Well, it looks like the monthly SALT is over and I regret not finishing in time myself. Now however I can take my time and do a good job on what I was planning to write out. Oh, and we once again have come to the part of the month everyone can enjoy. Welcome all you new members to the Practice SALT. Here are the rules, surprisingly identical to last month.
Step 1) Get a story prompt. Step 2) Think about it for 3 days. Step 3) Write a summary here in the thread. Step 4) Take a day to critique each one of the fics in turn. Finally, Step 5) tell us if you would actually write your story out. Don't perform all the steps at once. I'll let you know which we are on.

Now where are we getting the prompt from this time (a.k.a. step 1)? Well, I took a look at the # of thumbs each of your fics have gained, and the winner is Ravensdagger! However, as I know he puts way too much stuff on his own plate and as he did already delegate one prompt this month, I'm giving the prompt for the month to the runner up...D. G. D. Davidson! Try for a crazy one, and let the fun begin. (I'm sorry if you wanted to do it Raven, maybe next time?)

431023

431023
No fair! I came close! I was only trailing by six. I demand a recount!

431672 You might just end up doing it after all. I sent a PM to DGD and he hasn't responded yet. I'll give him one more day and then it looks like the bronze medalist gets the prize by default. Just get yourself ready for either situation, ok?

I'm sorry DGD, but the show must go on. 431672 , that's your cue! Let's get this started up!
431515 help me get everyone back in here once we get that prompt. Times' a wastin.

433675
Oops. Just missed it. I've been working long hours and suffered Internet death yesterday.

433974

Go ahead and take it. I don't care. Seriously. Take it. I don't want it.

DON'T MAKE THIS ANY MORE DIFFICULT THAN IT HAS TO BE!

TAKE IT!

433675>>434038>>431515

Okay, then. I will. Sorry to everypony for the delay.

Here's your prompt: Rainbow Dash Gets Shipped. No, not that way. I mean she gets stuck in a crate and shipped somewhere. You decide where she's going, how she ended up in the crate in the first place, and what happens to her. Also, you can stick fun random stuff in the crate with her if you wanna. I understand she ships with anything.

Oh, you want a picture, too? Okay, have this one. There. Now you have to work a grassy field in there someplace.

I guess now we think about it for three days. Let the thinking begin!

434140

YAY! Prompt inbound from the Deej himself. Thinking hats are on; image is now relevant.

Actually, about that, why is no one else using Knighty's glorious left_insert, right_insert BBCoding? Is it because they do not think they are beautiful? Are they not beautiful? Aquillo thinks they are beautiful; good way of getting round the 'no large image' rule, too.

[/fake_russian_accent]

433675

I didn't do anything at all, and the prompt still came through. U mad, bro?

434337 Nope, I happy. Now to send pms to the rest of the group so they can follow this.

That's the prompt? I might actually have an idea, then, but I'll wait until it's actually the time to post it.

434475 Prompt received. Thinking cap on. Can someone do me a favor and tag me every once in a while to remind me? XD

435223 Can do I think this one should be interesting.

For whatever reason, the only thing I can think of is the image of the US Post guy pointing an empty box at RD and saying "If it fits, it ships, anywhere!"

434475>>434928>>435223>>435645>>434156

Is this the third day? Do we start posting our ideas? If so, I'll go first. If not, consider this an early entry.

Title: Flightmares (has someone taken that one already?)

Genre: Adventure, arguably comedy

Characters: Rainbow Dash, Spitfire, Soarin, Wild Fire, Lucky, Gilda, Octavia, Princess Celestia, probably some others

Setting: Manehatten and Griffonia, mostly

WARNING: THIS STORY, IF WRITTEN, WOULD BE PEPPERED WITH GRATUITOUS TOP GUN REFERENCES.

Plot: Rainbow Dash has always dreamed of joining the Wonderbolts, but now she's angsting(TM) because she knows that living her dream would mean leaving behind the friends she's made in Ponyville. She's angsting so hard it's even appropriate to use angst as a verb in this case. Every brony likes an agsty Rainbow Dash, after all. He can imagine comforting her or something. Weirdo.

