'Well that's it, I'm dead' I thought to myself, 'I've finally been beaten.' 'But wait, why do I still feel alive?' I ask myself still thinking, 'I can still feel my heart beat, and can feel a bruise on my arm.' 'Well this is interesting,' I thought, 'I wonder if I can get up, or at least see whats going on.' I tried to get up to a sitting position, but something warm and heavy was laying on my side. I tried to open my eyes, encountering some difficulty and getting blinded by the sun. Eyes being half-open I turn my head to the side and see Grace laying on the right side of me looking like she is soundly asleep. I painfully smile at the sight, as I tried to sit up again, I felt a pain in my leg, looking down gain I saw that there was a red stain in my MARPAT boots "Dang-it I've been hit, oh well we'll get that taken care of later."
But boy-oh, was I not prepared for what I was About to see next.
A large meadow full of flowing green grass and a tree that popped up every once in a while. Looking around I see the rest of my squad also unconscious, Andrew on his side against a tree, and Crawfish (Sarge) on his back against the Humvee. Further inspection shows me that Octavia (The Humvee) is on its side with its front on top of a collapsed tree. 'Why does this place look so hand drawn? Its like there is no shade of murky colors like from where Earth is like' I thought to myself.
I sat there Dumbfounded by the area around me, until I heard a rustle in some bushes behind me. Pulling out my side-arm (I keep a Glock 17 attached to my arm instead of to my waist) and rolling over to my left aiming the weapon in the general direction, prepared (or so I thought) for whoever (or whatever) that comes out. "Come out whoever you are, or so I swear, I will put a round through your skull!" I yelled/ ordered loudly, causing my squad mates to snap awake, "I said come out!"
Sarge and Andrew jumped to their feet and crouched aiming their own weapons toward the bushes in question (Andrew- M4 Sarge-Desert Eagle) and started walking toward me Grace groaning as she woke up, suddenly feeling the pain in her chest. A small sound of movement and whispering could be heard from the bush until a small, scared child's voice spoke up out of the bush, "Why?"
Suddenly realizing I scared a little kid, I mentally slapped myself in the face. 'Dammit! Now I look like a monster in a little kids head, now what are you going to do?' I ask myself as I lower my weapon and motion the others to do the same.
"Because me and my friends here want to see who we are taking to," I said in the friendliest tone I could muster.
'Real smooth Jake, real smooth' My subconscious said to me in my head.
'Shut up Kuno!" I mentally yelled at my subconscious. (who we will now call kuno, and yes i do talk to myself in real life)
'okay' kuno pouted in my head.
-----------
"But we don't want to..." the voice squeaked. Now the kid sounded a little less scared but still did not come out.
'Wait there is more than one?' I asked myself.
'It seems so' the feminine voice of kuno replied in my head
I sighed and shook my head to gather my thoughts correctly, "Please come out, I promise we won't hurt you," I said in a surprisingly motherly tone (lololololololol, you may now laugh your flank off).
"you promise?" the voice asked even less scared than before.
"Yes." I said blankly, taken away by how cute the voice sounded. But even after 6 years in the military/ marines, nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
"Okay, here we come..." said the little voice. Then for some odd reason I had a tugging feeling in my head 'What was that show's name again? My little Pony? wait why am I thinking about this anyway?) [Dangit he's breaking the forth wall again -ZAP-, there that made it all better, now back to the story].
One after another three small figures walked out of the bush 'Ponies?' I thought dumbfounded with my jaw dropping. The first one was a little filly with an orange colored body '?' and pink/ violet mane and tail '?!', and wings... The second one was another filly (a little bigger than the first) with a yellowish colored body 'again?' and a red mane and tail 'I give up', no wings. The last was another filly (about the size of the first) with a white body, purple and pink mane and tail, but she had a HORN.
"Now what do you want Diamond Dogs!" squeaked the orange filly with wings. (Soo adorable) I looked to my sides noticing that the others were also at a loss of words.
