I can be social. Probably. Maybe

by Heavensguard

Chapter 3

I can be Social. Probably. Maybe.
----
My left arm is locked. My right arm is tense. My breaths labor. My body is ready.

The string is taut.

The goal is done.

The string is released.

The arrow that was notched, speeds through the air, splitting the cold frost space, before finally breaching bark.

I relieve my lungs and allow a long breath loose from my lips, creating white transparent wisps before me. It was a nice day and I made a good shot, once again. The arrow proudly stands erect, dead center of the wooden target. Maybe not dead center, but pretty close to it.

A sole object of brown amongst a field of white.

God I love winter.

I would have been freezing if I've been wearing the clothes I had on me since I came to this land. A long-sleeve shirt over a t-shirt and jeans aren't the best combo for winter. I caved into Rarity's offer and had her make me a few additions(rephrase, a lot) to my wardrobe.

I'm currently sporting a purple(Rarity said I MUST wear purple some time) linen tunic that fits me quite well. A thick, white cotton shirt beneath to keep me all warm and toasty. I also sport white linen slacks that reach down to my ankles. I still wear my sneakers, but I may get Rarity to try her han-hoof at shoes.

She told me that she would be making some coats for me, but was indecisive on what style she wanted them to be. I had told her to make something like a parka or hoodie, but she ignored me. When I pressed the issue, she set her cat, Opalescence, at me.

Didn't do much, since her cat absolutely adores me. Now if only Angel could do the same.

I trudge through the snow, the soft crunch drifting into my ears, and approach the round wooden target. Closer inspection reveals many other perforations, most on the outer rings that slowly transition towards the center. I pluck the arrow from the center, taking extra care not to break the arrowhead. It's funny how many arrows I lost thanks to moronic retrieval.

"Whatchu doing out here, pardner?" Damn, that scared me.

"Just practicing some archery, Jack." I put the arrow in my off hand so it will be holding both the bow and arrow. I turn to see Applejack trotting towards me, a chorus of crunched snow following.

"Arch a whatna?" I swear she does that just to get a rise out of me.

"Archery. The practice of bow and arrow." I lift my left hand to emphasize the bow and arrow.

"Ah-okay. Why are you doing that, if you don't mind me askin~?"

"Because I like to. It is something that pleases me."

That was an understatement.

Archery. That practice didn't quite draw me in when I was younger. As I grew, I heard stories of heroes and legends that utilize the bow. It created the sliver of awe and aspiration. The more stories I delve into, the more the concept of archery grew on me.

I love swords, yes that is true.

I just think the concept and morals of archery is cooler.

When I learned about kyudo, that is when archery became...ARCHERY. It became something different, I can't quite think of a word for it. The closest thing would be imprinting. I didn't know it back then, but that was when I started my philosophical side.

So yea, Archery is something that really sticks with me.

"Now that's just dodgin' the question. Why do you like playing around with that doohickey?" Doohickey? Really, Jack?

"Alright, you caught me. I'm practicing so that next time that blasted manticore shows up, I got a present for his eyes!" Jack gasped, turns out I may have made a scary face when I said that.

"You know Flutteyshy is going to be mad at you."

"...That's very true." Perhaps my vengeance is petty...

"NO! That blasted beast keeps stalking me every time I go into the Everfree Forest!" I wave my hands erratically. "Even when Flutters catches him doing so, he goes right back to doing it! I'm just bringing up a more permanent solution to this!" I can bear Flutter's scolding for this, it would probably be the only time I would need to. I'd be bending over backwards to stay on her good side afterwards.

"...He's bothering you that much, isn't he?" You have no idea Jack.

"You should try being soft and squishy and being attacked by furry monster with claws." I retort dryly.

"No thank you partner, Ah am just fine as Ah am."

"Shame, I would like to see my troubles from a third party"
----
"So, getting accustomed to Equestria?" asks Applejack

"Yea, things are getting better. I still can't believe pegasi control the weather. I should've known Dash would keep a cloud over me every moment she gets." Damn blue pegasus.

"I still don't get why the two of you keep hasslin' each other?"

"I just never got along with her, I guess. She seems to be always on my arse on something."

"You have a donkey?" Oh right forgot.

"No, arse is another name for human butt or flank if you will."

"Ah. That explains why Twilight doesn't like you saying that."

"Well, I believe it is because I told her that is how we curse in my world." Worse decision ever. She keeps smacking me every time I curse. However, I do understand the concept of keeping bad words away from Spike and fillies.