Where was I? Ah yes, even though Rainbow's in angst mode, when Fleetfoot suffers a serious injury that ends his days on the Wonderbolts, she jumps at the opportunity to try out for the open position, which means competing in an aerial obstacle course above the city of Manehatten. Most of her competitors are yokels who don't matter much and probably get their clocks cleaned in the first few minutes of the race; her only serious rival is a surly, smartmouthed mare named Wild Fire, who shares Rainbow's love of stunts and need for speed. They're neck and neck in the race, and Rainbow realizes nothing is going to get her across the finish line first except a sonic rainboom, so she makes one.

Rainbow Dash leaves Wild Fire tailspinning in a multicolored contrail. Unfortunately, she forgot to consider the consequences of a light-fracturing supersonic explosion over a major metropolitan area: she shatters windows, cracks buildings, knocks over carts, and altogether causes a few million bits' worth of damage. The commander of the local pegasus aerial control center is so cheesed off that he uses his clout to get not just Rainbow Dash but also the Wonderbolts grounded--permanently. He has a right to be angry, considering that, when she flew by his tower and broke out all its windows, she caused him to spill his coffee on himself.

Meanwhile, Wild Fire's inaptly named husband Lucky is up to his muzzle in gambling debts due to his addiction to the Wonderbolts' derbies and Wild Fire's addiction to expensive hooficures. Canterlot's mob has threatened to send Lucky to a glue factory, so he's decided the only way to make the money he needs is to ensure that Wild Fire gets the coveted spot on the Wonderbolts' team. To that end, he's hired a hitmare, Octavia, known in Equestria's underworld as "the cellist," to give Rainbow Dash a once-over.

Due to some miscommunication, Octavia was unaware that she was supposed to break Rainbow's wings before the Wonderbolt tryouts. Nonetheless, after discovering her mistake, she decides a job is a job and she moves to complete it: she chloroforms Rainbow and tosses her in a crate at the docks. Oblivous dock workers put the crate on an airship. In the crate with Rainbow are lots of kitchen sinks. She's being shipped with kitchen sinks. Get it?

Rainbow Dash comes to in Griffonia. Equestria is too far away to fly, and she has not a single bit on hoof with which to secure a spot on an airship, so her only hope is to compete in a big international flight competition that just happens by sheer coincidence and not because of authorial deus ex machina to be happening in a few weeks. The grand prize is ten thousand Griffonian talons, which is equivalent to about five thousand Equestrian bits, much more than enough to hire an airship home.

She soon discovers that Spitfire and Soarin are also entering the competition in the hopes of regaining the Wonderbolts' prestige and returning to Equestria's skies. These two, understandably, are not happy to see Rainbow Dash again, nor to learn that she's to be one of their competitors. Rainbow isn't happy either, knowing that she's racing against the ponies she admires.

Then Wild Fire and Lucky show up. Lucky's spent his last few bits to get Wild Fire into the competition because the prize money would be enough to pay off his debt. Though still surly and smartmouthed, Wild Fire--unaware of her husband's underhoofed dealings--has a grudging respect for Rainbow and isn't too displeased to see her again. Lucky, on the other hoof, nearly faints.

Not only that, but Gilda has entered the race. She's Griffonia's champion flier, having made her way to the top in aerial races throughout the country. Now she's determined to be the world champ as well. She is also unhappy to see Rainbow, having not got over her old grudge.

As we build up to the race, Rainbow Dash and Wild Fire discover they have some things in common and have some mare bonding time; they pull a few pranks, get in a bar fight with griffons, that kind of stuff. Wild Fire may even succeed where others have failed and talk Rainbow Dash into a hooficure, though the closest equivalent they can get in Griffonia might be at the claw-sharpening salon.

Meanwhile, Gilda learns about Lucky's troubles and offers, for a small fee, to do right the job Octavia did wrong.

On the way back to the racers' barracks from one of their escapades, Rainbow Dash and Wild Fire are set-upon by heavies, probably of diverse and interesting magical species, bent on using Rainbow's rib cage as a xylophone played with sledgehammers. Due to the Law of the Conservation of Ninjutsu, two inebriated mares are able to fight the thugs off, but they now know something's rotten in the state of Griffonia.

Foiled again, Gilda decides that the best way to take out Rainbow is with an accident during the race. Soarin, however, overhears her making her plans, and though he blames Rainbow Dash for grounding the Wonderbolts, he's not interested in seeing her hurt.

