Lingering Lunacy

by Jadu

V: Backfiring All Over the Place

Luna’s busy day didn’t end with her advisory discussion with Twilight. Although she was perfectly aware that staying up was her own choice, the princess had wanted to catch at least an hour’s worth of sleep before her night shift began. However, that wasn’t to be the case. Immediately after she’d finished her platter of stir-fried vegetables—the royal chef had been eager to try Far Eastern cuisine tonight—Celestia had asked with a simper if her little sister would be so kind as to attend to her in her bedchamber. Luna had heard snickering from the more immature wait staff behind the kitchen doors and surreptitiously sent a large stack of dirty dishes crashing off the counter, much to the rage of the easily set-off sous chef. Rumors of royal sisterly incest had always been stirred up by each successive generation, and Celestia using less than apt phrasing certainly didn’t help their cause.

“I still fail to understand why you have yet to write what you’ll say at the wedding.” Luna shook her head, keeping pace with Celestia as they cantered to her bedchamber. “And what makes you think I’ll know better what to say than you?”

“Oh, you’ve always had a better way with words than I have,” replied Celestia in a dismissive tone.

“I’m flattered,” Luna deadpanned.

Celestia said nothing, unlocking the pearly doors ornamented with gold sunbursts that led to her chambers and stepping inside.

“Answer me, sister. Are you just procrastinating?”

“No.”

“Oh, really? You have suspended both Day and Night Court until this wedding is over, so you’ve had really nothing to do to occupy your time. And don’t try to use the excuse that you have to concentrate to keep the sun in the sky lest it crash to the earth and turn Equestria to cinders like you did when we were fillies!”

“You believed it, didn’t you?” Celestia smirked.

“I—you—that’s not the point!” Luna blustered. She was thankful her coat was so dark nopony could ever see her blush. “The point is you are still lazy as ever!”

“And my point is you still aren’t writing,” the white alicorn countered, pushing a scroll of parchment, an inkpot and quill toward her sister with magic. The smile on Celestia’s face was good-natured, but Luna still glared at her and swiped the writing paraphernalia away. With a derisive snort, the dark blue alicorn settled herself down on the floor, dipped the quill in the inkpot and began to write.

A few minutes of silence passed, with Celestia stepping out onto the Solar Balcony on the premise of making sure the sun was going down smoothly. After the sun’s last feeble golden rays slipped away below the horizon and the multitude of lamps in the chamber flared to life automatically with magic, Celestia stepped back inside and closed the glass doors behind her. She peered over Luna’s shoulder.

“So…how is coming along?”

“It’s coming along fine,” Luna said tersely, continuing to dash the quill across the parchment in her spiky writing style. “I’ve almost finished the welcome speech.”

“You’re writing out my welcome speech?”

“You said you wanted me to write out what you had to say, didn’t you?”

“Yes, yes, of course,” Celestia nodded. She paced across the room to her vanity, took up two hairbrushes and stroked one each through her multicolored mane and tail. The only sounds in the room were the quill scratching across the parchment and rustling as Luna used her hooves to smooth out the curling scroll.

“If you didn’t write so large, you wouldn’t have to be unfurling more parchment,” Celestia joked.

“My writing is much smaller than yours! You are the one that insists on taking up half the page with one sentence!”

“I’m teasing, Luna.”

Luna only shook her head and jabbed a period at the end of her sentence. Unfortunately, she pushed the quill a bit too hard and ended up puncturing the parchment.

“Is something bothering you?”

Oh, what an astute observation, Celestia. “It’s just…the wedding tomorrow…” Luna said idly, trying to avoid eye contact with her sister.

“Yes?”

“I…” Tread carefully now. She can’t suspect anything. Tread carefully now. “I don’t know if I should attend.”

“Whatever do you mean?” Celestia was startled, her face full of concern. “You are my sister and just as much a ruler of Equestria as I am. I know your last few ventures into the public eye have been less than successful, but that shouldn’t prevent you from trying again, and a royal wedding will be the perfect place for you to make an appearance.”

“Patronizing attempts at comforting me aside,” Luna paused from rereading the scroll long enough to roll her eyes, “that isn’t my reason for not wanting to be there.”

“Do you still feel uncomfortable around Cadence after your outburst? That was nearly a year ago, I’m sure she’s forgiven you.”

“No.”

“Then what is it?”

Oh, nothing. It’s just that there’s an evil piece of my past that’s literally been trotting around right under your nose, and I have to stop her before she does something very bad. And I don’t even know what that very bad thing could be.

Luna swallowed so hard she was sure Celestia could hear, although if she did, she gave no indication. “I would like to be well-rested so I may orchestrate a truly beautiful wedding night for Cadence and Shining Armor.” There now, that’s not a complete lie. Nopony realizes just how difficult it is to draw those constellations night after night.

There was a pregnant silence as Celestia scrutinized her younger sister from horn to hoof, during which Luna felt like she was receiving the most thorough and invasive medical examination of her life.

“Are you sure you’re not feeling ill, Luna?”