"Now I'm concerned. Why would you tell Twilight that? You could've saved yourself a few smacks to the noggin"

"Well, sometimes I think I'm too helpful when one asks." I would think I am.

"Thats fer'sure."

The two of us continue walking the snowy forest path to Ponyville. Along the way we meet up with Twilight who is carrying a dress of red with orange shoulders. Upon inquiries, it is revealed that she is taking it to Rarity to get it fixed up. The three of us make our way to Carousel Boutique.

"Why are you getting it fixed again?" I ask

"I want to wear it to the Grand Galloping Gala," Twilight says excitedly, "It's also the only dress I have, which I got from Rarity."

"I remember that, it was the first day you came to Ponyville. You were quite the finicky pony then." Applejack states.

"Grand Galloping Gala, huh? By the way-" I start.

"Oh that reminds me, we should probably get Rarity to make you a dress." Interrupts Twilight

"Suit, Twi. Suit, men wear suits. Tuxedos work best, but everyone loves suits." I hastily retort.

"Alright, alright. Don't need to be such a sourpuss about it." You were about to put me in a dress Twilight, I have the right to overreact. We eventually came upon Rarity's home and shop.

There we find our resident tailor deep in thought.

Doing something fairly obvious to all, but Twilight and Applejack.

"Can't you see Rarity is trying to concentrate?" Twilight chides Applejack silently. Or she believes so.

"Now that you mention it, it's kinda obvious Twilight." You're not quiet either Jack.

"Shhhh..." Still kinda loud Twi.

"What do you think she's makin'?" Use your eyes Jack.

"Looks like a dress." No duh. Looks like Rarity's getting irritated.

"Well, that makes sense. Since this is a dressmaker's shop n'all." Rarity's already stopped sewing, Jack.

"Is there something I can help you with?" Yup, Rarity's agitated.

"So sorry to bother you Rarity, but I need a quick favor. Could you please fix this button for me? Also, is there a chance you can make a suit for Ned?"

"For the Grand Galloping Gala? I was already going to make him a fabulous tux," Rarity prances around me, fluttering her mane about. "However," she pauses mid-prance to levitate Twilight's dress. "I refuse to allow you to wear this old thing." She throws it across the room. And manages to nail Opalescence.

Good bye Twilight's dress.

"You need a glamorous new outfit for the Gala and I'll make it for you!" There was this look in her eyes that screamed, "Brilliance!"

"Oh that's really sweet of you to offer," Really Twilight? Don't you see that blazing smile on her face? Refusing is going to hurt rather than please her. Rarity insisted and made no allowance for Twilight to argue. She did the same to Applejack when the earth pony was put on the spot. It felt like the scenario was coming to an end, so I made to leave.

I managed two steps before... well...

*CRASH*

"LOOK OUT BELOW!" It must be a karma thing, I'm sure of it.

The flying blunder that is the blue pegasus of rainbow trails crashed through one of Rarity's windows, snow-covered and all, and slammed into me. We bounced off the ground and smashed into the wall. To top off this delightful event, we slid down the wall, in classic slow fashion.

I swear, I'm part of someone's weekend cartoon.

"Ugh, sorry. New trick. Didn't work." the blue pegasus sheepishly delivers.

"I'll say, unless the trick involves breaking windows and crashing, in-which case, Nice!" I can be snippy too.

"Why thank you. I've been working on the angle to try an- You're being sarcastic, aren't you?" Rainbow deadpans at the last bit when she caught on. Funny.

Perhaps I should lay off for a bit.

"Idea! I'll make you an outfit for the Gala. While on that thought, I'll add Pinkie Pie and Flutteryshy too!" Rarity began to gather paper and pens with her magic. Both Rainbow and I were slapped in the face by a few pages. "I'll even make a fashion show of it!"

"What a great idea Rarity! If you're sure you can handle it." Twilight encourages.

"Then it's settled. We'll have a fashion show starring us." Rarity levitated a few pony mannequins. I had to duck to avoid another collision to the head. I swear, nobody here keeps in mind how tall I am.

"So all you have to do is make different, stunning, original, amazing outfit for each of us? And lickety split?" Applejack does bring up a valid point.

"Oh Applejack. You make it sound as if it's going to be hard." Rarity seems to brush off Applejack's concerns.

Only time will tell I suppose.