The race itself will of course form the story's climax and will be largely an action sequence, involving a sprawling course with plenty of obstacles and opportunities for cheating. Multiple attempts to take out Rainbow Dash will occur. Since Rainbow Dash and Wild Fire are about equal in prowess, they'll be head-to-head for most of the race, so one of the attempts on Rainbow hits Wild Fire by accident. Rainbow has to lose time to save Wild Fire, who's injured and thinks she can't finish the race, but Rainbow pulls her on anyway. Soarin ends up neck-and-neck with Gilda and accuses her of cheating. Soarin takes a hit for Rainbow Dash and Wild Fire and gets knocked out of the running. Rainbow Dash and Wild Fire both stop to help him out. Gilda is hoist on her own petard; she crosses the finish line first, but her cheating is soon exposed. Right behind her is Spitfire, who is proclaimed the winner. Rainbow, Wild Fire, and Soarin trail in long after, completing the race together. Admittedly, all the details aren't worked out here, but you get the gist of it.

At the end, Spitfire is grateful to Rainbow Dash for helping out her right-hoof stallion, and the two are reconciled. The four fliers from Equestria become best buds. Then Princess Celestia appears along with an entourage; she came to watch the race in cognito, and she proclaims that the Wonderbolts are reinstated for their show of loyalty and good sportsponyship. Hugs all around. Wild Fire gets the open spot on the Wonderbolts. A huge celebration takes place, and the Equestrians show the fliers and fans from all the various nations attending the race that no one parties like a pony. They party so hard it's even appropriate to use party as a verb in this case.

One last melancholy scene: we gotta deal with Lucky. This'll be the hard part to pull off. I think Lucky is going to have to confess to Celestia the mess he's got himself into and the mess he's caused in his attempt to get out of it. It would leave the story with a bitter taste if he's punished too severely, but he can't get away scot free, either.

Oh, also, Rainbow Dash walks through a grassy field before getting on the airship and heading home.

So there you go. That's my idea.

435691
This is probably the most self-aware, genre-savvy synopsis I've ever read, and if I was laughing just from the summary, I can't even imagine what an entire story of that would do to me. But... who takes the place of Goose?

Practically speaking, I don't have a lot to say. It sounds funny as hell, it's just about 3-4x longer than anything I would try to tackle, that's for sure, and keeping the cast balanced could be a chore.

Oh yeah, and needs more semi-homoerotic volleyball scenes.

435691
Sheesh, Davidson, you put a LOT of effort into that idea. I'm impressed!

Well, here's mine

Title: Clipped Wings (not sure if that title's taken)
Genre: Slice of Life (maybe more, dunno. Depends on the direction)
Characters: Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, OC, maybe some others
Setting: First Ponyville, then the Earthwing Glade
Story: Spurred on by the insults of a rather jerkish pegasus from Cloudsdale about being friends with ponies who live on the ground rather than the sky, calling her an 'Earthie', Rainbow Dash makes a rather hurtful comment to defend her pride as a pegasus, but one that injures Fluttershy's feelings ("Pegasi rule the sky, ponies of the Earth sleep in the dirt", or something like that). Feeling that Rainbow needs a lesson in proper humility, and knowing she needs time to properly apologize to Fluttershy (no quick 'I'm sorry' deals), Twilight hatches a plan with the others.
Under the pretense of having her dig around in a shipping crate of new Daring Do books, hoping to find one reserved for her (which could have the bonus of being signed), they seal her in and ship her off to a small, secluded habitation known as the Earthwing Glade, inhabited by pegasi who have adapted to living on the ground rather than in the air, like Fluttershy. There, she has to spend an extended period, a sort of probation, if you will, living as they do, learning how to live without the convenience of her wings, hopefully opening her eyes to Fluttershy's way of life and why no pony clan is superior to the other.

Not as detailed, but I thought it was a good idea.

435695

Oh yeah, and needs more semi-homoerotic volleyball scenes.

I think you meant to say "manly-as-hell volleyball scenes."

435697

Cool idea! Fluttershy's way of living is depicted in the show as quite unusual for a pegasus, and I really like your idea of fleshing that out. Animals apparently can't care for themselves in Equestria, and I've always supposed taking care of them is more typically an earth pony job.

Biggest issue with pulling it off is of course Twilight's plan to seal her in a crate. That's even nastier than teaching her humility by dressing up as a superheroine to one-up her.

435703

Biggest issue with pulling it off is of course Twilight's plan to seal her in a crate. That's even nastier than teaching her humility by dressing up as a superheroine to one-up her.

