(Review written on the 27th Nov 2022, imported into the Advisors' Cove)

Review of “Mindscapers” by Heroic412227

Summary: Pinkie is infected by the pollen of a rare flower. With Zecora’s aid, the rest of the Mane Six voyages into her mind to save her. 

Content

• The conflict of the story is simple. Although the story has conflict, there is little development to show how challenging it was to resolve the conflict. This is because the solution on how to solve the conflict was readily provided. Naturally, the rest of Mane Six followed the necessary instructions to save Pinkie, and they did. There was also little focus on how detrimental Pinkie’s condition was. These made the read less riveting than it could have been. 
• The characterisation of the Mane Six is familiar but insufficient. The dialogue and actions of the Mane Six are familiar to canon, but there is a lack of character development; the simple conflict hampered character growth. 
• Zecora’s placement in the story only serves to provide the solution to Pinkie’s ails. The story touches on how she evaluated her decision to tell the Mane Six how to save Pinkie. Further development here could help flesh out her characterisation better. 
• Sweets only serves to guide and assist the Mane Six towards the resolution of the conflict. There is no information on what she is, why she is doing in Pinkie’s mind and why she was not concerned about the orb. Also, why would Sweets help the rest of the Mane Six?
• The atmosphere and world of Pinkie’s mindscape are underdeveloped. Although the author intends to express the chaotic state of her mind, the underdevelopment meant that the writing itself became chaotic. It was thus hard to follow. 
• The mechanical writing style inhibits interest in the story, particularly when the rest of the Mane Six attempted to reach the orb. This is exemplified in the greater emphasis of the actions involved, rather than the result of the actions partaken. The longer sentences and weaker word choice also hampered immersion. 

Flow

• The flow is initially consistent. However, the story becomes hard to follow when the group transits to Pinkie’s mindscape. Despite Sweets’ presence, the solution to reach the objective of the “source” is unclear. As the reader lacks understanding of her mindscape, it is difficult to understand why the group is going through each scene to reach their objective. Hence, the challenges in each scene appear artificial.

Language

• A considerable number of minor technical errors were noted. Most importantly, in concluding a character’s dialogue, pronouns used alongside dialogue tags should not be capitalized.

Stance

Despite the simple plot, the story has potential to pique the reader’s interest. This can be done through focusing on the challenge to resolve the conflict, allowing characters to evolve from past events in the story and developing the world further. Nonetheless, the author has improved considerably relative to their past stories.

Content: 2/10
Flow: 2/10
Language: 5/10
Overall: 3/10
Verdict: Needs Work 

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Thank you for the review.