Oh looky, she's breaking into song.
----
"You finished mine pretty fast, Rarity. Any reason why?" I was curious.

"Well, I was already in progress with yours when I started with my dress. Besides, you've been telling me stories of your people, and I noticed a particular type you like to soliloquize about." She walks me towards her showroom, "And I decided that perhaps you have a preference of fashion that relates to that. You already like the clothes I made that resemble, what was it... oh medieval fashion."

"Yea, you got it right there." I have to say, she did a great job on the tunics and slacks. We stop before her stage with her red curtains still down.

"Well, allow me to present you my next beauty." She levitates the curtains to reveal...

"Holy shite!"

Is that a gakuran? How the hell did she make something like this?

"How did you make it?" I was pacing around it, it truly looked authentic.

Black high-collar long-sleeved blazer with golden dollar buttons. Dark blue slacks that looked well-folded and ironed. On another mannequin, a white dress shirt with a violet unicorn embroidery on the left side over the heart.

I might be gushing right now.

"Well, it took some examinations and breaking down what you told me. You did go into elegant details about these 'Japanese' people you seem so fond of." Well, I guess I do gush on subjects I have preference to. "There wasn't much customization I could go into, but I managed a few signatures. The embroidery on the shirt was my own touch to the ensemble, to let people know Rarity did this. There are patches on both shoulders, here I took the liberty of leaving it dark and empty. This is so that when YOU get a cutie mark, you can attach a copy design to this blazer. So, your thoughts?" She stares at me. It should be obvious though.

"I absolutely love it Rarity. I'm quite surprised you managed this. The embroidery fits just swell. I'm slightly concerned that you believe I can get a cutie-mark(I don't want one), but I can probably make my own badges for the shoulders. This is phenomenal work." She beams with my praise.

"You should put it on, darling. I must see how it fits on you." I'm already dying to try it on.

"Alright, alright. Hold your hors- err cat." I took both mannequins and dragged them over to a curtain.

"What are you doing, darling? I want to see you put on the suit!" Huh?

"I'm going go change."

"Then change!"

I resume walking, "I'm about to."

"No you're walking away!" She now began to follow me.

"Hey! I need to change. In private!" Geez, don't you have common sense. It's not like I watch you change.

Oh.

I just realized. I see naked ponies everyday. Ponies don't usually wear clothes. Only on special occasions. It's not like there's no nudity taboo. It's just that there is nothing wrong with nudity.

I'm the strange one. I'm the one with nudity taboos.

Crap.

"Err... Rarity, just give me a second. I'll be right back to show you how the suit fits." I dash behind the curtains with suit in hands.

"Argh! Stop being so difficult!" She joins me.

"HEY! I said In Private!"

"Stop being so fussy!"

"Oi! You're not suppose to help!"

"You look like you're having trouble!"

"It's because you're in here!"

"How is that suppose to be a problem!"

"J-just get out!"

"Aahh!" A swift punt(soft punt) launches the marshmallow unicorn out of my impromptu curtain dressing room.

Say what you will about my reaction. I'm just not comfortable with someone watching. It's down right weird.

"The nerve!" I hear Rarity huff. I'm sorry Rarity, but I'm just not comfortable with being seen in the nude. I'll make it up to you soon enough.
----
"So..." I was curious and embarrassed.

"Hmm..." Really, Rarity? Say something! You've made me stand here for about twenty minutes already.

"Well?"

"I may have overestimated your size. It's a little loose in some areas..." She continues to circle me with her scrutinizing eyes. "Despite some gaps and over estimations You look absolutely dashing. You may not fill it out, but that barely does anything to dissuade the fact you are quite handsome."

"Really?" I'm...speechless. Handsome? Not the first I've heard it directed at me, but it is a rare occurrence.

"Yes Darling! You would be quite the spectacle at the Gala. Refined, Dark, Mysterious, New, each a part of what you would present to the Canterlot elite." Rarity levitates a couple of pins and a pincushion. "Now hold still. I must fix this up so it will match your form better." Oh, this could be worrying.

"Shouldn't I take this off?"

"I'm afraid no, I need you so I can tighten up where the suit is loose."

Well, I guess I should just accept it and brace for some pricks. Gakurans normally aren't formal clothes, but I guess since it is something new to Equestria, it would work. Ow.
----
"Breaking into song again, Rarity?" I ask the exasperated unicorn. She looks like a mess. Her mane is frizzy and pale. Her eyes are half-lidded and bears redness. "Before you answer that, are you alright?"