Yeah, I suppose so, but how else am I gonna work in the shipping motif? It'd have to be an accident or a clever ploy. Still glad you like the idea, though.

I'll admit, I didn't put as much time and thought into this as I might otherwise have due to life being a bit too cluttered for thought, but here's what I cooked up.

Title:
Genre: SoL, Comedy
Characters: RD, OC mentor figure, RD's family and assorted Cloudsdale ponies
Setting: Cloudsdale, a train, Las Pegasus
Story: After constantly being teased by the older and larger pegasus foals in Cloudsdale, Rainbow is sick and tired of having no friends (this is before flight school, when she met Fluttershy). Worse yet, her family doesn't seem to believe her that the other foals are as rough on her as they are. Rainbow feels a bit betrayed and alone, and decides that she needs to leave before Cloudsdale life grinds her down into nothing. Las Pegasus sounds good. The Wonderbolts perform there almost constantly—maybe she could get a chance to meet her heroes!

It's not quite as simple as that, though, because most pegasi seem more interested in preventing a filly from running away from home rather than helping,. She realizes that if she wants to get out, she needs to employ stealth, and ships herself away from home. After her crate is loaded onto a train for the long haul out west, she frees herself, explores the train, and meets a world-weary traveler who escorts her around the big city, watches over her, and helps her realize the value of family.

435697
Yeah, that twist might be a bit cruel, but I'm no stranger to writing a cruel bit for the sake of a comedic storyline.
I really like the idea of a hippy-commune-esque branch of pegasi living the earth pony life. It would be very interesting to see you explain how they live as such without the benefit of earth pony magic for extra strength and growing skill. I imagine technology would play into that where natural ability lags.
And you even worked in a big grassy field, too, so bonus points for the picture.

435729
Don't worry, I'm working out a more humane way to carry it out.
Your idea has potential as well, a sort of 'little kid in the big city' kinda thing. =)

435730
Now that you mention it like that, I could very easily work in an "Oliver & Company"-esque plot for the second half, leading to RD having everything she wanted and nothing that's really important.

Characters: Rainbow Dash, Spike, Twilight
Setting: A box filled with existentialist books and some flashlights
Plot: Fluttershy got into the Existentialist section of the library, and after some undisclosed destruction (which may have had the Doctor step in) she finally decided it was all worth it after all. Twilight’s still freaked out, so she decides to send all the books away, possibly into space, the sea, or somewhere else. She doesn’t know. She’s just going to load them all up, and teleport them all away with a random algorithm.

Sadly, as she’s about to close it, Spike falls down the stairs, and Rainbow Dash, who’s been hanging around gets, knocked into the box, and passes out under the weight of the books. Twilight seals it all up, and fires the spell.

Rainbow Dash wakes up, and spends her time reading books that force her to question the nature of existence (thankfully, a lot of granola that Spike was holding fell into the box as well). After a few days, the lights die, and she’s forced to lie in the darkness, reflecting. Maybe she resorts to eating the books, who knows.

Finally, she passes out from lack of nutrition and dreams of a big empty field. She wakes up in Ponyville Hospital, because the random algorithm put her on the roof. And then… I dunno yet.

435691 435697 435728 Oh, wow! It seems everyone is jumping the gun a bit. We still have a bit over a day to go before they were due. Oh well, anyone who wants can always submit early. I'm going to save mine till later, but by all means keep throwing them up if you are ready. You guys have some interesting stuff, and I can't wait till your review days.435761 ? at this rate, everyone will have posted today and I'll need to bump up my schedule. Good thing I have an idea of what I want to write anyhow.

435766
Sorry, Firebird. I guess we did get a little carried away...

435781 That's the best part of this. If you are excited enough to get carried away, then this monthly practice session is a 100% success. Add in the unprecedented number of members we have this time and we are going to have one really interesting event ahead of us.

435791
I got all hyped up because I finished my first writing assignment two days early, so I was on a roll and just went with it.

Just one question, since this may be the first contest I've fully participated in. When we submit, do we need to have it completed fully, even if it's multi-chapter, or will what we have by voting time suffice?

435859 This is the practice SALT. In this case you only need to provide a summary and critique the other summaries. Writing the full fic is unneeded but up to your own descretion. This one is to improve your commentary and help you with thinking up concepts.

