You read the title.

So. Two hundred words of poetry on either flowers, Big Mac's musings or something cheesy (bonus points if it includes cheese). What type of poetry is, of course, up to you.

And now for the actual purpose of this thread: Evaluating the poems before posting them to Dagger's blog or pming him. A lot of people say poetry's subjective, and whilst true, there's one rule which is always relevant: Is it any good? Use this place to sharpen your writing in the same way you would a quill.

And with that in place, begin! (I have no idea how much time we have, btw, so be quick.)

We have plenty of time, I'l try to get it done for the fifteenth at the latest, but life is hectic atm, so we'll see.

This is a little more than 200, but what do you think?

"The Ponies of the Background"

You may not cast a look at first
As we stand in the back
But we still pop up now and then
For it's our given knack
We’re the ponies of the background
The stock of any crowd
But we’re special ourselves, you see
And of that we’re quite proud

"My name is Lyra Heartstrings, friend,
You've seen my on my butt
Sitting like the humans do
Though it shows off my gut.
My BFF is Bon Bon, see
And Golden Harvest, too
If next I see you on the stage,
I’ll surely cheer for you."

"Call me Derpy, or Ditzy Doo,
I heed the muffin's song
Forgive me if I hurt you, I
Just don't know what went wrong.
My eyes are kinda wonky, though
It adds some to my charm
Why do the censors dislike me,
I never meant them harm.”

“I’m Berry Punch, and I think you’ll find,
I’m not too bad a chum
Just watch yourself around my brews
I use 10 kinds of rum.
I’m a favorite at parties, but
If I may be so free
When it’s the game of drink we play,
No one surpasses me!”

We three are but a sample of
The ponies in the rear
We fill up space when on the scene
So, of that, have no fear
Though our names may change, and though
You may not hear us speak
We’re the ponies of the background, and
We’re all of us unique

448997

I don't know... It's not about Flowers or Big Mac, which makes me guess that you're aiming for cheesy.

This doesn't really feel that cheesy to me. As for the actual poem, yeah. I like it. It'd make an awesome musical song, actually.

Oh, and:

>Sitting like the humans do

This is seven beats when your usual pattern is eight. Try "sitting just like the humans do".

>"Call me Derpy, or Ditzy Doo,

Sounds better to me as "Call me Derpy, call me Ditzy,". The isocolon's made is just too nice to resist. My opinion, though, so ignore if you want to.

>Forgive me if I hurt you, I
>Just don't know what went wrong.

Beat issues again. I'd just wreck the rhyme and have "Forgive me if I hurt you, for // I don't know what went wrong!"

>I use 10 kinds of rum.
>I’m a favorite at parties, but

10 needs to be ten and favorite needs to be fav'rite to indicate the missing syllable (assuming consistency).

>Why do the censors dislike me,

Sounds better as "Why do all the censors hate me" to me. Again, my opinion; ignore if you want to.

>“I’m Berry Punch, and I think you’ll find,

Drop the 'and' + upgrade the comma after Punch to a semicolon.

The ending of the last stanza feels weak, mainly because the rhythm gets really choppy. Line thirty seven feels the worst. I'd invest some serious revision down there.

Oh, and loose the comma after Ditzy Doo and heartstrings, friend for consistency in your end of line punctuation. (The period within the quotations is fine, though.)

449045
Oh, I thought those three were just suggestions. I was under the impression we could write about anything. My mistake. ^^;

449053

Heh, if we could write anything I'd be raiding my old poetry collections. I've been reading through it for inspiration, and there's a fair few that could be 'modified'.

Still, I've been presently surprised whilst going over them. They're better punctuated than I thought I used to write, though past me's love of the colon continues unabated.

Seriously, there's, like, three colons in a single sentence at one point. The more grueling thing is that they're all grammatically correct.

449057
Wow. So, should I edit and re-post, or forget about it since it doesn't fit the criteria? I can always try to think of something else.

448982

Quick check to make sure I'm not being an idiot: We have to do the poems on the prompt, right? They are actual prompts rather than plain old suggestions, correct?

449062
Yup they're the prompt. I'm writing a Big Mac X RoseLuck ship fic that revolves around a poetry competition.

449069

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... Does this mean they don't have to necessarily be pony related?

