Music Clef's Point of View
I run,dodging the bullets from a sentry effectively placed. I remember Meet the Scout. It's the fact that I forgot his nickname. My ear tingles,and I stand on my front legs and kick backwards,killing an invisible force,which is probably the BLU Spy. The briefcase room is ahead. I run,but stop abruptly in front of the door. The BLU Demoman thinks I'm close,and detonates the stickybombs. I step-hop-jump. My hind hooves are used to this kind of jump,and I've got an extra move. My health is extremely low,and I'm lucky that there's a health box nearby. I grab it before I get the briefcase. "THE ENEMY HAS TAKEN OUR INTELLIGENCE." the Administrator says. Rockets,triple,are headed towards me. "Shoot,this is gonna be hard..." I mutter. I bring out the Force-a-Nature and double jump,and then I fired the my gun on my hooves in time to dodge the rockets ahead of me. As I shoot down,I feel a sharp pain on my Cutie Mark. "Spy,next time,my Cutie Mark is sensitive and will attack you,you know." I say,my Cutie Mark,a G-Clef,goes inside his ears and I hear soprano which broke his eardrums,broke his blood vessels and etcetera. The BLU Spy is spread eagled on the ground,but my health is exactly one hitpoint. Another health pack is nearby,fortunately. Unfortunately,it's guarded by stickybombs. I thought why the BLU Demoman would waste his stickybombs in such an uncrucial place. He detonates the stickybombs when I'm already on the go. Rarity is in the briefcase room. "SPY CHECK! What's the name of the confectionery and sweet shoppe in Ponyville?" Rarity asks. "Sugarcube Corner." I reply,and point to the briefcase. I put the briefcase down,and a Sandvich is in front of me with a note.
Thought you might need this. You can use it anytime. Just one use. Use it wisely,preferably when it's the last briefcase. I don't want it,I'm full health,and I'm beside a Dispenser. Pinkie gave me that.
Twilight Sparkle,A.K.A Pyro
"Thanks." I whisper. I saw Twilight and waved. Her eyes widened and pointed behind me. I kick backwards,and a knife fell to the ground. "My Cutie Mark destroyed your blood vessels,your eardrums and half your auricle. I told you not to attack me,non?" I say,mocking him with his own language. I see Twilight giggle with Applejack. I see Zecora with the briefcase,purposely dropping it when she sees me. I run,only for me to meet Rainbow with Pinkie. "SPY CHECK! What's the real name of Pinkie Pie?" Rainbow asks. "Again? As in? Spy check? Well,it's Pinkamena Diane Pie." I say,and they let me pass through the door. I put the briefcase on the capture area. "Two down,one to go." I say to myself. Running,I see more and more sappers on BLU sentries,knowing Rarity sapped them. The BLU briefcase room,finally. I thought. I grab the briefcase and run. "THE ENEMY HAS TAKEN OUR INTELLIGENCE." the Administrator says,and I see the BLU Scout with our briefcase and run. My health drops,and I eat the Sandvich. I run so fast the world is a blur,and I got our briefcase,too. I look backwards and I see that I'm leaving a trail of music notes behind. When I look forward,I see that all mercenaries,pony or person,RED or BLU,are staring at me. Nobody tries to stop me. I stop abruptly in front of the briefcase room. I drop both intelligences on the capture area,and lie down,exhausted. My eyes widen when all the pony REDs are charging towards me. "Aw,heck,this is gonna get bad,dad and stuff." I mutter. They were about to hug me when I stopped them. "Please,I'm exhausted,don't choke me." I plead. They just hug me lightly. "It works,but some rockets almost gibbed me." Big Mac says. "The plan worked perfectly! I saw you running with the BLU intelligence near destroyed BLU sentries!" Rarity says. "Aw,I'm not used to this much attention..." I say,blushing a bright red. "You're an Element of Harmony,you're one of the Mane 7!" Rarity says. "As for you,Big Mac,I told you that you are more prone to rockets." I say. "Please don't hurt me..." Fluttershy says as Scout is crushing her. "Oh,sorry,it's just because you saved me from that Sniper awhile ago." Scout says. "Nice shot,mate." Sniper says,taking a juice of some kind.
Thanks for the feedback,y'all! I'll try to understand what readers will think of this. I'll still continue this. This isn't a trollfic. As for those photos,I understand that you might not like this as I continue. It might have hurt me,but,I understand. Some of my fanfictions on deviantART also has negative feedback.
Thanks for the feedback,y'all! I'll try to understand what readers will think of this. I'll still continue this. This isn't a trollfic. As for those photos,I understand that you might not like this as I continue. It might have hurt me,but,I understand. Some of my fanfictions on deviantART also has negative feedback.
You really need to explain the setting of this story, I'm unable to understand what happen here.
And Jphyper is right, everyone act OoC.
I'm sorry.
From the feedback I'm getting,I might cancel this.
2618705 Don't cancel, rework. Is it your first fic?
I guess you're right. Maybe if I will make a Payload match,it might help. As Fluttershy being a “proffesional assasin”,she's bound to snipe every BLU she sees,and change of words. (I'm actually hinting y'all on the next chapter!)
As for all those who think that Music Clef is Ooc,I'm only focusing on the main Point-of-View character. Next is Fluttershy.
>> Jphyper
Yeah,it's not a trollfic. I'm tryin' ta get mah story better,dis is mah second-ever fanfic.
>> FicusCat
I'm focusing on all the actions of the point of view character,FYI.
>> LightStriker
Thanks! You let me continue my fanfic. It's just the fact I get such negative votes.
>>Mudkipman98
And Applejack?
And I made Fluttershy Sniper for when she met the Medic when Scout unlocked the door in the first chapter,she was scared of the Medic for his quote “I have no idea”.
No idea whats going on
I don't play TF at all, or it seems you NEED to know the game to understand the context and references of the story ( if there is ).
Other thing, the story has a wall of text feel, try to indent and break it more.