435947
Aha, I see. Thanks.

If I may, before the time for critiques come, I'd like to make an appended version of my story summary.

Title: Earthwing
Genre: Sad, Slice of Life
Characters: Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Main 6, OC
Setting: Ponyville, Earthwing Glade
Plot: Spurred on by the insults of a sleazy pegasus colt, in which she's told she's becoming an 'Earthie' like the Ponyvillians (which is a term of disrespect towards any pony who doesn't fly), Rainbow retorts using the same term, along with the phrase "Pegasi rule the sky! Ponies of the Earth sleep in the dirt!"

Unfortunately, she'd shouted this in the presence of several eyewitnesses, including Fluttershy, who is an Earth pony at heart due to her love of nature, and these words, spoken with such vehemence from her best friend, breaks her heart. Upon trying to apologize, Rainbow learns from Applejack that she shouldn't dare to yet, as this was far above any stupid, easily forgivable thing Rainbow's done in the past, and that she needs to see things from Fluttershy's point of view before she can realize what she's apologizing for.

Rainbow falls into a bit of a depression, hiding in Applejack's cellar and gorging on her stored apples and cider. After an intervention from her friends, Twilight, acting upon advice from Princess Celestia, decides to give Rainbow the opportunity she needs to see things through Earth pony eyes. While she's asleep, they comfortably pack her in a crate, since they're sure she'd never go willingly, and have her shipped to a secluded part of Equestria known as the Earthwing Glade, where a clan of pegasi have adapted to living on the ground rather than in the sky, though they still use their wings for small purposes, like Fluttershy did. Can spending time among these 'Earth pegasi' broaden Rainbow Dash's horizons and help her realize where she went wrong?

Hope this sounds a little better. =)

436280 435858 435761 435703 434337 434156 It's the last day so I think it is high time that I wrote mine out as well.

Title: Packing PeNuts
Genre: Random, Comedy, Crossover
Synopsis: Rainbow Dash decided to surprise Gilda by making up with her on her birthday. So, in order to make it a surprise, she opts to ship herself all the way to Gilda's house in a box filled with enough snacks to make the journey. She would arrive with plenty of time to hang out and have fun talking about the good old days. She had everything planned out. She even paid extra postage to allow for rest stops. The only thing she didn't plan for? The identity of the courier.

Basically, Rainbow and Derpy take the subspace highway from Scott Pilgrim and travel through the multiverse. Random stops are individual crossover cameos and none are made to be serious. Expect Care Bears ("AAAAH! Bears on clouds! run for your lives!"), Darkwing Duck, Dragon Ball, Pokemon, and others, all in the name of driving Rainbow insane. She might even get to Gilda's house on time, but you should have no expectations.
"I just don't know what went wrong!"

(Ever hear of the phrase return to sender?)

Holy crap, where did all these prompts come from? Why did no-one tell me this had started early?

GAAAAHHHHHHHH!

436500
We all kinda got a little excited, Aquillo. Sorry.

436534

Don't worry. Getting a little bit excited is fine; it's when we have to start calling people down off the walls that the problems start.

And to everyone else (aka 436498>>435858>>435761>>435703>>434156):

I've got an idea for this, an idea which I'm writing up. It should come in around the one to two K mark, so I'm not too worried about completing it. If anything, I'm rather excited by it. There's a nice number of twists I can pack into it whilst subverting the main path the prompt tried to set us down.

I like twists and subverting things, so yay!

Anyway, I'm telling you all this because it does mean I probably won't submit my bullet point form story in on time. I'll just be submitting the full thing in. At some point. Yeah.

So, quick check: anyone think this is wrong and mean of me?

436755
> checks list of members
> "Aquillo"
> crown next to name

Eh, you're fine.

Title: Processed
Genre: (I don't know random maybe?)
Summary: After a long and tiring day all Rainbow Dash wants to do is to take a nice quiet nap, but Pinkie Pie has other plans. Rainbow remembering how well the last time running from pinkie went decides to hide in a big box outside of the library. She decides to sleep there until pinkie settles down, but when she wakes up she finds out that the box she sleep in has been processed and shipped to the far away land of Zebraconia. So dash must now get help from the local zebras if she hopes to make it back home.

This is all i could come up with in 2 days time also if anyone can think about a better title please tell me since i don't have the greatest knack for naming things.

436789

Heh. Being a mod occasionally has its privaleges.

