You would have had a hard time finding a more regal place than this, which is to say, it was utterly, utterly boring.

But on that day I kept my urges to redecorate the hallway in check, in favor of a much more satisfying prey. Oh anticipation, it was such a new sensation to me who had always held the world at his fingertip. Begrudgingly I had to admit that it was one of the gifts that “the power of friendship” had brought to me.

But enough of that, you’re not here to hear me ramble about philosophy.

With eagle eyes I watched the royal chef approach my hiding spot, pushing a small tray with a selection of covered silver plates that contained the meals of the princess’ of Equestria. After giving the eyes back to the confused bird in question, I snapped my claws. A single plush ape, wearing a marching band uniform and a timbal appeared down the hallway and distracted the cook just long enough for me to swing down from the rafters, lift the covers, and replace the meals with a few treats of my very own design.

The tip of my tail disappeared back into the shadows at exactly the moment the cook turned back towards the tray.

Yet another snap of my talon and I joined the two princesses at the dinner table.

“Good morning Discord.” Celestia greeted me with the same condescending smile that she reserved for anybody save her sister. “I’m glad that you could make it.”

“Grmfl...” the younger of the two alicorn sisters mumbled. In the early morning hours Luna always looked as if she had been trampled by a furious ursa major (as I can say from experience).

“I hope you have adjusted to your new lodgings.” With anybody else this would have been a question, or at least an incentive, but Celestia made it sound more like a fact, much like one would say, “The sky is blue.” So much certainty was like dangling a bait in front of my head, but still I endured in hopes of dealing the ultimate coup de grace.

“Oh, yes, it was very generous of you to arrange something,” I replied. It had been Celestia’s idea that I should stay at Canterlot Castle, where I would have more company than just my own creations. At first I had insisted that I could just summon a place to stay for myself, but then Fluttershy had agreed with her.

She had looked at me with those brilliant blue orbs of her’s, not “staring” just pleading. Her eyes had been so full of care, and the sun had reflected in them as if they were deep viridian seas. Her yellow coat glowed in an almost unearthly manner, as if her natural kindness was radiating outwards, her wings looked soft like blankets of the finest silk...

Err...excuse me, what were we talking about again?

Ahh yes, right.

As I distracted both princess’ with my razor sharp wit, dashing good looks, and expert skills as a conversationalist, the cook finally arrived. The plates were still in the position I had left them.

I only had to keep them distracted for yet a moment longer. Thankfully I had just the perfect conversation topic prepared.

“Sooo, nice weather we’re having.” Okay maybe it wasn’t that great, I have to admit that a thousand year as a stone statue mostly polished ones ability to monologue, and not dialogue.

Celestia looked at me suspiciously.

“Did you do anything to the weather again? It took the Pegasi days to clean up all that chocolate milk the last time,” she said, her voice betraying just the slightest sliver of annoyance.

I struck a ‘woe is me’ pose, letting my feet hang over the edge of the seat and arching my back, before I replied, “Oh Celestia! You wound me with your unfounded accusations. I have turned over a new leaf, and never would you see me doing something like that again.*”

I tried to shush the asterisk away, but that’s the pesky thing about chaos magic; it sometimes has a mind of it’s own. Celestia’s eyes ventured downwards.

“* Unless I have very good reason to.**
** e.g. Canterlot is on fire, there is a drought, party related emergencies, I’m bored”

Finally I managed to squash the little traitorous piece of magic, and returned my gaze to the current ruler of Equestria. Celestia shook her head and made no more attempts to hide her annoyance.

With some anticipation I watched as the cook sat down the plates before the alicorn sisters. The usual omelette for Luna, and a Salad for Celestia.

I watched as Luna and Celestia grabbed their forks, Celestia with her magic, and the still drowsy Luna with her hoof. Both picked up some food and slowly raised it towards their mouths.

It was then that Celestia caught me staring. Her eyes shot back and forth between me and the fork full of salad greens for a few seconds before it dawned on her what was going. She dropped her fork, jumped out of the chair and screamed,

“It’s a trap, Luna!”

She jumped across the table and both she and I watched as the world seemed to slow down, the sleepy goddess of the night’s fork still moving towards her mouth.

“NooooooOOOOOOooooO!!” Celestia shouted as she soared through the air.

