Before the terror

by Cookietheif

Her very first friend

How did it come down to this…?

Murder…

Betrayal…

Cannibalism…

Insanity….

Brightsmile went down the path of darkness… All thanks to that voice… But when was this path truly chosen for her?

The answer resides in her childhood…

It began with tears… And a broken doll…

Mareana, an old farming town that resides deep within the deserts, growing mostly cotton, corn, and wheat. The town has hardly changed for over a hundred years. Most ponies cling to older ways and chase out the new ones.

It’s a town that hides some of the darkest secrets in Equestria... The story of this dark secret begins during school... Where our innocent little filly is surrounded by hateful beings...

“Why did you break it?!” She shouted at the older foals, her doll lying in ruins before her. Rage filled her, but so did sorrow. She was 8 and was already living a miserable life in her own way…

The bright white filly was very different than the other foals. She was very calm and didn’t play around much, and she had a strong dislike of sweets…

She stood out from the other foals obviously, and that attracted nothing but bullies…

“Because it was fun! What are you gonna do about it?” Sneered one of the bullies.

There were 3 in all; each one was bigger than Brightsmile and they were ready for any fight she may put up. The bullies terrorized most foals but Brightsmile was their favorite victim...

Fist was the leader of the group. His pelt was dark red and his mark was a punching bag. Then there was Tiny and Shake, both of them were brothers.
Shake was orange and skinny, and his mark was simply a milkshake. As for his brother Tiny, he was pretty big despite his name. His skill as being a little pony wrestler...

Out of nowhere Fist, who lead the group, swung his hoof and it connected to side of poor Brightsmile’s head… Why? Well, why not?

The little unicorn was asking for it by being so different! She was knocked a foot away, the pain throbbing throughout her head. That was surely going to leave a mark…
Slowly she got up as the bullies laughed at her, but instead of hitting back she ran off…

She was heading to her secret place… A small maze of corn that hid an abandoned cabin in the center…

She always went here was she was sad, or was hiding from those 3 bullies… So the place was used very often. She busted inside and threw herself into a makeshift bed, burying her face into the pillow and sobbing… But what she didn’t notice… Is that she wasn’t alone…

“That was a rude thing they did to you…”

Brightsmile gasped and looked about. Where did that voice come from? She couldn’t see anypony inside, but that voice was definitely from inside…
Suddenly a shadow in the corner or the cabin gave her an answer… It rose up and took the shape of a pony, and the dark form of a pony spoke once again. “Don’t be afraid, little one…” The shadow said soothingly, even though it lacked a mouth…

Brightsmile almost screamed at the top of her lungs by this sudden encounter. But the shadow didn’t pose as a threat… How would a shadow hurt her anyways?

“I could help you with your bully troubles, if you don’t mind being my friend… I haven’t had a friend in so long…” Continued the strange shadow, sorrow pouring out of its words… Was it telling the truth? Would she really be Bright’s friend?

The little filly got out of the bed and looked up at the shadow. Her eyes no longer held fear, it was replaced by joy. A shadow being her friend is way better than having no friends at all!

“I would really like it if those bullies left me alone… And have you as friend!” The innocent pony said with glee… “My name is Brightsmile, what’s yours?”

“Just call me Crimson.” Was the answer. “Now, close your eyes… And when you open them you won’t have to worry about those bullies in a long, long time…"

Foolishly, the sweet little unicorn followed her instructions. As she breathed in, the shadow went inside her lungs… But when she breathed out. Nothing but air was expelled… Her eyes opened, and for just one second, they were a wonderful crimson color… Darkness flowed out of her horn.

And she was gone…

“We so showed her, right Fist?” Said Shake. All of them were at their hang out, an old tree house that they took from some fillies, relaxing and joking around.

Fist was busy pounding away on a punching bag that was chained to the roof. It also had a drawing of Brightsmile on it… “Got that right!” He said, bursting with satisfaction. What was almost too easy to make her run off crying!

“Yeah, it showed me how slowly I’ll kill each of you…” Said a small, yet sinister, voice behind the 3 bullies… Fist, Shake, and Tiny turned to see who just said that, and to their surprise… Brightsmile was standing behind them!

Instead of kindness or sorrow in her eyes… A murderous gaze replaced it… But the gaze didn’t affect the taller bullies. Instead it caused them to start laughing at the tiny filly. What could she do to 3 older foals?

The answer came to them as punching bag sudden broke free of the chain that made it hang about and slammed into Shake, the skinniest one of the group, and it flung him into the wall.

Shake yelped out from the sudden blow, but before he could react the bag threw itself into him once more and send him and the bag through the wall!
He landed with a sickening thud... “Shake!” Shouted his brother. Tiny looked at Bright with pure rage. “I’m going to kill you!” He shouted as he charged at her blindly, ready to rip her apart.