"Uhm, we aren't diamond dogs miss," I said a bit nervous on what to say, "We aren't from here either..." I stopped not knowing what else to say. And for about ten minutes we just "stood" there in silence, from not knowing what to say.
[---] Break in the line [---] (time skip)
"And what happened next, Lance Corporal?" A dark figure asks a man who looked to be about 40 years old sitting at a desk in a dark room, "what did these 'ponies' do next?"
"I'm getting there dammit!" the man says, "Why do you even want to know again?" the man asks the dark figure.
"Because you and your squad were the first humans to make contact with Equestria, and its your duty as a Marine to record the events that took place." The figure sternly says, slight irritation showing in his voice.
"Ex-Marine, I've been out for a few years; but fine, I'll finish..."
[---] Break in the line [---] (time rewind)
"so if ya'r not a diamond dog then what ah're you?" The yellow filly speaks up this time (with a very strong county accent). As she took a step toward the group of soldiers.
"We're humans, and we are from America," Andrew said finally his voice (a little scared himself I would say). "Where are we anyway, last I knew we were rolling along getting attacked in Iraq?" he asks clearly confused at the sudden change of scenery.
"It's Equestria if I remember correctly..." I blurt out suddenly feeling everyone present staring at me, "I think?" [ZZZAAPPP!]
"Now how in tarnation do you know that mister?" The yellow one asks again, "and what in the hay is a human? And whats that about an America?"
I looked over at Grace who was still laying on her back, but some how she got her armor off and was applying bandages to her wound. I leaned over to help her apply the bandages to the wound, not noticing the white filly approachiing me
'Perv' Kuno says as I do what I do
'Again shut up'
"Is she okay?" a voice says breaking my train of thought, looking up I see it's the white filly who has been silent until now. She had a glint of concern in her eyes.
"For now, yes; but we will have to clean the wound and get the bullet out first," Then a thought came to me, "if you could bring someone- err, somepony who could help us, it would be a great help."
"Okay I'll be right back Mr. ... Um who are you again?" The white filly said mildly confused
"Oh, um, I'm Jacob" I said, "The guy over there," I pointed at Sarge, "is Jeremy or Sarge," he tipped his helmet as a greeting. "The one looking stupid is Da'Goof or Andrew" I pointed over at Andrew, who was still looking shocked, "and this fine lady..." I was about to finish before Grace cut me off.
"I'm Grace, the one and only thing holding these boys together," Grace finished looking mighty proud of herself. But a few seconds after and she squeezed her eyes shut as a wave of pain shot through her body.
"Hi." the three fillies all said together, "This is Applebloom," as the yellow filly stepped up, "this is Scootaloo," as the orange filly stepped up, "and I'm Sweetie Belle." as the white filly took a bow.
"I'll go and get Twilight," said Sweetie Belle, "You girls..." she pointed her hoof at the other two fillies, "stay here."
The two fillies nodded and sat down as Sweetie Belle ran off to lord know where (or celestia in this case)
[---] Break in the line [---] (Time skip)
"That's it? That's what happened?" The dark figure looked at me in disbelief. "Oh and there is no such thing as an ex-Marine; once a marine, always a marine"
"Will you shut your tramp, I'm thirsty, I need a drink," I say now a little irritated, "We will continue tomorrow... General." (From now on the dark figure is the general)
"Fine, but I'll expect for you to come." The General replies.
"Oh I will," I said 'these memories are some of the greatest in my entire life, I'd be glad to remember these memories for most of any reason' I thought to myself as I walked out of the room.
'They are nice memories aren't they?' Kuno said to me as I walked out
'Oh yes," Looking to my side I was greeted by an ecstatic pink mare with a poofy pink mane and tail, with a ring hanging on a chain around her neck. 'Oh yes indeed'
[---] Chapter Two: End [---]
There done, the second chapter finished
I don't like HIE stories so im not gonna read it... just want u to know u got the uniform wrong on the cover photo... that's an army ACU not a marine MCU
Guys, if you keep making the same story about a group of quirky marines who explode and pop into Ponyville, my nickel jar is going to overflow.