436755

Anyway, it's one o'clock at night over here and I'm tired. Here's the first 1K. I'll do the rest later.

Rainbow's eyes opened onto darkness.

She breathed in once and then back out, not sharply—she was not alarmed—but sluggishly. Rainbow Dash’s lips smacked together as she blinked a few times, her eyelids slow and creaky as sleepdust caught in the corners held them in place. She breathed in again before yawning back out. Her eyes closed, exchanging one type of darkness for another.

And then the headache started, rising insistently and patiently into a pulsing, unignorable throb, though Rainbow tried to at first. She winced and rolled over, one of her hooves catching against some invisible wall in the darkness. The headache twinged again; her wings reflexively stretched in response and hit against another wall against her back. She reopened her eyes.

Not that it did much good. The world was still black and impossible to see in, and her thoughts—perhaps less in spite and more because of the pain—were still unfocused and slow. She reached out a hoof and tapped it against something hard, though not hard enough to stop her from accidently carving into it. She reached up and, somewhat to her surprise, repeated the action on top of her.

So... that meant... wall on top, wall on the sides and she had to be lying on something, so... she was in a... a...

Box.

Yeah, that. She was in a box.

A thought—a necessary thought—floated into her mind a few painful, headache-ignoring seconds later. Why am I in a box?

Rainbow Dash thought about trying to ponder it out before quickly giving up. There were some ponies who probably would have tried—eggheads like Twilight sprung to mind—but Rainbow Dash was no such pony, and she utterly refused to be kept inside a box whilst she came to terms with that. Her hoof thrust out in a direction her sleepish mind assured her was up. It turned out to be a lucky guess.

Wooden splinters fountained up into the air, though a good few tumbled back onto her face, and the darkness vanished as thick, golden light flooded into the box. Her eyes winced shut, though her legs kept pushing and punching the hole larger above her. Eventually, after her limbs had spent a good few seconds flailing away at nothing, she opened her eyes again.

The light was still golden, but more bearable now that it’d spent a while washing over her eyelids. It shone down from out of a honey yellow sky, framed above her by a black, jagged hole, the result of her efforts against the box. She reached up and hooked her arms around it and, ignoring the occasional twinge of pain from her head, pulled herself up and halfway out.

“What is this place?” she murmured, blue hoof scratching against a ruffled, rainbow mane. Splinters of wood tumbled from it like dandruff.

The world around her was beautiful. There really was no other way to say it. Light-green grasses swayed back and forth across a wide-open field touched in places by a splash of golden flower heads. The breeze that was animating them carried with it a pleasant, refreshing taste of salt. Her head turned towards the wind’s source, but she could only see mountains in the distance and the shining wreath of the setting sun about them.

Rainbow blinked slowly at them, before pulling herself up and out of the box. She looked around, but there was nopony nearby. She couldn't see any building on the horizon and, given how high the grass was, the place was probably miles away from anywhere. Rainbow stomped once on the box, causing it to give a warning crack back, and pouted. How had they...

Oh. Of course. She looked up.

The skies above her were clear. There were no pegasi, cloud trails or even clouds for that matter. Just one great golden wash of air. Rainbow was almost starting to get sick of the colour. This didn’t make any sense. Where were they?

She turned and paced about a bit, box creaking underhoof. Her mind raced doggedly through the ache to try and piece together exactly what she’d been doing that ended with waking up in a box in the middle of nowhere.

It would’ve been some sort of wild thing, she told herself, spinning on the spot. A Pinkie Party? Hay, anything could happen at one of those. So... yeah, probably a Pinkie Party. So... So she’d been at the party and then... erm...

Then she must have fallen asleep or something! Yeah! And... and to get back at her, they must have shipped her off somewhere! Hardly their best joke, but hay: it made sense, right? And that... kinda sounded like something Pinkie Pie’d do. AJ’d probably get a right hoot out of it too. Yeah. So that’d be how she got inside the box and sent off somewhere. And then...

She looked up into the sky and then back down at the box. And then the box must’ve gotten loose from the delivery van! She’d heard all sorts of tales about those delivery mares; it was hardly surprising that they’d manage to be this clumsy. She must have fallen off and landed here. Case opened and solved by one R. M. Dash.

