The Campaign for Extra Trixie, and other unlikely experiments

by Impossible Numbers

PinkieStation3

"All right, Pinkie," said Rainbow Dash wearily. "I'm here. What did you want to show me?"

Pinkie Pie - party master, chief prankster, and stand-up comedian of the month (babysitting a specialty) - rose on her hind legs in a way that was distinctly un-pony-like. The two blue eyes moved aside to give Rainbow a better view.

"Ta da!"

There was a long pause. Pinkie's bedroom suddenly did a good impression of a ghost town. A tumbleweed popped into existence, crossed the floorboards, and then vanished again in a puff of purple light. A distant cry of "YEES!" could be heard from outside, somewhere near the library.

"It's just a box," Rainbow said.

"It's more than that!" Pinkie said. "It's a revolution in fun-making technology, courtesy of Pinkie Enterprises! Come oooooon... d'you notice anything about it?" The pink mare's mouth widened, making an already wide smile... well, wider.

Rainbow examined the thing with a raised eyebrow and pursed lips.

"It's pink."

"And?" The corners of her smile nearly met on the other side.

Rainbow gave it another quick inspection. "It's got a pipe sticking out of the back."

"Aaand?"

"There are four slits on the side?"

"Aaaaaaaaaaand?" Rainbow swore Pinkie's smile ventured beyond the borders of the face.

"You've stuck a blocky photo of your mug on the top?"

"No, silly! Look inside. I even left the flap open so that you'd get the hint. Go on, look inside."

It didn't look promising, Rainbow had to admit. Pinkie was blinking a little too frequently for her liking. She decided to humour her all the same. What was the worst that could happen?

Just as she reached forwards, however, Rainbow stopped. She glared at Pinkie.

"Hold on a sec. You're not setting me up for a prank, are you?"

"Who, me? Oh no, noooo. I just want to show you how the PinkieStation3 works."

"The what now?"

"The PinkieStation3. I call it a station because it's like a train station - all sorts of things come and go, and used rightly it can take you to faraway places that are really fun to visit. It's got Pinkie at the front because it's pink, like me."

"So what's the three for? Were there two others you haven't shown me yet?"

"No, I just like the number three."

"Huh." Rainbow turned her attention back to the box and pushed the lid aside.

"It's really funny actually. The number just popped into my head for no reason. I don't have a problem with that, but I've been noticing that number cropping up a lot lately. Did you know there are three kinds of pony in the world?"

"You don't say?" Rainbow rolled her eyes.

"Or that there are three Cutie Mark Crusaders? There's also only three syllables in my name, and in your name, and in Rarity's and Applejack's and Fluttershy's names too. Oh, oh, and in Cheerilee's and in Mr Cake's and in C.D.D.'s and in Pumpkin Cake's and in Sweetie Belle's and in Scootaloo's and in -"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," said Rainbow. "You're obsessed with the number three."

"And if you count how many elements of harmony there are, you get six, which is like three but twice as much. And there were three Shadowbolts and three balloons on my flank and three heads on a cerberus and three episodes when Rarity sings a song and this morning, I had three helpings of plumble berry pudding."

"Pinkie!"

Pinkie blinked and was suddenly standing on Rainbow's head. Either the overgrown foal was as light as a feather, or her psychedelically maned companion had a neck like a drawbridge.

"Will you quit your yakking for one second?" said Rainbow. She did a double take. "What was that last one you said?"

"About the plumble berry pudding?"

"No, not that one! The one before that."

"About Rarity singing in three episodes?"

"What are you talking about, three episodes? What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know. Three episodes in her life. Like that one time we got her to make dresses for us, and that other time she went to Canterlot to meet all the fancy pants ponies, and the one time she had to make dresses for us."

"You said that one twice."

"Well, she sang it twice."

"Pinkie?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't ever take math. Twilight would have a fit."

"A fit what?"

Rainbow Dash stood back. "OK, it looks nice... well, pink anyway... but how does this thing work?"

At the other end of the pipe, Pinkie held up what looked like an upside-down draining pot with lights blinking on it. "I borrowed this from Twilight's basement. You just put it on and it'll take you to another place."

As meaningfully as she could, Rainbow Dash stretched her wings. "Pinkie, if this is some kind of teleportation device, I've got two things to say. One, don't bother. I can just about handle Twilight's version, after she puts my mane out and removes the burn marks at the other end. Nopony's going to try a version that was made by - no offence - a candy maker. Two, why would I need it? I already have two teleportation devices, one on each wither." This speech she finished with a smug smile.

"Aw," said Pinkie, pouting. "Pwetty pwease?"

"Nuh uh."

She pouted harder. "Pweeeease?"

"Wasting your time," said Rainbow. "I'm immune to sappiness."

Pinkie coughed something that sounded like "last roundup". Rainbow glared at her. The self-proclaimed enemy of sappiness hadn't understood the words, but the tone spoke all by itself.

Idly, the mare with the puffy mane examined a hoof. "So you won't try it, huh?"

"Eeyup. Now where's the window? If you'll excuse me, I was in the middle of a dodgeball game with Fluttershy. Good gosh, that pegasus sure can move when she wants." Rainbow pushed the latch, and the window's hinges creaked. A glorious breeze blew in and whispered sweet temptations to her mane and ears. Her wings stiffened.

"Not even for a fun, exciting, and really wild adventure?"

"Who needs adventure when you've got Ponyville at your doorstep? I'm happy here."

"Not even to meet... Daring Do?"

Rainbow went from 0 to lightspeed in a picosecond. Even more impressively, she went back to 0 in roughly the same time and was standing millimetres away from Pinkie. "Daring Do? Really? She's real?"