“I’m fine,” Luna said with enough conviction. She’d had enough interrogation for tonight; Celestia was making her feel like a badly behaved filly, and she wasn’t the one who’d done anything. Yet. “Here’s your script,” she continued, levitating the scroll filled with her spiky writing in front of Celestia’s face. “Feel free to make changes.” Before her older sister could respond, Luna cantered out of the chamber.

I once wielded the Element of Honesty, she thought as she made her way out to the Lunar Balcony. But I’m still one of the most convincing liars in Equestria.

~~~

Raising the moon took a considerably larger effort than normal, even accounting for Shining Armor’s magenta shield. As much as Luna had convinced herself otherwise, sleep was still crucial for her to perform her duties properly, and her daytime reconnaissance mission, though important, had drained her quite a bit. After fiddling with the star arrangement in Ursa Major for a while, she padded softly inside and turned down the dark purple covers of her bed.

“Styx,” she whispered into the room.

Almost instantly, a large dark gray unicorn materialized in a puff of magic by the balcony door. The vertical slits of his eerie golden eyes dilated as they adjusted to the darkness of the room, and his lavender armor glinted in the moonlight.

“I’m retiring early tonight. Be sure the Night Guards follow their rotations. Canterlot may be facing a threat, but that’s no reason for anypony to work any longer than they must. The wedding is tomorrow, after all.”

Styx said nothing, but bared the very tips of his fangs in a small grin.

“Oh, and do not worry if I don’t rise in time to attend the ceremony. I’ll join at my leisure.”

The unicorn Night Guard looked a little puzzled, yet he nodded in understanding.

“Anadare libero es in nomine lunae."

“In nomine lunam, decessero." Styx bowed and disappeared, leaving Luna to the very welcome embrace of slumber.

Sunrise came far too quickly for the Night Princess’ liking. Insomnia had held her in its steely grip for several hours, and the poisonous laughter of Queen Chrysalis wafted through her sleep-deprived hallucinations. Luna had been on the verge of summoning the heftiest tome from the castle library and conking herself over the head to make it all go away for a while, or a bottle of very old wine from the locked cellar below the kitchens. Of course it had been then that she finally fell asleep, snoring loudly with mouth agape.

So it was with red, puffy eyes and a sore throat that Luna crawled out of bed the morning of her niece’s wedding. She hadn’t intended to wake up looking like this, but if anypony wondered why she wasn’t attending the ceremony, she certainly looked sick, or at least very hung over. With a yawn, she shuffled over to her gigantic coffee maker, cracked open the can of freshly ground Coltombian, and began to brew the delicious morning beverage. An enormous amount of self-restraint kept Luna from seizing the entire pot off the hot plate once it was done and dumping it down her gullet to wake up; instead, she poured it neatly into a large Thermos and set off into the castle.

As she trotted briskly around the castle corridors and sipped her coffee, her mind ticked away like clockwork. Chrysalis had never been guilty of feeling anything akin to sympathy for her changeling subjects. Hay, even in the time she’d occupied Luna’s being, she’d never mentioned even having a drone army—and if there’d been something for Chrysalis to yammer on about, she’d talk about it. So why was it of utmost concern to her now that she and her changelings ate well? Furthermore, why was she willing to go through an entire wedding and pose as a princess indefinitely to do it?

Luna shook her head. Chrysalis made no sense because she didn’t have any idea what sense was. Her plan was already half-foiled by the shield surrounding Canterlot, and she’d seen Twilight Sparkle dash into the castle at an extra-late hour last night before she’d staggered to bed. If Twilight Sparkle had talked to Cadence or Shining Armor like Luna had recommended last night, the changeling queen would be ousted and the wedding would go off without a hitch—no pun intended.

“She might have even been cleared out already and I haven’t heard about it yet,” the princess mumbled to herself as she took a swig of coffee.

“Talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity, you know.”

FFFFFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHHHH! Luna spewed her coffee out in a dramatic spit-take. A coughing jag overtook her shortly after, but once she cleared her throat, her heart froze. Princess Cadence was now drenched in piping hot coffee, and she looked ready to kill.

“Did I surprise you, Auntie?” Cadence simpered after immediately composing herself, simply winking away the coffee and returning her to a pristine condition.

“I am not your aunt,” Luna spat. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh, this is the chapel?” Cadence gestured to the high sweeping doorway flanked by cherubic pegasi carved from the marble. “I’m practicing for my wedding ceremony.”

“But the ceremony is today.”

“I want this day to be perfect.” Cadence fluffed her curling mane. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to make sure I walk in just when Auntie Celestia gives me my cue.”

“I’ll give you a head start with a solid kick in the flank,” Luna muttered darkly, turning to go back the way she came. She paused when she heard Celestia’s voice ring out from behind the closed chapel doors.

“Perfect, girls. No need to rush!”

She must be watching the bridesmaids come down the aisle. And Shining Armor must be with her. I’m supposed to be resting, but Celestia won’t know where I am if I can’t be seen.