Her head twinged again, and Rainbow had to break off from her smirk to ouch loudly. Her hoof rubbed against a sore spot. Something broke off from her skin. Slowly, Rainbow brought her hoof round until it was in front of her eyes. A red dust made from dried blood drifted off it, carried away by the breeze.

So I bumped my head. Big deal. I’m not bleeding now, right? She patted her head; it was as dry as a bone. Nope. Healed already. She frowned up at the sky. Wonder how high I fell from? She gave up wondering a few seconds later. After all, she could’ve fallen from space itself and still gotten off with nothing more than the scratch she had.

End of dump/derailment.

Number of edits given so far = 0

Just in case, I'm going to post my idea.

Title: This Isn't a Children's Show
Genre: Adventure, Sad
Characters: Mane 6
Setting: Ponyville, random field quite a ways away from Ponyville, everywhere in between
Plot: Rainbow Dash is kidnapped, packed away in a crate, and sent to some field quite a ways away from Ponyville. At first she hates it, but then she starts to like it better than Ponyville. All up in a dither, the rest of the Mane 6 go searching for her, following some random clues that somehow lead them directly to her. When they get there, they find out that she wants to stay. The ponies who kidnapped her did it for her own good and are really nice to her. Unlike most other kids' shows with this same plot, the ponies who kidnapped her aren't mean in any way. They aren't creepy monsters that just are being nice to her so they can eat their brains or anything. They genuinely want Rainbow Dash to be happy with them, and she is. Now, the rest of the Mane 6 have to decide whether to let Rainbow Dash go or not.

Not revealing the ending since I might actually want to write this one. And I might not know what the ending is.

436815 I am absolutely going to throw some edits your way. However, in accordance with the rules (just because) I'll wait till your turn. Still, that marks this phase: Complete.

Time to comment on the man who not only jumped the gun, but crossed the finish line twice before the race even started! 435691 you're up. 436950 436808 436789 436534 and 435761 , make sure to give him some good advice. He certainly has plenty to comment on.

Also, happy new year for any Jewish bronies out there.

435691
Honestly, Davidson, what can I say? You obviously put a lot of time and effort into working out a plot that has the authenticity (in length and content) to a Wikipedia movie synopsis, and I mean that in a good way, of course. I could honestly see it as a movie, with all the action, drama, and character development I see going on here. Honestly, with the race and bonding between Rainbow Dash and Wildfire, it reminds me a lot of Cars, in a way. I give this idea two thumbs (and two wings) up. =)

435691 437156
Ya know, it does sorta have the feel of Cars, which I suppose is good or bad depending on if you liked it or not.
Gilda is still an unrepentant bitch, which I can get behind. Never liked her anyway.

"ten thousand Griffonian talons, which is equivalent to about five thousand Equestrian bits"
Hooray for extremely large and round sums! Math is simple! (note, if that isn't really, really funny, then you need to download and watch the Rifftrax for Birdemic. If you can. It's writing at its MOST absent.)

I guess, really, the only deconstructive criticism I can come up with is the idea could suffer from a lack of focus. The story is supposed to be about RD, and the first third is just that, but then in the middle the cast swells dramatically and at the end she falls out in favor of all the other characters getting rewards and closure and epilogues and whatnot, and she pretty much gets forgotten. Re-tooling the ending to be more RD-centric could be necessary.

435691

I echo some of what OtterMatt's put down, Deej, but (hopefully) in a different way. In a piece this large and based on RD, I'd really love to see some dissection based on her character and on her loyalty in particular. The part where she stops to help out Wild Fire is something I'd try and build up on earlier by having Rainbow know that her husband's after her, or just generally giving RD reasons to be unloyal. I don't know what kind of message you'd build off that. Maybe something about being loyal even when you're uncertain, or always giving people the benefit of the doubt. I dunno. Something, anyway.

Moving back onto RD, you start off with her being angsty and then don't really seem to expand on it. I know that might be a bit unfair 'cause it's just a summary, but boy, is it a big summary. I didn't really pick up on any resurfacing of the issues surrounding her conflicting loyalties over racing and friends. I'd either weave that back into the main plot or just cut it - you could start the story with her going into the race and it'd be just as good.

Octavia as an assassin would really work. She's got the class, the easily concealed metal strings and, as someone who's spent many an evening play-fencing with cellists, those bows can really hurt. I would think of making her a bit more threatening, if only so that there's a huge cliffhanger after RD gets stuffed into a box, but that could easily clash with the overall tone.

