All that good story, and I still see the "you're/your" grammatical error, heh.

I'm no expert on clop (I tend to gloss over sex scenes and treat the fics as a variant of romance), but the story is very good. Certainly hoping to see more soon.

2749859 I apologize for any you're/your mistakes. Most of the time I'm writing this story late in the evenings so my writing not the best when I'm a bit tired. Realizing this, I am starting to re-read my own work more and more. Not just for grammatical correction, but for quality control. I'll look over the older chapters and see about correcting these You're/your errors in all future chapters as well.

accuratly put her relif into words take this simile

Two things I spotted, accurately and relief :3

Other than that, I like this story...anything with Luna I like but that's beside the point xD
Good Job

2750296 Oh! Then theres an equation you'll like.
Luna=L
Best Pony= B

B=L

2750306 That has to be the only equation in reality that I ever liked.

I must say that I thought that (especially reading that he is Lunas first, apparently) the clop could have waited a little longer until there was more emotion in the story.
But needless to say the clop itself was written well.

"If you make any sudden moves towards the Princess's rear, I'll rip something personal off of you.". Yeah, you touch me there....we'll see who gets what ripped off.

Time for le bonus comedy chapter? hahaha

2749974 No need to apologize, friend. If you want I'll gladly be a pre-reader for you (Though I make no promises to catch everything).

2750404 It could have but I flipped a coin and got tails (Heads what wait a bit, tails was right away)

2750788 I can simply pre-read myself with the same effectiveness.

2750796 Be prepared for ALL THE CORRECTIONS!
2750789 *Emperor* Good, Good....

then moves over to my said

side, I guess.

I enjoy this story and the clop meets the expectations of mishaps for first time sex, but there is one thing that bothers me slightly (or maybe I just didn't understand the intentions correctly). So this is from the previous chapter:

When she said that you came to mind. I couldn't help but think of my good friend and I figured you'd make an excellent......'partner' for me to date.

And in this one we have this:

I've awaited an opportunity like this one for so long, so many sleepless night I could never bear to go into detail over. I would lay right here...where you are. Maybe with a nice romance novel; I'd replace the main characters names with ours as their steamy love enveloped them in that dirty dance of passion. Now, I sit atop the very item that generated those sleepless nights.

Those just go completly against one another.

2751658 Thank you, friend.
You have saved me a bit of time :)