*chomp*

Luna took her first bite, and Celestia crashed onto the dinner table.

Celestia and I stared at her.

One second.

Two seconds.

Three seconds.

Luna’s eyes shot wide open, her nostrils flared, and her chin dropped. Her tongue lolled out of her mouth and she screamed, “Buh!”

“Luna what’s wrong?” The solar diarch, that was still splayed out on the table, asked.

“WATER!” Luna managed to shriek as she rolled on the floor holding her quickly swelling snout.

I was rolling on the floor as well, but while Luna was screaming in agony I was laughing my nonexistent socks of. Mentally making a note, to get a new pair, I finally peeled myself off the floor, wiping a tear from my eye.

While Luna was busy trying to drown herself in a flower vase, Celestia faced me.

“What did you do?” she asked, glaring at me.

“Oh just a little gardening project I kept myself busy with,” I replied, while summoning up another of the hot peppers that I had cultivated in the last few days. A single bite was deliciously hot, the essence of a few dozen... not so much.

While Celestia was still busy coming up with a reply, witty banter never was her strong point, Luna had managed to sooth the fires in her mouth somewhat and turned towards me.

“Run.” Was the only thing she said trying to look and sound threatening. That her snout was still flushed red, and that her tongue was swollen only hampered the effect ever so slightly. I chuckled but I indulged her anyway.

Oh what a glorious chase it was, the royal breakfast was flying left and right as we chased through the confines of the dining hall, jumping over upturned benches, and sliding under tables. Celestia had meanwhile sat back down again and tried to enjoy her salad. She can be such a spoilsport sometimes...

Alas every chase has to end someday (except that one which I arranged back during my first reign, the poor schmuck is probably still running after his underwear) and I found myself cornered, my back against the wall, while an angry Luna approached me, her horn glowing with what I could only assume to be some horrible battle magic.

Luna smirked triumphantly and gloated, “Oh you’re going to regret this.”

Okay this was just too much. I gave up my fearful-and-defeated act and instead burst into laughter again.

“Dearest Luna, if you want to make me regret anything, you’ll have to catch me first,” I replied casually. I raised my lions paw, the power of chaos flowing from every edge of the universe into me, and snapped.

Nothing happened.

I snapped again. And again for good measure. With slight disbelief I looked at my paw.

Meanwhile Luna’s grin had grown even broader. I looked at her. She looked at me.

This was going to hurt...

Author's Note:

Disclaimer:
This story will feature the land of Saddle Arabia. Don't mistake Saddle Arabia for any real area, despite it's name. My idea of the land of sand and stone is entirely based on bad stereotypes and pop culture and has so very little to do with any actual eastern society that it's really easier to think of it as something entirely different.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orientalism_%28book%29

Comments

[Tachyon Xenophile]

It really hasn’t been a great day for Discord: First his appendages mutiny, then he discovers that he’s got a conscience, and if to add insult to injury, Celestia suddenly wants him to babysit her little sister on her adventure to rescue the changeling race. As if he didn’t have anything better to do! Can you imagine it, the spirit of chaos trapped in a land which is full of nothing but sand, stone, and historical ruins? Too immortals, however, history is but another word for their own past.

Too immortals, however, history is but another word for their own past.

Too immortals, however

Too

[TheSexyMenhir]

2933734 What are you speaking of good sir? Clearly there must be a leak in your hazmat suit since you seem to be hallucinating.

Pfft, grammatical errors in my stories, as if!

[Tachyon Xenophile]

2933744

What are you speaking of good sir? Clearly there must be a leak in your hazmat suit since you seem to be halucinating.

Pfft, grammatical errors in my stories, as if!

Clearly there must be a leak in your hazmat suit since you seem to be halucinating.

you seem to be halucinating.

halucinating.

[ForSpite]

Huh, I wasn't expecting the Discord narration but you do his voice pretty well, though the quasi-romantic obsession with Fluttershy probably isn't quite canon, it fit and you didn't make a big thing of it.

I'm also a bit surprised Celestia was wiling to go back and eat her salad, considering she just saw evidence Discord tampered with at least one of the plates of food on that tray.

[DiscountDiscord]

Watch out for the title...

... What?

The Moon, the Draconequus, and the sands of Saddle Arabia

Agh! My face!

Heh. Loving this Discord characterization.

[Malcolm129]

Luna rampage