I was thinking of a way to remove your grand Deus ex machina, and I think I've come up with one. Much like with the recent Olympics, if the stadium and residences for the competitors have to be built from scratch then you're going to need a huge influx of materials. Thus, RD getting packed and shipped with a bunch of sinks changes from a small joke into a bit of a Chekhov's gun, particularly if you have RD learning about the event through wondering about where all these damn sinks came from.

437256

Much like with the recent Olympics, if the stadium and residences for the competitors have to be built from scratch then you're going to need a huge influx of materials. Thus, RD getting packed and shipped with a bunch of sinks changes from a small joke into a bit of a Chekhov's gun, particularly if you have RD learning about the event through wondering about where all these damn sinks came from.

This. All of my this.
Plus, since the Olympics (Olymponics?) move host cities/countries every year, there's your justification for why it's all the way out in Griffonia: it was just their turn.

435703 Alright, here are my two bits. First, I laughed pretty hard when you included Sibsy and Lucky. Second, what happened to the stallion with the coffee? He showed up, grounded a national hero and the country's foremost entertainment/disaster relief group and then never appeared again. Octavia also seems to perform a similar vanishing act. Putting them as the main antagonists would keep my attention a lot better.
Meanwhile, Lucky... Having Wild Fire's husband try to hire (despite being broke) mercenaries to take out somepony who is quickly becoming a good friend seems a bit painful. If she finds out, a finished marriage may be only a small part of the karmic retribution. Finally, even if Dash were to win, she and the wonderbolts are still permanently grounded back in Equestria. You would need to figure out some way around that in order to give her a happy ending.

437404

You are replying to me. You do not mean to reply to me.

You mean to reply to>>435691

437409 Why, yes I am. I must change this foolishness!

437156

Believe it or not, I composed it in the combox in about an hour. Some of the ideas were rattling in my head already, but I had no mechanism for moving such a large cast to Griffonia until I hit upon the shipping crate. I did not come up with the prompt for the purpose of this story, but I did find the prompt useful in developing the story after I came up with it.

437165

Really good point. The summary does lose focus on Rainbow. Keeping it on her in the actual composition may be less hard (I hope). Biggest help might be to make sure most of the important cast members (WIld Fire, Lucky, the Wonderbolts) have adequate introductions and development before the story moves to Griffonia. Once the story moves there, only Gilda, I think, needs to be introduced anew as a major player.

I can fix the excessively round sums, too; I threw those amounts up there at random just as a sort of placeholder for myself, to remind me that the griffons and ponies should have different currencies.

437256

The issue of Rainbow's angst needing resolution is something I was aware of even as I completed the summary; I'd like to resolve it within this particular story while leaving it open for potential future development (the idea being, perhaps, that this whole event could theoretically squeeze between some episodes of the show). The issue is partly resolved, but not with complete satisfaction, by the open spot on the Wonderbolts going to Wild Fire. This isn't enough, though.

I like the sink-as-Chekhov's gun, especially since many readers would get the reference; if it actually becomes relevant, it's even funnier.

437404

Wild Fire, with her perpetual grouchy look, has become one of my favorite background ponies even though she has but one scene. I'd love to see her go up against Rainbow Dash.

Stallion with coffee I admit I was not planning to make important; he's a tool for getting the Wonderbolts grounded. I agree that might not satisfy, but I don't know if I can be sure as of yet if it doesn't work. May have to deal with that when (if) I flesh the story out. I agree with your point about Octavia, too; I used her as the hitmare because I've seen some amusing art depicting her as a mobster, but since she's a well-recognized and beloved character, it may be advisable in this case to replace her with an OC. Depends on whether her appearance is funny, I think. Incidentally, I don't know if I made it clear, but because I want this to be at least semi-consistent with the universe of the show, "hitmares" of course never really kill anypony.

The Wonderbolts and Dashie are reinstated by royal fiat at the tale's end. That's why princesses are such handy characters in fantasies and space operas: they get things done.

Lucky, I agree, is the story's biggest problem and likely its Achilles' heel. He too is a tool for moving the tale along, but he needs to be dealt with, and I can conceive at the moment of no ending for him that doesn't derail the whole project. I'm really not interesting in breaking Lucky and Wild Fire up, but boy he's got himself in deep. I may need to rethink the cause of the attempts on Dash's well-being.