And with that, Luna cast an invisibility spell and vanished into thin air. Cadence didn’t notice her aunt’s disappearance, for she was too busy examining her reflection in a highly-polished hoof. Once Celestia gave her cue, the chapel doors were opened by unicorn guards on the other side, and Cadence sauntered in with all the nauseating sultriness she could muster. Luna slipped in right behind her and leaned against the wall a few feet away from the guard on the right. As sickening as it was watching this farce unfold before her very eyes, Luna had to admit that Chrysalis at least looked like she was having fun with it.

Celestia spoke a little longer, although Luna didn’t pay attention. In fact, she caught herself dozing off against the wall several times and shook herself awake. Suddenly, the chapel doors banged open dramatically, and Luna in her grogginess half-hoped that the real Princess Cadence had somehow managed to break out of the Caves and had come to expose Chrysalis.

“I’m here!” Twilight Sparkle cried.

Why is she announcing her presence? Somepony obviously must have asked where she was. But why is she late to the practice? What the hay is going on?

“I’m not gonna stand next to her. And neither should you!”

Oh, dung-coated pony-feathers.

“I-I’m sorry. I don’t know why she’s acting like this,” Shining Armor sheepishly told Cadence.

“Maybe we should just ignore her,” Cadence huffed, clearly annoyed by Twilight’s interruption.

“You have to listen to me!” Twilight cried, now standing midway down the aisle. Fluttershy and Applejack rushed over to her, but the unicorn ignored them and pressed on. “I’ve got something to say! She’s evil!” She pointed a lavender hoof dramatically at Princess Cadence.

Oh, for Tartarus’ sake, Twilight, this was not what you were supposed to do! NO!

Shining Armor stepped in front of his bride. Everypony in the room gasped, and the guards who were normally stoic muttered to each other. Twilight began stalking around Cadence, yelling accusations and backing her up against the chapel wall. For a moment, it looked as though Twilight had managed to corner Cadence both literally and figuratively.

And then came the alligator tears.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Cadence sobbed, rivulets of tears streaming down her pink cheeks. Twilight repeated with a defiant smirk that she thought Cadence was evil once more, and much to Luna’s surprise, Cadence galloped out of the chapel at high speed. Part of Luna wanted desperately to corner her prey for herself, but something in the back of her mind told her this wasn’t over. Or perhaps it wasn’t something in the back of her mind, but rather the look of pure outrage on Shining Armor’s face as Twilight yelled that if she didn’t stop her, Cadence would ruin her brother’s life. All of Twilight’s friends gasped again—really, they had nothing to say to this?—and the lavender unicorn looked triumphant until she turned around and clunked into her brother.

“Do you want to know why my eyes went all,” Shining Armor began, then imitated the spinning eyes Twilight had done just a minute ago. At this point, Luna tuned him out. She knew it was quite rude—he was going to be her nephew by marriage, after all—but she really didn’t find Shining Armor interesting. After all this was resolved, Luna seriously wanted to have a sit-down with Cadence and discuss her choice of husband.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and comfort my bride. And you can forget about being my best mare! In fact, if I were you, I wouldn’t even show up to the wedding at all,” Shining Armor blustered before stalking out of the chapel. Twilight was left sitting alone on her haunches in the middle of the aisle, but her humiliation wasn’t over yet.

“C’mon y’all, let’s go check on the princess,” Applejack stated firmly, and she and the other four young mares trotted past Twilight with their noses in the air, refusing to look at her. Spike followed quickly behind.

“You have a lot to think about,” Celestia hissed as she followed everypony else out of the room, looking angrier than Luna had remembered seeing her in living memory. The Day Guards at the door slammed the door behind them and followed their princess, leaving Twilight well and truly alone, tears in her eyes. Luna wanted to throw down her invisibility spell and comfort Twilight immediately; she knew the pain of abandonment Twilight was feeling right now. She too was angry that the unicorn hadn’t followed her recommendation, for it looked as though her dramatic accusation was the first time both Shining Armor and Cadence had heard any of this. But the tears in Twilight’s eyes as she crawled up the stairs to the altar and sung quietly to herself softened Luna’s heart.

All of a sudden, soft hoof-steps were heard on the altar. Luna looked up to see that Cadence—oh, who was she kidding—Chrysalis had materialized there and was stroking Twilight’s mane in a show of comfort.

“I’m sorry,” Twilight choked out through her tears.

Cadence’s eyes flashed to Chrysalis’ green, and her smile evaporated. “You will be.”

Luna stood rooted to the spot and watched in horror as sickly green flames were conjured up around a shocked Twilight. They arced and formed a dome over the unicorn’s head, and she slowly sunk into the floor as Cadence walked away with an evil smile on her muzzle.

Helpless: that was how Luna felt at the moment. She’d wasted yet another opportunity to stop Chrysalis, and now she was getting away! She’d let Twilight take the fall for something she as a responsible princess should have done herself. She should have been the one sinking into the floor with the flames, but no.

No.

Luna straightened herself up, full of resolve. She shouldn’t be acting as though the battle was over already. Why, it had merely begun! In fact, it was…

…to be continued.

Author's Note:

...That last line is so bad...but I had to slip some kind of joke in to lighten the mood.

Comments

[Wyrme]

Sh*t's going down real soon. I feel it in my bones.