But Brightsmile merely yawned at his rage. Once Tiny was close enough she stepped out of the way and tripped him and sent him tumbling out of the tree house, giggling as she heard a huge thud a few seconds later.

That’s two down for now... One more to go.

Fist stared at the white filly in fear… Was this really the same Brightsmile he sent him crying earlier today?! He had to do something before he becomes a victim now…

He ran to his rack of dumbbells and began to picking them up. “B-back off!” he stuttered, he aimed the dumbbells at her to show that he meant business… But all Brightsmile did was cackle at his stupidity…

“The tables have truly turned… Brightsmile used to fear you… But now you fear her… That’s a nice bit of irony.” She said as she advanced to the red foal, the laughter never ending

What was she talking about? She didn’t sound like the Brightsmile anypony knew… All that registered to him was that she getting close…

Fist threw a dumbbell at her, aiming right for Bright’s head, but before it made contact… It stopped!

The dark aura cloaked the dumbbell and stopped it just before it hit her… And then suddenly the dumbbell flew into Fist’s leg, making a horrid snap as his leg bone broke from the impact and jutted out.

Fist fell to his side, screaming bloody murder. But it wasn’t over just yet… Brightsmile forced him to stand just to knock him back down by hitting his jaw with the dumbbell once again…

She slammed it down into his side to break a few ribs, cackling at his dreadful screaming…

Shake had 6 broken ribs, many bad splinters, and a concussion… Tiny had a broken ankle from his fall, along with a dislocated shoulder due to the way he fell.

Fist had a broken leg, jaw, and ribs… Each foolish foal was begging for mercy, and that they would never bully her again... But it was far too late...

The bright filly levitated the 2 groaning brothers back up into the tree house and put them beside their defeated leader... Bright... No, Crimson spoke as she glared at each whimpering, pitiful foal.

"You had all the chances to stop what you were doing to Brightsmile before I came... You remind me of the filthy foals back in my time... And that’s why you must die!" She began her mad laughter as dumbbells began floating into the air... And began shattering every little bone they had.

A chorus of painful screams pierced the ears of nearby farmers and they all rushed towards to the tree house and found... Nothing?

All they could see was a hole in the wall, the punching bag under the tree house, and a dumbbell rack minus the dumbbells! Where was the source of the screams? Sadly they were just a second too late to see the possessed filly teleport herself and the evidence somewhere...

Fist, Shake, and Tiny were each far out of the town, and far from any main path in and out of Mareana... They were alive... For now... Each leg and almost every rib were in little pieces and they're body were merely bloody, bruised up lumps of pulp.

The shadow figured that they wouldn't need their bits anymore so it helped itself to the bag of bits that they stole yesterday... She left them to die in the middle of nowhere with no way to find help.

Around her were orbs of their blood that was covering the tree house’s floor boards and as she walked she was drinking plenty of the liquid of life... Cackling to herself and enjoyed her time using a new body...

As for Brightsmile… Her friend eventually gave up control and she found herself in front of a candy store with some bits… Awesome!

With not a single memory of what Crimson did and a strange taste of iron on her tongue, she skipped inside happily… They had tons of sugar free candy at the counter just for her.

Comments

[Blood Waltz]

Really Nice Background story
I am looking forward to more!

[Cookietheif]

2515872

thanks! i was hoping that this story could help understand my grimdark greatly. The next chapter will reveal much more about Crimsonsmile

[oop]

I might have been more interested had I actually known the character this is providing a backstory of, might have to check that out. Fortunately though because I don't i can look at this from an unbiased standpoint.
Your main character was well done, the personality showed clearly. The setting was unfortunately a little underdeveloped, I honestly had the image of the punching bag floating in the air when you first introduced it. The fact that you had to actually describe the bully characters after you were done with the story does an emphasis of how poorly the job was done describing them in the first place. Finally the story as a whole was not very original... The idea of possesion has passed from being original to being overused, and a classic group to which the reader can determine hatred toward is just as much so.
However, you didn't do a bad job of it in the end. I'd rate it about a 4.6 out of 10, and I'm going to be nice and give you the upvote anyway because it really looks like you need it...
-CC

[Cookietheif]

2516746

Well I understand the problem with detail... I work on these in school and I can't review it myself when I finish. Thanks for brining that to my intention though.

As for the possession. I don't care if the idea is unoriginal, I simply enjoyed the thought of having a evil force do things in the body of a innocent being such as Brightsmile.

Over all I am thankful for your review. And i'll fix my errors when I can.

[Cookietheif]

Wow... after reading that guy's review again and glancing at the story once more... i really should start redoing it sooner... i can try staying up later and see if i can begin adding detail, and maybe make a more... interesting fight scene... once i do i might lable gore on this story...

[Cookietheif]

well i did what i said i'll do... i just hope its at least a little better.