It is a few days after Rarity showed me my suit. I worked for Smokestack and Cheerilee during the free time. I was informed by Spike that Rarity hasn't been doing well. Could explain why I haven't seen her in a while. Twilight kept bringing her astrology books over to the Carousel Boutique and the few times I've seen Applejack and Fluttershy, they had boots and fabrics respectively. I had gotten the feeling that something was off.

So today, I came to Rarity's to see if she is alright.

I would bet my fingers that she wasn't.

"Ah, Why yes I am! Why do you ask?" Your eye is twitching marshmallow.

"Well, you look a little overworked. Anything I can do to ease the workload?" I don't know anything about dressmaking, but I had a lesson on sewing once.

"I'm quite alright dear. I thank you for the offer."

"Err... Rarity," She turns to me once again, "Yes, Ned?"

"You just sewed that cloth to Opal." It seems that both Rarity and Opal had just realized what I said was true. In classic Murphy's law, Opal screeched and thrashed about, causing Rarity's threader to hop up and crash into Rarity's snout. She fell over, but along the way down, she got caught on some fabric rolls. This caused an avalanche of rolls, pins, and twine to descend upon the unicorn.

I would have laughed...

Had I not decided to worry for my friend's safety.

"Ow" I say simply. I think there is a few needles in my neck. I push that thought back and raise Rarity to her hooves.

"Thank you, darling." Her horn glows and I feel the steel pins leave my neck. I immediately brush my hand at the back of my neck before scratching it. No real harm done.

"I think I'll take you up on that offer..." Rarity continues.

"Sure, what would you have of me?"
----
"Rarity..."

"Yes Ned?" Rarity's voice was strained. I already know why.

"I know that everyone likes their dress and all..." However, I still need to hear it. And to confirm it for both of us.

"What is it Ned?"

"These dresses... they're... kinda..."

"Oh just spit it out!"

"Ugly. Ugly as all hell." That was putting it mildly. I may not have Rarity's fashion vision, but I sure as hell know when a bad dress comes up.

"I know..." She sounded defeated. "And I'm about to present them to Hoity Toity."

"umm...Man... This would be a great time to prepare a drink." I have a feeling that Rarity is going to need one. Perhaps I should start looking into grapes or perhaps apples? Trial and error is how people learn new booze, I'm just gonna relearn one.

"This is going to be horrible..." Yea it's going to be horrible alright.

"Since the beginning of time, the elite of Equestria have longed for pony fashion truly expressed the essence of their very souls." I'll give Spike credit. He knows how to prepare peo-ponies for something epic. Sad. Should have gotten someone else for this one. "Patiently waiting decades...no, centuries! ...for the perfect pony gown. Today, at long last, Equestria, your wait is over! Let's hear it for the breathtaking designs of Ponyville's own Rarity!"

Damn. He is REALLY good. I want him at my funeral. Just with a deeper voice. And constantly spewing fire. Might as well make it a cremation.

Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight step down the catwalk(which was built by Smokestack and myself). There was a collective gasp and even the DJ let the record scratch(Classic!). When the ponies finally reached the end of the cat walk, which was a spinning platform(Spike's idea. Really hard to accomplish), there was a long bit of silence.

Then that pompous bastard from Canterlot decided to bash on Rarity's work.

Yes, we know it's bad! We have eyes good sir! Stop making it more worse than it has to be.

"Oh! Hide me." Rarity... is attempting to hide under Opal.

"Come on out and take a bow, Rarity. You wor- guh!" I swiped Spike off the catwalk before he made a terrible situation even more awkward.

"Well, this could have gone better." To no one in particular. Spike muffled something in my hand.

"Yea, yea. Maybe next time, catch on to the mood, Dragonborn. Might preve- Ewww stop slobbering against my hand!"
----
"Wawity." I state her name. I was currently pinching my nose.

"I'm never coming out!" is my response.

"Are you okay in there?" Pinkie Pie says from right beside me. Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and myself are just outside Rarity's room. Her door was closed. It was open earlier when she believed it was just me coming in, but the moment she saw the rest of us, she slammed the door. Into my nose. It hurt.

"I can't show my face in Ponyville ever again! I used to be somepony! Now I'm the laughing stock of the town! I used to be RESPECTED!" Her wailing pierced the heavens that is the door and into our ears. Geez.

