I'm trying to develop this ability to comfortably write fight scenes and not make them awkward. I realize realistically, a fight only lasts for maybe 12-20 seconds (unless it's a staged tournament/match) and fight scenes in movies are literally only up to 20 mins long. That's pushing it. So, I just wrote a fight scene. Comment, let me know what I did wrong, what I did right, and if everything flows a smoothly as I thought it did.

A Griffon Walks into a Bar...

Not bad, but in my opinion you're getting far too detailed. We don't need a literal blow by blow picture of the fight. Movies do that much better. What you CAN do is set the tone and pacing of the fight without actually having to describe every single blow. The following is an excerpt from a story of mine. It's not the greatest fight scene ever, but notice how I flit from one character to another, zooming in for a moment when necessary before pulling back and moving on.

The crowd rushed forward and Fluttershy’s stomach felt like it was trying to push up and escape out her chest. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the terrible scene as it unfolded in front of her. There was a crash as the first ponies hit the line of guards. Several bodies went flying. One of the guards reared up on his hind legs and came down on a pony in front of him. Hard. Another, the sergeant, slammed into a unicorn, throwing him to the ground, and then turned to jab his spear at a pony that came forward.

Screams of anger and pain filled the air as guard battled citizen. The noise was deafening. It was five against a hundred and Fluttershy thought they would be overwhelmed nearly instantly. But again and again the line of guards threw back their attackers and held their ground. Even the two unicorns, who must have been in just as much pain as Twilight, were fighting as hard and with as much skill as the other guards.

A pegasus swooped in and tried to tear Quintus from her, but one of the guards reared up and snatched him by a wing, slamming him down on the street before throwing him into a cluster of ponies that were charging forward. A few stumbled over the downed flyer but the rest crashed into the guard. Yet their charge was for naught, as he was large, armored, and strong, sliding only a few inches before throwing them back, yelling a ferocious war cry that would’ve made Fluttershy’s ears pin themselves to her head had they not already done so minutes before.

Suddenly something in the air caught her attention. Acting only on reflex she shoved against Twilight’s side, knocking her up against the building as a rock the size of Quintus’s head ploughed through the air where they were just standing and crashed through the wall behind them.

Twilight cried out at the impact, but didn’t stop. She was locked in battle with the other unicorn, and both were shaking with exertion as magical energy flitted in and out of existence around them. The bubble started to flicker and for a moment it looked like Twilight would win the duel.

And then one of the guards went down.

A unicorn, seizing the chance, barreled through the opening and leaped at her with a snarl on his face. Fluttershy stared up at him as he came towards her. She could see every detail about him, from the whites of his eyes as they stared down at Quintus, to the tense muscles of his chest and legs, ready to stomp them out like they were old candles being extinguished for the last time.

She couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. She could only watch as death came down upon her. Then something hit her and the world ended. Not in blackness, nor in the white light she had often heard of, but in a spectrum of pure colors that blasted out from the street. The shockwave sent the unicorn smashing into the wall behind her and she held tightly to Quintus and Twilight as they were nearly tossed backwards.

For a scene like yours I'd suggest summarizing the actual fight a bit more and taking out things like "He swiped at him with his right talon". Unless we actually need to know it's his right talon for story purposes, say he had a crazy sharp magical claw thingy on that right claw, just say "He swiped at him".

The way you have it right now it feels like a really drawn out, slow fight. Try something like:

Two ponies charged him. He swiped at the first and drew a cry of pain as his talons tore through the skin. The second one tackled him and they fell to the beer-soaked floor, rolling over and over each other as they exchanged blows. They tumbled into a table and the whole thing upturned, sending glass mugs raining down around his head and shattering on the floor. Glass bit into his back as he tore free of the stallion and kicked him into a nearby booth.

Then add in some dialogue to change things up and slow it back down. Remember that you're letting the person's imagination do all the "grunt work" of seeing the fight. Make it too detailed and there simply isn't anything to imagine anymore.