I've been trying to think of ways to combine ponies and flowers in less than two hundred words. If I could just do flowers, it'd be so much easier. Please?

I'll make puppy eyes.

449073
Sure, as long as a pony can say it...

449078

(I kid. That's good enough for me. Thks.)

Two ideas sorta came to me today. I know I have no real ability to write poetry, but hell, it's the prompt, I might as well practice, right?

This first one doesn't fit the prompts, but it came to me because of the assignment I just finished writing earlier, and I thought it poignant.

In The Shadow Of The Sun

In the shadow of the sun
Nopony can see your face.
Your works are taken for granted
And you’d be easily replaced.

Were we not sisters?
What have we become?
I hardly see myself
And recall where we’re from.

In the shadow of the sun
Your pain’s easy to hide.
Tears shed in silence
Aren’t any easier to abide.

Was the love not for us both?
Was I meant for so much less?
Your radiance casts such a pall
You can’t even see my distress.

In the shadow of the sun
No one knows you’re gone.
Nopony misses the night
Or the stars that once shone.

Must I take what’s mine?
Will you finally notice me?
Anger wars with love
And it tears at my seams.

In the shadow of the sun
I seem condemned to stay.
Maybe you’ll regret it
When I’ve finally gone away.

And, here's one that does match the prompt. A bit of flowery (ba-dum tish) prose for Big Mac, because still waters run deep, and there's none stiller than Mac.

A Fine Day

It’s a fine summer’s day,
Whatever shall we do?
Perhaps wander down to the cafe
To share a bite or two

Over a table tastefully decorated
With a flower in a vase.
I won’t know what they’re called,
But they’d be beautiful in any case.

Perhaps instead we’d go to the lake
To sit and while away the hours.
Or a meadow on a hill to talk
Of dreams among the flowers.

They’re always on my mind it seems
These blossoms of every hue,
But in my defense, I’d like to say
They all remind me of you.

I’ll pass you in the street today
Like all the days before,
But I fear that once again I’ll
Have left my words at my door.

I’d like nothing more than to
Admit my love—but I clam up.
The only thing I can ever manage
Is a simple, dismal “Eeyup!”

Yeah, sorry for the goof up, folks, but I think I'll back off with this one.

Hi!!! I have returned from the mountain. Just in time for SALT too! How fortunate. What's the topic? Oh...poetry. I don't know if I can throw 200 words together in the same poem, but I'll give you guys a sample of my cheesy.

The rouge of your cheeks;
The smile in your eyes;
Your scent that draws in the wild butterflies;
That's why I love you.

When you are near;
My heart starts to cheer,
You forever endear.
That's why I love you.

I haven't the words to tell you,
all the things I want to say.
but, my dear, I love you,
Throughout all of Celestia's day.

I am just a pony of the dirt;
but within my love still grows.
You planted the seed, in this lonely steed,
That's why I love you, Rose.

449083 don't throw a fit. You can play around with the punctuation to your heart's content, as I can't really figure out what to throw on the end of the lines.
449078 I hope that it meets your needs. Short, sappy and for a ship. If you need I can make it longer or do something else entirely.

Do you know what I really love about this prompt? I get to scream at people about rhythm and not have to suffer they're "but it doesn't matter".

Anyway, seeing as everyone's already dumped something down, here's part of my first stanza:

I took the flowers you gave her;
The flowers you left by her grave.
I know I prob’bly shouldn’t’ve.
It makes me like the thief. Wouldn’t
You agree, my long lost lover?

449793 I am shocked that your inner editor is not murdering you in your sleep for that post. They're? Really? Tisk tisk... Just kidding. Odd choice from you on the topic though. Flowers. I thought nopony dies in your headcannon anyway. How strange. As for the poem itself, I can't critique as I really have no background to compare it with. However, I'll still try. "It makes me like the thief. Wouldn’t" Spoken out loud "like the thief" would sound better to me as "like a thief" and the short stop on the "wouldn't" makes the line sound choppy. I am certain that you are following some type of poetic rule, so most of my advice (especially about rhyming) is useless though.

449875

Pfft. I'm bringing they're back in.

Also, it was originally 'a thief', but I changed it for a bit more ambiguity/extra meanings.

449880 How ambiguous of you.

449883
OR IS IT?

450457 Yes.