Pinkie gave her a sly look. From behind the pink box, she pulled out a copy of Daring Do and the Grim Flutter Pony Tales.

"Not quite. But if I do this..." Like it was a parcel through a letterbox, she slipped the book into one of the slits on the box and idly examined her hoof once done. "Then she is real! If you put on the helm-"

"I'm there!"

Before Pinkie could blink, the helmet was rammed over Rainbow's head and the weather pony sat, trying to hold in an excited smile that would've put Pinkie's best party grin to shame. "Let's do this!"

"Great!" Pinkie reached inside and began fiddling with stuff. If Rainbow hadn't been squealing into her own hooves, she might have been more worried about the constant cranking and hammering noises.

"Thisisgonnabesoawesome! WhatshouldIdo? I'lltellyouwhatI'lldo! I'llgointhecavefirst! I'llbeherapprenticeintraining! She'llbelikementorandmaster, andI'mgonnalearnfromherallhercooltrickswiththewhipandtheweightsandhowtododgewithoutusingmywings! It'sgonnagosoawesomeIcouldjustEXPLODE!"

"Oh yeah," said Pinkie, "and I'm setting you up for Pinkie Physics."

Something skidded to a halt in Rainbow's brain. "Huh?"

"Normal physics was too boring, so I just made up my own to make it more fun. The engine liked my version better."

The skidding turned into a crash. Rainbow's grin had suddenly abandoned her eyes. "Aheheheh, so it'll be like -"

"Yep."

"With all the..."

"Uh huh."

"And even if I try to..."

"Oh, don't worry, you can still do that."

"Pinkie?"

"Yep?"

"I'm a pegasus."

"Oh, but if I let you fly that high, you could just skip the levels, and you'd miss all the fun stuff."

"But what if I -"

"Oh, don't you worry about those." Pinkie chuckled, and actually snorted once or twice. "I wouldn't do anything like that. You'll get a fair chance, being a newcomer and all."

Rainbow breathed in, closed her eyes, and sighed with relief.

"It wouldn't feel like Daring Do without the deathtraps, though, so instead of taking them out, I gave you multiple lives instead."

Eyelids snapped open. "Multiple... li...?"

"In case you die. Trust me, there are loads and loads and LOADS of ways to do that, and that's just the beginner's tutorial level on easy mode. Don't worry, though. Daring Do will be completely un-die-able, because the story says so."

Rainbow's face clearly showed that she felt Pinkie had gotten her priorities skewed. Slowly and carefully, she reached for the helmet.

"Uh, I think I hear Tank barking, so it must be his feeding time. Can't stay, Pinkie, sorry, but I'll make it up to you..."

Something zipped behind her and the belts tightened around Rainbow's head. However hard she pushed, the helmet wouldn't come off. Her efforts only became more frantic as Pinkie approached the PinkieStation3.

"Rainbow Dash! You Pinkie Promised you'd help me! And you represent the Element of Loyalty!"

Rainbow grinned feebly. "I'm not sure I like insane Pinkie. Can I have normal Pinkie back, now?"

"There is only one Pinkie. Ah," said Pinkie, running a hoof along the back, "here's the 'on' switch."

"I'll babysit the twins! I'll do some part-time work in the bakery! I'll even dress up in a frou-frou outfit, put flowers in my hair, soak my mane in water, and propose to Twilight in front of the whole town while singing 'Smile, Smile, Smile' in my best Fluttershy voice! Anything!"

Pinkie gave her a sympathetic look. "Don't worry," she said. "It'll be fun. I'll bring you back in time for some treats and a comedy stand-up routine. You wait until you see my 'Gottle of Geer' routine with Spike! Have fun!"

"Pinkie! Don't -!"

Something clicked.

Rainbow stiffened. Her pupils vanished, her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, and static filled her vision. There was a brief look of panic before a dumbfounded expression stuck on her face and her jaw was locked in a permanent gape.

From the box, Pinkie noticed the lights on the helmet flash on and off. There was an aerial on top.

She walked over and stared at Rainbow Dash. There was no reaction. She waved a hoof in front of her friend's face. No reaction. Finally, she reached forwards and tapped each of Rainbow's large, blank eyes. It sounded suspiciously like tapping a glass window.

Pinkie fiddled with the aerial on top of the helmet until she heard a charging up sound. When she looked back, the static on Rainbow's eyes vanished. A scene was emerging. Pinkie logos came and went with impressive and suspenseful special effects, including fireworks, party streamers, and bright laser shows.

There was the sound of popcorn being crunched.

"This is gonna be good," she said, as the first level came into view.

Comments

[Impossible Numbers]

Recently, I've moved a chapter from here and re-posted it as a separate story in its own right. I liked it too much for it to remain comparatively obscure among these little experiments. The story is, or will be (depending on when you read this), Dare To Be Awesome, a Daring Do short. I thought I'd post this in case old readers wondered why I'd suddenly dropped a chapter.

[Impossible Numbers]

I'm moving another chapter from here again. It's going to be One Apple Short, formerly "Saddle On Up, It's Going To Be A Big One". As it's going to be a random, don't expect it to be serious. Again, this is just a heads-up in case people wonder why this has dropped by another chapter.

[Impossible Numbers]

624988

In my defence, I did tag this as Random, so WYSIWYG. That said... I'll admit it's not my best work, as it was acting mostly as a characterization exercise for Bonbon.

I was thinking (a dangerous pastime, I know): the submission rules state that multi-story, uh, stories aren't permitted. I've already removed a couple of chapters from here and posted them as separate stories. Should I take all but one down, since this seems to violate the rule, or should I leave it as it is, since there are precedents that haven't been removed?

EDIT: Since nobody's made a fuss over it, and there are precedents, I'll leave it. - 30th July 2012