"You're not a laughing stock, Rarity..." Twilight tries her hoof at calming the fashionista.

"She kinda is." Thank you Rainbow. I swipe at her without looking. "Hey!" Direct hit.

"Shh! Come on out and talk to us." Twilight glares at both Rainbow and myself.

"Leave me alone! I vant to be alone! I vant to vallow in... vhatever it is that ponies are supposed to vallow in!" Really? Going Dracula talk on us now? "Do ponies wallow in pity? Oh, listen to me, I don't even know what I'm suppose to wallow in!" That's pretty sad and funny at the same time.

"Now what do we do?" Twilight turns to the rest of us.

"Uh...panic?" offers Fluttershy.

"That's your answer for everything!" rages Rainbow.

"I'm inclined to agree with Rainbow on this Flutters, but then again..." I start. Rainbow glares at me now.

"Well, we can't just leave Rarity like this." Applejack does have a point.

"She'll become a crazy cat lady!" Pinkie shouts.

"She only has one cat." Twilight expresses.

"Give her time." Surprisingly, I finished for Pinkie. This threw Twilight for a loop, before she shook her head and turned back to the door.

Curious.

I join her as the rest of the girls...err mares left.

"What do you see?" I ask.

"A way to make it up to Rarity." Twilight smiles, before motioning me to look as well. I pop back up with a matching smile.
----
And so the day was saved. With Rainbow stealing away Opal to get Rarity to come out of her room so that Twilight and the rest of us could show her that we had(correction, Fluttershy.) completed Rarity's dress to her specifications.

The unicorn was overjoyed and became even more so when all the ponies apologized. Rainbow expected me to apologize along with them, but I told her that I accepted Rarity's gift and even helped her out when she was stressing about THEIR dresses.

Of course Twilight had me downplay the ribbing.

I believed we were done for the day, only for Twilight to bring up the fact that she did convince that elitist to have a second go at Rarity's designs.

Needless to say, the second fashion show was beyond brilliant(with Spike once again making a fantastic announcer) and Hoity Toity was overwhelmed.

It was a good day.
----
"So you told Celestia, 'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth'?" I ask.

"Yes, why?" Ah right, She wouldn't know how odd it is to hear a human idiom from a pony.

Wait.

"How do you know the saying, anyway?" I was curious.

I was currently sitting on a cushion in the main room of Twilight's tree-house. I was sitting cross-legged and had one of many tomes in my hand. This one was titled, "A Complete History of Equestria". I also had Spike lying down in my lap, snuggling well into my stomach. Twilight was on my right, resting under my arm as I scratch at her scalp(Do ponies have scalps?).

"It's something I picked up at Canterlot school. Why? Is it a human saying as well?" Nice instincts.

"Yea, it basically has the same meaning. I would assume it would have a more literal meaning here, but I guess not." I turn a page and continue to read through the lines. Spike shifts a bit and I close the book(with a finger to save my place) and scratched the baby dragons head with a corner.

"It does have a literal meaning here. So..." She trails off.

"What?"

"I was wondering if you have anymore stories from your world?" Oh, if thats the case.

"I have quite the repertoire. Give me a second to think of which one to tell."

I'm not one to remember perfectly, but I do have a good idea how each one goes. Let's start with a legend. An epic.

"Well, get yourself settled. Spike, you okay there? Need anything to snack on before I start?"

"I'm alright. I just had a few apples earlier."

"Was this from my stash?"

"...N-n-no..." Dammit

"Forget it. Get comfy."

There was a bit of a pause as both Twilight and Spike got settled. Mostly Twilight, as she had to get another pillow and a blanket that covered the three of us.

"Okay, where to start. I know. (Cough).

Long ago, in a land known to most as Greece, there is a strong and respectful kingdom called Sparta. This kingdom is legendary across all of Greece as a gathering of great warriors. It was their primary profession. It is on this day of days, Sparta has welcomed a group of envoys. Not just any envoys, for these individuals were the royal children of their long-time enemies and rivals, Troy. Like Sparta, Troy was legendary. Not for their warriors, but for their city. The city of Troy, was known back then as the impregnable fortress.

Of that day of days, a peace treaty was declared and accepted. Bitter rivals became friends and allies. It would be the start of a great alliance, one that could last through the ages.

Had it not been for a prince of Troy and the queen of Sparta."

I am socially awkward

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[sirraf]

An epic!

Ahem... A long long time ago, in a galaxy far away...