TOO. MANY. MARINES. IN. EQUESTRIA.
2649324 How did I know you were going to be here?
Wooooh boy. First off, that is not Marine camo. The variations of MARPAT are either "really green" or "really tan".
I can tell you know about as much of the military as a CoD or B3 player. Many, many, many, many little nuances that make me cringe when I see. They don't use Civilian time (Or at least not that casually like a Grade School student late for the bus.) . This is the biggest cringe.
I could rant for hours seeing as I am a fanboy for anything military, but I am just going to leave quietly and go back to writing my own silly fiction.
2649391
As old Russian saying goes:
Oh good God. You have the "Mysterious Intelligence Agent". And you describe armaments like loadouts.
oh celestia help me, thankyouthankyouthankyou (oh and sorry about the ACUs, i really didnt have a reference, my family is mostly army
oh and im only 15
Cursing does not make the story more interesting, it just makes it look more immature.
I'm sowwy
Word of advice:
CAPITALIZE YOUR "I"s.
Again sowwy, where is the mistakes I'm having troubles so I could use some help
2649631
psst
use this to reply to comments:
i.imgur.com/Ir5ITdS.png
2649661
... i knew that... not... thanks
Sorry, didn't quite catch that last comment. Come again?
2649609
But I only do that in the comments...
2649680
Awesome...
This will require a lot of work. Firstly, you don't put author notes inside the story (or author comments as the point may be). Whenever you describe a voice or a weapon, you need to do so inside the story not in (between these things) as it kind of (disrupts the) story. Capitalization needs work I've noticed, as does punctuation at points.
Umm... besides the things others have said (MARPAT instead of ACU and so on), just work on it, okay? You have the energy but you just need to refine your skill.
2649685
Well, the description seems to have a few stray "i"s. Considering that that's the first thing that people see, you should try to fix it.
2649846
Okie dokie lokey Mr. Sandstorm I'll get on that when my internet kicks back up, right now I'm using my mom's tablet
2650961
Will do, thanks, I didn't see that will work on that pronto
to put this simply and nicely this story needs work a lot of work you should refine your writing skills as such its not that hard to do I actually like this story but it needs work I give this story 7.8 out of 10 I will follow this story I wish you best of luck
Sincerely TheSniper56655
2653775 will do, once my internet starts working ill fix the story and put another chapter in
There, it's fixed, now on to the third chapter
Sooo tired, I'm probably gonna put the third chapter up tomorrow because my internets back in working order. So I hope to hear everypony's thoughts on what I put up later in he evening (I'm probably not gonna get much sleep tonight)
Sorry guys got real busy yesterday, so maybe later today? you know, just hope it comes during this week
2649551
Well, actually it DOES make the story more interesting to curse for SOME people. Just because YOU don't like it or don't believe it makes it interesting doesn't mean it doesn't.
YES! finally someone who understands, It makes it more realistic if the coarse language is in there (nods politely to the princess cat) thanks
2703145
whoops forgot about that button anyway thanks princess
2703587
welcome! I know personally that Marines and army men DO NOT hold back on the curses. ESPECIALLY on the battle field! Some people just don't understand that no matter how dis tasteful it is, it actually happens, thus making the story realistic and interesting!
Sorry, i have a lot to do now, so i wont be doing real much for a while
This story seems very interesting! I can't wait to continue reading it!
2816336
Well thanks but sorry to say, i won't be doing much until i get back in school,since my editor is one of my friends there, but i promise, a lot more chapters are going to come
2816949
Great! I look forward to it!!
2817147
But i mean if i can get a new editor, i could get more chapters in
2817732
I might be able to edit for you if you like. I'm new, but I can check it out
Give me a day's time, and i'll send you a copy of the third chapter
2817757
It won't be the finished copy tho
2817775
I don't mind. I could still do it for you
2817773
Okay! I'll be ready whenever!
2817785
Okay I'm almost done It ain't the best in the world tho
2819164
hey, don't worry about it. There is no such thing as a bad story. There are just stories that need a little work. I'm ready whenever