How will this apply to writing out lightsaber fights?

1980566

I'm not a published author, so if you have a star wars book they may have some better examples. But I'll give you my opinion.

Even in an extended one on one fight like I'm guessing you're thinking of, it's still pretty much the same. No need to show every single swipe, parry, block, etc. Remember that the fight isn't about the lightsabres or the force. It's about the characters. The lightsabres and the force are simply tools. The fight should be interesting no matter what weapons they are using. As such, remember to show the characters and their reactions at least as much as the weapons themselves. The fight is also a perfect opportunity to show certain aspects of the characters. Does one of them like to toy with their opponent? Does one like to fight dirty? Is one absolutely fair and honorable? Or is this simply a no-holds fight to the death where anything applies, regardless of the characters' own traits? It's also important to take into account the characters own fighting style and attitude. For example:

Stepping forward, Darth Eviluss brought down his bloody lightsabre in two-handed, over the head chop that sent the jedi reeling backwards from the force of the impact. He grinned and darted forward, hammering his foe again and again, his strikes so quick and powerful that the jedi had no time to do anything but desperately put his white blade between them before each blow landed. The jedi backpedaled down the dark corridor. The way the jedi's head darted about as he searched for a way out of the claustrophobic tunnel actually managed to make Eviluss smile.

"Skill? Dexterity? Hah!" he threw his hand out and unleashed a force blast that sent the jedi onto his back. "They will not serve you here. There is no escape. No respite. I will show you the true meaning of strength. Of power. Of the dark side."

The jedi's hand flicked and Eviluss grunted as the force rolled over his body and nearly sent him backwards. But he kept his footing and charged forward, catching the jedi before he could pull himself to his feet. Now he was standing over the jedi, bringing his lightsabre down in a quick, steady rhythm that his attendant droid, with its love of timeliness and regularity, would have envied. He looked into the jedi's face. Fear. He drank in the feeling, letting it strengthen his jackhammer blows.

"Like chopping wood-" he said as he brought down his sabre again. "-when I was a boy!"

Chop.

"It was tough!"

Chop.

"The axe was dull!"

The next blow landed and Eviluss leaned into it, pressing his sabre down and slowly forcing the jedi's own closer and closer to his chest.

"The only way to get it cut," he said between grit teeth, "was to keep at at it."

The jedi's breath came in quick gasps, each one a note of pure bliss in his ears.

"I had to be stronger than that wood," he said. "Stronger than that axe. And I was."

Leaning forward, he slammed his head into the jedi's nose and heard the dull crack of bone breaking. For an instant the jedi faltered. But even an instant was long enough for Eviluss. With another grunt he forced part of the jedi's own blade into his chest and laughed as the jedi let out a gurgling scream. The jedi was done now. Eviluss ripped the lightsabre from the dying man's grip and threw it down the corridor behind him. Lifting him up by the throat, Eviluss slammed him into the floor so hard he could almost feel the jedi's ribs crack.

"Burn like the tinder you are."

He rose and extended his hand. Crackling bolts of blue lightning shot out and struck the jedi, sending him into convulsions. Eviluss closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of burning flesh. That smell, just like roba roasting over the fire.

The lightning didn't stop until there was nothing but ash left upon the cold steel floor.

Haven't read or seen anything on Star Wars in years, so I hope that's accurate enough.

1981811 God, that was grimdark...but it captures a Sith Lord pretty well, though the chopping wood thing seems a little out-of-place for the SW universe, but nevetheless was a good fight passage. Wished the Jedi would win though, but oh well. Did you write that yourself?

1982532

Yeah, took me about 20-30 min.
Yeah, I can see it being a little out of place. It's been years since I actually read any star wars. Most of my reading has been in Warhammer 40k.

1981811 That was some pretty good Star Wars writing (coming from an author with a current Star Wars fic in the pipes).

1983205

Thanks!